Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84198
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I am a British teenage girl and I love writing comedy. I have published some of my material in the school magazine and recieved a lot of praise for it, with someone who works on television actually telling me it was high enough standard to be on TV. I regularly post Myspace blogs with things I have written and people are always telling me that they enjoy it. I plan to pursue a career in journalism but as I am still young and still in school, that is a long way off yet.
Is there anyway I can get my material out to a wider audience/published somewhere? (link)
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Well the world wide internet is a great place, just like you said, you have had success on u-tube. But to be really taken seriously, by people who would actually pay you, and people who have the power to make you famous....I would suggest that you need some education behind you.
Can you plan on attending college? Can you take a "creative writing course" Here is the US they offer creative writing courses in all the major cities. And the people who run the courses always know the "ins and outs" of getting published or read. YOu can also take a creative writing course on line. look for one that will let you specialize in comedy. Google "creative writing" or comedy writing or even 'getting published". Be careful though, try not to get ripped off. You should be able to submit a story to any site or magazine that accepts stories, at no cost to you except for your time and postage.
A good idea is to submit a story line and screen play to a popular television show. If they like it, they may perform it. Send it registered mail so that you will get credit for it. Of course it is possible to get famous without going to school, but that is not the route that most writers take. For most of them it takes years to get 'discovered'. Good luck to you, and can you give us a link to one of your comedy's on u-tube?
I'd love to read some of it.
Michele
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I have a really good friend that I've been friends with for a good 4/5 years. I feel like I always want to be around her because she's just so amazing and i love her with all my heart. I'm not a lesbian or anything, she's just always there for me and I love her so much, she's amazing to me. The bad thing about this is when I look at our photos from the past and everything we use to do we did it together, like we were always together and everyone was like "nobody could break them up". Now we're still really good friends and we see each other a lot during the summer cause we're on the same soccer team. But when soccer's over were not going to see each other for like the whole school year because we don't have any classes together ..because let's just say I'm not as academically eligable as she is so I'm not in the advanced classes that she's in. What happened when we both went to high school was we were in NO classes together so we didn't see each other a lot so we started to drift apart. During the summer we're really close cause we're on the same soccer team but then when school starts I rarely see her and I'm afraid we're going to drift apart like we did in the beginning of freshman year (we're going into our sophomore year). I just don't know what to do, and please don't say "IF SHES A GOOD FRIEND THEN SHE WON'T DRIFT AWAY" because i really don't think she means to do it, i just wanna stay close to her because she's one of the best friends i've ever had, and i don't wanna lose her. I'm also afraid that this year she's going to find a new best friend that's smarter and more fun to be around. I know I should be happy for her but I'm afraid she'll forget about me :[
Thanks for reading this I really appreciate it.
(link)
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Well this I know for sure, friendships are just like marriage, or love relationships....you have to work at them to keep them going. YOu have to make an effort to spend as much time with her as you can. But be prepared for her to turn you down sometimes because you are both soooo busy. And you will also be busy, and won't be able to pick up the phone and make plans as much as you would like. Your life is actually going along quite normally. It is normal to have more time for your friends when you are younger because you have less responsibility. As you both get older you both have more things that take you away from family and friends. It is normal, and all of the things that you are doing and learning and experiencing are preparing you for your adult lives.
What do you think it is like for grown women who have husbands and children and friends? How do they "keep" their friendships. They have homes to keep up, and appointments to keep and kids and a husband to take care of. Yet we all manage to keep our best friends. Because we all "know" that she would be here with me if she could. We treasure those times we can be together. You know....no one laughs with you like your best friend does.
You know, one of the best ways to see who your friends are is to see who is there for you in a crisis. Wouldn't you be there for her if she had one? And I am sure that she would be there for you.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, while the two of your are spending less time together, it is part of the normal cycle of your relationship. I have a friend from high school, (and that is going back more than 30 years) And while we don't see each other as much as we would like, we are always there for each other. We know that we are good friends. Time will never erase the love we have for each other. We have both been through divorces and deaths, and ill health, and we were always there for each other. I think your relationship with your best friend will be the same. It will change, but it will grow stronger Your adult life cannot revolve around your best friend. But there will always be room in your life for your best friend.
But for now, pick up the phone and make some plans. if she is busy, ask when she is not. Say that "I would really like to see you, I miss the good times we had together" Or "I need a best friend fix" so when can we get together. It is OK to tell her that you feel so much better about life after you two have had a few laughs together or shared some memories. Sounds corny now, but it will make perfect sense when you are both grown young women.
I hope I helped you. And that you take my suggestions. You explained your friend and your friendship so well to me, I can only believe that your friendship is going to last your whole lifetime. Don't let the fact that you both have responsibilities and obligations get in the way of that.
Michele
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whats a good name for someone who is musical and poetic... for a girl...and a name that is also unusual, not something like everyone elses.(special)
so basicly i need a girl name that sounds poetic,musical, and is special, any ideas, thank you very much.
srry its a weird question but its important (link)
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Lilith
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I am seventeen years old. I am funny. I think im attractive. and ive only had one real relationship and it 6th grade to 9th grade. My longest relationship now is probably a little over a month. I dont know what i do. I start talking to a guy and a week or two later they are sick of me. In this month, i have had my heart broken 3 times. it wasnt anything bad but it still hurt bcuz everytime i think i do something wrong.. what is something that i can do to make guys want to stay with me and love me? I want a long relationship and i want love. how can i get it? (link)
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Well you would have to give us more information about yourself, for us to give you a good answer. What are YOU like in a relationship? I will make some suggestions without knowing you.
Are you bossy? Do you always and only talk about yourself? Do you complain a lot? Do you try to change the boy to be more to your liking? Like to you tell him how to dress, or how to wear his hair, or how to behave? All of these things are NOT part of a good or long lasting relationship.
These never work, not even for adult women. Many husbands have left their wives for reasons like this. Everything in moderation. TO be loved, you have to be lovable. Think of a person that you are crazy about, and try to be like them. Mostly it is being kind, thoughtful, and generous. Being a good listener is also very good, and asking about him and his day, and his feelings.
Well, if I am wrong about all this, then I think you'll have to pose the question again, and give us more detail.
Michele
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I'm in middle school and well I started going to that school about 3 or 4 months ago and we were on a break for this month and we are going back Monday. I'm pretty nervous. I made friends that are really awesome and I have good teachers too. My friends welcomed me in like that. But my problem is I really don't feel very smart. I feel like I'm not going to pass this year and my fear is getting held back. I'm taking art and Spanish but math is killing me. I don't know anything of it. Because I was homeschooled so I really can't understand this. Any advice how to survive school? (link)
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I had a hard time with math too. REally hard. I hate it myself. But when I was in middle school, they didn't have tutors. Do you go to a public school? They have to provide tutors to the students' who ask. Since you already know that you are in trouble, ask right away. Don't let it get worse. My son did that, and he ended up failing. And he has to go back. (He was a senior in HIgh School) He knew long before the end of the year that he was having trouble. He could have had a tutor. Please ask for help in Math. I think they will give it to you.
Michele
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well im pretty sure this isnt the right catorgory but well im a female 13 years young and i have really deep voice i guess like a mans!! i need to fix it can i have some help and will it be like this forever?
please help im scared! :( (link)
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There's nothing wrong with a deep voice. There is so much you can do with it. You can become a jazz singer. Deep voices are best for that. YOu could be on the radio. Have to have a voice that "carries" to be on the radio. Many great female singers had deep voices. Janis Joplin, yeah I know you don't know her but she was famous. And finally, many men find a deep voice in a woman to be sexy.
I don't know of anything you can do to change it. I only hope you learn to love it.
Michele
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okay ive known my best friend since i was born. We will be friends forever i know it. But the problem here is...she has lost her virginity to a boy she has been dating for 11 months [shes 16] She says that she knows hes the "one" she thinks there going to get married and live a happily ever after life with him...well she told me that they had unprotected sex but it wasnt long enough to get her pregnant. i told her never to take a chance like that again! im scared her whole life is gonna go down the drain with a child. I really think it could happen...What should i tell my bestfriend without getting her affended? (link)
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Yes, you must tell her that ANY time he pentrates her she runs the REAL risk of getting pregnant. Then recommend that they use condoms. Why can't he buy some condoms. And she should look into getting on birth control pills is she is going to be sexually active. Side effects or not. I would rather deal with side effects than bring an unwanted child into this world or have an abortion. After all, she is the one who is being irresponsible. She should suffer a little, before a LOT of other innocent people have to suffer a lot. Maybe you should come right out an tell her she is being selfish and only thinking of herself. IN the end if she does get pregnant, you'll wish you did. And also if she does get pregnant, she is going to turn to you. And what can you do? All the help she needs you can give her now. Don't worry about being nice. There is nothing nice about an unwanted pregnancy, or having to tell your (her) parents (and his) and /or having an abortion. IF she/he or they are too embarassed to go to the store to buy comdoms, then they aren't mature enough to be taking off their clothes.
Michele
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Um fruit acid, are they good for your body or not?
What do they do to your body?
Am i supposed to eat a limited amount of fruits then? (link)
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Fruit acid? Well fruit is certainly good for your body, your health and your digestive system. Some fruits are acidic, like citrus fruits. But fruit acids, are used in cosmetics to help exfoliate skin. Like glycolic acid, or alpha hydroxy. They contain fuit acids that when smoothed over your face, will exfoliate deak skin cells and give you an overall healthy glow. Home made masks made with strawberries are wonderful on your skin.
So I am wondering, to you really mean fruit acid, or just fruit itself?
Michele
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i know we all hate these questions but...
ive had my period for 5 years and hit my growth spurt and everthing, but im still only a 32A. it sucks. my mom is a bigger B cup so i heard youre usually around your moms size? i know they say you dont stop growing until youre like 18 but i only have a little over a year till then and it seems like i would have grown by now?
please dont give me the "just love your body and be happy" crap i just really want to know what my chances of still growing are. (link)
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You are still growing. So have hope. Make sure you are eating right. If you avoid all forms of fat, to stay skinny, you are depriving your body of the fat it needs to make your body more "womanly". Fat is needed for your body to produce estrogen which will help in creating breasts and hips. Not too much fat, but some. Good healthy fats, like from nuts, and oils. Not junk food, and no trans fats.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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hey im m/13 and i only eat one massive meal in the evening. no breakfast. my meal is made of one large beef steak, one large baked potato, carrots and maybe peas. i was wondering if this is good for me and what else i can add to it to get higher testosterone. i usally do about hour and a half of physical activity in the heat outside. (link)
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Uh, I don't think potatoes have testosterone. NO really, they don't. Testosterone is formed by your own body. It is a hormone. Some famous athletes and wrestlers have illegally taken medical forms of testosterone. It comes from male horse piss, or bull piss. And they inject it. I DON't Recommend it. As long as you are in good physical health, your body will create all of the testerone you need. What you need to build muscle is more good protein. Have a protein shake in the AM. and even at lunch. I assume you are trying to build muscle. You can't build muscle without the right building blocks. You need more protein.
Pick up just one muscle mag. they all have info about the best diets for athletes and for building muscle. A combination of good nutritious food and muslce building exercises will give you plenty of muscle.
GOod luck to you
Michele
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It's hard getting emotional support from my "mom" when I'm fairly detached from her, especially when I don't have siblings, and live with 5 other middle age+, single woman. I'm not trying to be sexist, but women are different from men, in many aspects, and their attitudes are quite different. So it's refreshing to get advice from an anonymous source. So far, my motivation has just been that theres only 2 more years left then I can make my own decisions. I don't want to grow up, but I think it's time for me to mature a bit more and take more initiative and self-discipline... It's hard though, she just doesn't leave me alone, and she thinks all my morales and beliefs are some adolescent joke. Shes more of a mom than a friend :(. I'm having many problems with her. Shes a very emotional person; to say the least. She cries over the smallest arguement. For exaple: last week I told her that I was going to skate from my uncles to my friends house, because I couldn't get a ride. The next day I followed through, and she forgot... we got in a huge arguement over something so small and she threatned to give up legal guardianship. Prior to this I was at my uncles house for a month and half, and my mom wouldn't let me come home. I come home finally, and I'm met with this bullshit. The past week shes been trying to make it up by saying she loves me more, and shes bought me a $500 drum set. The sad thing is that I don't care anymore. Shes cried so much it doesn't have any effect on me. I don't want her to give me more materialistic items, I want her to improve her attitude toward me, not just cover up her issues with me with her money. Shes always working and I hardly ever do anything with her anymore. She acts like I have no respect for her, but the reality is that I don't go over the edge BECAUSE of my respect for her. (link)
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WEll Kyle, you hand in there and maybe some day, when she accepts you as an adult, you can finally have a more "normal" relationship with her. It is too bad that she is so emotional. I don't know which of your parents is her sibling, but the problems that caused your parent to abuse drugs, and your aunt to be over emotional and obssessive, could stem from THEIR family of origin. You know, how THEY were raised. It is true, when you are 18, you are a legal adult and you will be making your own decisions. But it is hard out there to get by. I left home and 18, and never went back. I have supported myself my whole life and now myself and my two boys. I never got help from anyone, not even their father. I had half of a college education, (now I am working on the other half) but I was able to earn a decent living so myself and the boys were never on welfare. I hope you are learning some skills, or planning on college. You can't pay for rent and utililities and phone and computer internet, and a car all on a job at McDonalds. Many community colleges offer courses that run 2 years or less. EMT, or Criminal Justice, para legal, court reporting, all things that pay well. And as an adult on your own, you will be eligible for federal financial aid. But don't get in trouble, or get arrested for anything, because then you are not eligible for the free financial aid. Also many employers do drug testing today, so it is good that you don't partake.....
Sure it's no fun being "good" but grow up you'll have to do. And having control over your own life, and doing it right is a real ego booster. You'll feel great about yourself. It's pathetic to see older adults who still act like irresponsible teens. And it gets them no where.
Keep your eye on the prize, your independence and freedom and your right to self-determination.
Good luck and don't hesitate to write, even with specific questions if you have some
Michele
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Thanks for the help. I like to think of myself as a nice person, and I respect women for who they are, and their personality. I've had (and avoid) substances. Shes paranoid (I hate to admit her taking it that far) for a good reason, my mom and dad did drugs (my "mom" is my aunt) and shes paranoid I'll fall in with the wrong people I guess. It just gets tiring when she spearheads through my room, literally every couple of minutes. I haven't given her real reasons to be worried about me, just reasons to be suspicious I suppose. I fit in with the punk kids at school, I have a foot long mohawk, my hair is died black and white, I'm an atheist, and go to backyard punk gigs where they drink, do drugs, and smoke. But I don't get my self involved with the stuff, and my friends respect that. I'm on the wrestling team, and I play drums, I get decent grades, and try to be really nice to people. Do you have any advice for me on that matter (of invading my privacy)? I agree she should block the porn, and I'll respect her decision. If I wanted to I have the knowledge to remove it, but I won't. I just want to live my life, and I dont mean letting me get in trouble... just trusting that I'm going to make the right decisions.
-Thanks, Kyle (link)
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Kyle, thanks for leaving a question in my inbox. And I am glad that my previous advice helped.
Yes, I think I can help here.
You seem like a smart kid and that you have learned from your parents mistakes. It sounds like you have your head on straight, and I believe you when you tell me that while you have friends that experiment, you choose not to and they respect that. Now we have to convice your "mom". Let's talk about her. Your mom is really your aunt. So I am going to assume here that she is raising you because your folks can't, and it may be due to the mess they made of their lives with sustance abuse. So, your aunt, while she seems pretty liberal, since you have a mohawk and stuff, is very anxious about you following in your parents' footsteps. Well, if you can convince me, I think you can convice her.
First I think we have to acknowledge your aunt's sacrifice for you. (hear me out.) People who ruin their lives with subtance abuse, isn't just a statistic to your aunt, it hit home with her. A close relative, (your parents) messed up big time, and your life was almost ruined. You could have ended up in foster care. She stepped in and agreed to raise you. So that you could be raised by a family member and not by strangers. I'll bet she has friends that have told her that it was very noble of her to do this. An unselfish act. (I'm NOT saying that you don't appreciate it) What I am saying is that her unselfishness and generosity needs to be acknowledged by you. (This could really change your relationship with her, and make it a really great relationship, yes it has that potential.) If she knows that you realize what a great responsibility it is that she had undertaken, she will think you are mature and sensible, and are LESS LIKELY to do something to dissapoint her. Tell you that you are very aware of your parent's mistakes, and that you are working NOT to repeat them. Tell you that you do not want to go down that road. Tell her that you have plans for your future, and then share them with her. What are your plans for the future? Is there anything that you could ask your aunt about. Adults love it when kids ask them for advice. It could even be something you already know, but she doesn't have to know that...ask her and then LISTEN. BY asking for advice she will think that you are hoping NOT to make the same mistakes,and that you want to be successful. The more she trusts you, the less she will bother you. And the less she will invade your privacy. TRUST is what will make the difference. Tell her about some of the stupid things that some of your friends have done, or kids you know from school, if she knows that you think that their acts are stupid, then she will think that YOU will be less likely to do the same things.
Kyle, I am glad that you are a nice person, and that you respect women. You will have a better life that way. Some day you may have a wife, and you may have a little girl, and if you don't treat that little girl and her mother special, she will grow up to let guys treat her badly. She will know by how you treat her and her mother, how she should expect boyfriends to treat her.
Another thing. You are young and time flies by, even though it doesn't feel that way. At your age you will be changing your ideas and beliefs almost yearly. My son also had a mohawk in High school (black and white, that's great! wish we thought of that! ) But I really didn't want him to have a mohawk in college. he was a straight A student, and I wanted the college professors to take him seriously. BUT I DIDN'T say a word to him about it. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, but I did. Then during the summer before college he made his own decision to cut the mohawk. Even if he didn't, I still wouldn't have said anything, but I new eventually he would also decide that he wanted to be taken seriously, and that having a mohawk would cause people to pre judge him.
While your talking to your mom (aunt) you could tell her this...., you know mom, there are a lot of groups of kids, and in each group there are good kids and bad kids, and well, I'm one of the good kids in my group. My friends look up to me, and they respect my beliefs..... and add what ever you want.
Kyle, I wish you luck in the future, and I do hope that you are planning on going to college. You are certainly smart enough. Please write again if you like. I am happy to help.
Michele
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Well, I'm 16/male, and my mom caught me, uh... masterbating today. She just watched as I pulled my pants up and the porn was still playing. Fuck, I feel really embarassed now. She was already a paranoid mom (without any reason to be one) and it pisses me off to no end, sometimes I just start screaming and cursing at her because she wont leave me the fuck alone and its getting old. Now she wont even let me close my fucking doors because she thinks im gonna do it again! (and shes installing a porn-blocker). I never was close with my mom, and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about ANYTHING, but it's still pretty damn embarassing. It's just masterbating and porn, but she flips out if I see one chest on TV! What should I do - aside fromt talking to her? (link)
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Well, her worst fears have been realized. The exact thing that she was hoping to prevent, she caught you doing. And hey, I have two teenage boys, and yes I assume that they do masterbate, and it doesn't bother me. But when I was young, (many years ago, it would have bothered my mother.) Well she can't prevent you from masterbating at other times, after all she is going to fall asleep at some point. But she can block the porno and I think it is a good idea. It is not that it is bad to look at beautiful naked women, that desire is normal, but some of that stuff on the internet is just plain disgusting. Your mom, or YOU should be concerned about you becoming TOO engrossed in porno that you are unable to have a normal relationship with a woman when you are an adult. Most women in real life cannot compare with someone who is made up and has sexy clothing, and who is "acting" like you are the most important person in the world (al the while getting PAID for it, etc. etc.) It is just not like "real life". An intimate and loving and mutually respectful relationship is what most grown ups have. We hop that is what you will have some day. MAsterbating won't intefere with that, but porno on the internet could. Because it has broken up a number of marriages alread. (this is not news.) You say you don't want to talk to your mother so how do you get the message across that you ARE normal, and plan to grow up and have a NORMAL relationship, etc. etc.
Most likely you won't get the porn back, but at some point, she may let you close the door again.
I think the best thing to do is to find outside activities that interest you , and when you start to show an interest in other things and people, and NOT the computer, perhaps she will relax her vigilance.
BY the way,your mom is probably just as embarrassed as you are, and she also has no idea how to talk to you about it. But if she could, I think she would give you the advice I just did.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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What would you do iuf you hurt someone's feelings (someone in your family) and you apologize but they don't want to forgive you? (link)
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Well, of course I think you should give it some time, and try to apologize again, BUT when offering the next apology, you must at the same time, "validate their hurt feelings". It would help to say, "I understand why you are mad" "I would be mad if someone had done/said that to me." "You have every right to feel the way you do." And things along those lines.
Another thing....have you had to apologize for this same behavior before? Is this the second, third or fourth time that you have dissapointed this family member?
Also, does the family member have any reason to believe that your apology is not sincere. Think about that, and if you are sincere, you may have to display some different sort of behavior to show that you have "changed" and would not do or say the thing(s) that upset the family member in the first place.
If you can resolve all of thes issues in your heart, and you make any necessary changes, I think the family member will forgive you.
Michele
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Well im going to my first job interview this sunday and im really nervous im scared if i stuff up or something any advice? anyone know what questions they'll ask its at dominos pizza by the way
thanks much
15/f (link)
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Most fast good companies are looking for people who are "RELIABLE". One of their biggest problems is that, well the mostly hire kids, and mostly kids don't want to work weekend. They often call in sick, or don't show up at all. Many of them quit, but never tell anyone. So if you can come across like you are responsbile, reliable, and that they will be able to count on you to show up, (5 minutes early is great) for work each day that you are scheduled, and that you will not call in sick. And smile, it shows you have confidence in yourself. (well not throughout the whole internview, but smile when you meet the person interviewing you and shake offer your hand.
Hope this helps
Michele
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I was watching this documentry about the original story of Dracula by Bram Stoker. Is there any website that might have the entire novel on it to read? If not, would they have this book available at my local library? Thankyou. (link)
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Yes, this book has been around for about 75 years. It has been reprinted many times, and made into a movie more than once. I am sure that your library would have a copy. I don't know of a website where it might be available, but I wouldn't be surprised. I suggest you google it and see what happens.
Michele
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I have kind of 2 questinos here that interrelate. One - could you use advicenators as a form of community service (for colleges and/or work, etc)?
The second- I have to do a senior exit projcet next year so I can graduate. I'm not sure how many other juniors and seniors out here are working on it, but we just found out about it this past January (it's the first time our school system is using it). If you've never done one the requirements for my class (because of short notice) are so far, community service, hours with a mentor (someone to help you on the project), a 10-page paper and a 7-10 minute long interview-type of thing.
I plan on going into some form of pyschiatry or psychology with a career, I love helping people. I thought maybe this site would be a creative way of doing a not-so-fun paper. I spend so much of my spare time here and I've been around since 2004.
I'm not sure if I would have to gain DN's approval - I would ask him. I was just wonderinf if any of you thought that this was a good idea, if it would work, then maybe pointers for the paper. What about the site (if I do this) should I write about and point out. What should I do for the visual aid - bring in a laptop and show them the site and how so many members are commited to it?
Also I would probably focus a lot more on my column, just because it's my paper and if I were to do anything with anybody elses column it would just be a visual aid type of thing, going from random column to random column to show people who are as dedicated to this site as I am.
Anyawy, I guess I was just kind of interested if (with DN's approval) you all thought this would be a good idea. I've (obviously) never had to do a project like this and I thought maybe if I could incorporate what I want to do as a career and this site, it would work. Just let me know =D If you honestly don't think it would work, I want to know - I don't want to try this and spend all my time with it just to fail. But if you think it's good - maybe add in some pointers on how to do this. Thanks in advance =D
(link)
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HI, I think it's a great idea. I hope DN approves. YOu could easily do something with a social science outcome. Because here you get the demographics male/female and age: You could concentrate on say....sex, and how little some kids now about it. Or at what age, they are experimenting with it. Or you could do it on parent/child relationships, and/or you could do it on male/female relationships. Or you could ask questions about bi-sexuality, which seems to be increasing. You would have to formulate your questions, then analyse the answers, and track the demographics from the responders.
Although I dont' know if this qualifies as a "senior project". My son had to do one in High School..he and a friend made and donated dog houses to an animal shelter. Then he helped another kid, they put on a concert using local talent, to raise money for the heating fuel bank. So I thought that a senior project had to benefit a "charity" to qualify.
Well, you know best and good luck to you on your project.
Michele
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How do i get my daughter from taking advantage of us?
Question Posted Monday July 2 2007, 1:30 am
my daughter married into a family that has babyed her from day one. she now has 3 children. she and kids live with inlaws. only time we hear from my daughter is when she wants something. the inlaws babysat these kids since they were born. now they are feeling like they are being taken advantage of. the mother inlaw and sister inlaw are giving my husband and i a hard time. they want us to babysit more. mind you we love the children but mother in law and sister inlaw do not have jobs. my husband and i have full time jobs 40+ hours a week. they want us to quit our jobs to babysit. we can't do that. we sometimes work weekends too.
they call us bad grandparents because we don't baby sit. when my children were growing up i didn't dare ask my parents to take the kids. i felt i had them so i should have them with me. only time my parents took the kids was when they asked for them, because they worked too. the mother in law told my daughter that she will do everything possible to keep those kids from my husband and i if something was to ever happen to my daughter and son in law. she is doing this because we don't babysit the kids. if we call off work to babysit we will lose our jobs. my daughter doesn't bring the kids over for a visit when we can see them. the only time we get to see the kids is if we babysit. so we don't get to see the kids because we have to make a living. is the mother inlaw right or am i right?
your reply:
Michele answered Monday July 2 2007, 8:29 am:
HOney, you said it all when you said that you did not expect your parents to babysit your kids, you had, and they were your responsibility. You set an example, that your daughter chose not to follow. Her in-laws gave her the easy way out. You didn't say whether or not your daugther works. If they are just babysitting because she is 'overwhelmed" from raising three kids, well then they created that monster. If they are babysitting because she is working, then she needs to quit her job and stay home with her kids. Then they can go to work. It may be that her and her husband are working and bringing in income to the house and supporting the in-laws. If that is the case it seems like a fair trade to me. You are being manipulated and the kids are being used as pawns. I don't know that there is any satisfactory answer to this dilema. When adults choose to manipulate people, especially children, there is not much you can do. Sometimes getting involved makes things worse. My advice is that you resist getting caught up in this. The kids should not be used as pawns. To me it seems the damage is done with these people, you will never change their veiws, but who cares what people like this think of people like you and your husband who are responsible and don't ask for anything. There is hope that some day when the grandchildren are gown and adults themselves, that they will choose to have a relationship with the two of you. I won't say that this situation doesn't hurt, I know that it does, but being used and manipulated hurts more.
Good luck to you both.
Michele
my reply:
yes my daughter works. my daughter lives in a house with 9 people. she is the only one that works. my son in law hasn't worked in years he just recently got a job. he is lazy. my daughter has been supporting that house hold herself. we get to see the kids when she decides to bring them over.
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The additional information that you gave tells me that your daughter's husband and his family have been manipulating people and the system for many many years. People who are honest and have integrity, like you and your husband, are no match for these people WHEN you reduce yourself to their level. Because it is not in you to be manipulative. You must wonder why your daughter puts up with it. And I understand, (I know I have been there) She mistakes their verbal praise of her for love and support and doesn't even realize that their ACTIONS are what really says how they feel about her, and the kids. I supported my husband and two kids, (can't even imagine 3 kids AND in-laws!) and he always said I couldn't manage without him. I finally figured it out and left. (Me with a college education, ha,ha.) 17 years later, he still hates me, and tries to undermine me. I gave up trying to change him. And I raised my kids like you did, I never asked anyone for help. Be proud of what you did, and don't let those people manipulate you. They make a lot of idle threats, but I'll bet they have no money. If something happens to your daughter, you may win a fight in courts, because yours would obviously be the better home.
Good luck to you, and I am sorry for your troubles.
Michele
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my daughter married into a family that has babyed her from day one. she now has 3 children. she and kids live with inlaws. only time we hear from my daughter is when she wants something. the inlaws babysat these kids since they were born. now they are feeling like they are being taken advantage of. the mother inlaw and sister inlaw are giving my husband and i a hard time. they want us to babysit more. mind you we love the children but mother in law and sister inlaw do not have jobs. my husband and i have full time jobs 40+ hours a week. they want us to quit our jobs to babysit. we can't do that. we sometimes work weekends too.
they call us bad grandparents because we don't baby sit. when my children were growing up i didn't dare ask my parents to take the kids. i felt i had them so i should have them with me. only time my parents took the kids was when they asked for them, because they worked too. the mother in law told my daughter that she will do everything possible to keep those kids from my husband and i if something was to ever happen to my daughter and son in law. she is doing this because we don't babysit the kids. if we call off work to babysit we will lose our jobs. my daughter doesn't bring the kids over for a visit when we can see them. the only time we get to see the kids is if we babysit. so we don't get to see the kids because we have to make a living. is the mother inlaw right or am i right?
(link)
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HOney, you said it all when you said that you did not expect your parents to babysit your kids, you had, and they were your responsibility. You set an example, that your daughter chose not to follow. Her in-laws gave her the easy way out. You didn't say whether or not your daugther works. If they are just babysitting because she is 'overwhelmed" from raising three kids, well then they created that monster. If they are babysitting because she is working, then she needs to quit her job and stay home with her kids. Then they can go to work. It may be that her and her husband are working and bringing in income to the house and supporting the in-laws. If that is the case it seems like a fair trade to me. You are being manipulated and the kids are being used as pawns. I don't know that there is any satisfactory answer to this dilema. When adults choose to manipulate people, especially children, there is not much you can do. Sometimes getting involved makes things worse. My advice is that you resist getting caught up in this. The kids should not be used as pawns. To me it seems the damage is done with these people, you will never change their veiws, but who cares what people like this think of people like you and your husband who are responsible and don't ask for anything. There is hope that some day when the grandchildren are gown and adults themselves, that they will choose to have a relationship with the two of you. I won't say that this situation doesn't hurt, I know that it does, but being used and manipulated hurts more.
Good luck to you both.
Michele
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im going into eighth grade. and i want to know some flirting techniques that middleschoolers could use. please and thankyou :] (link)
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Well the best way to flirt is to ask the person about themselves. Look very interested in what they do, or say. Be a good listener. Make comments in between. Praise them or say you admire them. Statements like: "Wow, you did that?!?!" Or, You must have been scared" or, you're very smart. I mean use the words that are commond with kids today, I am not familiar with them all. And be confident! Nothing is more attractive that a confident female. It is sexy. Hold your head up, and smile. Be positive, like you don't have a care in the world, (even if underneath, you are really scared.) Be nice to everyone, so that no one can make negative statements about you for any reason. don't get caught up in the pettyness of girls who put down other girls, mostly because they are jealous. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Boys don't like it, (even though they secretly like being the center of attention, it gets old if two girls fight over a guy for too long.)
Hope this helps. and good luck to you.
Wait, I want to say that being smart is very sexy also, but that won't become important to the men in your life, until you are in your twenties. But this is the time that you should be spending getting smart!
Michele
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