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I can't let go of my best friend.
I have a really good friend that I've been friends with for a good 4/5 years. I feel like I always want to be around her because she's just so amazing and i love her with all my heart. I'm not a lesbian or anything, she's just always there for me and I love her so much, she's amazing to me. The bad thing about this is when I look at our photos from the past and everything we use to do we did it together, like we were always together and everyone was like "nobody could break them up". Now we're still really good friends and we see each other a lot during the summer cause we're on the same soccer team. But when soccer's over were not going to see each other for like the whole school year because we don't have any classes together ..because let's just say I'm not as academically eligable as she is so I'm not in the advanced classes that she's in. What happened when we both went to high school was we were in NO classes together so we didn't see each other a lot so we started to drift apart. During the summer we're really close cause we're on the same soccer team but then when school starts I rarely see her and I'm afraid we're going to drift apart like we did in the beginning of freshman year (we're going into our sophomore year). I just don't know what to do, and please don't say "IF SHES A GOOD FRIEND THEN SHE WON'T DRIFT AWAY" because i really don't think she means to do it, i just wanna stay close to her because she's one of the best friends i've ever had, and i don't wanna lose her. I'm also afraid that this year she's going to find a new best friend that's smarter and more fun to be around. I know I should be happy for her but I'm afraid she'll forget about me :[
Thanks for reading this I really appreciate it.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Even though you're not in the same classes, you might have gym or lunch together. There are always possibilities to talk to each other there. If you don't happen to be in the same gym class or lunch, talk online. I realize since she's in advanced classes, she may have to spend more time on her homework, but there's still a chance. Call her & ask to hang out.
Different classes are new possibilities, but you won't lose a friend because of them if you make an effort to call or IM. =)
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When you go to high school, friendships always change. I've had the same best friend since I was four and when we started high school, we didn't have any classes together - the maximum number of classes I've had with her is probably about two. Did it make us less close? Not at all. If anything, we're closer than we've ever been. We still see each other at lunch and outside of school.
My point is that your friendship is what you make it. If you go into it thinking you'll drift apart, then you'll be going into it with a negative attitude. She sounds like a good friend, so talk to her about it. Make an effort to see her at lunch if possible, and if it's not, see her outside of school.
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People do change and adapt to new circumstances as they get older, but this does not mean that you will not be friends any more.
The fact that you still connect during the summer means that you still care for and about each other. That is something that is unlikely to be lost now after all this time.
However, due to these changes, even if you are not so close while you are still at school, it doesn't mean that you cannot rekindle your close bond at a later stage. You have history and lots of memories together, and that's something that will come to be increasingly precious as you get older.
She may find other friends, as may you, but there will always be that connection to bind you together. In years to come, you will both find that to be a wonderful support to help you through life's ups and downs. Also, keep in mind that spending some time apart will give you more experiences to talk about when you do see each other.
I suggest you talk to her during the summer about this, and share your concerns. You never know, she may be feeling the same. This should help you both to fully understand and appreciate the relationship you have with each other. It should also act as an incentive to keep the talk going at other times of the year. Make sure you both understand that you will both always be there for each other.
Don't worry about her finding someone smarter and more fun to be with. Intelligence is not a sign of being a good friend and if you weren't fun, I doubt your friendship would have lasted this long. Give her a chance to understand your worries, and take it from there.
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Well this I know for sure, friendships are just like marriage, or love relationships....you have to work at them to keep them going. YOu have to make an effort to spend as much time with her as you can. But be prepared for her to turn you down sometimes because you are both soooo busy. And you will also be busy, and won't be able to pick up the phone and make plans as much as you would like. Your life is actually going along quite normally. It is normal to have more time for your friends when you are younger because you have less responsibility. As you both get older you both have more things that take you away from family and friends. It is normal, and all of the things that you are doing and learning and experiencing are preparing you for your adult lives.
What do you think it is like for grown women who have husbands and children and friends? How do they "keep" their friendships. They have homes to keep up, and appointments to keep and kids and a husband to take care of. Yet we all manage to keep our best friends. Because we all "know" that she would be here with me if she could. We treasure those times we can be together. You know....no one laughs with you like your best friend does.
You know, one of the best ways to see who your friends are is to see who is there for you in a crisis. Wouldn't you be there for her if she had one? And I am sure that she would be there for you.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, while the two of your are spending less time together, it is part of the normal cycle of your relationship. I have a friend from high school, (and that is going back more than 30 years) And while we don't see each other as much as we would like, we are always there for each other. We know that we are good friends. Time will never erase the love we have for each other. We have both been through divorces and deaths, and ill health, and we were always there for each other. I think your relationship with your best friend will be the same. It will change, but it will grow stronger Your adult life cannot revolve around your best friend. But there will always be room in your life for your best friend.
But for now, pick up the phone and make some plans. if she is busy, ask when she is not. Say that "I would really like to see you, I miss the good times we had together" Or "I need a best friend fix" so when can we get together. It is OK to tell her that you feel so much better about life after you two have had a few laughs together or shared some memories. Sounds corny now, but it will make perfect sense when you are both grown young women.
I hope I helped you. And that you take my suggestions. You explained your friend and your friendship so well to me, I can only believe that your friendship is going to last your whole lifetime. Don't let the fact that you both have responsibilities and obligations get in the way of that.
Michele
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