|
child taken advantage
How do i get my daughter from taking advantage of us?
Question Posted Monday July 2 2007, 1:30 am
my daughter married into a family that has babyed her from day one. she now has 3 children. she and kids live with inlaws. only time we hear from my daughter is when she wants something. the inlaws babysat these kids since they were born. now they are feeling like they are being taken advantage of. the mother inlaw and sister inlaw are giving my husband and i a hard time. they want us to babysit more. mind you we love the children but mother in law and sister inlaw do not have jobs. my husband and i have full time jobs 40+ hours a week. they want us to quit our jobs to babysit. we can't do that. we sometimes work weekends too.
they call us bad grandparents because we don't baby sit. when my children were growing up i didn't dare ask my parents to take the kids. i felt i had them so i should have them with me. only time my parents took the kids was when they asked for them, because they worked too. the mother in law told my daughter that she will do everything possible to keep those kids from my husband and i if something was to ever happen to my daughter and son in law. she is doing this because we don't babysit the kids. if we call off work to babysit we will lose our jobs. my daughter doesn't bring the kids over for a visit when we can see them. the only time we get to see the kids is if we babysit. so we don't get to see the kids because we have to make a living. is the mother inlaw right or am i right?
your reply:
Michele answered Monday July 2 2007, 8:29 am:
HOney, you said it all when you said that you did not expect your parents to babysit your kids, you had, and they were your responsibility. You set an example, that your daughter chose not to follow. Her in-laws gave her the easy way out. You didn't say whether or not your daugther works. If they are just babysitting because she is 'overwhelmed" from raising three kids, well then they created that monster. If they are babysitting because she is working, then she needs to quit her job and stay home with her kids. Then they can go to work. It may be that her and her husband are working and bringing in income to the house and supporting the in-laws. If that is the case it seems like a fair trade to me. You are being manipulated and the kids are being used as pawns. I don't know that there is any satisfactory answer to this dilema. When adults choose to manipulate people, especially children, there is not much you can do. Sometimes getting involved makes things worse. My advice is that you resist getting caught up in this. The kids should not be used as pawns. To me it seems the damage is done with these people, you will never change their veiws, but who cares what people like this think of people like you and your husband who are responsible and don't ask for anything. There is hope that some day when the grandchildren are gown and adults themselves, that they will choose to have a relationship with the two of you. I won't say that this situation doesn't hurt, I know that it does, but being used and manipulated hurts more.
Good luck to you both.
Michele
my reply:
yes my daughter works. my daughter lives in a house with 9 people. she is the only one that works. my son in law hasn't worked in years he just recently got a job. he is lazy. my daughter has been supporting that house hold herself. we get to see the kids when she decides to bring them over.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The additional information that you gave tells me that your daughter's husband and his family have been manipulating people and the system for many many years. People who are honest and have integrity, like you and your husband, are no match for these people WHEN you reduce yourself to their level. Because it is not in you to be manipulative. You must wonder why your daughter puts up with it. And I understand, (I know I have been there) She mistakes their verbal praise of her for love and support and doesn't even realize that their ACTIONS are what really says how they feel about her, and the kids. I supported my husband and two kids, (can't even imagine 3 kids AND in-laws!) and he always said I couldn't manage without him. I finally figured it out and left. (Me with a college education, ha,ha.) 17 years later, he still hates me, and tries to undermine me. I gave up trying to change him. And I raised my kids like you did, I never asked anyone for help. Be proud of what you did, and don't let those people manipulate you. They make a lot of idle threats, but I'll bet they have no money. If something happens to your daughter, you may win a fight in courts, because yours would obviously be the better home.
Good luck to you, and I am sorry for your troubles.
Michele
]
More Questions: |