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Paranoid mom
Thanks for the help. I like to think of myself as a nice person, and I respect women for who they are, and their personality. I've had (and avoid) substances. Shes paranoid (I hate to admit her taking it that far) for a good reason, my mom and dad did drugs (my "mom" is my aunt) and shes paranoid I'll fall in with the wrong people I guess. It just gets tiring when she spearheads through my room, literally every couple of minutes. I haven't given her real reasons to be worried about me, just reasons to be suspicious I suppose. I fit in with the punk kids at school, I have a foot long mohawk, my hair is died black and white, I'm an atheist, and go to backyard punk gigs where they drink, do drugs, and smoke. But I don't get my self involved with the stuff, and my friends respect that. I'm on the wrestling team, and I play drums, I get decent grades, and try to be really nice to people. Do you have any advice for me on that matter (of invading my privacy)? I agree she should block the porn, and I'll respect her decision. If I wanted to I have the knowledge to remove it, but I won't. I just want to live my life, and I dont mean letting me get in trouble... just trusting that I'm going to make the right decisions.
-Thanks, Kyle
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Kyle, thanks for leaving a question in my inbox. And I am glad that my previous advice helped.
Yes, I think I can help here.
You seem like a smart kid and that you have learned from your parents mistakes. It sounds like you have your head on straight, and I believe you when you tell me that while you have friends that experiment, you choose not to and they respect that. Now we have to convice your "mom". Let's talk about her. Your mom is really your aunt. So I am going to assume here that she is raising you because your folks can't, and it may be due to the mess they made of their lives with sustance abuse. So, your aunt, while she seems pretty liberal, since you have a mohawk and stuff, is very anxious about you following in your parents' footsteps. Well, if you can convince me, I think you can convice her.
First I think we have to acknowledge your aunt's sacrifice for you. (hear me out.) People who ruin their lives with subtance abuse, isn't just a statistic to your aunt, it hit home with her. A close relative, (your parents) messed up big time, and your life was almost ruined. You could have ended up in foster care. She stepped in and agreed to raise you. So that you could be raised by a family member and not by strangers. I'll bet she has friends that have told her that it was very noble of her to do this. An unselfish act. (I'm NOT saying that you don't appreciate it) What I am saying is that her unselfishness and generosity needs to be acknowledged by you. (This could really change your relationship with her, and make it a really great relationship, yes it has that potential.) If she knows that you realize what a great responsibility it is that she had undertaken, she will think you are mature and sensible, and are LESS LIKELY to do something to dissapoint her. Tell you that you are very aware of your parent's mistakes, and that you are working NOT to repeat them. Tell you that you do not want to go down that road. Tell her that you have plans for your future, and then share them with her. What are your plans for the future? Is there anything that you could ask your aunt about. Adults love it when kids ask them for advice. It could even be something you already know, but she doesn't have to know that...ask her and then LISTEN. BY asking for advice she will think that you are hoping NOT to make the same mistakes,and that you want to be successful. The more she trusts you, the less she will bother you. And the less she will invade your privacy. TRUST is what will make the difference. Tell her about some of the stupid things that some of your friends have done, or kids you know from school, if she knows that you think that their acts are stupid, then she will think that YOU will be less likely to do the same things.
Kyle, I am glad that you are a nice person, and that you respect women. You will have a better life that way. Some day you may have a wife, and you may have a little girl, and if you don't treat that little girl and her mother special, she will grow up to let guys treat her badly. She will know by how you treat her and her mother, how she should expect boyfriends to treat her.
Another thing. You are young and time flies by, even though it doesn't feel that way. At your age you will be changing your ideas and beliefs almost yearly. My son also had a mohawk in High school (black and white, that's great! wish we thought of that! ) But I really didn't want him to have a mohawk in college. he was a straight A student, and I wanted the college professors to take him seriously. BUT I DIDN'T say a word to him about it. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, but I did. Then during the summer before college he made his own decision to cut the mohawk. Even if he didn't, I still wouldn't have said anything, but I new eventually he would also decide that he wanted to be taken seriously, and that having a mohawk would cause people to pre judge him.
While your talking to your mom (aunt) you could tell her this...., you know mom, there are a lot of groups of kids, and in each group there are good kids and bad kids, and well, I'm one of the good kids in my group. My friends look up to me, and they respect my beliefs..... and add what ever you want.
Kyle, I wish you luck in the future, and I do hope that you are planning on going to college. You are certainly smart enough. Please write again if you like. I am happy to help.
Michele
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