Well I'm 18/m. I guess the title says it all? Basically I've been single for far too long, and my last relationship was ended by the girl. Ever since then, I've lost my confidence in talking to other girls, I just don't have any good communication skills any more. I've also got that "nerd" image, but I've changed my hairstyle and I'm now wearing contacts, just to sort've lose that image. But I've still got that background of a "nerd". Any ideas on how I can gain back my confidence? + I don't have very good communication skills!:( Help!!
You should search the relationship questions on here. There are tons of them from girls that feel exactly like you do. I think if guys and girls understood that they're both self conscious and nervous when talking to each other, things would be a lot easier as far as relationships go.
The only way to get good communication skills is to practice. When a guy talks to me and is nervous, it's definitely not an immediate turnoff. It just makes me feel like I should let them know that everything's okay and that I should try to make them feel more comfortable. Remember, any girl you talk to is only human and no one is perfect.
When you talk to girls, try as much as you can to be yourself. Take a deep breath and just let yourself relax. It's not necessarily unattractive when a guy is shy, but it's much more attractive when they're confident in themselves.
Don't let your last relationship ruin your future relationships. You're only 18. Most 18 year olds don't have great communication skills and aren't extremely comfortable when it comes to dating. Most people feel the way that you do at times.
Just list your positives and get back out and try again.
Darby(:
p.s. a lot of girls like 'nerdy' guys :p
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14, f
Alright, so i got in a fight with my best friend and so she took my other best friend away and shes trying to turn all my other friends against me and shes telling lies to make them hate me. I need do something! I want people to hate her! What so i do? Any ideas are fine cuz shes NOT a friends any more and i ABSOLUTLEY HATE her. So, i need alot of ideas for revenge and to make people hat her. Thx
The people on here aren't going to give you advice on how to avenge a fight with your best friend. Most of the people here are mature and serious about giving advice. I'll give you some advice, but it's not going to be about what to do to hurt someone else.
First of all, if your other friends are turning against you because of this one girl spreading lies, you need to find new friends. Real friends would listen to your side of the story and stay out of it for the most part, if they are mutual friends. The best thing for you to do is move forward with other friendships. Tell your best friend (or ex best friend) that you would appreciate it if she stopped spreading rumors. Once you do that, tell your other friends that what your best friend is saying is not true.
That's all you can do. If they don't believe you or she doesn't stop, you need to hang out with people that are not in that friend group.
Getting people to hate your best friend is just silly. That's exactly what she's doing right now and you need to be the bigger man and take the high road. If you reciprocate her immature actions, she's only going to keep up the drama.
-Darby
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can someone be attractive but not good-looking?
Yes, of course. There are a lot of people that are outgoing and funny, but aren't great looking. They still get a lot of dates and have a lot of relationships. Being good-looking is a plus, but if there's no personality to back it up, it's fairly pointless.
Darby(:
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How many days does it take for a package to reach new york from Las Vegas? I would really like to know.
Thanks
It should take 3-5 business days.
Darby
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I'm in 10th grade and we are going to be dissecting frogs, starfish, and i think something else soon. I really don't think I can handle doing it. First, I love animals, and in 7th grade when we did it, as soon as I saw it, I started crying, and had to leave the room. That's my first reason I can't do it. I also don't really believe in it either. Some one told me that they like find them dead, they don't kill them. Which honestly, to me sounds like a complete lie. I'm assuming they breed them and kill them. But, anyway.. I also hate cutting things open, seeing all their organs and everything, I have a weak stomach and can't handle it. I don't want to do it, I told my science teacher I didn't think I'd be able to handle it, and he said "well whose your lab partner" and I told him how it was this one girl, who never ever comes to school. and he didn't say anything. It going to be worth a lot of points. Has anyone had this problem? How do I get out of this assignment? Has anyone ever heard of an alternate one? I need help on what to say.
You don't have to dissect animals if you're not comfortable with it. By law, your teacher has to give you an alternative assignment. At my school, they would typically either have you do a virtual dissection online or a written assignment. Ask your teacher about what alternate assignment you can do for equal points.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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OK my friend and i have known each other for years but all of a sudden its like she completely hates me. i wrote her a letter and she completely dumped me in front of all her friends. i feel really depressed and angry at her. people keep telling me not to be mad, but i am. how can i deal with the anger and pain?
You'll find closure when you find out the reason for her anger towards you. Ask her, in private, by calling her when she's at home. Tell her that you've been friends for years and you don't understand why she suddenly doesn't like you. Surely she will provide an explanation then that you can try to work with. If you did something to make her mad, apologize and tell her that in the future you'll try not to make the same mistakes. If she has no reason and is just randomly not wanting to be friends, you need to move on. You deserve friends that don't turn their backs on you at random. If it turns out she really doesn't want to be friends anymore, try hanging out with your other friends more or making new friends.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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So I'm 15, and pregnant. My mom says I can't keep the baby. She wants me to get an abortion, and at the most an adoption. But I couldn't bring myself to do either. She doesn't want me to keep it! What can I do?
I know it will be hard, and I don't have a job, but before it is born I will be old enough to get a job, and so will my very supporting boyfriend. It's tough, but I have supporting friends, a supporting family, and a supporting boyfriend. But she doesn't want me to have it :( what can I do? What can I tell her?
It is your body and your baby. Your mother can't make you get an abortion or give it up for adoption. You and your boyfriend both need to get jobs though, and even then money will be extremely tight. Tell your mother that this is your baby and that you're not giving it up. Tell her that you made a bad decision (because you did, whether you believe it or not) and that you want to be able to look to her for support and guidance. Hopefully with time, especially when you start showing, she will see that this is a human life and not want her grandchild to be given up.
Darby(:
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I'm obbsessed with becomming famous. I'm always trying to figure out ways that I can make it possible, how can I get beyond this?
It would help if you added your age to this. You could be anywhere from 13 to 20, I'd say. Probably closer to 13 or 14 or so. Either way, you need to look at your skills. Do you have enough talent to become famous? Why do you want to be famous? Do you just want attention and you think that being famous is the only way to do it?
What do you want to do in the industry that would make you famous? Do you like writing, acting, singing, dancing?
Do you live in a big city? Do you have money? Are you, by society's standards, good looking?
Becoming famous is extremely hard and there are millions of people that want to do it. Think realistically about your future. If you're over not talented, you don't have money, you don't have connections, you don't live in a big city; it's just most likely not going to happen.
Start thinking about your true interests. Do you like psychology? Science? Art? History? Do you like helping people? Do you like medical things?
I'm not saying that you can't do it. I'm just saying that you need to be realistic about your dreams and goals.
In order to get beyond the obsession, realize your true talents and dreams. Delve into your mind and see why you're really wanting to be famous.
Darby
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Ok i have these two girls that like me and i dont know who to choose i was hoping to get some opinions or advice
girl number one: i went out with before but it ended pretty quickly because she still loved her old boyfriend but we have remained really close friends since and there has always been something. now she said she always liked me and broke up with her bf to go out with me and i said ok but im afraid it will happen again. but we get along great, alot in common, lots of communication.but im not sure if i can readjust to becomeing more than friends again. even thought i keep thinking this is my chance to get her back,what iv wanted for so long...but im not sure if i want it.
girl 2: a girl that broke up with me a month ago. because she thought it was for the best and didnt want to hurt me, but she did alot because of the way it happened because she is really bad with communicating. I like her more that girl one but im so afraid ill get hurt again and im pretty sure i will. but she said she would really try and it feels right with her, even though i think it will just be temporarily happy because shes so complicated. she only told me all of thise when she saw me with girl one and it hurt too much and she realised etc.(we live in the same house)
but now im still going out with girl one and i have to choose but im so afraid of hurting girl one because i value her so much as a friend and in general. and im afraid im going to lose one of them so im not sure what to do
thanks
You should go with girl one. You even admitted that you don't think things would work with girl two. She is a bad communicator, she broke up with you a month ago, and she only wanted you back when she found out that you were talking to girl one.
And, being a girl, trust me on this: When a girl breaks up with you because she's afraid she's going to hurt you, it is a BAD sign. Her breaking up with you was ten times better than what she would have done if you had stayed with her. She was either having feelings for another guy or questioning her feelings for you.
If I were you, I would go with girl one as long as you are positive that she is over her ex now.
Darby(:
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17/girl.
(This may be long, sorry.)
I'm really confused about my one best friend. Her name is Sara and she is really nice and funny, and she is like my best friend since 6th or 7th grade. (I'm in 10th right now.) So we've been pretty close for awhile. Well, this year I made a ton of new really close friends, and I introduced them to her and they liked her (they weren't like friend though) but they thought she was nice and everything. Sara has a really great personality, except for one tiny flaw. She is a hugeeeeee liar. She did something really mean to one of my very close friends. I'm not going to explain it, because it is very long. But, she did something so unbelievable, you wouldn't even think of it. But anyway, that happened a few months ago. She basically went behind my back, lied, hurt me, and 5 other people.. at least, and it was just horrible. I was so in shock, I didn't know how to handle it. So, I never really like yelled at her for it or anything, it was just so unbelievable. Well anyway, I don't trust anything she says anymore. I know she is still lying about a lot of stuff. It's really hard to be best friends with someone when you don't trust them.. i'm afraid to bring it up because i hate confrontation and it just sometimes doesn't seem worth it. It bothers me everyday, all of my other friends absolutely hate her. So, it also makes hanging out with all of them on weekends hard too. She doesn't have many friends, besides me and maybee like 3 other people, tops. So, it's hard to just ditch her. I don't really want to do that anyway though. What should I do? I'm so confused.
If you'd like to know the full story, let me know. :) it gets really into detail, and anyone willing to listen and give me more advice, that would be greatttt. thank youuu.
I understand that it's hard for you to handle confrontation. A lot of people are like that. But this girl is supposed to be your best friend and you should be able to calmly talk to her without it because a huge argument. If you feel that it isn't worth it, you need to move on from this girl. You don't have to completely ditch her, but you can slowly distance yourself from her. If she asks why you're doing it, tell her that what she did to your friend and the way she lied really put a rift in your friendship.
It would probably be best to talk to her about it now though. Tell her that if she keeps lying to you, you'll never be able to regain your trust in her. If she doesn't change after this, she's not worth having as a friend.
Darby(:
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anyone know what a 17 year old, going into senior year should do this summer?
something that willappear good on my college resume.
You should try to volunteer at a nursing home or a hospital. It will look really good on resume's for college and for jobs.
If you're wanting to do something outside, go with Matt's suggestion or do a community service program where you help clean up your city or neighborhood.
You could also volunteer at a soup kitchen or an animal shelter.
Good luck,
Darby
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17/f.
In my math class their is this girl, who is a dyke, and I have nothing against gay people or anything. I actually have a friend that is gay, just to clear that up right now.
Anyway, she always does really weird things when she is sitting next to me, like she put her lighter on, or she'll stick her tongue out and be like oh this is what i do to my girlfriend! and she just says all these things about her sex life, or her parents sex life too.. its really disturbing and I don't want to hear it. She isn't usually talking directly to me, but she is talking to the girl who sits on the other side of me, who i am friends with and is really the only person i talk to in class. I personally don't like hearing about anyones sex life, no matter who they are. Its awkward and to me personal information between them and their boyfriend/girlfriend.
I feel like if I say something, I'll come across rude, because she is kind of depressed and I don't want to make it worse or anything, and she is nice besides that, I just don't know what to do. Any help?
If I were you, I would make things very simple. I would stay after class one day and ask your teacher if you could be moved to a different spot in the class. Just till him/her that you're not comfortable with where you're sitting. If you sit in the back, tell him/her that you can't see well because your contacts are messed up and you're awaiting an eye doctor appointment to get new ones. That way, if anyone asks, you can just say that you're having trouble seeing and there will be no problems surrounding that. It's what, May 9, you should only have a few more weeks in school, right?
It sounds like this girl is just trying to get attention. I hated that in school. People that talk about things publicly like that. It's a cry for help sort of thing.
Either way, I wouldn't get involved or say anything to her. You don't want to start drama or make things even more awkward.
I agree that she shouldn't be talking about things like that. But make it as easy as you can on yourself and just switch seats.
Darby(:
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I have never used any kind of lube during foreplay or sex or anything like that...is that a bad thing?
No, that's not a big deal at all. It just sometimes makes things easier. For example, if sex is painful for the girl or she's not naturally wet enough, lube can help to get things slippery enough to be less painful. Not everyone uses lube because not everyone needs it. It's just a preference thing.
Darby(:
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so a guy I was talking to he was very flirty i spent the night with him a few times slept in the same bed cuddled, told me hed be so lucky to be with me told me im part of his life, saying hes happy as long as hes talkin to me, told me i was gonna move in with him, said theres always been something about me, said wed make pretty babies (i kno stupid), but anyways he up and got back with his ex fiance sayin im his best friend and that he likes me but doesnt want to date me right now. what the hell??? what does he mean?
He wanted you, but then when his ex got back in the picture, he decided that he would rather have that. If its his ex fiance, he must have been really close to her. He probably wanted the feeling that he had when they were at their highest point in their relationship. In order to get to that point with you, it would take a lot of time and effort. As the person below me said, his ex is most comfortable to him. It's also the easiest person for him to love and feel love from because they've been there and done all of that before.
Don't waste your time waiting around for him. He was just confused and telling you what he felt at the time. There's no point in waiting for him to break up with her. You need to move on and find a guy that can treat you how you deserve to be treated.
And, with the best friend thing, he was trying to lighten the blow. Instead of just saying, 'Yeah, I ran back to my ex.' It's easier to say, 'You're my best friend and that's all I feel for you right now.' It just sounds better. It's letting you down easy.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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This is a bit of an awkward question for me, but what are you supposed to do when you walk through a hall full of men unabashedly goggling at you? I just look straight ahead and ignore them, but that just feels really stiff and awkward because I usually let my eyes wander everywhere, yet looking into the guys faces is even worse because they never look away. I just feel really self conscience when this happens even though I know I look good. It is literally 40 to 60 men, so I don't want to cause a scene by telling them to stop, and there is no way I can avoid them. I do not dress revealingly, but I do wear clothes that flatter me. I am 18 and this is happening in college. Oh and they never talk to me either, but they are definitely checking me out. How should I react to them? What would you do in my situation?
Don't make a big deal out of it. The more you act like you're uncomfortable, the more they're going to stare at you, and the more uncomfortable you're going to get. If they can tell that they're getting to you, they're going to think it's funny and they'll do it even more noticeably. At least no one is making fun of you or calling you names. As someone below me mentioned, a lot of girls would love to get attention like that.
The only thing you can do is gain the confidence to stare back at them and just keep walking. Once they see that you're not intimidated and that you're confident, they'll stop. It's interesting to me that you say that you're self conscious but you know you look good.
It sounds like you have enough confidence, you just need to own it when the time comes. Take it as a compliment, because it is one. Even if it's hard to look at them because they don't look away, just do it. You don't have to stare directly at their faces, just look past them a little but still in their direction.
Good luck,
Darby
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I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years now. He is 41 and I am 24; we have overcome a lot of obstacles and personality conflicts, but most of all was his alcoholism. His drinking has been a problem in the past; he used to humiliate me in front of his kids and call me names and kick me out of 'his' house; but the last couple of years it has mellowed out to just an annoyance. He no longer triesd to kick me out of the house; and he doesnt talk shit about me to his kids nearly as much when hesdrunk - but, i confess, it still does happen occassionaly. Despite all of that, I am still here, in a house with BOTH of our names on the lease; and we are now engaged and we would have celebrated our 5th anniversary together 2 days ago. Trouble is, he never came home on our anniversary. He knew I had plans for us to go out to dinner and that I was home waiting for him with a gift. After worrying all evening, night, and the next morning; I finally got a hold of him. His excuse was that he got drunk, swore to me there was NO other woman around, and that he crashed at his daughters house. The next day he went away for the weekend on a job 300 miles away. He apologized profusly over the phone and told me he feels horrible for putting me through that heartache and that I deserve so much better than him; but that he wants to make it up to me. He promised to talk to me the next day in more detail; but failed to call me. When I finally got a hold of him, he was telling me he is 'done' and I need to move on because he will never change. After a couple minutes of hearing this, he switched to saying he wanted to talk to me when he got home about it and that he did love me; and that he would call me later that night before he went to bed. Now he is out with his work buddies at a bar (he left his cell phone with his son who told me) after telling me he would call before bed. It is 1AM and he still hasnt called. His actions and his words arent matching and I am so confused. I love this man with all my heart,I have made him my whole world, but I dont think I deserve all these lies and deceptions. Especially since everything seemed normal up until our anniversary. I dont know if I have the strength to leave him; but I dont think I can accept this behavior any longer. I haven't even had time to react properly. Ive just been crying wondering what I did wrong or what I could do to get things back to normal. I think after 5 years, this relationship is worth saving; but why would he get so destructive and then constantly start lying to me and breaking my heart? I really dont think he was cheating, I believe he would just tell me he was so the breakup would me easier. But I cant be positive. But I jsut dont understand or even know what to do! I dont want to become the psycho girlfriend who keeps calling every 5 minutes; but waiting for him to come home to finally discuss this is killing me, and I feel like Im going crazy in the meantime. Does anyone have ANY advice on how to handle a self-destructive man??? What can I do to make everything go back to normal?? How do I find the strength to move on and start a whole new life after 5 years?
At this point, with your age differences, you should be at completely different points in your lives. You should be getting out of school, getting a job, getting married, having kids, or whatever else you may want to do. You're still very young.
Your boyfriend should already have a steady job and be calming down. He already has kids that sound as though they're adults or almost adults.
A 17 year age difference is hard to overcome. I realize that you have been with this guy for five years, so it makes it extremely difficult. When you're in a relationship with someone for that long, you do make their life a part of yours.
I am going to be honest here and tell you that it is time for you to move on. This relationship is not healthy at all. It is not fair for you to have to keep checking up on him while he goes out drinking with friends.
You're the 24 year old. He's the 41 year old. He should be way way way more mature than that at this point.
He is an alcoholic. Nothing is going to change if he doesn't get help. The only change in your relationship will be the downward spiral that it has been from the start.
He humiliated you in front of his kids and threatened to kick you out of the house at the beginning of your relationship. How is this sudden in any way? He's never been nice. He's not suddenly being mean. He's been mean from the start, even if he did mellow out for a while.
At your age, you should not be tied down in a relationship with someone like that. You need to leave this man as soon as you can. It's not going to be easy, but he is not your responsibility. You should be with someone that is starting their life as an independent adult, like you. Not someone that is in their middle age and an alcoholic and a liar and a mental abuser and a complete jerk.
He's only going to hold you down, and you will regret staying with him until the day you die if you don't get out while you can.
This relationship is not going to get better on its own. It will only get worse and worse and worse.
This is your decision to make, but I think you know what the right choice is.
-Darby.
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Let me start off by saying that I'm not religious. I don't fast for fitness or because I believe some god is smiling on me because I starve myself, but I made a promise to myself this year. I have spent much of the last three years in what most people call the third world. I have seen people that don't have the luxury of every day. Now that I am back in the U.S. I have decided that I will fast ever day from May 10 to May 13 to remember how fortunate I am to live in a country where things like eating are taken for granted. I just want to know if there are any serious health risks. I start tomorrow, any motivation or advice from people who fast for any reason is greatly appreciated.
“It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”
-Mother Teresa
There are no long-lasting effects of fasting for three days. As the person below me said, be sure that you drink a ton of water. If you don't, you risk dehydration, which is very serious. It's cool that you're doing that. It would be nice if you could get a few friends to do it with you. Just be careful and make sure you drink water.
Darby(:
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im highly pessimistic. i can never like a guy for more than 2 weeks because i always think of the flaws. I never think anything is good enough, i definitley dont think im good enough and lack self confidence. im not very happy anymore.
so how do i obtain a positive attitude...focus on peoples good points... not care as much what other people think of me... be less judgemental... stand up for myself... be happy and satisfied with what i have... and HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE.
HELP ha im all messed up
You need to understand that no one is perfect. You're never going to meet a perfect person or be a perfect person. You need to give yourself and other people a chance. Everyone has strong points and weaknesses. Don't immediately size people up the second you meet them and search for negative things about them. You'll never be an enjoyable person to be around if you keep that pessimistic attitude.
The next time you meet somebody, give them a chance. Write down all the positive things about them AND yourself in a journal of some sort. Don't write down any of the negative things. When you do notice negative things, as long as they're not extremely negative, just push the thoughts from your mind.
If the negative things are trivial e.g. they talk too loud, they chew with their mouth open, they brag a little bit too much, just let it go. If the worst thing you can think about somebody is something that really doesn't matter, don't let it affect your potential relationship with them.
It will take work, but you'll be able to retrain the way your mind processes people as a whole. Right now you immediately notice the negatives. But if you keep trying to push those thoughts away and focus on the positives, soon your mind will notice those good things first automatically.
Reminder: This is not to be confused with true negative points. I know you most likely have enough common sense to know this. But if someone is hooked on drugs, is a player, is violent, etc.. That is of course something to be concerned about and would be a good reason not to further your relationship with them.
Hope this helps!
Darby(:
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soooooooo ok this is weird haha
16/f
well im a very hyper funny annoying loud person. im the class clown and i have alot of friends. i have a good life and id consider myself a well liked person that is always busy. everyone calls me crazy because of how spontaneous and trouble making i am. but i am starting to think that i actually am crazy. for instance, i have this inner voice. i call him simon. dont ask haha but the thing is i dont think of it as hearing voices because i know its a voice coming from my mind, not from something outside my body. so i didnt think it was schitzophrenia or anything. but its not my mind either. its like i have two minds. me and simon. but simon only says things about 4 times a day most of the time. i can be thinking of something totally different at the same time simon is thinikng. like ill be showering and my eyes will be closed while im washing my face, then simon will be like someone could be standing right in front of you in the shower and u wouldnt know it. and while he is saying this, my mind is going LA LA LA LA LA LA LA trying to be louder than simon so i dont get freaked out. and this is what bugs me. but sometimes simon can motivate me to do things. like today i was cleaning and simon chipped in and said, clean the sink in less than 30 seconds and you will get an A on your test today. and before i knew it i was scrubbing the sink as fast as i could. also the day after me and my boyfriend got in a fight, almost every task i did, simon said things like do this or your bf will break up with you. or do that and you two will get married. and it makes me do the tasks that simon tells me to do. like even if i really dont want to do the task, i do it anyway. and its anooying because sometimes simon makes me do things i dont want to. not harmful things but just dumb things. like ill be sitting at the couch then simon will chip in and say get the reomte off the other couch or your cat will die tomorow. so even though im too tired to get up, i do anyway. i know this is so rididculous because how would an inner voice control wat happens to me? its so dumb. yet i still keep doing everything it says because im afraid that what if those things do happen. its so annoying, please tell me whats wrong with me! this needs to stop. SIMON NEEDS TO GO. NEED TA GO.
As the user below me said, if you had schizophrenia, you would not be nearly as aware as you are. It sounds like 'Simon' is your way of motivating yourself to do things. Instead of just saying, 'Yeah, I really need to get this clean. I really need to do these chores.' you put up wages for yourself. 'If I don't do this, then this will happen.' Don't try to self-diagnose, you'll only get confused. If you don't believe us, go to your doctor. He'll tell you the same thing. People with schizophrenia are not aware at all that they have mental problems (unless they are properly diagnosed and given medicine. and even then, a lot of them don't understand the situation) You know that there is no Simon. You know that it's you telling yourself to do things. It seems like you're giving yourself too hard of a time about things. 'Clean the sink in thirty seconds.' 'Get the remote of the couch or my cat will die.'
Most people have thoughts like that from time to time. You just need to keep yours in check and not jump to the conclusion that you're 'crazy'
Darby(:
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So this summer my little sister (11) is going to camp...but she has to fly their. She has never flown by herself before and is very scared. There will be a camp counselor that will meet the campers at the airport but that dosnt calm my sisters nerves. What can we do to help? Will there be someone at the airport to help her out?
The camp will definitely do something to help the kids out. They wouldn't have eleven year olds flying alone on a plane then just wandering around an airport. They will most likely tell the people at the airport and on the plane where your sister is supposed to be. She will either be escorted to the camp counselor or the camp counselor will be waiting at the gate for her. Hopefully knowing this will calm her nerves(:
Darby
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