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Im pregnant
So I'm 15, and pregnant. My mom says I can't keep the baby. She wants me to get an abortion, and at the most an adoption. But I couldn't bring myself to do either. She doesn't want me to keep it! What can I do?
I know it will be hard, and I don't have a job, but before it is born I will be old enough to get a job, and so will my very supporting boyfriend. It's tough, but I have supporting friends, a supporting family, and a supporting boyfriend. But she doesn't want me to have it :( what can I do? What can I tell her?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
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You know whats difficult about answering a question like this? Its hard not to give your own personal opinion in the answer. So I am going to try and keep this answer as neutral as possible because ultimately this is your decision.
As I am sure you are aware of now, your mother can not force you to have an abortion. Adoption is also up to you. You do not have to give this baby away if you do not want to. But...
What I want to suggest is talking to someone,(a professional) before you make this decision. You are 15 believe it or not, you do not know everything at that age and you may not really know what is best for you. This situation is extremely hard no matter what you decide.
Talking to someone will help, really even if its the school councilor. I suggest talking to your mom about seeing someone professional to discuss this situation with. They can help you make the right informed decision and they can help you with your mom.
People are going to offer you many opinions in this scenario. What you need to do is listen to the opinions which give you facts and knowledge about what you are about to go through. Also take into consideration that what may have happened to someone else will not necessarily happen to you. You are your own person.
Also your boyfriend I suggest he speak to someone too. He may not know everything about what he should know.
You need to sit down and make an informed decision about this. Remember this is not something small, you have to consider how this will affect you, your boyfriend, your family and the baby. This is something you discuss with someone who knows what needs to be known and considered for a situation such as this.
Good luck.I wish you the best.
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Im sorry to hear that your mother does not support your decision to keep your baby. yeah YOUR BABY which means no matter what anybody says the last word and the final decision is yours. If you don't wanna have an abortion and don't wanna adopt out your baby then you don't have to, if you say your boyfriend is supportive and also your family and friends then you will be fine. You need to do whats right for you because your mother is not the one living your life and you don't wanna do something that you will end up regretting for the rest of your life and hating yourself for and that is something that your mother has to understand. And most mothers when their daughters give birth and actually sees their grandchild they will be happy and usually supportive straight away..so maybe your mother just needs time to get her head around the idea that you're having a baby and that you want to keep him/her.. =)
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There is no way your mother can legally force you to get an abortion. The great thing about abortion is that you have a choice on whether you want to consider it an option or not.
However, I do agree with your mother. Having a baby is much, much, much harder than anybody realizes until they go through with it. You say you'll be old enough to get a job, but at age sixteen, the amount you and your boyfriend will make is NOWHERE near the amount necessary for a baby. Doctor appointments, food, clothes, cribs, formula, diapers (hundreds and hundreds of them!) is just the tip of the iceberg.
Plus, you need to look at YOUR life. How are you going to juggle school, a job, and a baby? Who is going to watch it while you're at school? How are you going to hang out with your friends on the weekends? You'll need to go to a college very close to home so someone can watch your baby while you're in classes for the majority of the day-- is your mom going to be willing to do that? If not, you have a problem.
Obviously it's your decision, but please, please put a lot of thought into it. I know a baby seems fun and adorable and cuddly, but it's so much more than that. It's nights of literally getting an hour of sleep because of a screaming baby. It's going through labor, breastfeeding. It's going to be a human being that needs attention almost every hour of every day. It's money, money, money. HOW are you going to support it? Missing school to go to doctors appointments. Walking through the hallways with a pregnant belly.
Good luck. I know abortion is a tough choice, but think about it. Once you do it you can put this all behind you-- your problem will be over, you can grow up like a normal teenager, go to college like a normal teenager, and have a baby when you're ready. Or, if you can't do that, there are millions of couples out there who are dying to have a baby but can't for medical reasons, or anything. Good luck again.
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by law your mother cant tell you to get abortion because its your body. no one can make you i had to do this years a go when i was younge they ask you that they say that up to you because it your body and abortions can hurt your body i felt the pain people can die from it but i didnt i cryed i lost somthing i wanted my boyfriend made me but he threated me but i have advice for you you are young giving it to a family might be the right thing get a open adoption you get to see the chils still no one can get in your way you get to pick the family some family let you stay with then and they pay for you for your own place and ect so no one will bother you thier are lots of adoption agencys on the net like christian adoption.com my friend did this her family was mean so she lived with the family till she had the baby they payed for every thing a baby s alot it cost alot babys arnt cheap you should wait till your married have your own house at least im being nice my mother was mea to me also when i was some times you just some times people could be nice in way if you need any more advice email me chrissibug@YAHOO.COM OR MY CHAT NAME ON YAHOO CHRISSIBUG OK happy mother day to you rember dont let any one walk all over you.
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Keep your baby.
Your mother is not you. She will not be living your life 20 years down the road. She will not go through the trauma that is abortion.
Your baby is innocent. He/she didn't do anything wrong. Murder is for punishment, not for convenience.
Supply your mother with abortion information. She may not realize how damaging it is. She may realize it and be overlooking key aspects.
Here is some information to share with her (most of it is from previous questions I have answered, but all of it still applies really):
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand her body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life simply for their own convenience. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were young and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion ((and ultra-important that you share this video with your mother)) so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it. The day they murdered this innocent baby, they realized the horror of their actions. You can plainly see why.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe. The "silent scream" that the baby lets out is simply horrific--that poor baby!
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here are some REALLY, REALLY good videos that explain the different kinds of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Abortion is also a very risky procedure for the mother of the fetus as well. The woman does not just pee out some blood and experience pain--the mother bleeds out the lining of her uterus as it contracts strongly to expel the fetus. The baby, placenta, umbilical cord, and the thick lining of the uterus will come out of the vagina. Even if the doctor suctions all of the "matter" out of the uterus, the woman will still bleed and may suffer some scarring in her uterus (preventing her from EVER being able to have children).
Many women have even DIED because of hemorrhaging, infections, and other complications. It's usually a very painful process for the woman and she is usually let in physical pain for days/weeks following. As another note, the woman usually bleeds for WEEKS after the abortion so it honestly isn't just a little blood in the urine.
Here is a super great website that has links to all sorts of abortion-related issues:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and they even have a section (and a couple of links) of women who have passed away because of an abortion:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...I'm not kidding! MANY women are dying because of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
"Think about the life the child now. Yes, you were selfish and did not consider this major consequence (pregnancy) but you don't have to be any more selfish than you already have been. Even if you're not able to give him/her the best life, someone out there can. When couples look to adopt, they tend to look for infants anyway. By taking this child's life and ending it before it even gets started, you destroy what chance they had at being something. The baby did not do anything wrong here and should not be punished by death."
I've also answered another question that is pretty much the same thing--the parents don't want the girl to give birth and hate the boyfriend--here is the information:
LINK: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
MY ANSWER: "I think you should keep your child. As you said, if you do not then you will regret it. Feeling that you will regret something long before you do it is a big sign that it isn't the wisest choice. Many women will say they will "never" have an abortion but one day wind up doing it--only to feel regret for their actions and wish they could take them back. I know you are not aborting (thank God someone has a brain!) but the same applies--you would be upset if you did it...so when you do it, you will regret it and when you hadn't.
Sit down and figure out what you are going to do once the baby comes. Are you going to complete high school or get your GED? If so, write that down. If you are going to completely high school then write down where the baby is going to be during classes, who is going to take care of it, etc. Do not list anyone down as taking care of the child before you have discussed it with them. If it's a daycare center then list out that you'll be getting a job (even write down where you will be applying) and about how much that job pays. Figure it out.
This entire exercise is to prepare you for adulthood in a matter of hours, if not days (it may take days to complete by the time you're done with calling around and whatnot). Set your entire life up. Try to center things around your own life--trying to NOT include your boyfriend if at all possible unless you two are getting married.
You don't want to include the boyfriend in things like this because your parents are probably thinking that he isn't going to be around much longer anyway. Your boyfriend may take it as an insult but, in the end, this is YOUR exercise you are doing. (He should be doing his own, by the way). If your boyfriend is going to be tending to the baby while, say, you are in classes then it's okay to mark that down.
So, once you have the entire thing explained then you need to bring it to your parents. Show them your paper and tell them that these are your current thoughts on the subject. Don't make everything set-in-stone in case your parents have questions that you haven't addressed yet. If they bring a question to the table that you have yet to think over then ask for time before answering--even if it feels like it's a simple answer. This is the rest of your life we're talking about.
A job is pretty much required at this point. If at all possible, pick up a job while pregnant and save that money (most women work through their entire pregnancy up until the last month or so). If you don't have a job then you're not going to be able to explain where baby items are going to come from (clothing, shoes, diapers, bottles and formula is you're not going to breastfeed--which you definately should breastfeed for the health of you and your baby & it saves much-needed money--etc.) and your parents are going to assume you'll be mooching off of them entirely.
Some things you should do:
Open a bank account and put your money into it to keep better track of finances.
Make sure to determine which doctor/hospital you would take the baby to in case of an emergency or illness.
Call everyone you need to before listing them on the paper (including daycare centers for fee pricing).
Confront you parents in a non-aggressive way. Simply sit down with them and your paper(s) and say, "I was thinking for this past week and this is what I've come up with. I know it isn't much and I know there are holes here and there...but I really think I can do this."
Everything feels like a big mess right now, I know, but things will settle down eventually. You can't really "forget" about being pregnant but it helps to look forward to the baby coming. It might ease your mind to figure out where the baby will sleep and read some books about pregnancy. Some good books you might want to check out from the library (or purchase online if available):
What to Expect When You're Expecting
The Pregnancy Book
Your Pregnancy & Newborn Journey: A Guide for Pregnant Teens
The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning
The Nursing Mother's Companion
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers
The Breastfeeding Answer Book
The Breastfeeding Book
The Breastfeeding Cafe
Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy & Birth
The Official Lamaze Guide
Easing Labor Pain
Birthing from Within
Laughter & Tears: The Emotional Life of a New Mother
Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
The Baby Book
By reading LOTS of books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, delivery, etc then you are preparing in multiple ways. You can look forward to things the books talk about. Instead of being frustrated, scared, and confused you will feel more at ease and happy to be experiencing all that is ahead. Your parents will also notice your take-up of the books, which may earn you a few brownie points.
The more books you pick up (even if they repeat things you've already read or don't sound as interesting) the more you're going to feel better about this entire thing. Educate yourself on EVERYTHING :)
Hang in there. This takes a lot of work but you can do it! If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)"
Don't give up.
Don't give in.
Your mother is not living your life. Your mother will not have to deal with these consequences later on. This is your decision. Inform your mother what you learn about abortion, teen pregnancy, and anything else that relates. I'm behind you 100%.
You aren't alone.
Plenty of girls are in this same position. Afraid. Scared. Confused. Lost.
If I can help, let me know. Send me inbox "questions" if you have to (simply go to my column and click "Ask Peeps A Question!" I'm backing your decision to keep the baby.
It's a hard road to travel but it isn't impossible, it isn't unbearable, and you can definately make it through and hold your head up high when you're older, knowing you made the right decision by not killing your own child simply because you were young and afraid.
P.S. Just because you'll be looking for a job at 16 doesn't mean you'll have to resort to minimum wage jobs (by the way, for future information, McDonalds actually pays fairly well as far as fast-food goes--yes, above minimum wages). My sister got a job when she was 17 at a repo place. She started at the very bottom of the company--she's 30 now, at the same company (though she's moved to a different location) and making a NICE sum of money, being pretty far up in the company now. If you want long-term jobs then simply look for jobs that you can "move up" in later when you can/want. Finding a job when you're young simply does not mean finding something dead-end. I promise.
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I realize that this is your body and your decision, but I'm going to have to side with your mother.
You're 15 and pregnant. If you were smart before you had sex, this situation could've been avoided. Finding a job in this economy is hard, and the chances of you & your boyfriend finding one are slim. So is the chance of your boyfriend staying around.
Get an abortion, and go on with life. Being a teenage mother isn't easy, and isn't very smart either. Wise up & listen to your mother.
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Mother knows best.
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I think that the best answer to your problem is that you need to talk to your mom out this situation. Tell her that it is your baby, and your decision as to keeping it or not. If she doesn't understand than the worst you can do is just move in with your boyfriend and make sure your mother understands this is what you want.
Hope I helped,
Kaylee Mae :)
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Be blunt. Ask her would she have terminated a pregnancy in the same situation and never have someone like yourself? Tell her you find abortion to be immoral and you refuse to do something against your beliefs.
You may be 15 and your boyfriend may be supportive beyond belief but that doesn't mean you nor he are ready to be parents. You need a college education to make it. right now you haven't got a plan for what is an 18 year at least commitment.
I think adoption is the right idea to give the baby the best chance you can give. You can keep it an open adoption where you can get pictures and updates and allow for contact at age 18 or for medical issues.
It's best to give a loving couple desperate for a child the opportunity to do so. It's a selfless act and will allow you to move forward in life. Nobody said this was an easy choice but you're mom is right it's a sound one.
She knows what you may not realize about raising a baby. It's a 24/7 job with no breaks, you need a lot of money, tons of help and the ability to be an adult. You'll miss out on regular life completely and will always struggle for money.
You need your education and the life of the average 15-year-old. If you kept the child your parents would wind up like the baby's parents and it would be a heavy burden on everyone financially and otherwise.
That's why your mother feels like she does. There's not much else you can tell her. She doesn't have control over your body and perhaps if you did have it she would change her mind but she has a lot of sound ideas minus abortion to at least consider about your future.
Let's be realistic what kind of job do you expect to get at age 15 that will allow you to care for a baby and yourself? I don't think minimum wage work could even begin to help. And where would you find the time to do all those shifts? Right now you don't have a solid plan and your parents can see that you and your boyfriend can't be expected to know how to deal with a real baby yet.
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It is your body and your baby. Your mother can't make you get an abortion or give it up for adoption. You and your boyfriend both need to get jobs though, and even then money will be extremely tight. Tell your mother that this is your baby and that you're not giving it up. Tell her that you made a bad decision (because you did, whether you believe it or not) and that you want to be able to look to her for support and guidance. Hopefully with time, especially when you start showing, she will see that this is a human life and not want her grandchild to be given up.
Darby(:
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