ccupcake07's advice column

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Q: ok well i have been with my boyfriend for 10 months..................he always hangs out wit my "bff" like every day! we broke up for like 2 weeks.......and my friend was tellin him not to get back wit me..............i stopped talkin to her!im just scared they are doin something............he is always defending her and comparing me to her!!!!!11111 i just cant stand it anymore......what should i do? help me please

Wow! That would aggravate me. What i would do is tell the guy "Are you dating me or her?" Tell him how you feel about him comparing you to next time he does it. It's not right that he is doing that. As for your friend, i wouldn't talk to her anymore. If she dosen't want you two dating, she isn't a true friend. Tell her how you feel about it also. Hope this helps! Good luck.

Q:
Okay,

I am 23 and my older sister is 29. We never really had a relationship but I have a facebook and I try to get to know her off the site.

My older sister has 3 young children and one on the way and she's also been married for 5 years.

It bothers me because I as well as my parents feel like she sort of disowned us once she had her first child back in 2006. She never visits my mother and rarely has contact with my father...yet alone her and I are almost complete strangers. It hurts me but there is SO much I want to say to her because I am angry that she never even asked me or my younger sister to be her brides maid at her wedding, and she never calls us or even stops by and when I do talk to my older sister on facebook it's almost like she cops an attitude and brushes me off completely and I really want her to know I'm fed up with it etc. but I don't know how to tell her because well again I don't know her and I don't want to come across as the type that dwells on the past plus she is about 7 months along and I don't want to get her too upset.

What should I do?

I would go to her house and talk to her and explain everything that you did on here. Tell her you want to be close to her again and offer to help babysit the kids and say that you want to spend more time with her. Hope this helps! Good luck.

Q: 18/f

okay let me start off by saying i am not the type of girl to get nervous, but I havent been on a one on one date since summer and for some reason the whole idea of going out with this guy tonight is making me FREAK. Ive met him before and we went on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend because they set us up, we seem to hit it off and he wanted to get together for dinner. Is there any tips on how i can keep my cool? Any conversation starters? Im sure its just the fact i havent been on a date with him yet thats why im so anxious but just reading what you guys have to say will help me chill. Thanks.

If the convo goes weak, just start talking about your family or friends or something funny that happened to you and he can talk off of those. It will be fine. Just calm down and keep your cool. Act like you have known him forever and it's nothing to go to dinner. Hope this helps!

Q: 15/f

the guy of 2 years really likes me and stuff, but ive had a ton of problems with his ex girlfriend and thats part of the reason i dont wanna go out with him. he only broke up with her 2 weeks ago but hes liked me ever since ive known him. and my last relationship i ended up cheating and i dont want to hurt anyone again, plus ive never really done well with boyfriends in the past. i dont want to go out with him, ruin it AND have his exgirlfriend kick my ass. we've jus been talking about hookin up and 'being together without really being together'

im just so confused someone help me PLEASE!

Hey i tried to message you back but it isn't working so you can leave a message in my inbox if you want and i will reply back then. I can help you with this situation.

Q: Okay, so I don't know if any of you have seen my other posts about this guy who told me he liked me, and i told him that I liked him, and then got in a rleationship with his ex girlfriend .. well, anyways. I don't know if I should talk to him or something. He's in one of my classes and it's ALREADY awkward, so i'm not sure about this talking in person thing. Actually, I'm completley sure that I don't want to talk to him. I want to write him a message on facebook or something, saying like ... "I know you have her now, and I hope your happy. I just want you to know that what you did was a really dick move, and one day karma is going to come back and bite you in the ass ..." or something like that. i dont know. I just can't stay silent anymore :[ it's too hard haha, I'm always known for my confrontations .. so what now? Is this a good idea? if it is, what should I say? and how? and when?
thanksss!*!*

If i were you, i would just leave it alone because saying something like that isn't going to make anything better. Guys do mean things like that all the time and they don't care. hope this helps!

Q: 16/f. So, around the time the new year started, I started dating my current boyfriend. I care about him a lot because we were friends before dating and we can tell eachother anything. Anyways, my dad doesn't like him, at all. He thinks that my boyfriend has "no personality", no direction in life, and only after sex. When I first found out how he felt about him, it really hurt, because he's actually the complete opposite. My dad is also very overprotective in general: I'm only allowed to go to the mall or some other secure location like a friend's house(if the friend is a girl of course), no guys are allowed at my house, and I am only allowed to sleepover at 2 of my friends' houses. Anyways, my boyfriend is quite the opposite. He used to take me to cool stores and restaurants and I would go to his house. However, I did all of that without my parents knowing. He would get very angry if he found out. Recently, however, things started going downhill. My bf came to visit me one day at my house and my dad got furious and didn't let him in the house. After that, he tried seeing me again, because it was our anniversary. He didn't go to my house but waited nearby so I could go outside. My dad found out he was nearby because he picked up the phone in the middle of our conversation. Then he yelled at him and told him to go home. Since that day, I've been grounded. I'm afraid that I'll still be grounded on valentine's day. :( And this all stinks because I think that my dad needs to get over it. I mean, I understand that he's concerned that I'll get pregnant or just hurt in general, but I know that I am mature and can make intelligent decisions. I have really good grades in school and don't do drugs or drink. I help around the house too. But I tried talking to my parents about my bf, but my dad just "knows" that this guy is bad news. It's just really unfortunate because I don't even go to the same school as him, so how will I ever see him if my dad keeps me on lockdown? Any suggestions? Thanks.

If i were you, i would have a sit down convo with my dad. I would tell him how you feel and tell him the points about you having good grades and all around being a good girl. It dosent seem like you do anything wrong. So just tell him how you feel and whether you think it will or not, he will be thinking about it! goodluck!

Q: can i practice putting tampons in when i dont have my period?

Yes, but dont leave them in. It might be uncomfortable to take them out to but not to bad. Hope this helps!

Q: I met her but could not bring myself to do it. I love her and that love is pure. I`m a selfish, philandering waste of life. Whether she sensed my state of mind and deliberetly played to my emotions I don`t know. She was nice to me but I get the feeling she knew what she was doing. I am a classic failure. I have nothing to offer anybody. My family, kids and wife would be much better off without me. I`ve been taking overdoses lately and I`m sure they`re doing damage somewhere or other. I don`t want to live anymore. I`m too weak to survive in this winner takes all world. I don`t even care anymore. Thankyou for your kind advice and help, I won`t forget it.

Best regards
Bobby

Don't give up. I know you love her but you cant have her control your life. You can't her get the best of you. You have to do this. It's the only way to come clean with your life. You won't regret it because you will feel much better afterwards. I know it will be tough but you can do it. If you have any other questions, just let me know! Hope this helps. Good luck!

Q: There are two really cute guys that like me and i like them but I cant decide!!! There both friends and on the same team my friends say go for the cuter one and my other friends say who you like more, but i dont know who!!! And worst of all i'm a cheerleader so i see them after school and cheer for them both how can i know who to pick.

I would start "talking" to both of them. I would see which one has the better personality, those are the sweet guys. Don't just go for the looks. The looks are a bebefit, but you don't want to get treated wrong and end up with a broken heart. See which one is nicer and which one is more fun to be around. Hope this helps!

Q: basicly im a 17 year old male. and for the past i dont know, 6 months or so, me and this girl have been i guess you could call it dating. i really don't know.lol but anyways, i fell extremely hard for her, i mean with in about 2 months i was in love with this girl. and i still am. but during the first part of jan. we ran into some trouble, and she accussed me of somethings that i flat out didnt do. so we stopped talkin for awhile. she then goes on a cruise w/ her family and from what i understand, meets this dude that shes liked, and yeah, need less to say they start goin out. and i mean she literally i feel, threw me to the curb. didnt call me, didnt say nothin to me, just left me. and I've been pretty friggin well depressed since then. i mean i cant help but think about what all that happened, how it all went down, and how happy she is with this dude. i mean man this sucks. so basicly i just need some guidance, i have really know idea what im goin do. i just want her back. i aint even goin lie. but i also dont wanna get hurt again either. so please help me out here

I can admit, that is a pretty low thing to do. I can understand how you would feel. But you said you were lun love with her right? Dosen't that mean you would want her to be happy? I know of course you would like to have her back, but the way she's treated you sounds like i wouldn't want her back if i were you. I would move on to another person, no matter how hard it would be to get over her. Try to think of different things throughout the day and don't worry about her. She dosen't deserve you anyways. Just let her do her own thing so you both can get on with your lives. Hope this helps!

Q: My parents want to send me to a private catholic all girls school i my town. It is also required to wear a (very ugly) uniform. The classes look good and the school has good ratings and everything, but i have a problem with the religion thing, as well as the all girls part and the fact that I have to wear a uniform. how can i convince my parents to let me go to a different school or stay in public school??

Alright, well you yourself said it looked like a good school. I know that it will be different with all girls but that's not always a bad thing. A whole lot less drama. As for the uniform, any girl has the ability to make the uniform cute. Just add your own accesories and style it to a way that you like. That's what i did when i had to go to a catholic school. Hope this helps!

Q: Thankyou for your kind advice. I`m telling her husband on Tuesday. I nhave my evidence and I will also ask for my money back and all the jewellery I have given her over 4 long years. She`ll react and threaten me, like she did before. She has already threatened to get me 'beaten up', but I`m no longer afraid. Do you think I should ask for my money bac?, after all she did say she would give it back to me one day. I have already told my wife so have already taken that weight off my shoulders. This is not about 'reclaiming the initiative' but about getting her out of my mind and life. She has constantly taken advantage of my love and I don`t deny I still love her but I have to stand up for myself at some point. She won`t react well to this but that will just show her true character. I`ve always been passive and always retreated back into the shadows at the first sign of trouble but I feel I need to go in all gins blazing and tell her I won`t take this anymore. I`m not looking for victory but I do want rid of her and this will certainly create a serious hatred on her part and I expect that anyway. She is the most manipulative creatire I know and this will bring her down a peg or two.There is a fire in my heart and I need to extinguish it. She thinks me a soft touch but she`ll find out I`m ready to face up to her and her lies and her manipulation. I suspect her husband already has an inkling of her escapades and when I tell him it will only confirm what he suspects anyway. So should I go in all guns blazing and tell her I want my money back and that I`m telling her husband or should I just let sleeping dogs lie and probably wither away and just die in pain?

What i would do is just tell her husband and then leave. I wouldn't ask for your money back or jewelry unless she is willing to give it back. Then, you will just start another argument between you two and she will get even more mad at you. I would want the whole big fiasco to end so that's what i would do. Yes, she will be very mad and that's just what she will do. You yourself even said this. In time, she will cool off though and get on with it so don't worry. If you have any other questions, just let me know. I will be glad to help! Good luck!

Q: my boyfriend of so far 2 years wants to get married really bad because hes a marine overseas and he wants that relationship before he goes out to war. but the thing is since i dont see him alot, i dont know how he would act in everyday communication. my dad puts my mom down everyday throws things at her and fights with her every moment, but tells her he loves her.im afraid of getting into one of those relationships. what do i do?

Don't get married if you don't want to. If the time is not right, just tell him that. If he loves you, he should understand that and respect it. Not all marriages are like your moms though. Well hope this helps!

Q: 13/f

i have no idea how to apply make-up or anything and i need a make-over. how can i give myself a make-over or get a free or cheap make-over?

Go to the mall and they will do it for you. Then you can buy the make up they use on you. For example, for my prom i went to Clinique and and they did it for free and then i bought the make up they used on me. Hope this helps!

Q: Hi..I recorded her voice when we last spoke (evidence for her husband)..I have to tell him..told my wife tonight (though I omitted certain details). I know it`s wrong but yesterday I took 15 painkillers, I know I`ll only damage my liveer but I`m getting more desperate and more brave by the day. I may take more soon, and that might just end me. How can someone say they love you then say they never want to hear from you again (unless they actually didn`t love you in the first instance)..I also need to take a test as I know she has slept around a lot. I met her husband and he seems like a throughly decent man, but she does`nt know I met him. I really felt awful, actually I felt like the cheating philandering bastard I am. But how can I not tell him, and I also have some proof now as well. She doesn`t say anything graphic or lewd in the recording, we just argue, but it`s enough to show him that when and if I tell him, he`ll believe me. Of course her husband doesn`t know who I am. I`m desperate and this is a plea for help, for my life. Shall I tell him? I think I have no choice now. I have opened up to my wife and I realise I will have to tell her everything if I tell her husband but theres no other way of ending my pain, other than death. I am terrified of dying but can`t see past my pain. Please help!

I think you will fell better once you get it off your chest and tell her husband. To me, it seems like you feel guilty but you have to tell her husband. He will feel hurt and betrayed but he deserves to know. Also, you shouldn't end your life. You know you made a mistake and now you are fixing it. You have to just not do it again and learn from them. Everybody does soemthing in life that they regret no matter how bad that may be. Your spouses will feel very bad and not want to talk to you, but at least you told them and you didn't let them find out the hard way. At least you are being honest. Everything will get better in time and you will eventually let that girl go. I know she means a lot to you right now, but time helps and it will get better. I hope this helps and if you have any other questions, just message me!!

Q: So... about senior prom. Will it be DEVASTATING if I don't go? My friends are really cynical about it and don't want to go, and no - I won't be able to convince them to go. My best friend is setting it up. She has to go. I could go with her... but I don't really know the other friends that she would be hanging out with.

The thing is - I don't really want or NEED to go. But I just don't want to go and have an awkward time because I feel like I'm OBLIGATED to go. Is prom really that big of a deal?

It's a once and a lifetime thing so i would not miss it. People who haven't gone said they have regretted it big time because that was supposed to be a really big expierience. You will have more fun than you think. Hope this helps!

Q: Hello Everyone. I know this is kind of late notice but please help me. My boyfriends birthday is Tomorrow! and I don't have anything planned. I brought him a gift but I just realizd that tomorrow will be his first birthday without his family and close friends because everyone will be back home. I asked him if it was anything special he wanted to do and he said whatever I had plannd but... ugh thats nothing as of now. Please help me. Any advice will be better than none. Thank you.

Take him out to dinner at his favorite resturant, take him back to your house for cake and ice cream and gifts. Hope this helps!

Q: Hi, thanks fo ur advice. I called her today, and asked her if she ever loved me (though I already knew the answer) and she accused me of a great many things, called me names and she really really hurt me. I should not have called her I know but could not help it. I knew it was a mistake the second she answered the phone. She said she wants to go back to work in showbiz, and we all know what that may mean. She was horrible to me, and I feel like dying right now. I pray to god he takes me soon, because I cannot take much more. i JUST WANT TO DIE. Only death can bring me the peace I want

It seems like she dosen't deserve you. You are being to nice and if she dosen't care, that's her loss. It will all get better soon. You don't need her and you will find someone that treats you right. Hope this helps!

Q: i'm a normal teenage girl- who worries about her weight, as many do at my age (15). I live with my mom and older sister. My sister has been really stressed because of school, and my mom has been going through a lot of stuff and has been also really stressed. At meals, they will both eat very little, and i'm no genius, but in my situation i watch everything that i eat, and when i'm surrounded by a family that is eating a lot less it makes me feel awful if i'm still hungry and go and eat a bit more. or if i go into the kitchen to snack later, you get my drift? Oh, and my dad is on a diet. My mom is slim but she is very anti-diet and anti-teenagers worrying about weight, but it's making me feel bad. I don't want to talk to her about it, but she knows i have obsessed over my eating in the past.
what should i do?

Well you know they eat little so you are also eating little even if you get a snack later on. The thing it seems like to me is at dinner, all three of you are eating very little amounts and then they are very stressed so that's all they eat but you aren't so you get hungry later on. This does not make you fat. I am also 15 so i know what you are saying. Hope this helps!

Q: well my cousin recently seperated from her husband and went to live with her parents for a while. one day i call her up and she tell asks me to call him and tell him to call her since she ran out of credit on her phone. i call him and tell him to call her but it was already and we began to talk about something that happend a week before. i stayed at there house one night and i slept in there bed with them. i didn't have any intentions of anything but he kinda put his hand in a certain place and i didn't stop him, so on the phone we talk about it and he picks me up and i go to there house, but my cousin wasn't there since she stayed at her parents. so we have sex and i stayed the night. in the morning she drops in and he jumps up the bed and lucks the door, so i stayed trapped in there as she knocks and knocks and cries and yells for 3 hours and than he finally takes her to her parents and i sneak out. so everyone in the family knows he cheated, but they don't know its me. but i kinda think she suspects its me. :S i don't what to do? act normal? tell her the truth?

I would tell her the truth because if she finds out without you telling her, she will never trust you again and you will have hurt her very bad. It's good just to get the honest thing that happened out. Tell her you are sorry and explain that you never wanted to hurt her. Hope this helps! Good luck!

bio

Hey Everyone! I am on the computer a lot and if you and questions or concerns, you can send me a message here on advicenators and i will answer as quickley as possible. I give honest answers but am not to harsh on people. You can ask me any kind of question and i will answer it! Ask away! Thanks!