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My older sister...
Okay,
I am 23 and my older sister is 29. We never really had a relationship but I have a facebook and I try to get to know her off the site.
My older sister has 3 young children and one on the way and she's also been married for 5 years.
It bothers me because I as well as my parents feel like she sort of disowned us once she had her first child back in 2006. She never visits my mother and rarely has contact with my father...yet alone her and I are almost complete strangers. It hurts me but there is SO much I want to say to her because I am angry that she never even asked me or my younger sister to be her brides maid at her wedding, and she never calls us or even stops by and when I do talk to my older sister on facebook it's almost like she cops an attitude and brushes me off completely and I really want her to know I'm fed up with it etc. but I don't know how to tell her because well again I don't know her and I don't want to come across as the type that dwells on the past plus she is about 7 months along and I don't want to get her too upset.
What should I do?
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I would go to her house and talk to her and explain everything that you did on here. Tell her you want to be close to her again and offer to help babysit the kids and say that you want to spend more time with her. Hope this helps! Good luck.
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If you want to build a new relationship with your big sister, leave your judgement and resentment at the door.
There is obviously a lot more going on here, but I can guarantee you that your sister’s feelings must be deeply hurt as well. This kind of silence is the worst kind of heartbreak; she wouldn't do it 'just for kicks'. It might be based on misunderstandings, or a few words said in angry a long, long time ago, but you need to grasp that you don't know the full extent of your sister's pain and unhappiness but it is probably very real.
Assuming that she 'disowned' the family is not fair to her. Confronting her because you feel angry and fed up is also not fair, because it’s assuming the worst of her. You can feel that way, but blaming her for your feelings isn’t right. You don't know her reasons for behaving the way she does: She could need help, mentally or emotionally, she could feel wounded somehow by her treatment at home. Assuming that she is a bad person is NOT the way to mend the relationship. You’ll only drive her further away.
If you don’t want to dwell in the past DON’T. Instead focus on the future: She’s even provided you with a great future to focus on. Focus on her kids and her family.
Reach out her and let her know you want to be a part of her family and her life.
DON’T mention your parents or other siblings. It’s not about them. You are old enough to act only for you. So reach out to her only as yourself.
DON’T drag up the past. DON’T criticize her choices.
DO talk about your feelings and failures. If you feel like you’ve never really gotten to know her, say as much and take responsibility for your own failure to put the effort in. Express to her that now that you’ve become an adult, you’ve realized how important it is to you to have a bond with her, and you are willing to put in the effort to make that happen.
DON'T blame her for the way you are feeling.
DO express an interest in things you think are important to her. Express your desire to know your nieces and nephews and share her joy over her growing family.
DO keep trying with the same sincerity and kindness. Don’t get catty or bitchy the first time she shuts you down, that will only prove to her that she is right in blowing you off. Instead, wait for the birth and send a sweet card and keepsake for the new baby, renewing your message of love and desire to be a good aunt. Remember your nieces and nephews birthdays; send a mother’s day card. Don't barrage her with pointless messages on facebook, instead send her monthly letters of a few paragraphs telling her about the cool things happening in your life, and asking her to do the same.
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Wow i have to say im pretty saddend by that because im really close with my two sisters and couldnt imagine it being any other way.
i personally think your sisters behaviour is shocking and in my opinion unaceptable i dont know the ins and outs of what happend between you guys but it seems to me like shes acting like this for no reason!?
if your sister doesnt stop and realise the damage she is doing to her relationship with you and the rest of your family soon its going to be too late..and she will regret it in the long run trust me.
what you need to do is somehow get her to agree to meet up with you where you can talk about everything that happend and try to sort things out tell her at the end of the day your sisters and you dont want to loose that.
i cant believe she didnt ask you to be bridesmaids..i wouldnt worry about getting her too upset because from what i can see shes already made you extremely upset and doesnt seem to batt an eyelid about it.
im sorry if i come accross like im judging your sister im not im just interpritating the situation.
dont worry about coming across as someone who dwells on the past thats not a bad thing you just want to put things right you two have missed out on so much all ready explain to her you want to be part of her life again.
and at the end of all that if she still wont listen at least you know that you have tried and she just isnt worth the time anymore but you wont know unless you try she could feel the same as you but is scared.
i say do your best to put it right
good luck =] i really hope everything between you two works out hope i helped a bit too.
<3Jess.x
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