Ahh .. a dreary cloudy Saturday morning (all clouds and no sun), but a chance to finally reply to your e-mail. I first just wanted to apologize for the delay in responding, it's been one of those weeks ...

You certainly have a lot going on in your life at the moment. I just wanted to start off by saying that in no way should you feel bad about relying on your friend for advice who isn't your best friend. Your best friend needs help as well, and relying on her for help right now is not in your best interst. Although it may help to discuss feeling with one another, I would not take the extra step and further burden yourself with stress by trying to help her out as well as yourself. You know actions speak louder than words. If your best friend sees that your taking steps to help yourself, she may follow in your footsteps and do the same for herself. I think that's the best way to help her out. That's the way our world works, we can't be of service to others, unless we are feeling good about ourselves, becuase other people pick up on that. You don't want a hyprocrite to tell you what to do, right? (Does this make any sense, if not, please let me know, and I'll do my best to clarify)

Now lets tackle your situation! Addiction to drugs is definately a hard habit to break! Habits are hard to break as it is, even if you have a habit of waking up and brushing your teeth before taking a shower. Try waking up and showering before brushing your teeth. I bet your automatic pilot system will go on and you'll forget. We are creatures of habit and when we mix chemicals that our body starts to crave, well you can see how tough it really is. So what I'm trying to say is that your going to really have to want to quit, everything inside you should be screaming to stop, because it will be difficult. You said that your parents know? Is this correct. I'm wondering why they haven't come to talk to you and asked if they could help in anyway. I guess first I should ask what type of relationship do you have with your parents? If it's not optimal, I'd check in with a counsellor. I know this might be hard, but you really have to understand they are the most caring, non-judgemental people and have the power to help you out (because they have access to agencies and such) You might not like the first counsellor you meet, but there are tonnes out there, and remember, your number one, so find someone you like and can talk to. I think a counselor would recommend taking yourself out of your current environement for a couple of weeks (easier to break habits that way) ... do you have friends or family a few miles away that would be able to take you in for a bit, or would you mind going to a rehabilitation for drugs place? I'm really worried that you've resorted to cutting in order to quite drugs and smoking ... and so that is why I think it's really urgent you talk to some trusted adult.

The fact that your able to feel love for someone tells me there is something yearning in you to come out ... so please take care of yourself ... this world has so much to offer when your not dulled by the effects of drugs. The simple things ... the ocean, chocolate, a first kiss, walking in the rain ... while conqering your goal to get better, keep a list of things you truly enjoy in this world and remind yourself constantly about these things ... surround yourself around people who love you, you deserve nothing less ...

I hope this helped a bit ... please don't hesitate to ask more questions, to vent your feelings if that's all you want to do (sometimes when you write it down, it's easier to sort out) ... if I haven't addressed your concerns, please try to rephrase the question and I'd love to try again. My e-mail is aly_boschee@yahoo.com ...

I'm off to indulge in a mocha ... chow for now ;)

You know, when I was your age ... I was worried about the same thing ... so I commend you on asking and getting it out there ... it's so very normal, and you'll likely encounter it throughout your menstral days (yippeeee, that means till at least 40 years old, eeeks) ..., isn't is joyous being female ... I think we should get awarded just for being female, what do you think?

Happy St. Patty's Day

Alyssa

I recommend you talk to a trusted adult, perhaps a friend or granparents or a favorite teacher, although a counsellor would be the best choice, as he or she could take the steps necessary to help your needs the best! I know it's difficult to approach a stranger and discuss personal matters but just remember, these people are trained and have heard a lot of similiar stories to you. They won't judge you and are only there because they truly do care!

As for your dad hitting you everyday, even if it's not eneough to leave a mark, if it's as consistent as you say, that in itself is really self depraceating, and hence abuse in itself. Abuse takes many forms, from verbal to sabatoging another's self esteem, to physical. A counsellor may recommend that your dad himself get counselling and would be able to handle the situation so that your safe, that he won't go to jail (depending on how he reacts to getting help ...), and so that you can live the life your meant to live.

Don't let what he says or does demean you in anyway. Know that you have done no wrong, and are perhaps just the object of frustrations from your father that are not even related to you in anyway. Your a good person and you deserve to be treated in a fair and just, and empathatic way.

I hope this helped .. and please if you need anyone to talk to ... don't hesitate to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com. I might not reply instantly, but do try to reply to everyone that takes the time to write to me :)

So to end this ... Happy St. Patty's Day ... hope some luck goes your way!

Alyssa

32 inches is exactly where you should be, taking into account your height, age ... at thirteen you should focus more on just physical activity (but not the boring work out stuff ... do something you really enjoy at least three times a week) This way, not only are your relieving stress (from school, family, friends ...) but your burning off calories. I reccemend focusing on other areas of you life that give you fulfillment, rather than zeroing on your tummy. Yes, I know at your age, it's all about image (trust me, I was there, done that have the t-shirt) I wish I could give you a before and after picture of this one gal in my high school, who in Junior High was often teased because of her looks ... she grew up not only to be beautiful in high school, but she was valadictorian, was great at many sports, and a friend to everyone (not just popular, but a true friend). I share this story in hopes that you can see if you build strengths in your life, you'll most likely succeed (and imagine how great you'll feel when you look back at these days knowing you made a great decision!)

If you really want to trim your tummy get involved in sports involving more cardio work outs ... soccer for instance. However your beauty has to be realized withing yourself. Know you are beautiful, treat yourself that way .. trust me people can see the confidence that comes with it!

Good luck, and for having courage to ask me a question ... I think we should have a toast (lets raise our ice cream bowls together "cheers"

Alyssa

Being blessed as a women, toning our lower abs require a little more work ... I recommend legs rises: lie on your back with your hand to your side and lift your legs until you feel the burning sensation of your abs getting their workout ... proceed to hold your legs about an inch or so off the floor for a few seconds. In addition rise your legs and do criss crosses with them in the air ... turn to each side, and continue ... I'd do these and crunches every other day, as your tummy muscles like the rest of the body do need time to repair themselves ... hope I help ... Happy ab making .... :)

As you get older, you do realize that no one's life is perfect ... but people always only see what they can percieve, and will continue to be jealous of outside achievements (grades, a nice car, a promotion at work), and to tell you the truth it doesn't matter how old you are. You just have to know who you are, be happy with yourself and disregard other's jealousies ... if they truly are worth your time, they'll come around in due time, trust me ... my advice .. follow your dreams, pursue the happiness you deserve and love life! If your still frustrated, feel free to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com ... hope all goes well and this helped a bit ...

Your definately in great shape! Keep it up! Your appetite is going to be good due to the fact that you play 2-3 sports. In fact, you can eat basically what you want (well in moderation of course) Don't deny yourself the foods you enjoy, as this will just make you obsess about food and might lead to an eating disorder. Allow yourself to enjoy foods, just don't overdo it. As for how you feel about yourself, you really have to believe for yourself that your beautiful. A million people can tell you that, but you'll end up just feeding off of other's comments on you and if for one second someone doesn't mention anything, you'll feel discontent. I know it's hard, especially in our society, but you must truly love yourself. Enjoy the sports you do, enjoy time with friends .. enjoy the little things in life, the sun, the birds, that coffee in the morning, a favorite song ... take pleasure in these things as that's what the content of life is ... Everyone has their "ugly" days (trust me, I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, and want to go right back to my comfy bed some days), but realize everyone inluding Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Mary Kate and Ashely .. or the poplular girl in your school, all go through the same thing (except unfornately they are burdened with having to feel they have to meet standards ... that's a huge burden!!!) If you want feel free to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com if you ever feel frustrated (as I know it can be at times) ... hope this helped a bit. Enjoy life!

Alyssa

5'7 and 105 ... yes, you are definately below the healthy wieght for that height! I don't know exactly your situation, whether you were intentionally trying to lose weight, whether you are scared of gaining some weight back or whether it is a biological phenomenon. I'll give you an idea of what's "normal" for weight. I'm five foot four and wiegh 115 pounds and am considered on the bringe of being on the lower side of healthy ... the fact that you have not had your period for seven months is a definate sign of severe anorexia, and I truly advise that you see the nutritionist your mom wants to take you to and perhaps maybe talk to some one about fears of gaining weight back.

Anorexia is a disease in which you love and obsess about food, but are scared of the consequences of enjoying it. This is a dilemma and I understand you might be frustrated ... it's easy to say eat the right foods and excerise but I know it's a little more difficult than that. You first have to want to help yourself ... realize the lack of nutrients may be distorting some perceptions you have about weight. Lack of nutrients also makes it hard to focus on life, work and being happy. I have a question to ask you ... when are you most happy? Celebrities, whom people look to for fashion, lifestyle, and other choices (twins from Full House) ... they are not happy. You can not truly be happy if your obsessing about weight, or looks, or whatever it is your trying to achieve by cutting back on food. I bet your happiest when these sort of thoughts are not paramount and your laughing and giggling with friends or some fantastic comedy on television, or perhaps when your lost in reverie while watching the waves at the ocean. The point is, there is way much more to life than conforming your body to some standard that is not only physically unhealthy, but effects your well being as well. Find people who love you for you ... I think that's important. You'll feel more comfortable. I'm not sure the extent of your weight loss, but I also advise you to talk to some adult you trust, a counsellor, parent, friend ... whomever you most trust and really lay out your feelings... just pour it out. I gaurantee you this release, although hard (especially if you have a hard time asking for help, and I can vouch for you on this, sometimes I do ...) but you have to realize everyone on this planet relies on someone else at one point in their life to help them and in return I'm sure you'll help someone else out ... This is rather a random answer ... it's because I really do want you to see that your value is much more than your physical body!!!!! 10 million people can tell you the same thing, but when it comes down to it, it really has to come from within. So I really hope you see this within yourself

As to whether or not you have jeapordized your body ... you still have a chance! However if you continue to deprive your body of needed nutrients, I can no longer gaurantee that ... If your truly worried I hope you really hope you cherish youself eneough to get the help you need .. trust me, I understand how hard that is ...but it's for you, and your number 1!!!!

I truly would like to know how things go, if you don't mind posting an e-mail ... aly_boschee@yahoo.com .. the greatest of luck .. have a great day, enjoy the sun, rain whathaveyou .. and please if you need someone to talk to ... don't hesitate to e-mail ..

Alyssa

okay ... I know your going through a lot of pain, you feel there is no where to turn to ... it's like a black tunnel, and althoug people may say and show they care, you might find this really hard to accept ... I'd really like to help you as everyone is in a situation at one point or another where they feel the need to lash out on themselves, whether it be cutting, banging one's head against a wall or what have you ... your frustrated and have no idea how to cope with these feelings ... If what I'm saying makes any sense ... please e-mail me, and I'd be more than happy to listen to you and perhaps help you in a way that's best for you ... aly_boschee@yahoo.com. Just remember there are people who truly do care and although it may not seem like it you are of true value to all of us ... alyssa

Hi there ... it's not entirely odd that your shaking ... your either haven't eaten in a while (in which case the quick fix would be to ingest something quick!) If your suceptible to diabetes (it's highly genetic, or if you eat eratically (none, and then lots) you can be suceptible to diatbetes and if you think that's a possiblity I'd consult with a doctor. Perhaps it's nerves. In this case take a deep breath, empty your head of any thoughts and think of only what pleases you (the ocean, birds, a cup of tea, a song) and do this for about five minutes ... take some more deep breaths and do this throughout the day ... if it is nerves, you should note what's bothering you and focus on how to fix it or ask advice regarding it ... do realize what ever is bothering you can be and will be fixed in someway or another and try to reward yourself with time to yourself.

I'm thinking if this is just a one time incident .. it's more likely related to lack of food during the day ... treat yourself!

Alyssa

Food ... definately one of the hardest addictions to recover, because well food is not only a source of vital energy, we use it for get togethers, we use it to celebrate, we are social beings that use food as the foundation for most of our gatherings ... it's not like smoking where dropping the nasty habit all together will not harm you.

Have you ever noticed the more you can't have something the more you want of it! Don't cut out chocolate all together ... but do moderate your intake ... as long as you stay physically active and eat moderately it really doesn't matter what you eat. I wouldn't jump on the diet fad of the time because they promise fast results. Realize your wait is tied in with your lifestyle choices, and as long as those don't change, your weight will come back. Change takes time (I know, you probably are not wanting to hear that, I hate that advice myself, I want results and want it now) Trust me though in the long run it will be for the better if you just make tiny changes here and there ... start doing active things with friends (swimming, running, basketball, rollerskating ... make sure it's something you enjoy so you keep at it) and eat what you enjoy but only in moderation. You'll continue enjoying life and results will shine through as a result ;)

Hope this helps you,
Alyssa

Most of the time parents do have the best intentions in mind when it comes to helping out their kids... they are human and are still learning about life just like you. Unfornately sometimes their mistakes are at the risk of psychologically wounding their children without them even realizing it. I think you should personally seek someone out (preferably and adult) that you trust and tell them your story. An adult has more leverage to bargaining with your parents if that's what needs to be done. I'd let the counselor know at school you feel that your parents are forcing something on you that you don't feel is what you need ... perhaps the counselor will try to get help for your parents in better dealing with their issues so in turn they can better relate to you!

I know things may seem tough right now and unfornately you don't have a lot of bargaining power with your parents ... you just keep on striving to do what you like, what you feel good about (as long as it's moral) and your parent's will turn around ... maybe not today, or tommorrow, but someday! I promise! Until then surround yourself with people who love you, friends other family members or pets ...Also your parents more than likely love you to bits and pieces and we all go through moments where we don't see eye to eye. Just keep this in mind next time you have a run on with them.

Hope this helped,
alyssa

It's a brilliant relationship to have if your not wanting to commit to someone, but still crave the more intimate parts that come with have to commit. Can be the best of two worlds if you don't get emotionally tied more than your friend!

I'm a little concerned that your eating just fruits ... if you want to lose thirty pounds and keep it off, you likely have to make some lifestyle adjustments. I know I know, that's not what you wanted to hear, you want the pounds off now! By lifestyle adjustments I mean taking some time out for yourself so that you can do the things you enjoy, sports, running, swimming, as well as leisurely activities such as watching tv ... we all need periods of rejuvination. You must make sure your getting your protiens, as well as fruits and veggies. Nothing is bad for you if taken in moderation, but to much of anything can be unhealthy. If it's easier sit down, and create a daily schedule ... a period of physical activity, your work activities, and record everything you eat ... it's easy to see if written on paper, what your missing and what your eating to much of ... to answer your question, expect at least a year of good lifestyle habits to lose 30 pounds ... but remember, once you have a solid "good habit" routine, it will be a lot easier to keep those 30 pounds off ... unfornately we all want quick fixes and well in this life, patience is the greatest virtue of all ... I wish you the best and hope you find what works for you!

Life is brilliantly challenging ... you are indeed going through some major stress. Your overwhelmed with life's requirements of you ... perhaps you feel pushed in one direction and pullet yet another direction. I get myself in these situations from time to time, and remember in highschool particularly, how I truly felt I couldn't push any further sometimes.

The first thing you must remember, and which you'll develop a greater understanding as life goes on, is that things do work themselves our eventually ... maybe not in the way we iniatially forsee it, which can be frustrating, but life will not end, it will continue, so you don't have to carry everything on your shoulders at once.

First I want you to take a deep breath, perhaps a couple of deep breaths and for just a couple of moments listen to your favorite song, or evision a place your most happy (for me, it's the beach) and try to forget everything.

Now that we have a clear head I want you to write down the things in your life that you can control (such as your assignments; you may have to alot more study time, talk to your teachers to ask for more time), and those things you can't control (namely you can't control other people)

Man, do I know the woes of boys, having to get one you like, and losing one you love, and coninuing on with other activities as this is all going on ... I had a five year relationship, and stayed in it because I was afraid to be alone ... he cheated on me ... I was devasted, thought for sure I couldn't go on! A year later, I'm learning it's the best thing that happened to me! Sometimes, just doing what you love, and progressing with you school goals, and loving yourself will land you at the feet of that special someone ...

As for your parents ... communication is the hardest at your age (I'm assuming your in highschool?) and it does get easier. Your mom is losing her control and influence over you, and your trying to gain control and independence. Try explaining to your mom where your coming from and let her know that you sense where she's coming from that you understand her (when u say that, it gets you many places with many people) ...

Your Dad will return but in the meanwhile I encourage you to keep in touch ... sometimes the distance makes communication easier and you may both gather great insights about one another ....(My dad went to Russia for three years and was gone for three to four month periods at a time ... so I can relate to what your going through)

Just as others have said ... you don't have to tackle all your problems at once! Take it one at a time. All in all tommorrow is another day, so breath for today! If things really feel like they are getting out of hand, you have us to talk to (my e-mail is listed) or I encourage you to talk to a counselor who can help put things in perspective ...

So good luck with everything!

alyssa

Hi ... this is a problem that affects many of us! In fact I was in your shoes not to long ago myself! You just have to get in the frame of mind that you are looking for the job that you want, so in essence your interviewing the interviewer as well ... it gives you some control over the situation. Indeed, the worst thing that can happen is that you don't get the position, in which case you try again (if it's something your heart says you want) or you go elsewhere! Trust me, after going to just one interview, you'll have built some confidence, and the next one will be a little easier. You also have to rememeber, if you didn't make the position, it's not because of your personal qualities. Every company has it's personality fits that the interviewer looks for, if you don't fit a specific profile, they may not hire you based just on that ... So enoble yourself, prepare to answer more than likely personal questions, be honest and I promise you you'll come out if it a happier and more confident person!

I grew up in Calgary Canada mostly, recieved a degree in psychology, moved around a lot as a child and recently just made a move to Oceanside California. I've had my ups and downs, some caused externally, some that I caused myself .. and am still in the learning life 101 class I was placed in 23 years ago, but having fun at it at the same time! I truly believe everyone has one fundamental thing in common, we all want happiness ... and as gullible as it may sound I believe everyone needs someone to believe in them or help them believe in themselves ... if you have a question, and your scared to post it publically feel free to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com. I'll answer to every each one of you! Hey if you just want a friend to chat with ... feel free! ;) Look forward to hearing from all of you ...

" An unfortunate past is never an excuse to continue negative thinking in the present." - We've all had some sort of struggle in our past, we can not let these events control us ... it's in you to do with what you have!

" The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." - we all deserve happiness, what is happiness to you? Just remember the golden rule, what you undo to others will be undone to you. To be happy treat others as you want to be treated. In addition, you'll just feel great knowing your making a postive print in this lifetime!

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