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Answer Quicklyon How to Deal with THIS.
My mother and I rarely talk and I'm losing people in my life to talk to . I lost the best of friend and I can't truly converse with a lot lot of guy friends of mine. Some , no a lot of girls don't lik me . I don't know why. I feel complacent about that and me but why do they have to hold stupid whatever against me. I don't even know if it's something I did: which isn't much at all.My dad's going to be gone for 2-4 month's; I have no one to truly talk to . All these teachers are giving us projects at once and I'm so unbalanced and stressedand unmotivated . Our school is messed up when it comes to this . A guy who is arrogant that I am getting over and I don't know and don't care what he feels I just want to know why he cares so much of popularity.Another guy I am fallin' for is nice and cute and in a way I feel comfrotable around him but I'm restricting myself so I won't be the only one in love. I fear what it makes you go through and I kind of know what it makes you go through . I just feel like everything is against me and I really need help . I need advice on how to deal with all of this .
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
First:
Don't take in everything at once. Focus on the school work at first then once that is cleared up, you can focus on getting over your ex.
Second:
I understand that you and your Mom rarely talk, because thats how me and my Mom are. But once you do talk to her, say that you really need to discuss how you're feeling and she will understand and try to help you as much as she can. I had the same issue last month but after I figured out how to work everything out, it helped me feel a lot better.
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Wow you have a lot on your plate ... I'm going to take this in steps so thats its easier for me to answer ....
First:
I understand you and your mother rarely talk. I am the same way with mine. But if it bothers you, you need to let her know so that you can spend more time with her.
Second:
School friendships are annoyingly complicated. The girls who don't like you are most likely jealous of you. I'm serious, I know alot of girls when asked why they don't like someone they say its becuase they're jealous or something along those lines where jealousy is the root of the problem. When you are a girl guys are harder to talk to. You just need to find that one guy friend who you can get close to and know they wont stab you in the back. Seeing as how guys are not girls they can ussually sort through the thoughts of girl fights and what not in their head easier then us girls can.
As for the guy you like I suggest letting yourself love. Don't hold back jsut becuase you don't want to be different. Let it all out and get to know the guy. By your question I can tell you care alot about things and there fore he deserves someone like you who will care about him. Get to know him more then let him know when your ready.
-Malicious
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Life is brilliantly challenging ... you are indeed going through some major stress. Your overwhelmed with life's requirements of you ... perhaps you feel pushed in one direction and pullet yet another direction. I get myself in these situations from time to time, and remember in highschool particularly, how I truly felt I couldn't push any further sometimes.
The first thing you must remember, and which you'll develop a greater understanding as life goes on, is that things do work themselves our eventually ... maybe not in the way we iniatially forsee it, which can be frustrating, but life will not end, it will continue, so you don't have to carry everything on your shoulders at once.
First I want you to take a deep breath, perhaps a couple of deep breaths and for just a couple of moments listen to your favorite song, or evision a place your most happy (for me, it's the beach) and try to forget everything.
Now that we have a clear head I want you to write down the things in your life that you can control (such as your assignments; you may have to alot more study time, talk to your teachers to ask for more time), and those things you can't control (namely you can't control other people)
Man, do I know the woes of boys, having to get one you like, and losing one you love, and coninuing on with other activities as this is all going on ... I had a five year relationship, and stayed in it because I was afraid to be alone ... he cheated on me ... I was devasted, thought for sure I couldn't go on! A year later, I'm learning it's the best thing that happened to me! Sometimes, just doing what you love, and progressing with you school goals, and loving yourself will land you at the feet of that special someone ...
As for your parents ... communication is the hardest at your age (I'm assuming your in highschool?) and it does get easier. Your mom is losing her control and influence over you, and your trying to gain control and independence. Try explaining to your mom where your coming from and let her know that you sense where she's coming from that you understand her (when u say that, it gets you many places with many people) ...
Your Dad will return but in the meanwhile I encourage you to keep in touch ... sometimes the distance makes communication easier and you may both gather great insights about one another ....(My dad went to Russia for three years and was gone for three to four month periods at a time ... so I can relate to what your going through)
Just as others have said ... you don't have to tackle all your problems at once! Take it one at a time. All in all tommorrow is another day, so breath for today! If things really feel like they are getting out of hand, you have us to talk to (my e-mail is listed) or I encourage you to talk to a counselor who can help put things in perspective ...
So good luck with everything!
alyssa
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I agree that you should just focus on one thing at a time. It'll be hard to "forget" about your ex, but you should at least consciously believe that it really doesn't matter what he thought. If you need people to talk to, we're always here, and you can always try to talk to new people around you, if you aren't too shy.
Now, let's see if I can give you some reasons...this'll be pretty long, because things are never ever simple :x
Alright, I assume you're in High School, since most questions of this type come from people around that age. Most reasons I'll give apply to people in late Elementary School also, and a small but significant percentage of people in college; these are generalizations, you can always find exceptions.
People fear what they do not understand. For most kids in High School, trying to understand anyone who isn't like them is stupid. Therefore, the only people they really like to hang around with is people like them. This is why all kinds of small groups pop up everywhere, and none seem to interact well with kids outside the group. Puberty tends to increase conflict and self-importance in general.
If someone doesn't know you, unless they're aware of signs or you do something that might suggest you are like them, they will assume you are not, and treat you as if you proved you weren't. In other words, while there are many people in your grade who would understand you and be your friend, unless you make it known to them that you share a lot of things, they probably won't be. This is why outgoing people seem to always have a ton of friends; they talk to *everyone*, and manage to find a large percentage of the potential friends around them.
So, if you're quiet and do things "differently," (especially in how you dress and act) you will be more or less alone. You don't have to settle for this, as long as you're willing to take some risks. If you don't have an idea where to start, or need some tips, ask a question specifically to me or in general about it; this'll be long enough as it is :x
People in HS need to feel accepted. Popularity is important to a lot of them, therefore, because they believe that if they became unpopular, *everyone* would proceed to reject them, and they'd be alone. They don't consciously think this, but it's in the back of the mind, and provides the fearful jolt that motivates them to do things that otherwise make little sense.
Remember that, although you restrict yourself in your fear, *he* may not. And you may force him to go through a situation not entirely unlike the one you just went through, where one person in a couple keeps them from being truly happy. The best way to avoid things like this is to talk, and be honest about what you think and feel about each other, the way the friendship/relationship is going, where you want to go with it, and the fears related. You take the risk of him being dishonest, but it saves a lot of worry and stress in the long run, for both of you, IMO.
If you ever get really emotional and need an outlet, try something artistic, poetry and art always works, or you can go out and take pictures, or go exercise, or play around with words...just express yourself somehow, it helps a lot.
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ok, i no it doesn't sound like a good idea but finish those projects like ASAP, and then forget your ex-bf. then with all of this pressure lifted off of your shoulders you can focus on the guy you like and talking to more people. you need to do all of this in steps. do one thing at a time instead of everything at once. i hope everything goes well and good luck.
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