Gender: Male
Location: Michigan
Occupation: Student
Age: 19
AIM: Digitalleech
Member Since: February 17, 2005
Answers: 43
Last Update: March 11, 2005
Visitors: 3068
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Here2HelpU
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There is this girl that I used to be really good friends with but she ended our friendship because she found new friends. I was fine with it because she sort of just stopped hanging out with me because I wasn't "punk enough" to hang out with. I didn't really care that she ended the friendship but now everyday she acts like we are still friends. Today she blew up in me & my friends face because we heard from someone that she was talking about us again (she's done this before and said she would quit because she's scared of me and my new friends) and she started screaming and got this really scared look on her face. Plus yesterday in our Science class me and my friends were talking and talking about my friends religion (Jahoba Witness) and my ex-friend walks over and says "so is that a TV show or something?" and we all told her it was a religion and she said "So you're a Jahoba and a Witness? Well I'm prejudice" We all looked at her in shock and she later told us that she has no idea what prejudice means anyway. The whole problem is that she keeps talking about people and thinks that makes her cool. My friends want to jump her but I don't know what to do. We aren't friends at all not even FWB. She just won't leave me and my other friends alone. How can me and my friends tell her to go away? (link)
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I can understand this girl, she's simply going too far in accepting the stereotypes applied to her specific group. She has yet to learn that one does not have to be mean to people to be punk at all, one just has to stop caring about other people altogether. If she has friends that are truly "punk", they would tell her to just let it go, it isn't worth it. However, there are a lot of kids who *pretend* to be punk, and dress and act like what they think a punk is, regardless of whether it's correct or not.
Try not to blame her. She just wants to be accepted, and she's trying to find her niche, and trying to decide what group to go with. Try not to attack or hate her, but ask her to stop talking shit about you and your friends, because if she keeps doing it you don't know if you can hold them back. You don't need to still be her friend, but try to be understanding and supportive, and insist it's not you saying this, it's just that you know your friends and how much it's pissing you off. This comes across much easier than saying "just go away," which doesn't work for a lot of people - they'll just hate you more and talk more shit. She'll likely stop talking shit because at least you were nice to her :x
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i have tried all kinds of ways to get my self esteem up. but i just cant figure it out. i like myself a little bit more then i used to but not much. i want to love myself so that people can see the confidence in me because they like that. but i dont know how to raise my self esteem. any ideas, advice, whatever? lol
~♥~ Carrie ~♥~ (link)
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Just to kinda summarize, maybe add a couple things.
There are two ways to solve this. The first is to pretend and lie, and that's the easy way out. The second is to actually change, and that's much much harder, sometimes impossible without someone you really trust to get feedback from.
Lack of self-esteem is internal. It is partly related to the way you see yourself, but is almost always much more reliant on what you believe other people think of you. Yes, it doesn't matter what they actually think of you, just what you believe, and this makes low self-esteem a cycle that is very hard to break out of.
The first way is simple; just act like you're really cool, you don't really need anyone, you've never had a hesitant moment in your life, and you're always right unless someone disagrees and actually brings up evidence, at which point you pretend that what they're saying made you arrive at their viewpoint from a different path, which makes it totally your idea and your choice. Dress like you care, act like you don't, be brutally honest about what you see in other people and don't take shit. That throws away a lot of potential friends, since you tend to hurt the vulnerable and needy, but those who think in a similar fashion would now accept you.
The first thing is to consciously disagree with the way you feel about yourself. You need to find reasons that you're good, better than most people. This can be hard for some people; try to be honest, don't dismiss even the smallest things, because they can always grow over time. You don't have to think you're the best person ever, but you *do* have to think that you do something well, that you have some kind of real talent, and this'll be the major source of your confidence.
Next, you need to find reasons that other people would like you, and challenge the reasons you currently hold that they dislike you. This is where you need that friend, and you really need a friend who you trust, and have him swear on his own life that he's telling the truth, and then ask him to confirm or deny things. This outside perspective helps a lot, he/she can tell you what they like about you, what kinda throws them or other people off, they usually see a lot of things you'd never have thought of alone. I see this step as essential, because if you don't believe that the average person would like you if you went up and started talking to them, you can't really act confident. One naturally flows from the other.
If you complete the first two steps, then comes the third and hardest step. In order to actually believe, deep down, that the second step is true, you have to risk, you have to test. The only way I was able to do this is assume, from the first, that people who don't know me very well - ie, anyone I don't talk to - will inherently dislike me for whatever reason. Therefore, if I talked to them and they didn't like me, I lost nothing :x . You have to find your own way...and if you can't even force yourself to do it, use a friend as an intermediary...you just need to show yourself that random people *will* like you if they get to know you.
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My mother and I rarely talk and I'm losing people in my life to talk to . I lost the best of friend and I can't truly converse with a lot lot of guy friends of mine. Some , no a lot of girls don't lik me . I don't know why. I feel complacent about that and me but why do they have to hold stupid whatever against me. I don't even know if it's something I did: which isn't much at all.My dad's going to be gone for 2-4 month's; I have no one to truly talk to . All these teachers are giving us projects at once and I'm so unbalanced and stressedand unmotivated . Our school is messed up when it comes to this . A guy who is arrogant that I am getting over and I don't know and don't care what he feels I just want to know why he cares so much of popularity.Another guy I am fallin' for is nice and cute and in a way I feel comfrotable around him but I'm restricting myself so I won't be the only one in love. I fear what it makes you go through and I kind of know what it makes you go through . I just feel like everything is against me and I really need help . I need advice on how to deal with all of this . (link)
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I agree that you should just focus on one thing at a time. It'll be hard to "forget" about your ex, but you should at least consciously believe that it really doesn't matter what he thought. If you need people to talk to, we're always here, and you can always try to talk to new people around you, if you aren't too shy.
Now, let's see if I can give you some reasons...this'll be pretty long, because things are never ever simple :x
Alright, I assume you're in High School, since most questions of this type come from people around that age. Most reasons I'll give apply to people in late Elementary School also, and a small but significant percentage of people in college; these are generalizations, you can always find exceptions.
People fear what they do not understand. For most kids in High School, trying to understand anyone who isn't like them is stupid. Therefore, the only people they really like to hang around with is people like them. This is why all kinds of small groups pop up everywhere, and none seem to interact well with kids outside the group. Puberty tends to increase conflict and self-importance in general.
If someone doesn't know you, unless they're aware of signs or you do something that might suggest you are like them, they will assume you are not, and treat you as if you proved you weren't. In other words, while there are many people in your grade who would understand you and be your friend, unless you make it known to them that you share a lot of things, they probably won't be. This is why outgoing people seem to always have a ton of friends; they talk to *everyone*, and manage to find a large percentage of the potential friends around them.
So, if you're quiet and do things "differently," (especially in how you dress and act) you will be more or less alone. You don't have to settle for this, as long as you're willing to take some risks. If you don't have an idea where to start, or need some tips, ask a question specifically to me or in general about it; this'll be long enough as it is :x
People in HS need to feel accepted. Popularity is important to a lot of them, therefore, because they believe that if they became unpopular, *everyone* would proceed to reject them, and they'd be alone. They don't consciously think this, but it's in the back of the mind, and provides the fearful jolt that motivates them to do things that otherwise make little sense.
Remember that, although you restrict yourself in your fear, *he* may not. And you may force him to go through a situation not entirely unlike the one you just went through, where one person in a couple keeps them from being truly happy. The best way to avoid things like this is to talk, and be honest about what you think and feel about each other, the way the friendship/relationship is going, where you want to go with it, and the fears related. You take the risk of him being dishonest, but it saves a lot of worry and stress in the long run, for both of you, IMO.
If you ever get really emotional and need an outlet, try something artistic, poetry and art always works, or you can go out and take pictures, or go exercise, or play around with words...just express yourself somehow, it helps a lot.
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I have a big problem! I really need a job but I am scared to death of interviews what do I do! I would be happy to hear some advice! (link)
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Practice helps a lot. If you know someone who conducts such interviews, have them do a test one with you.
If you have one, channel your worry into making sure the way you look and act is *perfect*. Dress appropriately, make sure there are no embarrassing marks or smudges, practice what you're going to say, ensure you have good posture and speak in a firm voice, give a clean handshake, etc...
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Ok, about a month ago I noticed a small lump around my crotch.. I have just noticed it getting bigger.. Its about 5mm long, and 2mm high.. what do you think it is? could it possibly be cancer? if so.. what sort?
17/m (link)
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You need to ask your doctor.
It's likely a zit, or a cist, or something inactive. It could be one of several STD's. The likelihood of it being cancer is fairly low.
It could be skin cancer; I assume it's not on the testicles, so I doubt it's testicular. It could also be one of several other types of cancer that may have spread to that area.
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ok i have this gay friend and you could never in the whole world tell hes gay, and the sad thing is im find of falling for him! what should i do? (link)
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Do you know that he's gay, instead of bisexual? Because if he's at all interested in females you can still have a chance.
Beyond that, even gay men like to have very close female friends, and if he is totally gay (pardon the expression), you'll probably feel more comfortable around him and can share even more because he won't have sexual desires getting in the way.
Gay people make awesome friends for gals, they're less emotional/backstabbing than girls tend to be, yet they don't have that "I wanna fuck you" attitude that most guys have. Be happy that you have him as a friend, and foster that friendship, if it turns out he's not into you :)
It's not horribly uncommon for gay people to marry women. You just have the get the expectation of sex out of your head.
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I'm 19/f. I dont know how to solve this problem between me and my mom. Were constanly rowing and i dont know how to make them stop. The rows are about everything home my job money the lot. Its really getting me down and i'm getting really really depressed i've tried talking to her but it just ends in a row. Help. (link)
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Often, arguments start and persist because both sides insist on them happening. However, this is not always the case, and it doesn't seem to be in this case either.
Based on what you've said, you've tried to actually talk about how things make you feel or your opinions, etc, without attacking her...but because of constant attack and failure on your mom's part to really listen, your efforts to talk rationally eventually give way to arguing yourself.
If this isn't true, then you should try the above, and see what happens.
But assuming you have, and your mom simply insists on argument because she refuses to even consider the fact that your view is right...the only actual good resolution I can think of is telling her "we need to see a family therapist. Now. Unless you like how we're ruining each other's lives." or something to that effect.
If she refuses...then you have to minimize the arguments by simply refusing to respond, since you know where that leads to. And work on moving out whenever it becomes viable. Some people just refuse to tone down even if it destroys the lives of others.
We're always here to talk to, if you get really depressed and need someone ;)
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is it possible to get skin cancer from going to a tanning bed once for 8 minutes? (link)
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Alright, people get very paranoid about this, and they haven't really done the research, so lemme see if I can explain this.
Cancer is a natural, but rather infrequent result of some error in normal cell division. Your cells divide a *lot* over the course of a day, depending on the type of cell. If you combine these two facts...yes, cancerous cells appear in everyone, fairly often, it's something that happens naturally.
So how do we deal with it, since not everyone has cancer? Our white blood cells are able to detect and kill cancerous cells. They do this regularly, as long as they have the resources to do so (I don't want to bore/confuse you more than I need to, so let's just leave it at that).
The only thing a carcinogen does is increase the chance that a given cell division will be cancerous. Normally, since your body deals with it, there's no problem. However, if the number of cancerous mutations exceeds the capacity of your body to destroy them, you begin to develop the condition commonly called Cancer.
Now, tanning for 8 minutes just once? A minor increase in chance, very minor, probably decimal points of a percent for the skin. And even if it pushes a couple cells into mutation, your body should be able to easily kill them anyway. Only if your immune system is somehow deficient should you be *this* careful :x
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After begging my mom to take me to the doctors, she's finally going to (because I currently have a soar throat). I've been asking her to take me to get tested for anemia and ADD. Everytime I asked her she would say "I highly doubt you have ADD" and she would just snicker. So I have a soar throat now and I think she's making me drive to the doctors on my own (usually she goes with me). So for sure I'm going to ask about anemia and ADD. The only thing is, how am I supposed to bring it up.? I don't want to just say 'oh yea, I think I have ADD'. How should I bring it up without looking stupid? Should I tell her my situation first (about how I can't stay focused, etc) or should I ask what the symptoms are, or what? And what will they do to me (sometimes I think I have ADHD also) as far as tests and stuff, and will they do it then, or is it a process where I have to come back? And how will my teachers get notified? Will I tell them? Doctors note? etc... and since they'll know, what exactly will my teachers make me do because of it?
Please help... (link)
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The test will come only from psychologists/psychiatrists, as far as I know, general practitioners are not allowed to give tests for ADHD.
The test I took is a general questionnaire...it's very long, but it covers a lot of disorders in general. Based on that questionnaire, input from parents and teachers (parental input isn't always the final decision), and an interview with you, the psychologist/psychiatrist will make a probable diagnosis. It is true that ADD/ADHD can be and is misdiagnosed, but as far as I know, as long as you try to find a psychologist/psychiatrist who's well-versed in the disorder that shouldn't be the case. Furthermore, medication is not given out unless therapy is decided to not be necessary, and medication is never continued if symptoms do not improve.
Sure, kids who are not ADHD may be put on medication to see if it makes a difference. The fact is, that medication is continued because it *did* make a difference. If they didn't have ADHD, they certainly had *something*, unless everyone around them convinced themselves that the kids changed for the better when they really didn't.
There's a lot more to ADHD than not being able to concentrate. I see ADHD as a general tendency not to use one's brain...least that's the way it affects me :x
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you have given me the best advice so far, not just the basic info that i already knew. im not big on talking to the kind of prople you had mentioned, just because of the fact they have Never been ther or done that. how can someone give you the info your looking for when they have never even been close to something like that. lets just say they told me i was a "sex addict" when i was 16. so yeah that is my reasoning. but thank you, ill keep you in mind. (link)
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Well, if you still need help, you can give me your question again (it bothers me that I can't know exactly what question you're referring to. I've answered so many recently that it's hard to keep track sometimes. I'm sorry, your question was important to me, as are all of the ones I answer, it's just this follow-up is too ambiguous for me to attach it to a question) and I can run more possibilities by you, if you'd like.
I hate being in bad situations that I can't get away from, I'll use unorthodox thinking as a way to try to break out of it. Maybe it'll work with yours too :x
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Okay, I actually think I have ADD. I've secretly researched it for a few months now, and I have a lot of the symptoms majorly. I used to be really good in school, I used to be able to focus and concentrate most of the time. Now, I have SO many things going on in my head and I seem to act like I'm listening, but really my head is off in like, a million different places. I told my friend that I had it and she's the type of girl that will just not concentrate because something is "boring". She thinks that she has ADD too. Everytime we talk about it, she starts laughing ("I have ADD, lol!"). It pisses me off so much. How is anyone going to take me seriously after she tells EVERYONE she has it, and starts laughing after? Its kids like her who use out the term ADD. I bet many students like her go to their doctor and say they have it. But what about us who actually think we have it? I feel like the doctor is just going to turn me away and say "yes, you think you have ADD along with the rest of the student body at your high school...". I NEED to get help quick, but how am I supposed to approach help, and how do I convince my friend that she doesn't have it, and not everything in this life is "fun". I can't even concentrate on the things I enjoy anymore... (link)
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Alright, I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and I understand the troubles you're having very well because it is such a publicly-misunderstood disorder.
It doesn't matter what your friend thinks, that's her choice. You will find that some...indeed, many, people will not take your disorder seriously. It's hard to deal with the fact that people either don't see it as a disorder or don't understand the sheer magnitude of its affect on a person's mind and behavior. It drives me crazy at times, especially when my parents decide that just because I'm on medication I'm a totally normal human being, which is so far from the truth I just want to break down and cry...
Do you have a social worker at your high school? Talk to her. You *should* get referred to a psychologist after she asks you a bunch of questions. If she is biased or unwilling to do so and won't give valid reasons, find one yourself - you don't need to tell your doctor you're going to a psychologist for ADHD, tell him you want to see a psychologist for reasons you won't disclose.
Please, I know how hard dealing with this is, send me a question personally so I can talk to you more. I need someone who shares it, too, just so I can run things by him and see if what I experience is normal for ADHD. Sometimes I just feel so...wierd :/
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Recently this boy has been walking me to class with his arms around me. Everyone is starting to think that we go ouy but we don't. I tell him I don't want his hand around me but he still does it. But the bad thing it thatwhen I am not around he makes fun of me and calls me bad words. See if I tell someone about this they may think I am unpopular or whatever and I can't afford that to happen. So what should I do. (link)
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Okay, this seems to be kinda abusive in general, and I don't like where this is going, but I don't know all the details, so I'll cover the two most likely possibilities.
This guy doesn't seem to really like you; I could be wrong, but the physical contact seems more mocking than anything else. Maybe he's jealous, maybe he likes your looks and not your personality, maybe he hates you for something you did to a friend, whatever...if you're pretty sure this is the case, get nasty when he tries it. Walk around with a male friend you trust and have the guy attack this guy if he tries it, that's the best way to keep people from thinking you're the bitch. If you don't have one, and have a female friend that's into him, have her be all over him, if he shoves her away get pissed at him for shoving your friend, that's all the excuse you need to rail at him...if he doesn't, then at least he's off your back :x
Now, he could be into you, but if he is he has serious problems. If you're kinda popular he doesn't have much reason to be bitching about you if he likes you unless he's in a crowd where that's "cool"...in which case it probably won't work out even if you do kinda think he's hot, because neither of you want to give up your friends for the other. It seems you don't really like him anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue.
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Alright,lets start out wit that I have a b/f back where I used to live and I go back there each weekend to see muh friends and him. We have only been together for like 3 weeks but yeah..Anyways, Theres this guy that I used to have some really strong feelings for like in middle school up until like 9th grade and then I moved so I never spoken or seen him so the feelings kinda faded. So last weekend me and 2 of muh friend go to 7*11 n him and 2 friend come in and ask if we wanna drink wit them. SO lata we all get together and ride around and drink and me and him were in the back of the van and I was layin on his lap and we kept lookin at eachother in the eyes for a long time and he kissed me finally after a while..and we juss did a lil makin out and he kiised muh neck..and he said WoW I cant believe it took us this long to hangout. He said this b/c we always have wanted to but are friend werent the same and all that stuff. So yeah we I guess u can say hooked up.But the thing is earlier that night muh "friend" said she was gonna talk to him aout whats up wit me n him and well when she was wit him she kissed him n shit..and i found that out earlier and called him and asked what the was bout and he told me..But my friend is always doin shit like that and always kissin up on guys that DO NOT WANT HER..shes nasty and a whore..SERIOUSLY!!! So im confused b/c I mean that was I guess weird for both of us and when they dropped us off I landed on the drive way and started cryin my eyes out. I waited for that moment FOREVER and I got it..but all those feelings came running back AND I cheated on someone for the FIRST TIME! I juss dont know whats up..I wanna chill wit him again but I dont wanna come off so forward to him and act like im obsessed or somethin cuz I was like that in middle school and I dont wanna be that Kinda person.I dont know how he feels bout it or even if he does..but hes a guy soo yeah know how that goes. I know I have a b/f but muh feelings arent strong like this to him as they are to the other guy.I dont know how to get by wit this or talk to him bout it or anything..I need all the adivce I can get. NOt negative advice but some good stuff..THANKYOU! PLEASE GET BACK TO ME SOON!!
ash~ (link)
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Ooooh, this is quite the situation.
So, basically, you want this second guy, and not your current boyfriend. Firstly you need to seriously think about this, unless you just want to keep cheating, because you're going to be breaking up with your current bf for someone you see as better. This will, obviously, rather hurt him, so take his personality and such into account and make sure you aren't doing anything that'll come back to bite you in the arse later on. You need to make a choice, and do it now, and as bad as it is, the status quo of bf and cheating IS a choice, just not something I really like to approve of :x
Alright, firstly about your "friend", don't worry about that, unless neither she and this guy were drunk at the time. Alcohol makes you do shit like that, as you've just experienced yourself, it's just stuff that happens. That said, be prepared to have to fend off your friend if you choose this guy and she really starts going after him. Best way to do that is to talk with the guy and have him get kinda physical if she makes a move on him. She'll get pissed and shit but she'll stop (I assume the guy is stronger than her ;x ).
This boy was honest about what he did with your friend, which I like, it sounds like he's really into you. Now, if you don't want to come off as too forward or obsessed, just try to set up another time to hangout, again with friends unless he suggests you hang out alone. Don't push the kissing (or more, if you're really drunk and/or adventurous, lol) unless you do want to come off that way, this guy seems like the type to make moves by himself after enough time and alcohol, so you can let him act. If he doesn't, then you may want to...erm...goad him on a bit, but you don't have to jump on him or anything, just tease him a bit, let him know you want him :x
You should talk to him about it, unless you do a lot of drinking and what you do when drunk embarrasses you, at which time you will need to eventually talk but it's probably a little too soon for you to want to do so ;x . It's just easier if you both are open about your feelings, issues, and how far you want this to go; awkwardness disappears when you both know what the other person wants.
Anything else, you can always ask me personally :x
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we're amazing friends (i'm the girl hes the guy) and we've dated before.
he said things werent gonna work with us which was why he broke it off earlier this year..since then, he's been dating around just having his fun like a typical guy.
he admitted to a mutual friend that he still liked me a bit.
how do i ensure that we could possibly get together in the future-the base for it is there-his family loves me (i spend a lot of time with him and his family like movies etc.) and we spend a lot of time together and hes still sortof different around me..just more himself/open/cute.
what to do/think/say.
as many people as possible give me advice please! (link)
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So you're thinking in the future, when he's had his fun and his drive for having a bunch of different girls calms down, you'll be the one he is most comfortable around and he'll stick with you. You have a lot more confidence than most people I know, but hey, it may be for a good reason ;)
You don't have to worry about keeping things open until that happens unless it really hurts him when you go out with other people. You can have your fun too, and if he doesn't eventually come back to you it's nice to know you didn't spend years waiting for nothing. It usually takes quite awhile for a guy to think of settling.
Keep your friendship going, nurture it, be the coolest person he's ever met, that kinda thing...that you should already be doing, seems it comes naturally. Don't push the idea that you could get back together, wait for an opening, wait for him to get tired of "lesser" girls or certain behaviors that he thinks is in every girl he's dated...then you can *suggest* and see how he reacts ;)
If he's not that open about how his relationships are going, you may have to keep things open by making suggestions in a joking nature. Keep the idea of sexual activity fresh between you, by being intensely interested with what he's doing with his latest fling (if you can stand that), making suggestions about what he's doing or should be doing, and slowly start changing those suggestions to be between you and him. This is usually the only way to get out of the "friend zone" without doing something seriously drastic, and since it's so subtle it seems to work quite well.
Just remember, if you two are in HS, to make your move a year before either of you go off to college unless you're very certain you'll be going to the same college also :x
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ok im new to this here, but i am getting frustrated with getting only crap for advice. im 24 and i dont really have much of a drive. i mean i have my times but you might as well put it on the calander, its not that often. anyway my bf- fiance thinks that hes not doing it for me, but i tell him its cuz he beats me to it. when i am in the mood its great, and even when im not, he still makes it wonderful. i dont know what to do.. please i need real people to help with this. (link)
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For some people, their hormonal balance or other issues get in the way of sexual pleasure. This isn't exactly common, but if other kinds of solutions don't work because you're seriously not in the mood (sure, you LIKE it, but you're not really into it, you kind of space out, that kind of thing)...then it might be something deeper.
I'm not sure who you would try first if you think it may be something deeper, it depends on what you've been through and what you think is the most likely reason you're having the problem. If you have no idea, a relationship or sex expert with whom you can get an appointment and really talk about things with may help. A psychologist may be necessary if it's something mental or emotional that isn't attached to hormones...if it is something hormonal, the aforementioned experts should be able to refer you to someone who can work to balance things out a bit more.
Normal doctors are usually not the best for deeper issues because they can only know so much...but if you don't know who to go to then asking the doctor for an expert who might assist can always help out, because they tend to know most local medical practitioners.
That said, don't lose hope, with a bit of effort you may very well find that you match your bf/fiance's sex drive ;)
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I've had my cat for about ten years now, and lately my parents have said she has been acting strange. This morning I saw her eating out of a Chinese food bag that had been in the garbage, so I calmly said "no", and threw it away. Then I tried to pet her and she moved away. I tried a few more times, she kept walking away. She wouldn't come sit on my lap, though she did come when I moved wiggled my fingers. But she doesn't like it when I touch her at all. We think it's just because she's very old, but we can't really take her to the vet because we don't have a lot of money. However, my parents are thinking about putting her down soon because we don't want to see her in pain and my mother said that she was considering taking her to the vet to see what was wrong. What is wrong with her? Is it really just that she's old? What should I do? (Besides going to the vet, I mean) Thanks a lot : ) (link)
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Alright, what I see from here is this.
This cat normally likes being petted, you've had her for 10 years after all, and she suddenly changed, and this is bothering you.
Alright, now there is the possibility that the cat is scared because you threw it. This does happen, but it usually doesn't last more than about 5 minutes for mine unless I really, really hurt it (which I've only done once and which I hate myself for). So I don't feel this is normal behavior unless you haven't done such a thing before.
If the cat seems to shy away if you pet it, try a more gentle form of petting, like using one or two fingers to gently scratch or rub, not hard at all, on the head or neck. I've experienced a lot with my cat, and there are general areas that give them pleasure to rub, including the area behind the ears, the top of the head, the jawbones/cheekbones (this might just be my cat :x), and the neck under the chin. Perhaps only one part of her gives her pain.
Old cats can start getting seriously bothered by pain. I have an aunt whose cat is still alive after 17 years, but it's constantly in pain. Trying to pet it tends to make it meow and shy away, so they just kinda very gently ruffle its fur. The cat can live with the pain for a long time, and it still can be happy and pleasured, just try to make it up by giving it pleasure without causing pain.
Its not sitting in your lap can be based on its just not feeling like lying down at the time...my cat usually refuses to sit still somewhere if it's hungry or wants to go outside, but some cats can be more moody. Once again, you know the cat, if this is wierd and it seems to not want anything then maybe there is something wrong with it.
A vet would be best if this persists for more than a day. Just work with it until you can tell whether this is a phase or something serious.
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You are a really good columnist. You answer all your questions with like half a page long answer, and I just wanted to say WOW! And let you know that I think you're really good. Okay well then, bye. (link)
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Thank you ;)
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hey hell heart, im the 16/f ...you answered one of my questions teh other day about all of teh guys like coming to me for advice..well one of those guys i am really close to . ...and when i mean close we do stuff together as a couple we just dont call each other boyfriend a g/f..and what i mean by do stuff we are together every weeknd friday nights i always sta with his sister and we goof off and then on saurday night we go out to eat and come back to my hous eto watch movies..we hold hands and everything.. and even a few months ago after a football game i was staying at his siter house and we ended up going to liek 3rd base... and when im aroudn other guys or teh other guys ask me for advice he acts jealous. but heres teh catch last year around teh first of oct. i told him how i felt about him..and at the time we werent thta close and he didnt act o jealous. his response was we are to good of friends and i cant stand teh thought of losing you if somthign happend and we broke up...sinc ethen we have grown closer... please help !!!
aM*(a.k.a.cuddle_bunny07) (link)
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Sorry it took me awhile, I haven't had internet access :/
So you don't know what to do with this guy...I'm guessing you really like this guy, and want to have a relationship, but are afraid of what he says if you ask? And there are a couple of other problems here that should be addressed.
Firstly, the easier problem...his jealousy. Since you've been to third base you both like each other "in that way." My suggestion would be to be honest about how you feel about guys going to you for advice, how they always go for advice but never look at you as a possible person for a relationship, and how that really hurts you. Chances are he'll understand and, if he likes you enough, he may try to give you the love you seek. This is far from a guarantee, but at the very least he won't be so jealous because he knows it bugs you, you don't really *want* to be with these guys, they just kinda come to you all the time :x
The whole "we're good friends and I don't want to lose you" thing can range from total bullshit to total honesty based on what they've experienced before. Back then he might not have thought of you as someone for a viable relationship. Even now, he may insist on "friends with benefits," which is not something you'd be happy with from what I can see. If you want to make this serious, I suggest talking to him about the fact that you're already behaving like a bf and gf, and so this is more a relationship than a friendship. If he's okay with it, you're pretty much set, well until something happens anyway *grins*.
Hope I helped, I'll answer any further questions more quickly next time :x
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I want to stop biting my nails but I don't know how to. I've tried before and it never seems to work out. My mom tells me to sit on my hands but that doesn't work. I've tried chewing gum and yet I still bite them and my nails are too short to paint. I've even got my nails done before and when I take the fake nails off and my real ones are long they just break off. Any suggestions? (link)
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To deal with the specific nail-biting problem, you need a couple things.
The first thing you need to do is bring up your calcium intake, preferably with magnesium to help with absorbtion (you can find the magnesium in many health stores). This is the underlying drive for biting your nails; your body is trying to get more calcium.
If you drink soda pop, you need to seriously consider stopping. It's extremely acidic, and one of the things that does is force your body to leech calcium from your bones and teeth - and bite your nails. Why does it do this? Calcium is alkaline (or basic), the opposite of acidic, and if your blood becomes too acidic...you die. So your body uses the calcium, basically, to keep you alive. Other things, like taking more vitamin C and eating alkaline foods while avoiding more acidic foods (look online for examples and suggestions), should also be done. But just eliminating the pop should help immensely.
Once you address the underlying causes, then things like chewing gum will help, because the habit will still be there...and with the cause done, it's just a habit, and habits can be substituted for.
I know it's a hard thing...it was very hard for me to do. But I used to bite my nails to the point where the skin under them would get get infected, they hurt a lot, and they were beginning to atrophy. And I've been much, much better once I cut off my beloved Mountain Dew.
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Ok this is a real question i really want to know why do most girls think all guys want is sex it drives me mental because i actually flipped out on someone who asked a question and said anyways dont all guys just want to get laid it drives me mental and i just want to know why they think this cause i know when i get a g/f i actually want a relationship. (link)
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Alright, here's what I've come to think about the whole, twisted thing. Let's start simple and work out from there.
Firstly, depending on your age, you can't help but think predominantly of sex. You may want a relationship, yes indeed, but part of that relationship you so fervently desire is sex. In fact, if you had a chance to have a great relationship with someone online you'd never meet, unless you've gone completely through adolescence or keep things alive with pictures and such, you will let that relationship die off because the sex is such a large part of the draw. That goes down somewhat as you age, and eventually fades when you're in your elder years.
But until then it's still very strong. I once heard a woman say that all men are perverted, some just hide it better than others...and I can feel the truth of that statement. Sex, or the future prospect thereof, is a major factor in any honest relationship; if there is never going to be an opportunity for such, a guy will feel a strong desire to break it off. The difference as you age is that you can wait longer, you can keep it down more, it's not so *consuming*.
At adolescent ages many guys don't even try to hide it; it's the major and sometimes only reason they pursue relationships. It's like a drug, it's like booze, it just makes them feel great. So like typical immature people they do it as much as they can get away with...only when they've had their fill or have had it entirely denied will this behavior start to fade. Not all guys are this adamant about it, but all of them feel it, barring some disability...as do you, and you know it. So all guys want sex, and for some of them that's really all they want in a relationship. Once the lust, the *high* starts to fade, they look for someone else, preventing love from ever taking hold and strengthening the relationship.
The thing is, a lot of adolescent girls think in a similar way, but hide it better because they want, they need, the control. It's nature doing its thing...they may not want to admit or accept it, but the draw for sex is a major part of their relationships. They won't want a relationship with someone unattractive if they think they can get a relationship with someone more attractive; it simply defies the way they think. So you may face a lot of frustration unless you're very good at smoothing things over, working with their feelings, and trying to keep them honest. And even then it won't always work out.
There's a general saying that serious dating is practically impossible until well after college for the majority of people. They simply don't want to settle down, they know they can get a lot of people of the other sex and they want to keep on looking until they find what they feel is their best prospect, and then they cling.
This doesn't apply to everyone, but a vast majority of younger people, and as the age goes up a larger percentage will end up maturing earlier than the rest...but to find someone in High School willing to put you above all other people even when you both go to college is very rare indeed.
Of course, if you don't necessarily need the extremely long-term look on things and just want more of a friendship, it's quite a bit easier to find someone like that, but don't expect them to think you don't want sex because you do, and so do they :p
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