A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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What do you do when the child you're babysitting makes threats such as "I'm going to tell my mom what you're doing!" when what you're benefits the kid and their health?
For example, the child would not wipe himself properly after pooping in his pants, so I made him take a bath and wash himself, so that he would not get an infection.
Although, I don't care if he tells his parents how I handled the situation, I feel completely disrespected when I'm treated like the enemy. What would you do? (link)
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Ignore it entirely. Invite him to tell his mom how you made him take a bath to clean himself. Smile. Show him that he is incapable of making an impact on you.
It's a power game, and you're currently losing it with a kid you baby sit. He wants to make you angry, make you crack, get you to do what he wants and react how he wants. Or just piss you off because he doesn't like being told what to do.
Make him powerless to upset you. Do what you need to do and smile a little smugly at him and tell him he can tell his mother you took care of him until he's blue in the face and it won't stop him from having to do what he needs to do.
This is not a reasoned adult you're dealing with. It's a child who's testing you to see what he can control. Don't let him control you. Children are malicious, manipulative, sly little bastards. From his perspective you are the enemy. Present him with unwinnable battles. He'll cave. Probably.
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I'm a fifteen year old girl and I have recently started to develop feelings for my step-brother. He is two years older than me and we see each other ever other weekend.
We've known each other for about eight years and we've always had a sort of love/hate relationship.
We would annoy the hell out of each other and he would insult me but recently things have become different.
Before we would wrestle and I'd just be determined to win. But now I don't care about winning I just enjoy wrestling and it isn't as serious as it was before it's more playful. Also a few times whilst we've been fighting I've brushed his lower are and felt what turns out to have been an erection. We'll be fighting and one of us will straddle the other and just sit there and tease the other. Or when we get tired I'll lie on his chest and he'll wrap his arm around me and we'll just stay there for ages.
He still insults me but it's not as intense as when we were younger.
I'm pretty sure it's not normal, I've never actually met anyone whose had a crush on their step-sibling before. I came clean to my friends about it and at first they were shocked but now they think I should go for him because it's not incest because we're only related by law not blood. I'm not sure what to do because I'm doubtful that the feelings I have towards him are mutal and even if they were I'm terrified of what would happen if I told him. What should I do? (link)
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Avoid the hell out of this. You don't want to start "I'm dating my step sibling" family drama.
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My name is Madison and I am 13. I have lots of bestfriends but recently I became bestfriends with a girl called Kayla. We have become soo close that we are basically sisters.
Recently, at my house, a couple of boys and girls (including us 2) played an extreme truth or dare in my pool. Now that I think of it, some of the dares that me and Kayla did were very inappropriate.
For example, we open mouth kissed, she squeezed my boobs, I licked her lower tummy. Everyone else was doing extreme dares like that though so I wasn't worried about our relationship.
About a week ago when I slept at her house we were on skype to a randomer and he told us to kiss. She open mouth kissed me while squeezing my boobs. After the skype convo we were just watching a movie and then we stared into eachother's eyes. Suddenly, she kissed me. I didn't pull away or anything coz I kinda liked it (I don't fancy her though). After that it was just a normal sleepover.
Where do you think our relationship is coz I don't want this to ruin our friendship. (link)
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So if I'm reading this right, you think your friend is interested in you and you just want to stay good friends.
I'd honestly just start a conversation and tell her, if I were you. There's not a whole lot else to be done. You're thinking about it enough to post here so that means when you're around her it's going to be even more on your mind, like the elephant in the room you're trying to tiptoe and squeeze around.
Bring it up at some point. Use the word "sister" alot to send the proper message. Ask her questions. It sounds like you have no idea whats up with her. Find out. Ask her why she kissed you, be honest about how you feel about it. Communicate. See what comes of it.
Since you've probably not experienced this much before, a fair warning about life. Sometimes you want to be friends with people who want to date you. It never works. Relationships only function when you both want things the other person can give you, that goes for anything from friendship to family to love. If she sincerely wants to date you and you're sincerely not interested, I can't give you any guarantee you'll be able to be friends afterwards.
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14/f
My friend, a 15 year old girl, is sometimes like a bratty little kid. She gets upset if she can't have her way and if someone asks her to stop something.
For example, my other friend has a notebook which we all write stories in. I'll call her Lydia. The childish friend, let's say Jen, gets it more than anyone else and throws a little tantrum if Lydia won't give it to her or asks for it back. She also ripped out several pages which nobody can use now.
She also thinks it's ok to write on other people's things without asking. She writes all over the notebook in Sharpie just because she felt like it (which she said) and on Lydia's shoes (WTF?!) and when we tell her it needs to stop, she gets angry and ignores us. She came over to my house yesterday and had the nerve to write on my brother's Legos in Sharpie. Her excuse? He 'always' hits her on the head. He's a little kid!
What do I do? She's being a baby and a brat and lives in her own little world, complaining about everyone else. It needs to stop. Any advice? Thank you! (link)
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A word of advice from someone who has no more tolerance for stuff like this than you.
Confrontation is a bad idea.
If you get into a fight about it, all that will do is piss her off and give her reasons to mess with you. Remove her ability to write on your stuff, don't invite her over, avoid her whenever possible. Making enemies in an enclosed environment like high school is never fun. Better to walk around the exposed landmines than poke them with a stick.
Inform your parents of the decision and tell them you expect them to fall in line and help you avoid the hell out of her.
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Hi, I recently lied to my boyfriend and I don't know how to repair the damage I have done. I lied about my sexual past. I have always been told never to reveal how many sexual partners I've had because it will make a man look at me differently. Well, I admitted it and my friends were right. My boyfriend can't look at me in the same way and went as far as to call me a slut. I told him that I had my fun back in college, but when I am in a relationship I have always been faithful. He hates my past and every once in a while brings it up again. Sometimes he looks at me in silence and I'm always wondering whether he is imagining me with other men. Anyway, I also lied to him about ex-boyfriends writing on my wall on Facebook. It was my birthday recently and all my exes posted birthday messages all over my wall. He asked me all day whether I had gotten messages from my exes. I said no just because I didn't want him to get upset. It was a white lie. He gets so jealous and sometimes I feel like whether I am honest or giving him a white lie he will be pissed. Anyway, he found out I lied to him because one of the messages was from an ex who I had mentioned in the past. Now he thinks I am a liar and can never trust me again.I apologized to him and I told him how much I love him. The past is the past. I can't help it that exes write on my wall. I don't respond to them. He thinks that because they write to me that I am still communicating with them and interested in them. I am not! It makes me so mad. I ended up dealing every single ex off my facebook so he would realize that I don't need my exes in my life. I only want to be with him. His ex-wife cheated on him which has probably left him jaded. Anyway, what can I do to fix the lies? How do I explain to him why I lied? Should I apologize profusely, give him a card? Do you think he will trust me again? How do I rebuild the trust? Please help... (link)
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Ok, I'm gonna have to pull the asshole card, but is this really something you want to deal with? This is a pretty big "he's awesome, but" to swallow.
I have a significant number of partners and my wife couldn't care less. She isn't burdened by insecurity because of her past and she doesn't wonder about me. I talk to whomever I want, I have more female friends than male friends, and she trusts me because she's let me prove it to her that I'm trustworthy.
This guy doesn't sound like he's going to let you prove it. It sounds more like every time you fuck up (note: fuck up in his eyes) you'll add to a list he'll keep to bring out when he's feeling insecure and wants to feel better or manipulate your behavior.
Do you want to spend your life trying? Worse, do you want to be with a guy who resents you and the world for his past and your own and end up wanting to cheat on him yourself?
And maybe it's just me but I kind of look down on any other guy who can't handle a girl who's been with a decent number of people. What a shock, when we stop making female sexuality a dirty evil thing we find out women like sex as much as men do.
If you seriously want to give this a shot two points of advice.
First, just apologize for lying. Tell him you didn't know how to approach the situation and you made a mistake by hiding things rather than trusting him with the truth.
Second, point out that his reaction was completely unacceptable and that you can't come to him with the truth if he's going to get insecure and petty and call you a slut for it. Loving a person means accepting everything about them except the things that person doesn't want to accept about themselves.
Because only those things they don't want to accept themselves have even the slightest chance in hell of ever changing.
So on that note, find out if he thinks his behavior is something he thinks he should change.
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16/f
Okay, so me and this guy I've known my whole life have been talking lately, just as friends. I kind of like him and he does me too,but until something as far as a relationship happens he wants to be sex buddies and I kinda want to too.. Is there anything wrong with that? (link)
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Friends with benefits is something that adults created out of a need for people with severe time commitments to not be absent a sex life.
Imagine the grad student who spends 75 hours a week doing school related work, or just about any other high powered career with similar hours. They are adults. They know what relationships are, have had several, and know that they don't have time for the kind of relationship they might want. Hence, a friend you can watch movies with and sleep with.
You are 16. You do not have a high powered career or graduate studies. Friends with benefits isn't something you do so you can get laid while you figure the relationship parts out.
Sex before relationship is always a bad idea, by the way. If you want to date someone, figure that out and get a consensus before you sleep with them. Several reasons.
1) If you like them more you could get crushed.
2) If they like you more you could get stalked.
3) If you both like each other sex could get in the way of or substitute for a genuine emotional connection, which means when the sex gets boring for one of you you're left with two people who barely know each other and the honeymoon phase is already over.
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Hi. just looking for some comments on this subject. Can anyone tell me why it is okay, to kill an unborn CHILD. But it is NOT okay to kill ANY other human being. there was a question talking about a doctor giving a young lady pills to "slow" the BABY's HEART rate down. then do the abortion. if a doctor was to give these pills to lets say, a 60 year old. or whoever that would be considered MURDER. I simply do not understand this. You know the bible says, that there will become a time when wrong will become right and right will become wrong. ladies and gentlemen I have found that we are in that time. With little kids for Gods sake having sex making babys when they are just babies theirselfs then saying I dont want this child then KILLING the child! My God have we went away from the word of God and God himself. But my question for you all is simply this. Why is it okay to kill an unborn child but not any other human being? (link)
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There is nothing in any law anywhere in the world where it is stated that one person must sustain another persons life by giving up their body or life to do so. We cannot take kidney transplants from people with two healthy kidneys because another will die without one of them without the original owners consent. We recognize the full rights of each person to their own body.
Prior to birth a fetus is incapable of sustaining its own life. Legally speaking, no one has the right to force any woman to endure a pregnancy. It is the woman's right to that choice which is the foundation for current law. Medical abortions exist because, simply put, we have the technology to do it and if we didn't provide then desperate women would die taking chances they didn't need to.
You should read the history of abortions. Illegal unlicensed doctors performing black market medical procedures for women who saw no other way out. Providing it legally is better than the alternative.
That's the legal side.
On the moral side, some people don't believe in God. Some people don't believe that choosing not to be a parent is a monstrous choice to make. Some people think life begins after birth. Some people just believe that no one should have to endure a pregnancy unwillfully.
Personally, I think adoption is a more appealing choice. Abortion is an ugly thing. So is most of the rest of the world. But nothing about my perceptions of it give me the right to tell a woman she has to spend 9 months pregnant. God doesn't really enter into it. God does not run the US. Nor any other country except the Vatican.
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i want to become a Christian but i don't no how someone help? please? (link)
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Speaking as a former Christian you really don't.
But if you insist, you've got research to do. There are many different types of Christianity.
There's the traditional Catholic, the only one that actually dates back to the time of Christ. Lots of pointless ritual and tithing to the church, and lots of "Sunday Catholics" which basically means the only participation they take in the religion is showing up to church on Sunday.
There's the protestants. Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterian, possibly Lutherans. Not too sure about the Lutherans. Much shorter tradition based on being a good bit louder and more energetic about God. Experiences vary more based on the specific church you're attending than the specific denomination. From personal experience, most of the nicest genuine Christians I've met come from this group. Sadly for the world they also produce the smartest of the insane fundamentalists. Google "Westboro Baptist Church" for more information.
Then there's evangelicals. For more information on what exactly evangelicals are like, google the movie "Jesus Camp". They're generally literalistic which means the bible is the direct word of God and things like "stoning to death" are good cultural mainstays which should have been retained for modern society. The stupider side of the insane fundamentalists, mostly though willful ignorance.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to research your way in the door of any one of these Christian factions. Entrance is involved and different depending on the sect and often involves everything from sponsorship and participation to study in the beliefs of the particular sect.
Alternately, pick a group, look up a church nearby, and go to it. If you don't like one find another, and go to it. When you like one, talk to whoever preaches about joining.
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14/f
Each year, my junior high school has a "last dance," which is similar to prom. One of my boy friends asked me to it, but I said no because he was (and still is) really weird and kinda unpopular. But he's still really nice.
After that, things got kinda awkward and we stopped hanging out. A few weeks ago he sat with me on the bus and now he's talking to me again. I realized I actually like him, despite his weirdness. He's not afraid to be himself and doesn't care what others think. He likes all the same things I do.
Anyway, he told me he really likes two girls and he told me who they were (not me). I really like him and want to go to the dance with him, but he still thinks I don't like him. What should I do? Please help me! (link)
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Rectify the mistake fast. Guys don't work like girls do, our thought processes are based much more in logic than emotion. Logic tells a guy that when a girl you like stands in front of you and tells you she likes you back that you forget about other girls you might be interested in asking out at some point.
We also sometimes tell girls we like other girls to see if you like us enough to have a jealous reaction. Probably about a 50/50 shot on that one.
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When I first met my boyfriend of one year we never talked about our sexual past. It wasn't until 9 months into our relationship that he started to ask me questions about it. I have had a pretty wild sexual past. When I was single in college, I had almost 30 sexual partners. I have never had a problem with infidelity and have always been faithful when I was in a relationship. Furthermore, I had some crazy experiences after college. I also slept with my boss, who I started dating several months after I took the job. Anyway, at first I didn't tell him how many sexual partners I had had. He is separated from his wife because she cheated on him while they were married. I thought that if I told him the truth in the beginning that he wouldn't be able to trust me and think that I could not be faithful because of my sexual past, let alone think of me as a slut(which I sadly admit I was and I am more than ashamed of it now). Anyway, he is a smart man and sooner enough he figured-out that I had lied to him. Finally, he broke up with me for lying to him about it. When we broke up, I finally came clean because I figured I had nothing to lose. We ended up getting back together. However, things have not been pretty since we got back together. Now, almost every 15 days he keeps getting reminded about my sexual past. He says that I am not the marrying type and that my past speaks a lot about my future. I am deeply in love with him and our sex and time we spend together is incredible. He just flips out at random times about my past. He is also upset that I wasn't honest with him. However, in a way, I regret being honest with him now because it's like he loves me and hates me and sometimes wants a future with me and sometimes doesn't. I don't know what to do or how to make him see past my past. Furthermore, he is constantly curious about whether my exes from my past still call me, or write to me or message me on Facebook. He just doesn't trust me no matter what I do. However, I am so confused because even though he gets upset and tells me he hates my past and I was such a slut, he asked me to move in with him recently. I do not know what's going on. I love him and want to move in with him but if I am "not the marrying type," do you think he will he ever change his mind and possibly want to marry me some day? I also have had sexual encounters with different races, and that seems to bother him a lot. He has slept with over 50 women and has been with ALL races, but he seems to get so mad that I have been with a different race. I think it's hypocritical right? Please help. We love each other and I feel like saving my relationship. Everything is perfect except these moments that he flips out very two weeks. (link)
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This is a perfect lesson as to why you have to be up front. If you'd brought it up three dates in and been called a slut you probably would never have called him again. If you'd encountered racial issues with past partners I think you definitely would never have called him again.
You are dating an insecure manchild. If you want to save the relationship you need to get a little pissed off at how he's treating you and tell him that he will treat you with the respect due a partner or walk.
Please tell me you're not apologetic. He is acting in an unacceptable manner. If you don't make it clear to him now that this is unacceptable and force him to admit he is wrong and deal with it, you will set a precedent that will creep up at the worst times in the future of the relationship. You aren't going to have the patience to tolerate this forever, especially if you move in with him, so take the stand now before untangling your lives becomes more than changing your number and avoiding him.
Tell him that you're going to slap him the next time he uses slut in any way directed at you and see how that goes over. Don't be an idiot and move in with a guy who can't handle a girl who's been with more people than he has.
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OK I am 15/f and am just entering my first year in high school. I am already nervous as it is, but I entered the IB program (International Baccalaureate), which is suppose to be faster pace. I need a challenge so I thought it would be good. I have also just got a job, I work four hours on school days twice a week, my question is... Is it possible to hold down a job in this program while still keeping up with my studies? I am a straight A student and would like to keep it that way. Any advice helps thanks!! (link)
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Honestly, you won't know until you find out.
The IB program, at least at my high school, was pretty intensive. They assigned alot more work, I was in a different advanced program and had more free time than I knew what to do with because we got about a third as many things to do outside the classroom in an average week.
Eight hours a week, you might be able to do that. How fast do you absorb information? Are you one of those people who almost never studies for tests? Or do you put alot of work into making straight As? I worked, but I was also able to accomplish almost all of my schoolwork during school hours.
All you can do is see. If your grades start to slip lose the job. IB can help you get into some really good colleges, so just make sure you focus well on that.
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ok well when my bf uses a condom i am only 12 so how much would sex hurt ??????? (link)
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First, to directly answer your question, condoms will not make sex hurt more than they might otherwise.
Second...
Twelve is way too young. There are alot of adult emotions and adult issues that arise with being sexually active that you have no way of dealing with at this point in your life.
I don't know how to even begin to give you an accurate and understandable explanation. At 12 years old you lack sufficient life experience to understand the permanence of having a child, to understand the emotions that sex brings out in people, to have the self confidence to assert yourself like an adult in this very adult situation, to have the perspective to understand everything that happens in an adult context.
Just say no. For right now, just say no to sex of any kind. Keep your clothes on. Focus on school. Make friends. Get a hobby. Just because you're capable of seeing sex around you and wanting to try it yourself doesn't mean you're in any way ready to step into adult territory. You won't be for years. Tell your boyfriend no. If he presses the issue break up with him. This isn't something you're meant to be dealing with at your age.
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Hi my boyfriend wants to have sex but i keep telling him no we are to young and he says if i dont he will break up with me and i love him what do i do? (link)
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You break up with him first.
Seriously. Part of relationships is respecting personal boundaries. If someone says they don't want to have sex, that's it, sex doesn't happen. I'm married, if my wife says shes not in the mood its time to turn on the TV or something, no one has a right to pressure someone into something they don't want in that specific moment, in general, etc.
People don't pressure people they love into things they don't want to do. You care about him more than he cares about you. Realize this, and realize that there is no staying with this guy. Even if you give him sex, the lack of respect that causes him to demand it will show up in other places in your relationship.
Walk away.
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hi. im 19 and a female.
i am a goodlooking girl (not to be cocky) ive been with a lot of guys, not a crazy amount but a good amount.
i dont get any guy i want but i manage.
however my issue is i have trouble feeling sexy and feminine.
i dont look manly or anything like that but i feel so butch sometimes.
when im with a guy i find it so hard to let go.
it never feels smooth when im sexual with a guy. i feel so strained and stiff.
i never moan or let guys do things to me really because i feel so uncomfortable.
I HATE THIS. its not fair that i can't feel sexy and i can't let go during sex and yell at the top of my lungs and be in control and be sexual.
i dress up, hit the clubs, i look sexy but when im with a man i just can't seem to give off that.
or if i do its fake really.
i always feel so butch with men. i really dont know why.
how do i change this?
i want to be able to feel like a little sex demon and be able to have fun in bed.
i want to crave being sexual with guys, and look forward to it.
thanks-
(link)
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While I'm not going to throw the marriage part into it, Bewise is correct about the intimacy.
In a relationship a level of comfortable intimacy develops over time. The familiar sense of an intimate lover lowers barriers you raise unconsciously around people who you don't know all that well. Barriers that protect you from judgment, awkwardness, and other forms of insecurity. When you're with someone for a while you know how they'll react, its not scary to be in an unfamiliar situation because you've got a familiar person beside you. Right now, its all unfamiliar. You're making sure you don't walk out feeling embarrassed or judged, you don't want to do something that might have people you know informed of interesting tendencies you'd rather keep private.
If you want to feel like a woman you have to actually be with a man. Not just take one home for the night. Start with a relationship and build a great sex life on top of it.
At least, that's whats working for me.
:Edit:
Also, so we're clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to scream. Sex can be and often is like that, being with the same guy doesn't mean going without the passion. Not in a good relationship. And when it comes right down to it, if he knows you well he'll know just how to get you going in the first place.
On that note, I have left relationships due to bad sex. If your sex drive is high enough, its just not something you can end up compromising on. Just in case you end up dating a guy who can't figure out the physical side to save his own life.
I also disagree on the "guys don't want to marry a sex demon" point.
I did.
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My boyfriend and I haven't been going out for a long time, but I really like him.
He's very funny, cuddly, sweet, and smart. He and I share a lot of interests and I feel like we have a good chemistry. I spend a lot of time with him, almost every other day, and when we're not together we talk a lot.
But I'll admit that sometimes I get sketchy about our relationship. For one, he is very...clingy. He always wants to be all over me. Always handsy and groping me and at first it was very passionate touching but now it's getting sexual. He usually stops when I say no but starts a while later again. I sometimes think he just wants me for sex. He claims he doesn't, but I don't know. I feel weird sometimes.
Another thing is that he's always distracted. Everything is too important for him to be on the phone with me. The tv is always on as well as the videogames. He barely says a word. I express my concern and he doesn't do much about it. It's like clockwork. I just stopped calling for a day but if I don't call him we don't talk all day because he's grounded from his yahoo and Facebook.
I really really like him. I still want to be with him without being weird and naggy and trying to change him. What do I do? (link)
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Liking the idea of who someone is/thinks they are/wants to be is not the same as liking who someone just is on a daily basis. Do you like him on a daily basis?
It sounds like you two have a ton of contact, almost to the point of living together contact. Maybe he needs more alone time, maybe you need less.
I mean, there's really nothing wrong with being somewhat out of contact for a day. My wife and I are full time students and I work, some days I go 12 hours and come home with school work to do. Some days we spend hours watching movies and hanging out, others we barely have time to talk. That's the ebb and flow of life.
I can't tell where your life is ebbing and flowing. Are you two spending too much time together? Too little? Do things need to change or do you just need to adjust to each others routines.
We, the advisers, haven't got a clue. Go talk to your boyfriend and find out. This is your first lesson in relationship compromise. Learning to bring up concerns without accusing him of failing in some way and finding a middle ground where you both try a little harder to make each other happy and accommodate the others needs.
On the sex front, if you're of age to be asking questions about a boyfriend here, you're young enough to be dealing with a young man's sex drive. My wife has to deal with mine all the time, the question there isn't what he wants but does he respect your boundaries. The flip side to that is, are you expressing your boundaries clearly?
More questions for you to answer. You two need to communicate. Tell him what you think, try to express what you want or need. Let him honestly respond to it. Keep it from getting defensive or turning into a fight.
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In order to understand this situation better I should probably give you some background.
Im 19, female, and have been dating this amazing guy since the beginning of March, although I met him in December when I was home for break. He's everything I ever wanted in a guy, not to mention he treats me amazing and he worships me. However, my previous relationship was a two year one where I made so many mistakes by staying with the guy it turned verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Whats strange is that a week after I left my ex, I met my current boyfriend.
Thing is, after a long relationship last thing I wanted was a new one, so when I met this boy at a party I just shrugged our encounter off as a hookup, even though we exchanged numbers. He continued to contact me through out december and january, even when I went back to school, to hang out or go out but I would always blow him off. My university is close to home so distance was not the issue. Then, around the end of january he invited me to hang out with him and his friends one more time, and for some reason, I accepted.
What followed was almost a miracle. Not only was this boy perfect in every way for me, he thought I was perfect. He treats me incredible and would always say how amazing i am and how lucky he is to have found me. It's really insane how perfect we were together and how much i fit in with all of his friends as well. We continued to hang out and hook up throughout february and eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend. Because i had just ended a bad relationship, I said no. However, two weeks later after we kept going out and his friends pretty much considered me his grilfriend and after I kept seeing how amazing he was to me, I accepted. That was early March, it is now mid april and the experiences I've shared with him are priceless. I haven't felt this loved ever in my life and he truly is an amazing person. I think I've fallen for him. I say this because sometimes I get the urge to say "I love you" when were together but I always abstain myself.
Two interesting things happened, one, I was using his computer one day while he was showering and when I went to the internet, recent pages came up, and it showed he had researched "when is it too soon to say I love you". That sort of melted my heart it was very sweet.
The other interesting thing that happened is that we were laying in bed one night, we hadn't done anything, just cuddling, and we fall asleep. At one point though I wake up a little bit and he is hugging me so I turn over to face him and look at him and he is awake and whispers softly "i love you" and i couldn't be sure that he had said it so I asked What? and he repeated it, again softly. I wanted him to really say it so i said what a third time and again he said it very faintly. So i closed my eyes and hugged him and "went back to sleep". I'm not sure what this means, because I definitely think I heard him say it, three times, but it was so soft I'm not sure and he hasn't said it since and then I was not at a point where I felt like saying it but now I am and I want to but am very scared to. Idk when or what the right moment would be or what if he hadn't said it that night and I end up saying it first, I don't want to freak him out, I also dont want to say it too soon since it's only been a few months of dating but I just feel it, or at least I think I do because why else would I want to say it so bad? it always come up in my mind when I look at him.
My question is, should I say it even if he hasn't repeated it since then? Whats the best time and should I just be random about it or make sure its a special moment or what? What do you guys make of the situation? Does it count if he said it softly when we were "asleep" because I feel like it doesn't but I also have a feeling he thinks that since he said it he doesn't want to again until I do...I'm confused about this whole thing. (link)
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Have you ever honestly told someone how they make you feel? Like, no pomp and circumstance, no worrying about special moments, just wanted to express to another person in human terms they mean the world to you?
Honest outpourings are more meaningful to people than planned out perfect moments. He could show up with roses and diamonds tomorrow and boldly proclaim how much he loves you but in a few years what you'll remember were the whispers, when he put himself out there and was laying in bed with you just as nervous as you were.
Just express it. If you have to stutter it out do so, just tell him whats up with you and get on the same relationship page.
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I'm fifteen. In a hurry to leave to the bus stop, I usually make breakfast quick and eat it standing up by the counter. My mom always complains about it, and once she told me that it's not good for my health to eat while standing. Lately I've been wondering if that's true, or she's just telling me that so I will eat slower.
I feel dumb, but does eating while standing really affect your health?
Thanks! (link)
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Your mother is full of shit. Eating too quickly you might make yourself feel sick or eat more than you need to before the full feeling kicks in, but there's absolutely nothing to her claims.
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Are men gay when they pierce their penis in weard places? (link)
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No.
Also every guy I've ever met or heard of with a Prince Albert was unbearably overcompensatingly straight. It's anecdotal experience, but there you are.
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So I am 20 years old, and on my parents' health insurance. I went to get tested for STD's at my university's health center, as I am sexually active. How it works is the university sends you the bill, which you are supposed to make a copy of. One copy you send to the university with your payment, and the other you send to your insurance so they can reimburse you.
My problem is that before I always sent it to my mom, and she took care of everything for me. But my bill clearly states that I have gotten tested for HIV, Chlamydia, etc, etc. I don't want my mom seeing this. I discussed with her today how to pay bills with the insurance and stuff, and she told me I need a password in order to send the bill to insurance. She won't really give it to me because she is now extremely suspicious that something is going on. What do I do? For this bill I guess I can just pay it without insurance, its not too expensive, but what if something else like this happens again? I want my health stuff to be kept private from the rest of my family. Is there anything I can do?
Thank you (link)
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You're 20 years old, and a sexually active adult who is being _responsible_.
It's about time you got over your hesitancy about sex with your parents and treated things like this as a routine part of being a responsible adult.
If you want your privacy that badly just pay it and call your insurance agent to discuss being able to submit your own payments and bills on your own. But you really shouldn't be hiding something like this as if you're doing something wrong or inappropriate.
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Theres this guy Ive been friends with for many months and been dating for over a month. Hes a frickin weirdo and my friends hate him. I come from a conservative New England town and he stands out in wifebeaters and skinny jeans. His friends are the same way-- weird. He goes to com college and never tried in high school, whereas I'm an overachieving senior heading to a competitive school next year. And hes not attractive. My friends are trying to convince me that he's not right for me at all-- and from what I've just said, its obvious to see why. But he's seriously one of the nicest people I've ever met, and the biggest thing is that we share the same morals. He doesnt drink or do drugs, and he believes in treating women with respect. He treats me better than my old boyfriend did. Should I pay attention to the superficial, surface things or just take him how he is? I mean, how many 18 year old guy will I be able to find who actually want to treat me and my body with respect? (link)
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Alright.
First off, the way you dress says alot about who you are. A dude who wears wifebeaters and jeans is putting the absolute least effort into it humanly possible.
Second off, the above assertion is legitimized by his high school record and presence in community college. That's not a shallow surface detail, his motivation and drive to succeed and do things with his life is absolutely counter to your personality type.
My wife and I work because we are both fairly ambitious. We both want careers, we both want more than the shitty community college we're attending because it's all that's local and we're saving to move somewhere that isn't a shithole small town.
You're a high school senior. Not drinking won't matter to you much in a few years when you can do it legally, where as being in a competitive school with a boyfriend whos wasting time in community college and working hourly jobs on the other hand you'll end up caring alot about.
And, forgive me, but attractiveness matters. I don't care much what other people think one way or the other but I care very much that my wife turns me on, looks hot to me when she dresses up, etc. She is very attractive to me, and that analysis comes from my most shallow side.
Treating you better than your old boyfriend did isn't a measurement of anything significant. I can tell you really have no clue as to what you want out of a partner at this point, no one expects you to as a teenager in high school. But this guy is not it.
Being a nice guy is not sufficient justification to be in a relationship with him. And "How many 18 year old guys will treat me with respect?" ...
How much have you really looked? Not much, I'm guessing.
The best advice you're going to get, you're an overachiever going out to educate yourself enough to have a career, to do something with your life that you will take pride in and work hard for. You don't need to saddle yourself with a guy who will treat you as the center of his life. Hes got little going for him, you will be what he wants to spend his time on. You're going to a good school, school is what you should be spending your time on.
And in a 2-4 years, when you're a completely different person from who you are now with some actual real world experience and a few more years of maturity what you want in a guy is going to be completely different and more involved. You'll want things he's probably never going to provide for you.
Walk away. Go to college with a clean slate. Grow into a new person like every 20 year old ever does, and find someone who fits what the new you needs, instead of tying yourself down with a guy who's barely good enough for the old you you still are at this moment.
And again...
"How many 18 year old guys will you be able to find who treat you and your body with respect?"
When you go to college you can date guys who are 20. Treating a woman and her body with respect is kind of required to not be a douchebag. Just because you're having trouble finding someone who measures up in high school doesn't mean your options won't change the instant you go to college.
There will be plenty of guys just as nice and respectful (and even straightedge if you really want to go there) in college who will also have similar life goals like career and family and anything else that involves having some small amount of ambition to do something with your life.
Don't chain yourself to a guy who hasn't expressed that himself when you clearly have. Unattractive is one thing, unambitious is a complete deal breaker for people like you (and me).
I'd also like to point out that the answers you rated fives come from a guy who thinks he treats you like gold (which is not the impression I got from you, it sounds more like he treats you with a level of decency that should absolutely be expected and required by you or any other girl) and two girls who are both your age or younger who have absolutely no experience with dating outside of high school and what they've seen in TVs and movies.
There will be others. And, sorry, I'm too much a fan of chemistry and attraction to tell you that there's something wrong with not dating someone you are willing to flat out say you don't find attractive.
People think you're being shallow because you're a high school teenager and you have no experience or knowledge in what really matters in a relationship outside of really shallow, surface issues.
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