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Is he wrong for me or am I just superficial?
Theres this guy Ive been friends with for many months and been dating for over a month. Hes a frickin weirdo and my friends hate him. I come from a conservative New England town and he stands out in wifebeaters and skinny jeans. His friends are the same way-- weird. He goes to com college and never tried in high school, whereas I'm an overachieving senior heading to a competitive school next year. And hes not attractive. My friends are trying to convince me that he's not right for me at all-- and from what I've just said, its obvious to see why. But he's seriously one of the nicest people I've ever met, and the biggest thing is that we share the same morals. He doesnt drink or do drugs, and he believes in treating women with respect. He treats me better than my old boyfriend did. Should I pay attention to the superficial, surface things or just take him how he is? I mean, how many 18 year old guy will I be able to find who actually want to treat me and my body with respect?
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Alright.
First off, the way you dress says alot about who you are. A dude who wears wifebeaters and jeans is putting the absolute least effort into it humanly possible.
Second off, the above assertion is legitimized by his high school record and presence in community college. That's not a shallow surface detail, his motivation and drive to succeed and do things with his life is absolutely counter to your personality type.
My wife and I work because we are both fairly ambitious. We both want careers, we both want more than the shitty community college we're attending because it's all that's local and we're saving to move somewhere that isn't a shithole small town.
You're a high school senior. Not drinking won't matter to you much in a few years when you can do it legally, where as being in a competitive school with a boyfriend whos wasting time in community college and working hourly jobs on the other hand you'll end up caring alot about.
And, forgive me, but attractiveness matters. I don't care much what other people think one way or the other but I care very much that my wife turns me on, looks hot to me when she dresses up, etc. She is very attractive to me, and that analysis comes from my most shallow side.
Treating you better than your old boyfriend did isn't a measurement of anything significant. I can tell you really have no clue as to what you want out of a partner at this point, no one expects you to as a teenager in high school. But this guy is not it.
Being a nice guy is not sufficient justification to be in a relationship with him. And "How many 18 year old guys will treat me with respect?" ...
How much have you really looked? Not much, I'm guessing.
The best advice you're going to get, you're an overachiever going out to educate yourself enough to have a career, to do something with your life that you will take pride in and work hard for. You don't need to saddle yourself with a guy who will treat you as the center of his life. Hes got little going for him, you will be what he wants to spend his time on. You're going to a good school, school is what you should be spending your time on.
And in a 2-4 years, when you're a completely different person from who you are now with some actual real world experience and a few more years of maturity what you want in a guy is going to be completely different and more involved. You'll want things he's probably never going to provide for you.
Walk away. Go to college with a clean slate. Grow into a new person like every 20 year old ever does, and find someone who fits what the new you needs, instead of tying yourself down with a guy who's barely good enough for the old you you still are at this moment.
And again...
"How many 18 year old guys will you be able to find who treat you and your body with respect?"
When you go to college you can date guys who are 20. Treating a woman and her body with respect is kind of required to not be a douchebag. Just because you're having trouble finding someone who measures up in high school doesn't mean your options won't change the instant you go to college.
There will be plenty of guys just as nice and respectful (and even straightedge if you really want to go there) in college who will also have similar life goals like career and family and anything else that involves having some small amount of ambition to do something with your life.
Don't chain yourself to a guy who hasn't expressed that himself when you clearly have. Unattractive is one thing, unambitious is a complete deal breaker for people like you (and me).
I'd also like to point out that the answers you rated fives come from a guy who thinks he treats you like gold (which is not the impression I got from you, it sounds more like he treats you with a level of decency that should absolutely be expected and required by you or any other girl) and two girls who are both your age or younger who have absolutely no experience with dating outside of high school and what they've seen in TVs and movies.
There will be others. And, sorry, I'm too much a fan of chemistry and attraction to tell you that there's something wrong with not dating someone you are willing to flat out say you don't find attractive.
People think you're being shallow because you're a high school teenager and you have no experience or knowledge in what really matters in a relationship outside of really shallow, surface issues.
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you are being superficial, like the columnists said before me. so many girls would kill for a guy who treats them like gold, & a lot of us havent been that lucky. so to clearly state my obvious opinion, STAY WITH HIM as long as you have real feelings for him. dont just stay because hes a good guy.
you also need to ask your friends to respect your love life & your boyfriend & to stop talking badly about him. they arent being good friends, because true friends would see how well you are being treated & be happy for you, no matter what he looks like!
good luck
x sweeethoney
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wow.. this is a no-brainer!
be with him, your heart says so
would your heart ever lie?
your heart is you, and you are truth and love!
your emotions will always be your best guidance system!
positive feelings toward someone, means that is what your spirit and heart wants :). this is good
just work on caring about yourself, and what makes you feel good instead of the others. and i'm sure once you let yourself go and are happy and Confident with your choice, they will be happy too :),
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You are his girlfriend, This is a guy that treats you like gold and here in the beginning of your question you insulted him?
The main purpose should be excepting him for who is he and not for what he looks like. If you love him, care about him and respect him then who gives a flying crap what your friends think. If you are happy and enjoy being around him then that is all that should matter. Your relationship with your boyfriend shouldn't be what your friends think, It's about you and him. Also, It's not being superficial it's being judgmental.
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