|
feel more feminine
hi. im 19 and a female.
i am a goodlooking girl (not to be cocky) ive been with a lot of guys, not a crazy amount but a good amount.
i dont get any guy i want but i manage.
however my issue is i have trouble feeling sexy and feminine.
i dont look manly or anything like that but i feel so butch sometimes.
when im with a guy i find it so hard to let go.
it never feels smooth when im sexual with a guy. i feel so strained and stiff.
i never moan or let guys do things to me really because i feel so uncomfortable.
I HATE THIS. its not fair that i can't feel sexy and i can't let go during sex and yell at the top of my lungs and be in control and be sexual.
i dress up, hit the clubs, i look sexy but when im with a man i just can't seem to give off that.
or if i do its fake really.
i always feel so butch with men. i really dont know why.
how do i change this?
i want to be able to feel like a little sex demon and be able to have fun in bed.
i want to crave being sexual with guys, and look forward to it.
thanks-
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
While I'm not going to throw the marriage part into it, Bewise is correct about the intimacy.
In a relationship a level of comfortable intimacy develops over time. The familiar sense of an intimate lover lowers barriers you raise unconsciously around people who you don't know all that well. Barriers that protect you from judgment, awkwardness, and other forms of insecurity. When you're with someone for a while you know how they'll react, its not scary to be in an unfamiliar situation because you've got a familiar person beside you. Right now, its all unfamiliar. You're making sure you don't walk out feeling embarrassed or judged, you don't want to do something that might have people you know informed of interesting tendencies you'd rather keep private.
If you want to feel like a woman you have to actually be with a man. Not just take one home for the night. Start with a relationship and build a great sex life on top of it.
At least, that's whats working for me.
:Edit:
Also, so we're clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to scream. Sex can be and often is like that, being with the same guy doesn't mean going without the passion. Not in a good relationship. And when it comes right down to it, if he knows you well he'll know just how to get you going in the first place.
On that note, I have left relationships due to bad sex. If your sex drive is high enough, its just not something you can end up compromising on. Just in case you end up dating a guy who can't figure out the physical side to save his own life.
I also disagree on the "guys don't want to marry a sex demon" point.
I did.
]
Hi there,
I think it is because you are with random guys who you don't love.
When you get married and are with a husband who you love, and who loves you, you can be relaxed and feel much more girly and open to stuff.
By the way, All that moaning and yelling stuff is really in the movies. Most people don't actually do that.
You can be quiet and just lay and move in any position you want and just relax and smile and enjoy yourself, when you are with your husband.
I think you may have a really unrealistic expectation of what you 'should' be doing, and so keep trying it out on randoms.
Do you think that you just really want to fall in love? And so you hope that these guys will fall for you and have a magical relationship with lots of love?
It's out there for sure, but not with guys who pick up chicks in clubs.
The guys who are nice to chicks and who treat chicks well (like what you want) don't pick up chicks in clubs because they have higher standards and they find them sleazy.
Try doing some new things like rock climbing, or tramping, or vounteering at different places. Where you may find people with different attitudes, so when you finally find a nice guy that you like, he will treat you differently, and when you finally make love, it will be lovely and sweet and relaxed etc. Thats feminine.
A lot of guys don't actually want the sex demon. And being butch is a thing to make you feel in control when you feel really insecure and unloved.
Pick up a Bible. I'm not being funny. Make sure it is one that has easy modern language and hopefully a study guide. It will actually help you to read through the new testament, as it tells you all sorts of truths about yourself and can help you to be more confident and relaxed in yourself, and takes away the need to try and look like /be like something in particular when you are around others.
Also, when you get new friends at new places, they have no idea of who you are, so you can be an entirely new person. You don't have to pretend to be tough, you could be really caring instead. Particularly if you find some place that you really get motivated to volunteer for. Maybe an animal shelter, or a homeless shelter, or a kindergarten, or old peoples home, or some conservation park somewhere.
I hope this helps! Please feel free to ask more questions or leave a comment!
]
More Questions: |