I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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So...i was in a long distance relationship with this girl and recently she told me that she doesn't love me anymore . but i love her a lot and we had so much dreams for us but she gave up on all of them but i don't wanna give up on her and idk what i should do at this point i'm just hoping and waiting that she realizes that she loves me and get back to me . but she hasn't showed any signs of getting back . i'm just super confused right now and i really feel like just dying . (link)
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I have never known of a long distance relationship that worked out well. The fact you can never see someone is not conducive to relationships and love. It cannot grow and she cannot feel what she would if you were constantly near. It's not your fault.
It's not fair to her or to you to try and make something work like this when there are other opportunities, new life and actual people in hers and yours constantly filling the void left by neither or you being able to be physically present. If she doesn't have the same love and feelings for you as you had wanted it has to do with the fact you really can't love someone intensely or if at all if you never ever see them. It's non-existent as you are to one another in reality.
It would be wrong of her to let you think that there's something there that there isn't or an intense love when there is not so she's done the right thing by backing away and off. She probably assumes you will find someone eventually and should go on about your life as she has gone about trying to do so with hers.
She won't be coming back to you. That's the truth and though it hurts it would be foolish to try and pursue her or this further. Yes, it's crushing right now for you and that feeling is a normal reaction. In the end you will not die even if it feels like it and may find yourself in a much better position in long run for not dragging a futile situation further and making it harder on yourself. She's done you a favor by telling you where things stand rather than ignoring your feelings or trying to hurt you. It's done in her eyes.
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When you first have sex, and the guy puts his penis inside of you, does it hurt when he breaks the hymen?
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA
That should answer your question from sex educator Laci Green.
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So, when I started my current job a year ago a much younger woman, E., was very friendly toward me- catching my eye, smiling, staying behind.
I had had a terrible experience from getting involved in work before so kept my distance from her. I knew that between the age difference (20y) and simply working in the same office nothing good could happen.
She seemed hurt but found a man from another office and they moved in together.
Eventually we got talking and I really enjoyed her company- she has a Visual Arts degree and we share similar tastes in TV and film, though she prefers Fantasy books and is quite a 'romantic' thinker.
She was the first person outside my team to ask about me after my hospital stay, which was nice, and we have some great chats.
Anyway, This Valentines Day we had an office theme and we're encouraged to send cards etc.
I thought it would be nice to send her a Secret Admirer card- nothing intense, just a 'have a happy day' type card, no hearts, declarations of love etc.
When she got it she seemed really happy which was nice to see. The usual "so embarassing" whilst showing it to every other woman. It felt good.
However a week later she suddenly became very distant from me. Avoiding eye contact, curt replies, no smiles. She even left work with a female friend without saying goodnight, neither of which she has done before. I have no idea how she worked out it was from me.
I have kept out of her way as I hate the idea of making her unhappy or uncomfortable in any way.
I tried to do something nice but it backfired. I get on well with everyone else from canteen staff to managers and even have a female work friend the same age as E. who keeps meeting me for lunch.
I don't want to get a reputation as a 'creeper' at work. Nor do I want E. To feel odd around me as in the circumstances I just thought it would make her feel special and happy.
Any advice?
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=662306#ixzz4Zw56oIvK (link)
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Perhaps she is with someone else. Outside of work you probably don't know much about her personal life. She may have been flattered by the card and embarrassed and not know how to talk to you about it. I guess she knows her co-workers well at this point to know who wouldn't have sent it. You took a risk and it didn't work as intended.
The other thing if I read this right is that you're 20 years older than her. That's a HUGE difference and likely scared her. The best thing you can do is move on and go about your business and do as you are doing and stay away from her. That is how you avoid a reputation and that this eventually is forgotten. Talking to her about it or pursuing her in any way will land you in trouble. Nobody will view you as creepy if you do this. I would advise you to date your own age and not for professional reasons pursue anyone you work with and have to see daily especially if they go sour on you.
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I keep cheating with unhealthy food each day. Tomorrow I'll start over, but I wanted to know if anyone had any tips and advice on how to strictly stay on my diet. (link)
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There is NO tomorrow there is only right now. You have to get with your diet now or you'll have countless false starts and not get where you want. If you keep re-setting every day then there's no point. It's tough and you need to ask yourself how badly do you want it? Right now there's no commitment or burning passion or desire there. There's no real goal associated with the diet. That's why you aren't making progress.
You really have to think that you want to be healthy, free of diabetes and to weigh the proper amount and be happy as your goal and stick to the healthy eating. Any time you wind up where you have a choice of healthy food or junk remind yourself of where you really want to get to and walk away and do something to distract yourself if need be. When you say NO to that voice in your head a few times it will soon become automatic and you won't gravitate to wanting it.
While your healthy diet is a strict one you don't need to be absolutely frigging miserable on it or feeling left out. There are creative ways to make really tasty dishes you would like with the restrictions you have. You just need to search for recipies and start experimenting in the kitchen until you can get it down to things you actually want to eat.
You should see a dietitian or a nutritionist for this. They may find healthy recipies to create some of the same exact things you love but in a different way that meets all the requirements of the diet. Reach out to one through your doctor.
You also need exercise daily be it walking, biking or swimming or in a gym as that along with diet will get you in the healthy zone they want you to reach faster and something you can sustain long term without hiccups.
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so basically friend A told me that friend B told her that I talked shit behind her, which I didn't, and it's actually B that talked shit about A and I just listened.
It all started when friend A accused B because A said that friend C said something about B. B then dragged me down too and say that I talked shit about A. Now I admit that I was there when B was trash talking about A but I never did talk shit about A, i was the one who changes the topic because I dont want drama. Although A said that she still trusts me, I believe that things are still quite awkward between us, and I don't know about friend B, i mean she just dragged me down when I really trusted them BOTH and I just didn't know she would say something like that.
Please tell me what I should do with A and B x (link)
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Tell the truth that while you were physically present and heard what was being said that you never participated in the conversation and it made you unfcomfortable. Tell her that you don't talk "shit" about people ever. The only mistake you made was NOT telling your friend what people were saying behind her back. You may like this girl who did this to your friend but I would think long and hard whether she's the kind of person you want in your inner circle.
If she talks badly about people she may be doing it about you and anyone she knows. The person who she said vile things about needs to know so she can make a decision about what to do. If this friend doesn't believe you didn't partake in this there's not much you can really do.
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Does anybody know of a mental institution or psych ward near Murfreesboro or Nashville, Tennessee that will accept a girl of 12 years of age? (link)
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What usually happens is that if a parent suspects their child to be in crisis or mentally ill they must take them to an ER. An on call psychiatrist will figure out the nature of the illness and then make arrangements to have the child sent to a hospital for children. There usually isn't a ward for kids in most local hospitals almost always for adults.
The children's hospital will have a psychiatric ward for children in this age group. A doctor told me once that they make the diagnosis at a local hospital and then put in a transfer via ambulance. Even if there are institutions near you it's not as simple as going to one and asking that they take her.
Leave this up to the ER doctors to figure out and have them make the arrangements if they are necessary and it's a crisis situation as it's what they do every day and can get her help immediately.
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I'm 32, and a little over 11 years ago, my appendix burst
, leaving me with a severe abdominal infection. I received emergency surgery and stayed in the hospital for a week. While I healed nicely and haven't had complications since then, fast forward to today, when the topic of babies and fertility came up. I am worried that the infection could have possibly led to adhesion in my fallopian tubes, which could cause infertility. I was 21 at the time of surgery, and have had regular periods since. I'm at the point where I want to meet someone to settle down with and eventually have kids with. I just don't know what my chances are of achieving the baby part :( I plan to speak with my gynecologist at my next appointment, but any information is appreciated. (link)
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At the time what did your surgeon say after the procedure. If they told you that you were fine and had nothing to worry about and this never came up 11 years ago than you are likely fine now as you were after. They would be straight up with you and warn you if they thought this would be an issue.
It has been 11 years so I don't know if you can make contact with the surgeons office and ask them about your surgery and whether back then there was any reason to expect you would have fertility issues as a result of having your appendix burst and surgery.
I would most definitely visit the gyno or doctor who can tell you with certainty is there is any issue because of the surgery or other factors to expect any problem trying to conceive and have them give a definitive answer.
Also, we aren't doctors as you know and cannot give anything bordering on medical advice or hazard a guess as to whether or not the emergency surgery would impact you with fertility. Doing so would be a disservice if we were wrong. Definitely trust your instinct to take it up with your gyno at next appointment. Good luck. I wish you well with this.
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who should i choose the one who gave me the first kiss but is a jerk and i dont love him or the one that i love he is the most handsome and perfect guy i have ever seen? (link)
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If you cannot seem to choose than the short answer is neither is right. Why the heck would you want to be with a guy who is a jerk and doesn't value you? That makes zero sense to me. Yes, he gave you a first kiss and you have positive memories of it but if he treats you like shit than a relationship would be a bad experience. If you know someone is absolutely perfect and you are attracted to them and they to you than it's really obvious where you should be.
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Hello all, what does it mean when a guy who I know for a month says you're my friend and we should stay in touch. Why is he saying that? We joke and I reckon he teases me loads but more like makes fun of me. Why? Please help? Cheers! (link)
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Guys who like girls often tease them or make jokes as a way of breaking tension and to gain your attention. It's never meant to be hurtful but if it crosses into that territory let him know as tBy asking for you to stay in touch and that he considers you a friend he's letting you know he values you and likes you. All is okay and teenage boys are weird.
He just can't directly come out to you with how he feels or so he thinks. Perhaps asking him how he really feels will get him to be truthful and you can go from there. The question is do you like him? If so, than this may be rather easy if you both admit you feel the same way or that you aren't interested on that level.
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I forgot my gym clothes today so I had to wear my itchy sweater. I'm not in the best shape so I get really red while exercising. I used to cut but I have gotten over that, but you can still see very faint marks from where I used to cut. When my skin turns red you can clearly see all of then running right down my arm. I asked my teacher to let me go run some water over my arms since the sweat mixed with the itchy sweater caused a bit of burning, and she wanted to see my arms to make sure I wasn't getting a rash. I showed her and she allowed me to go. I'm really worried that she saw the scars and might call my parents, my parents never learned about my cutting. What do I do? I'm really freaking out! (link)
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While you may think it horrible that your teacher may say something to your parents believe me it isn't. She's 100% on your side and out to protect her students. It would be good for your mental and physical health for people to know so you can put it behind you and move forward with your life free of depression or the desire to engage in self harm.
Your parents would never be angry with you for telling them the truth and that you are having trouble. They would get you the help you needed and work with you to overcome it and be well which to be blunt if you are cutting yourself or hearing voices in head urging you to isn't right.
When you have a psychiatrist and a therapist and teacher helping you and providing counselling you can't go wrong. It will change your life around. It's best never to hide anything like this from adults you trust and parents as it can become a ton worse and they would be more upset that you didn't come to them with it than you did.
It's only a good thing to tell your teacher and parents the truth about the cutting. There's no judging you at all. This incident at school may be the best thing that could ever happen. Nobody said telling the truth to anyone about this is easy or not awkward but it has to come out one way or another so it is dealt with head on and for certain remains in the past. I wish you well.
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I own a pug who is 5 years old healthy. My mom wants to give him away as she doesn't like him and prefers her home to b the same as before. Things change when u get a dog. I study out of town and visit home every other weekend but that's not enough for her and my dog. My brother is busy with his own studies and hardly pays attention to our dog. Mom is right on her part but my dog is my only friend. He is the reason I'm still alive. He is the reason I visit home. And mom doesn't realizes that giving my dog away would be giving my soul away. I don't know where to give him. What to do. How to do this? (link)
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You need to tell her exactly what you just told us. Put simply illustrate the fact to her that if you are depressed and if you didn't have the relationship with your dog that to be incredibly blunt you wouldn't be alive. She needs to understand that and that the animal serves an incredible purpose. It's a bond that never should be severed. Even if you have to bang out a monetary agreement than do so. I'm sure she can't be that unreasonable.
Some people regardless of size of a dog are scared of them and or have no idea how to provide frequent and adequate care. Illustrate that he is a pug and small and easy to care for. They love everyone at least my two do. They definitely want attention and cuddles to be sure.
The next thing I would do is see your psychiatrist and ask for help re: the dog. Have him/her speak to your mother about the dog being akin to a service animal and how it's helping you cope and serving a very real and necessary purpose.
If that doesn't work see if your psychiatrist can't write you a note to give to college and make it so your dog can live with you as an animal with a special purpose and line up a roommate and dorm cool with that.
If none of this works reach out to friends parents and explain the purpose your pug fulfills, your mother being unreasonable and that you cannot be separated from him. If they can't take the dog at least they'll help find someone who can while you are in school. I'm sure there's a solution to this that will benefit you.
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So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice...... (link)
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I would find a decent therapist that will help you work through what happened to you, the family life you endured and your views on your father and excluding him. You have to let your feelings out and be honest about them in order to be able to heal and move forward never forgetting but forgiving and leading a happier life.
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I have no interest in anything. I'm disabled. So - at least for me - life is meaningless, because all life is is waking up, going to school/work, playing with your hobbies and then you go to sleep and repeat the same cycle all over again.
I have looked into finding interests for years, but I just am not interested in *anything*. I'm disabled, so I can't drive anywhere or go to work/school.
So what do I do when life is meaningless? Do I just lay here and wait for death?
(I'm done seeing therapists and taking prescription drugs, by the way. I have cooperated and put forth plenty of effort with multiple therapists, but it only made me feel worse. And I've been prescribed a multitude of different medications, but they only make me feel dizzy and drowsy.) (link)
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No interest in life or anything is a common and big sign of depression. You seem to think because you are disabled that you cannot thrive and lead a normal and enriching life. That belief is pardon my word choice utter bullshit. You have just adopted negative view of self. A disability is not an inability or obstacle to anything you want to do. There's always another way and a way around it.
As far as therapists go not all of them are good and NONE have the degree and expertise of a psychiatrist which you need here. That doesn't mean you are abnormal it means you need to work through some stuff and function normally and as though you don't have a disability dictating your life.
I know that you don't want to be on medication and that what you have tried isn't working. If you feel drowsy all the time and feel worse make sure the doctor knows that and keep on them about it. You're in a situation where you are on the wrong meds or have improper dosages affecting you adversely. They need to get it right and you have to be vocal about it or it will not change at all or for the better. You have a life worth living but need to be shown you do.
Also, keep a log book of what your moods are like and how often you go from depressed to happy to excited and crashing into despair. You need to take that to the appointment with the psychiatrist and other doctor you see so they have a road map on how to treat you and fix problems with meds. Life will get better if you do that. Been there.
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thankyou for reading this and
idk from where i should start...
i'm just gonna tell you everything that has happened with me over the last couple of years..
i lost my dad when i was 12
he was a very good person he took such good care of us...he died of cancer even though he never smoke or did drinking or any such sort of bad habits
and i lost "ME" the day i lost my dad and i am realizing it now as i start to think...
and after that we had to move to my grandfather's place as we had no one to take care of us
we had money though not like huge but it was enough my dad had worked very hard for every penny
and my grandfather helped my mom to build an apartment with the money we had and he also helped her a lot by lending money to my mother
and just 2 years ago our apartment got finished and also my Grandfather passed away in 2015
i can't take all of this really it is hurts me a lot alll these stuff i loved my Grandfather so much he was a very good person
and all my mother also cries everynight just thinking about what happened to my dad and grandfather
and my after i lost my grandpa i almost lost every family member as they started to show their true nature
the whole family and everyone was ...i don't even feel like talking about them
they were acting as if they are very nice and sweet when my grandpa was there and now that he's gone everyone is just yeah showing what they truly are....
i really don't know how to tell all the little stuff that cause the most pain....
that they all do.
i let all these things into my head and yeah i lost it ...
i didn't write my exam last year and i wasted an year and now i am at home everyday
sad ..and feeling lonely
but i took the re-exam december and i know i am not gonna pass because i don't like studying
i feel all these stuff is made by us
Go to school...
Study hard...
get good marks...
get a job at a place that gives you boat load of money...
marry a girl...
have kids....
i mean i am just tired of all these stuff
i don't know what to do with my life
and yeah i am also in love with a 21 year old girl(long distance)
met her online she is really very sweet
i have never met anyone like her till now
and i really just love her a lot
but ....
i told my mom about this thinking that she would help me to get together with this girl
( yah i'm an idiot i know )
but my mom denied(obiviously)
recently things haven't been good
it never has been good in my case
the girl i love also hasn't texted me back in couple of weeks and i am just Holding on
just Holding On...
i really don't know when i am gonna loose the Grip...
i really feel like dying
but..
yeah i also don't wanna Give up
people are usually like think about your mother and all the pain she's been through...
i really feel her pain
but..
they wouldn't say the same thing if they saw the world they way i see it
and wouldn't say these things if i saw the world the way they see it !
i am such an idiot !
i hate ME
i don't like me at all...
i just don't wanna live
but..
Hope is all i Got !
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Your issue has to do with having suffered a lot of trauma but keeping it all internal and never really taking it full on and learning how to work through the crap and purge these feelings. It's continuing to do a constant number on you and that's not good at all.
Like the poster below mentioned none of this is your fault. You may have temporarily "lost me" all those years ago. Now, is the time to see your real self and live again. This is what your grandfather and father would want of and for you. Take what they taught you and build on it and become even better than you thought.
The first step is to tell someone you trust how you feel inside all the time and ask them to find you a doctor and a therapist to talk to about depression and what you feel inside confidentially and learn how to work through it and gradually rebuild your life.
You will see over time that thoughts of wanting to die, thinking you're useless, an idiot and hating yourself is part and parcel with depression and other mental trauma (illnesses) which is okay if you have by the way. You'll learn how to override the bogus claims it is making and defeat them. It's not easy to live with but your life can be so much better by making the first step and telling a teacher, parent, relation, friend or an adult who can get you professional help. Then, just watch as things gradually become better. You have a ton to gain and to give even if you can't see it.
That's the problem with depression or any mental illness the reality of who you are is often distorted and until you are helped you won't be able to see that there is a brighter future.
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So i am 18 years and I met a guy who is 21 years online. At first I saw his pic and I was not interested. But I added him and eventually we began video chatting a lot and I found he looks better on the camera. I didn't know he liked me until we did a can call... And well the way he kept looking at me... So I asked him and he said he do like me. The big problem is he won't date me because he doesn't like online dating... Oh and well he is an atheist... And I have realized that he rarely or never messages first... Should I just continue messaging first? because I font want to screw this up... Since my experience always said I never message first.... I know this is just online but contrary to my last online date this one actually introduces me to his family and friends and he tells them he likes me... (link)
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You need to exercise an abundance of caution with online dating and making sure a person is who they say they are and have a good background. I don't get it why is he on an online site presumably for meeting women if he has no desire to date someone?
There's a reason he doesn't want to date you and not liking the idea of dating someone from online although in some cases a good one doesn't seem to add up here. Why would he talk to you at all online? Guys don't just chat for extended time with women they don't know online nor do they do video chatting. He may be married or looking for a friend only.
You need to be smart and ask him what happened to him in the past for him not to want to date anyone from online? It's a reasonable question and he should answer that for you. Also, ask how come he never messages you first and let him do so first and don't communicate until he does. It shows you aren't needy.
As far as religion goes funny thing is it really isn't an issue in the end unless made into one so I find. Love can transcend that. I know people of two separate faiths in huge contrast to one another and they just don't care it's a non-issue for them.
Here's the confusing part the last sentence says he's introduced you to his family. How can he do this if everything is online? Perhaps I read that sentence wrong and you meant in the past someone else you met online introduced you to his family.
Anyways, see if this guy contacts you first as that will show you if there is genuine interest and have him answer your questions on online dating experiences and not messaging first and ask him the religion question and if it even matters with the women he dates. Then you'll have a bigger portrait or who he is and whether you match or not.
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Thanks for taking your time to read my question
and i'll just get straight into the topic
i am having a long distance relationship with a girl..things were going very good until her grandma fell ill and my girl didn't text me back for 2 days for the first time and i asked her why ? and she said that she is just stressed and doesn't wanna talk to anyone when she is stressed (this was said by her 4-5 weeks ago flashback xD) and the reason that she is stressed is because grandma is ill and i tried to comfort her but she wouldn't even listen to me and i tried and i still am trying hard to comfort her but she...hasn't even looked at my texts but i notice her online on instagram once in 2 days or something like that idk ...i mean this is 2017 people usually can't live without their phone and i am sure that she got my text notification and yean...just igonored it and if i try to talk her about this she gets angry so i am just waiting for her reply from 2 weeks and this is really hurting me a lot i love her soo much and i miss her a lot ...and the question that struck my mind is that when you truly love someone ...can't you take atleast 2 mins in your day to send a text back ?? and i want to her but i know that she will get so mad at me for asking this that's why even i haven't asked this question and i feel really bad going through all these and valentine's day is just about to come and i wanna send her some gifts and flowers but i donoo her address -_- ....and yea i am just waitinf for her reply and honestly this process is hurting me a lot ...THE WAIT ! ughh so Painfull sometimes i fell like just Dying ...idk what to do ......
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If someone has told you that they are having a difficult time and politely to back away and they will contact you when ready do as they ask. You don't know her grandma's situation or how stressful and ongoing it is.
She may be devastated or depressed and you just don't know what is going on. A person can go on the Internet, read social media, respond to a comment or post to Instagram or what have you but it doesn't necessarily mean they are ready to talk to others about feelings or things in their lives.
What you need to do is back off. Let her come to you and do the contacting when she wants to. Don't call, don't text just don't. Whatever you usually do just don't. The texting, calls etc after she asked you to back off is telling her that you aren't concerned and do not listen. It's making you look like an idiot or needy to her and totally unattractive. You have to give her the space she asked for it will not end right.
Secondly, to be fair you aren't even in her daily life as it is. She's far away as are you. She has a new environment, friends, school perhaps, work etc. and you are only there for phone and text. Perhaps a ton of priorities in addition to grandma are on her plate to juggle.
You need to go about your life right now as though she's not in it until she comes to you. If she hasn't contacted you by the end of this month move on as it may be her way of trying to get you to move on.
Sure, she could be ignoring you or your texts no question but we also don't know. I know if someone I knew was in hospital and close to me that I would shut off my phone and not be in contact with anyone I really didn't need to be until ready. She's seemed to tell you that so I would believe her for now.
My advice is to stop with the texting, calls, social media etc. She knows you are there and it's up to her to contact you. If you keep up with that you'll permanently piss her off. I have seen it before. You have to go about your normal life and if your relationship is meant to be it will happen.
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Does a woman with a regular period will get pregnant in a dry humping so easily ? (link)
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In short, not at all. There has to be penis in vagina sex and release of semen (ejaculation) for pregnancy to be able to occur. What you are doing is safe as semen which contains sperm cannot travel through clothing and underwear into the vagina. You're fine.
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i am 14 as well and i've been so insecure about panty lines since the 6th grade. I absolutely hate them and they make me feel feel uncomfortable.Its something that would just make me feel a lot more confident and less embarassed. I even cut up my normal underwear attempting to make thongs. Yea some of my friends wear them. It influences me in a way. I want them for me and not to show off to friends or boys. Im not like that and i never will be. Im a straight a student at the moment and a competitve soccer player. My parents trust me and i trust them. Why do they think the type of under wear i wear will make me magically a slut? My friend bought me some thongs and just normal under wear from PINK. They were super cute. Before this, i didnt know my parents felt so strong about thongs and i thought it was ok since so many of my friends wear them. My mom was moving over my laundry and found a thong. She got very upset thinking i was hiding it from her. I told her my friend got them for me and she thought i was lying. I started crying because i wasn lying and if i knew how she felt i would have told her about it. I was so happy to not feel so insecure about my panty line and she took them away from me. (link)
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Is there an adult female or even someone a few years older than you ie a sibling that mom respects and listens to and you trust? If so, I would enlist their help. Have them explain to her that you lack self confidence about pantyline and feel very insecure and upset and that a thong makes you feel confident.
They can also drive home that you have god character and that a pair of underwear regardless of style won't make you interested in sex or doing what you shouldn't with boys.
Better yet talk to your friend's mom about all of this and what your mom did when your friend bought you said underwear and about your self-esteem. If she sees that your friend isn't magically a slut maybe she'll see it your way and understand from another mom why it's a non issue in their house.
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Hello,
I'm 26 years old and I'm ready to have a baby. I have a master's degree in education and I have a great job. I'm financially stable right now. I own a house. I have the space, time, and resources to have a baby. I got my period when I was 9 years old. I don't know how long I'll be fertile enough to get pregnant. I'm ready to be a mom. But, I have some issues with relationships right now.
First of all, I have some issues with sex, overall. For the most part, I find sex to be very painful. It's not something I enjoy. I have been diagnosed with a condition called vaginismus, which means that my vagina pretty much rejects sex. It closes up when a penis is trying to enter. I find the idea of oral sex repulsive. I don't understand why anyone would want to stick someone else's genitals in their mouth. I don't mean to sound insulting to other people, as I know that pretty much everyone does it. But, I'm just trying to point out how disgusting I find it!
To be honest, I don't think anyone would want to marry me with these issues. Who would want to marry a girl who doesn't want to give them a blow job? I've thought about this for a while, and while I'm ready to give up the dream of getting married, I'm not ready to give up becoming a mom. It's what I've always wanted. But, without a partner to make babies with, I'm left with the option of adoption or a donor.
I am adopted. I'm very okay with adopting a child. But, it's extremely difficult, and as a single parent, it is even more difficult to adopt. It's actually nearly impossible. A lot of people think it's easy, but they are actually very misinformed. First of all, it costs a lot of money. My parents nearly paid $40,000 in legal fees to adopt me as an infant. As a single parent, that too would be a lot to pay in legal fees! Not to mention that single adopters are at the bottom of the waiting list. But, as an adoptee, I could relate to the child in ways that maybe other people could not. However, with the donor, I have some fears. I know that donors can father a maximum of 20 children or something like that. That's quite a bit of children. It seems like that would be traumatic for someone to know that they have 20 siblings out there and not know who they are. I know my biological family, so I don't have the issue of being afraid to marry someone I'm related to or something like that. It's a little different being adopted because even if you don't know who your siblings are, most people wouldn't assume they have 20.
My question is this. Have any of you used a donor? What is your experience like? How would you describe your child's feelings towards it?
Any information is helpful.
Thank you! Best!
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Never say never. While the condition manifests itself as physical in nature there is conflicting opinion medically that it may also be psychological too. There is a connection with people who have been sexually assaulted, experienced trauma, abuse in childhood or otherwise and even domestic violence.
Also, if you have always anticipated pain prior to the diagnosis with penetration I have read that plays a factor. But as you know there can be other reasons. I have read in Psychology Today that finding a therapist and working through any issues or approach to sexuality could help the condition.
I'm positive and know if it were me that no matter this problem that most guys would be with you because they loved you and not count a physical issue that you can't help against you.
There is a lot of ways to enjoy intimacy without vaginal intercourse with your partner. I'm not sure where you got the idea that oral sex is vile. It may not sound real appealing but if a person bathes and practices proper hygene your/his genitals are no less clean that other body parts.
Its okay if you have no desire to do this ever but by the same token if you are the recipient it may in fact be a release for you and way to experience sex in a positive way that will not cause pain. It's nothing to be fearful or disgusted about regardless decision but it's one way you could be sexual with a partner.
As for giving I can understand how you feel and it's okay if you want to do this and totally normal if not. There are condoms flavored or without spermicide on them that are available in novelty stores that may or may not change your stance.
Apart from adoption there is of course surrogacy. I would talk to your doctor about always wanting to be a parent but unable to have intercourse and ask him/her about options and ideas on how to make this a reality despite the obstacle. I would go from there as believe me there's many women and alot of patients of their's dealing with same issue. You might learn something helpful I hope.
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I have a pretty good chance at being accepted for disability because of my psychiatrist. He'll send his note to Social Security. He knows how my anxiety is practically untreatable and how awful it can be. He knows that I have anxiety attacks *EACH AND EVERY TIME* I set foot in a public place, which is why I can't hold a job. He knows I have extreme, untreatable fatigue, which is why I can't drive. Every time I do, I consistently have near death experiences.
I'll be moving in with my boyfriend in a year or so. And I'm choosing to be a housewife - to clean the whole apartment for him, do his laundry and fold them (as well as mine), cook breakfast and all his favorite meals for him. I'll do yoga and meditation in the morning. I'll read, write and give advice on this certain mental illness forum. I'll give him as much massages and backrubs as he wants when he gets home from work.
My biggest fear is becoming lazy like my aunt. She's on disability for anxiety and depression too, but all she does *ALL* day is sit at her kitchen table and smoke as well as sleep. She never cleans her house and when she used to have a dog, her house smelled of pure piss. She does absolutely *NOTHING* and expects people to do stuff and buy stuff for her for free.
I don't want to be like her, so please help me find as much productive stuff that I can do at home. Thank you! (link)
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ADDITIONAL: The attacks you have all seem to occur in public places. While in a public place what sound, smell, situation triggers it? Is it always the same? What hits you like a tidal wave the very second you walk in?
I ask because if you knew and continually visited those places as uncomfortable as it may be and stayed instead of left immediately that perhaps you wouldn't be as afraid and could eventually enjoy being out or having attacks in those environments a little less often.
You have to know that although it may seem like you are going to die that in reality it cannot kill or physically harm you but can be uncomfortable. If in a public place and it happened you would find people wanting to help you. You would be secure. I know your doctor will want you to be in society and not indoors. Have you thought of perhaps going to a library or a movie where there isn't noise from a lot of people as a way of being in public with a more comfortable environment you can control r swimming?
Also, see if you can join an improv class for people in general or designed for those with anxiety issues. They are abundant and you'll find the exercises and meeting people in same boat a good experience.
ORIGINAL
ORIGINAL
But you aren't anything like her already. That will not change. I'm not sure how it works in the U.S. but if a psychiatrist tells the government you are disabled there is NO refuting that. He/she will have set things up for you and it's yours for life or until such times as you are no longer deemed disabled by him/her alone.
This could also help you with living conditions, expenses and affording medications that you could otherwise not. It will enhance your life and you deserve it because your illness and its after effects are very, very real.
I think the mental health community online is a great use of your time and productive and helping mankind. Yoga and any form of exercise also is needed, reading, writing, cooking not just for him but in general are all ways of being productive at home.
Being outdoors not in a public place is good for you and something to continue trying to do in increments or maybe timed X amount of minutes a day and choose a place to walk or hike with a friend or alone with no other plan than to get moving is good.
How would you feel about talking to the doctor about support groups at the hospital if they have them or other location for this type of anxiety? The people in those groups would have the same type of anxiety issue or other illness and you could make friends and be safe that way. Despite your illness you need a social outlet that if indoors all the time you won't receive.
As for your aunt I have never met her but perhaps the "laziness" and odd behavior may in fact be a symptom of her own illness diagnosed or not. You my hate the behavior and way she's been living but if you approach her with the same level of compassion you are receiving now you may have a better relationship.
Definitely ask your psychiatrist about things you can do and outline your fear of turning lazy and really wanting to be productive. Trust me, you're the kind of person who is motivated that they love to work with.
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