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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
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*large extended family
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*advanced college degree
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advice
this is kind of a weird question but I was wondering if anyone knows of a movie with a really good sex scene in it. Not a porn movie or anything like that, just a regular movie with a pretty steamy sex scene like the note book or something. Thanks!
Vanilla Sky
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla_sky
I am thinking about buying this MP3 player is this a good choice? and what does "4gb ET" stand for? and is this a good option or should i just buy the one with the 4gb? which is better, or worse or dosn't it matter? thanks in advance.
http://www.walmart.com/Creative-Zen-4GB-MP3-Video-Player/ip/10652332
I got a Creative Zen a few years ago and it was really nice. I loved it and I was very careful with it. Then, it just stopped working for no apparent reason. A huge waste of money. In other words, I don't trust them. They're a lot cheaper for a reason. Look into the Microsoft Zune. They're a little more expensive, but I would say it's well worth it. Much better than getting an overpriced iPod. :)
http://www.zune.net/en-US/mp3players/default.htm
If you're still really liking the Creative Zen, they are nice mp3 players. You'd enjoy it, but don't say you weren't warned if it only lasts for a few months.
hello, i love wearing high heels but i'm already pretty tall (5'6"ish). is there any places that have cute heels but aren't 4in high? something like 2-3inch would be nice (no kitten heels please)!
thank you all in advance.
Try looking online. I'm getting married soon and I needed shoes with a low heel because my fiance isn't much taller than me. Plus, I hate high heels and I'd rather be comfortable.
http://www.shoes.com/
http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/index.jsp
On websites like these, you can do specific searches that include how high of a heel you want. Many online shoe stores allow you to return shoes without charge if they don't fit or you don't like them. Just make sure to check what the return policy is before you order anything. If you don't want to order online, you can find a shoe that you like and then find a store that carries it. It just takes a little bit of work, but it's worth every minute if you get a pair of shoes that you really like. I did! :)
ok so i am tring to quit SI (cutting self injuring) what are some of the withdrawl symptoms. I not talking about the itching or anything. I mean ihave been clean for 6 weeks and i am having dreams of cutting and thoughts pains and everything i just dont understand. why do i want to sooooo bad and these headaches and being dizy. I have also have had painic attacks aleast once and night. idk is this normal?
You need to find a way to deal with stress. The withdrawal symptoms that you are experiencing are not physical, they are in your head. You've taken the first step in deciding that you need to stop responding to stress in a negative way. I really want to congratulate you on this and for having stuck it out for 6 weeks. You've made an amazing start. Your problem right now is that it doesn't seem like you've found a positive outlet for your stress to replace SI. Try out some positive stress management techniques. You've tied physical and mental pain together for too long. Inflicting physical pain on yourself may seem like it's helps with mental pain, but it does not, it only causes more as I'm sure you're well aware. I would suggest that you take it a little at a time. Transition yourself into being able to control mental pain through mental exercises. You don't want to cut, but there are positive, physical activities that help you manage stress. Physical exercise is a great one. Go for a short walk or jog and you'll feel better pretty quickly. Exercise releases endorphins into your body, which are the hormones that make you feel happy. If you push yourself a little bit, you'll also get some of that physical stimulation that you are missing right now. Do not overdo it though to the point where you are feeling pain. Set limits for yourself. Ten minutes is a good starting point. Once your body can handle more, up it to 15. There's no reason to go past 30. Remember, you're not trying to replace cutting with another way of hurting yourself. You want to transition into not needing to feel anything physical at all. Try the exercise. If it's not your thing, here's a great article with lots of ideas for helping you to manage your stress. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm. There's a box two thirds of the way down the page titled "healthy stress reducers". Check out the whole article, but this box gives some specific activities that you can engage in to manage stress that could become a temporary or permanant replacement to SI. Something as simple as writing in a journal can be a huge help. This is a tough time in your life. Remember though, soon enough, it'll be over and you won't feel the need to resort to SI to manage your stress and know that you're a strong, worthwhile person. If you are having any trouble keeping yourself from cutting again, don't be afraid to seek help. Someone that knows you personally will be able to help you a lot more than an article or anyone on this site. Good luck. :)
18/f; ok, i've been a waitress at a family-owned BBQ restaurant for almost two years. i love my job. the bosses are laid back. the people are pretty nice. it easy to do. and i think alot of that comes from the fact that its not a chain restuarant so theres not as many like standards from the state or whatever. i dont know. but anyway. business is soo slow, and we're overstaffed and because im in school, i cant work mornings which is when they're busiest. so i only get two nights a week. MAYBE three if im very lucky because someone calls in or something. and very rarely are we steady/busy at night. its pitiful. i dont want to quit, but im broke. i got an application from a bigger Steakhouse [Outback] in a more high class, busier town. i've been contemplating taking it back. im more scared of getting the job than of not getting it. im afraid that i'll go and hate it, or suck at it and not catch on because they have such a bigger menu and a bar and everything. im afraid i'll want my job now back but i wont be able to get it back because if i quit, they wont be overstaffed anymore they'll have just enough. idk, i just dont wanna start at a new place and hate it, or make even less money, or whatever. any input? what would you do in this situation? i wish my job would just be busier, then i wouldnt even question quitting. my bosses like me alot and said that when i go off to college, i can work on weekends or breaks when i come home to make some extra cash, which is a great offer. should i give up a good thing for the possibility of more money, or just stick it out until i leave for college in the fall?
Ok, so you know that working at the Outback is better for you. However, it is sometimes worth earning a little less money to be happy.
Sometimes you have to take risks. It's not like you're going to be working in restaurants for the rest of your life...or even 5 years from now, hopefully. Your job at the BBQ restaurant is not something you would be doing for much longer anyway. I am going to give you the advice that you should apply at the Outback. You should do something first though.
Eat there. Twice. Once in the evening, and once during the afternoon. You work at a restaurant now. You'll get a very good sense of what the work atmosphere is like just by eating there a few times. Trust yourself and trust your instincts in this. You'll know if it's a bad place to work. Check out the staff. See if they seem like they're happy. While you're there, ask your waiter or waitress about it. Just a quick, simple "Is this a good place to work" or "What's it like working here" is enough. If it's not that great, they'll either tell you, or you will be able to pick up on it.
Overall, this is a good opportunity for you. You should take it. You'll be able to handle the new job. You have plenty of experience and everyone has a little trouble at first. Pretty soon though, you'll become very comfortable in a new job and you'll appreciate the extra cash. If everything fails miserably with your new job at the Outback, it seems like your old job will probably still be there for you. Good luck! :)
Uhmm how do I control how I smell and taste in my vagina. My girlfriend and I are going to take it to the next level and I want to smell and taste good. Also how do I avoid razorburn down there?
You have more control over what your vagina tastes like than most people think. If you eat fruits, it will make you taste sweeter, which is usually what someone else would want, rather than it being more on the bitter side. Don't go buck wild stuffing your face with fruit, but have a serving of fruit or two every day and it'll make a difference. Avoid razor burn by letting the hair grow back a little before shaving it again (a few days). Make sure you use a new blade and instead of shaving cream, try a hair conditioner. It makes the hair softer and the area feel much less rough and prickly. Good luck!
How do I talk to my parents about sex and purity? Whenever I bring somthing up with my dad he gets mad at me and with my mom it just gets akward. What can I do? I want to stay pure till marrige, Im thinking about getting a purity ring just as a reminder whenever it starts to go to far with a boy. How can I bring up a conversation with my parents. I have a little sister(11) if that helps at all. Thanks in advance!
All the advice you've already received is good. I'd like to add something though. I think that you should try talking to someone else first. Kind of like practice. Sometimes it's much easier to talk to an Aunt, older cousin, grandparent, or a teacher. When it comes down to it, talking to parents is just plain hard. If you can sort of practice what you want to say and become more comfortable in how to want to express it, talking to your parents will be much less painful. Writing down all your ideas and what you want to get out can be helpful too. After that, I'd say call a "family meeting" with your mom and your dad. Talk to them both about it. They may be a little less intimidated and uncomfortable by what you have to say if they have each other there. Do not get your sister involved in anything. She's too young right now. When she is older though, definitely talk to her about it too. Older sisters have a lot of influence on younger sisters and you could help her make the right decisions by setting such a great example. When you do get into a serious relationship, try to tell the boy about you decision to stay pure relatively early in the relationship. That's not something that you should keep to yourself. It can cause a lot of problems if you do. If he has a problem with your decision he's entitled to that, but if he doesn't even know about it and a problem develops, then it's partly your fault too. Don't go blabbing about it on the first couple of dates, but when the moment arises, don't be afraid to bring it up. You don't want to be with a guy that won't respect your values. Whatever you decide to do good luck! :)
How do Christians deal with what they consider inappropriate sexual urges? I am a teenage girl and I have desires that I know are wrong to fulfill until I am married, and because I am Christian and believe the word of God.
For example:
Desires for a person that a Christian is not married to.
Desires for a person who is not Christian.
Desires for a person who is of the same gender.
I understand that I cannot make the sexual urges suddenly go away since they have to do with hormones and maturing, but how can I keep them under control as a Christian? I love God and I do not want to disrespect Him or my body by giving into sexual desires in this inappropriate time.
I want to be the best Christian I can be and I know that means controlling myself when it comes to sexual activity. Are there ways to limit these desires to very infrequent times or are they something I cannot lessen no matter what?
I am also considering speaking to my pastor about this problem but I would like to know if that is appropriate to do in the first place.
Any advice is appreciated!
First off, I'm Christian and have been all my life. I think that people tend to take sexual desires much more seriously than other desires. It's also a sin to be jealous. It's a sin to be greedy, lazy, or proud of yourself. The thing is, we can't control having our desires. God gave you your desires. What you can control is whether or not you give in to your desires. That's what God cares about. He gave you your desires, He made you, and He loves you with or without them. It's only going to make you unhappy if you attempt to be completely sinless. Only Jesus lived without sin and only Jesus could live without sin. Do what you can, but remember that it's not going to go away. After a few years it will be easier to deal with and it won't feel like such a big part of your life. It's tough being a good Christian in this day and age. The best thing you can do is just stick to your values. Don't let your desires make your decisions. From your question, it looks like you're doing a pretty good job with this already. It's awesome that you believe in staying pure until you get married. Don't let that slip away from you. Intercourse is not there for pleasure, it's there to make babies, which is really special to God. You can still get forgiveness for it, like anything else, but choosing not to participate in it shows a lot of strength of character. I don't think that this is an inappropriate thing to talk to your pastor about. If you're close, it could be very helpful for you. He or she could probably help put your mind at ease. I wish you the best of luck and remember that you can't live your life without sin. Control the sins that you can control and pray for forgiveness for the ones that you can't. Jesus made it so that you can be forgiven! :)
I have had this red bump on my penis for over a year and I don't know what it is. I have had it since before i had been sexually active, no sex and no oral sex. It is filled with puss like a pimple but lately it had been hurting more than a pimple and seems to be swollen. I dont think it's a pimple because i have had it for over a year. Does anyone know what it could be? Any advice would be helpful. I'm 16 and i have been researching and i know its not herpes or warts.
Going along with what the previous columnist told you, I want to make sure you know the severity of your situation. It sounded like a mole to me too and moles can be cancerous. It's critical that you see a doctor just in case. You don't want to have cancer for a year and not do anything about it. I'm not trying to scare you and you shouldn't be overly worried, but you need to be worried enough to get to a doctor about your problem. Good luck.
im 17 years old and pregnant. i just moved 900 miles away from my boyfriend and he came to visit me over the summer and thats when it happened. my mom doesnt want me to get an abortion because she doesnt believe in it. and my boyfriend and i know that were not ready to supply for a kid. so, my only option here would be adoption right? the thing is... i cant even imagene doing that. has anyone else been in my position? i mean i know i have to do whats best for me and the baby but giving up someone like that just seems impossible
I think that an open adoption would appeal to you. Basically, what happens in an open adoption is that you give up your child to another family, but you are still involved in the child's life. Kind of like an Aunt or something. The only downside is that, as with any adoption, you would have no parental rights. You can make a contract of sorts though that requires visitation and passing along of information so it's not as bad as it sounds. Like any adoption, it can be hard on the child, but it's much less difficult than a regular adoption or certainly an abortion. I don't want to turn this into a debate about abortion, but if that is something that you feel would be best for all parties involved it is something that you should look into. I'm sure your mom would forgive you. I personally don't agree with abortion, but you definitely have the right to decide that for yourself at this point. Since you are 17, your mom's advice is important, but think more about what you and your boyfriend want. Please don't leave him out of this. The child is half his. Legally you can decide to do whatever you want, but morally, you should leave some of the decision up to him. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that I was helpful! Finally, here is some information on open adoptions. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_adoption
well, i was in my la class a few days ago, and then my teacher dicides to open a discusion about the election. i really enjoy politics, and im a republican. but she gave us a run down of what each party was like. and she said that republicans are mostly rich white guys, dont like to think out of the box, want to start comunisium, want to raise taxes, think women should do house work, and that they dont want to go green. all of that stuff is very not true. then she said that demecrates are great thinkers who try to have new people in like blacks and women, and that they want to lower taxes and would love to go green, those are problably true...exept the taxes part (but ill try to keep my opinion out) and i come home, all made because she had put me down like that, and i told my mom who is AMAZING at politics and rights and logic. and she said that the teacher really shouldnt be doing that...she does have the freedom of speech, but she is also in a positon of athority, so everyone else could think that what she is saying is fact, but it is really opinion, but my question is, what should i do if she brings it up again, should i ask her after class to not be making stuff up about the republicans, or should i tell the princiable that shes basicly discriminating agains rep., or should i have my mom call, but i really dont want to just sit back and let her think that she can say what ever she wants, im just not like that
I know this is completely different, but consider this: what if your teacher was talking about blacks and saying that they were inferior to whites? Yes, there is freedom of speech and people do have a right to say things like that, but as a teacher, there are some things that you should not talk about if you want to keep your job. Teachers do have the freedom of speech just like everyone else, but that's something you could get fired over. So, in other words, say what you want, but there can certainly be consequences. She doesn't have the right to employment by your school. Since your teacher is an adult in charge and is a teacher who is supposed to help sculpt you into an adult person, she is really imposing her beliefs on the class. My guess is that she knows that what she was saying isn't entirely accurate and she was exaggerating, but even so, there is no excuse for doing what she did. It's like telling kids in science class that there's no God and that evolution is the truth and creationism is wrong. Teachers certainly have the right to believe what they want, but there are limits as to what they can share with their students without getting in huge trouble with the administration and possibly fired. If this teacher is bold enough to sound off about politics, she is not the type of person you want to confront or even try talking to. What she did was seriously wrong and if she doesn't know that, she's a dumbass (excuse my language). She really doesn't deserve the courtesy of a warning. Sometimes teachers get too comfortable with a class and think that they can say and do whatever they want and get away with it. Don't let her get away with this because it will continue to happen and will likely get worse. Teachers should have much more control and set a much more professional example than she is. What you need to do is have your mom call the principal. A phone call from a parent is very powerful. It's even better if she can go in and speak to the principal face to face. If that's not possible, make sure that the phone call happens and that you set up a meeting with the principal yourself. Don't let this slide. It's pretty serious and this teacher should not get away with it. My guess is that she won't be fired for it, but she'll definitely get reamed out for it, possibly punished in some other way, and she will never do it again. For an added punch, do a write-up about the Republican party and hand it in to her that squashes all the misconceptions that she has. She especially can't get away with saying that Republicans believe women should do housework and aren't involving women in the party when McCain's VP pick is female, and a very outspoken, strong female at that! Anyway, giving her the write-up would best be done at a meeting with you, her, the principal, and possibly your mom. An invitation to a local Republican event would be great and the principal would probably recommend she go. She would learn a lot from something like that. Good luck and please don't let this go. I'm a Democrat myself, but I still feel very strongly about this because I'm an aspiring teacher. She should totally know better and even though I disagree with many of the Republican ideas, I know that they are valid and that what your teacher was saying is completely wrong! This teacher is a ridiculous person! There's a difference between promoting Democratic ideas and dismissing Republican ideas. It's hard not to promote what you believe in, but as a teacher, you can't do it by insulting the other side and it should be subconscious and happen kind of by accident. Heck, she could even say she was a Democrat and that would be fine as long as she didn't portray Republicans in a negative light. She really didn't have to bash Republicans like she did. Stand up for what you believe and do something about this that's going to make an impact!
Ok, SO I have had an ongoing saga with my ex. We have 3 kids 8, 10, and 12. The new wife is very sexually verbally innapropriate with the kids and is very controlling and abusive to their father. THey have been together for 3 years. His family belives she beats him and will kill him if he leaves one day. She has been convicted of Felony child endangering, identity fraud, robbery, passing bad checks, and the list goes on. Shoplifting is her favorite. She also has personality disorder. Her therapist dropped her. She openly discusses how good her sex life is with their dad, jokes about rape, and Talks about giving their father blow jobs and how well she does it. He is not allowed to see his kids if he does, he has to lie and meet them at a secret location. WHEW!! Here is the problem. The bitch and the ass are taking me to court!! They (she) wants visitation. ALOT!! THey told the court I was witholding visitation because of back child support LIE!!! He AGREED that their home is not a good environment for the kids. They also want to lower child support, I make 8,000, he makes 27,000. They also want to drop medical coverage, I have a very ill son and no medical. They are 2,677 behind on child support.And demand to claim the kids on taxes and leave me nothing!!I have done nothing for them to do all of this to us. She is controlling and his entire family feels she will kill him or become rely jealous of my kids and kill them!! How do you think court will go? Help!!
I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. I just want to offer a bit of advice to add on to what has already been said. You obviously don't like this woman and I certainly don't blame you. Just make sure that you are respectful during court and try not to show your dislike outwardly. Just stick to the facts and try not to get too mad. I'm pretty sure you will be fine doing this, I'm just giving a gentle reminder since you refer to the both of them so negatively and in less than appropriate language throughout your question. Even if you are in the right, which you are, a judge won't like it if you get too frazzled. Again though, you have nothing to worry about. Good luck, even though you probably won't even need it! :)
im 15/f and i'll be turning 16 sooooon! im really excited. but i cant decided what to do for my party. I've been debating between a all girl sleepover or a big pool party with guys & girls. i just cant decide what to do. and i've only got about like 7 guy friends.
so what kinda party do you think would be better?
and what type of things should i do at my party?
my parents dont really want to spend too much money.
but theyre willing to through in a hundred or so..
any advice is appreciated! :)
Why not do both? Have a pool party and then the girls can stay overnight. If you spend some time on it, you can plan it really well so that it doesn't cost more than $100. I mean, it's not like you would have to buy a lot for the sleepover. Maybe rent a few movies or something. Sleepovers don't have to be expensive at all since most of it is just girl talk anyway. Plus, you'd already have all the assorted munchies you would need from the pool party. You're turning 16. Show your parents how organized, smart, and responsible you are by planning the whole thing for them! It'll definitely be worth it. If you leave it up to your parents they will probably make you choose. If you plan the whole thing, you can show them how it will work out. Good luck! :)
ok so to this day i am "the vigin mary" as my friends say. I have never even kissed a guy before and i am 14! PROBLEM: I am one of the most developed girls at school and a ton of guys only date me to get in my pants. But I am not willing to just give it up because I want it to be the perfect moment for me. Its monumental!! So how do I know exactly when its the right time or if its the right guy?
You can't know when it's the right time or the right guy until way after you do it. I think that people are overreacting. Don't worry about this so much. It's not like you're on here talking about losing your virginity. You can't set really high standards for guys or you'll never end up kissing anybody! With your first kiss, it's better just to go with what feels right. If you're with a guy that you like and he's cute and sweet, go for it! Yeah, he's probably not going to be the guy you end up with forever, but who cares. You can at least look back to your first kiss and say that it was with a sweet guy that things didn't work out with. That's what it's going to be anyway right? There's no way you'll ever regret that. So why put it off? What are you waiting for? I'm not saying run out and find a guy to make out with, but be open to doing it with someone that's not perfect. Sometimes imperfections to the story make better, more lasting memories. You don't want to be kissing your first guy when you're almost 19 like I did. All the time I think about how much more fun I would have had and how much better my relationships, the ones that matter, would have worked out if I'd been a little more carefree in high school. Learn now so that when it matters, it won't come back to haunt you. Be smart, but please be proactive about it. I'm giving this advice to you because it's clear that you are using your head and you're not going to make stupid decisions. Trust yourself and your judgment and take it one step at a time! Kissing and stuff like that isn't losing your virginity. Wait for Mr. Right for that, not this! :)
Okay, I know this may sound stupid.
But is it possible for a guy to pee while he's releasing sperm?
Like basicly peeing in you?
Just wondering.
No. It's possible for a guy to pee during sex, but once he gets past a certain stage of arousal, it's not gonna happen until he cools down.
Hello everyone:
I was recently told by a girl who I really do not like that most every girl before the age of like 18-20 has had sex. Now I know that it really isn't true and that there's girls out there who are still virgins. I'm a virgin myself and am 22. Do you think that this statement is true that almost any girl good or bad has had sex before marriage? Why or why not?
I wouldn't agree that most girls have had sex before that age. Yes, many have, but the average age for losing your virginity is about 18. That means that yeah, some do it before then, but others wait even longer. Other intimate sexual acts happen around age 14-15 I believe, though. If you think about it, it's going to be the juicy stuff that you hear about all the time. It just seems like everyone is having sex because you hear a lot less about the people that aren't. Anyway, lets set the statistics aside because they can't be trusted fully anyway. I mean, where do they come up with this information? Probably through surveys and even though most people don't, you can lie on a survey. Most people don't get married when they're all that young. There's a lot of time after age 18 that people could have sex before getting married. I'm guessing that very few couples are waiting until they are truly married for sex. It has nothing to do with whether you're a "good" girl or a "bad" girl. Good girls have sex just as much as bad girls don't. And really, would it be such a bad thing to have sex with someone you had been engaged to for 2 years? For me, I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin. Not only that, but I've been in a committed relationship with the same guy for over 3 years. I know other couples that are waiting too. Though it doesn't happen much, there are still people out there saving their virginity for their wedding night. It's a lot more special that way ya know? :)
I'm a senior in high school, I'll be 18 next month, I'm currently a virgin but I plan on going on birth control pills before I leave for college (sometime over the summer) just to be safe.. but I just realized that I'm scheduled to get my period the day of my senior prom and have it the whole weekend of after prom.. but luckily my friend has an extra month's worth of her birth control pills and offered to give it to me to take so that my period would come after my prom weekend. I read the directions and information that came with the pills but my only concern is if this is really dangerous to do becuase I havent been examined and I'm not telling my parents about it. I plan on stopping the pill after this one month and hopefully starting again when I go for my yearly check up later in June. Any advice is appreciated..
I completely agree with what the other columnist already said. Another thing I want to point out is, how do you know that it would make your period come at that time? It could, but it may not. It could make it come earlier, later, cause spotting, or not affect it at all. It depends on how your body handles it. So, even if you did decide to use it, which you definitely should not, it probably wouldn't work for what you want it to do.
ok theres this red squirrle in my yard and like last year heal eat the robin eggs so how can i scare him away without scarin the robins?
You're not going to be able to scare the squirrel away from its home. What you should do is get a Have-A-Heart trap, catch it, and release it a few miles away. Make sure you check the trap often because if the squirrel is left in it too long it could die. Also, make sure you release the squirrel in a safe place. A place where you know other squirrels live would be ideal. Don't just drop it off at someone else's house. Try to find a place where there's a good amount of forest for it to live. Good luck! :)
alrighty so i'm 15/f and i'm still a virgin, never had a bf and never fooled around before. so basicly i'm totally unexperienced. but it's not cause i'm ugly or something, in fact a couple of guys liked me but i'm probably the shyest person ever: i cant even look boys i like in the eye :/. so yeah nothing ever happened.
so all my friends and classmates already did stuff like fingering, blowjobs handjobs sex etc.
theyre also around 15 years old. i'm like a total outsider and i cant even imagin a guy seeing me without a top or anything. i'm just extremely shy as i said before. and i'm NEVER gonna make a move. the only guys i can talk to are ugly guys cause around them i dont feel nervous obviously. (sorry if this is a bit offencinve)
and also, is it normal that everyone is already doing this stuff at this age??? i feel so weird. i mean yeah i like imagining me doing that stuff as well, but i CANT in person. and yeahyeah i know its not all about physical stuff but i cant even TALK to a hot guy or a guy i really like.
is the behaviour of my friends normal at this age?
and is there something wrong with me?
and as i said it'S NOT my looks because i've been told i'm one of the prettiest girls in school. and i SERIOUSLY dont wanna brag or anything, i just want to give you the facts so i can get good answers :P
well thanks for reading. :) xxx
I'm glad everyone is being very supportive of you and your situation. I agree completely with what they're saying.
However, there comes a point where you need to grow up a little. What I mean is, well, you can't even talk to guys! That's not normal or okay and you're going to need to get over it. Soon! Most people get over this by age 12.
It's great that you've stayed relatively innocent and very true to yourself in today's world. I congratulate you for that. Fewer people than you think are sexually active. Sure some people do it, but most make it up or exaggerate. If you're not ready for it yet, definitely wait. There will be plenty of time for that stuff later down the road. You really shouldn't be doing much until you are 18 anyway, so there's nothing for you to worry about for a few more years.
But not being able to talk to guys? Come on. You need to work on this. It's going to be awkward at first and you're going to feel embarrassed, but you need to just start doing it. You don't have to flirt with guys and you don't have to force conversations, but seriously, just talk to them. They're people, just like everyone else. There should be absolutely no reason why you can't just talk to another person.
Another thing you should think about is that if you don't get a boyfriend in high school, it'll get harder and harder to get one down the road. I really suggest that you try out a relationship with someone. There's got to be someone that you like. Maybe a few someones that you can choose from. Relationships aren't just for sex. The emotional side of relationships is much more important than the physical. You certainly don't have to do anything sexual with your boyfriend when you get one and you shouldn't.
If you don't get the experience now, you may lose a guy in the future because of your lack of experience. Most people learn the ins and outs of communication and relationships in their teen years. If you get your first boyfriend when you are 25, he's going to think that you're immature and acting like a teenager because of some of the mistakes you will make. He may not want to deal with that no matter how much he cares about you. Not only that, but if you don't date in high school, you could miss out on some great opportunities.
So, my advice to you is to talk to guys. Just do it. You'll get the hang of it and soon it's not going to be hard. They're just people after all. Then, ask somebody out that you like. Get into a relationship and learn how to communicate with a significant other. Who knows, maybe you will end up staying with the guy for a long time, if not forever!
Lastly, my comments weren't meant to offend or to hurt you. They're meant to help. By telling you what I honestly think and using my own life experience to give you advice on what to do, I think that you will get more out of this than hearing that you're fine the way you are and there's nothing you can do to improve your life. If you were fine, you wouldn't be asking a question on here. Something is weird or missing in your life. Go out and get it.
Ever since I was 5 my Dad got married, giving my a new step mother and step brother to deal with. His mom and my dad knew each other through our church, so I always knew he wasn't my real brother, and even if I didn't; He's Black and I'm Dominican, so it's kind of "apparent". I'm a couple of months older than he is.
He's usually a quiet and calm person, but I feel he goes out of his way to make time if I want to talk or just chill. He's an awesome step-brother; the best, and I thank God for him like everyday.
A couple of years back, I started looking at him...differently. All the traits I like about him, I started to love about him. Things I took for granted started becoming really difficult to do. I feel really self conscious when I'm next to him, and I feel awkward when we're in the same room, just watching TV. I can't even talk to him easily any more because of the secret I'm keeping from him.
It didn't take him long to pick up on it, and he tried to sit me down and talk. I was reluctant, but he got really worried that he'd done something to me and wouldn't let it go. we've talked about a lot of things but nothing as major as this. I wasn't sure how he'd take it, and I lost my temper and shouted at him to back off, and he started walking out the room. And then he said the worst words I'd want to hear. He said "I love you", something he doesn't just say out of the blue, but I can't tell if he loves me loves me, or whether it was just because he thinks I hate him for some reason. It's been three weeks since that incident, and we haven't spoken to each other, which I hate, but it makes living so close to him much more bearable.
I've never felt this way about anyone else before, and I know what I feel is real because of the fact he's my step brother so I know him intimately (platonic, not the other kind), but I'd hate to be rejected...or worse if he takes real bad.
Should I tell him how I really feel, or keep us distant?
Yes, of course it is possible that you love him in a way that you shouldn't. Just because you love him though, doesn't make things all okay. If it is the case that you do love him inappropriately, it's because you don't truly see him as a brother because you know he is not related to you by blood. You need to start seeing him as your brother because he is. Just because he isn't blood related to you doesn't mean he isn't as much your brother as if he was. No matter what you feel for him or what he feels back, you need to let this one go. I really feel for you because this has got to be tough, but I think that you know in your head and your heart that your love for him isn't right and it needs to end or you should at least act like it's not there. Again, I really strongly encourage you to talk to your Dad or step-mom about this. They should be able to help you through what you are feeling.
I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you should. Even if you are not related to him, if you have been living with him for several years as brother and sister, having a relationship with him would be incestual. He is your brother. Legally and morally.
Even if what I said above were not true, you need to let this go. You are very close to him because you live with him. You will feel this type of connection with someone else after being with them for some time. It's actually quite normal to have the feelings that you do! Do not make them out to be more than they are.
Ok, so just because this isn't what you want to hear, guess what, it's the truth. It would be very wrong to act on your feelings. Of course you love him, he's your brother. Feelings like this for someone you know isn't related to you are confusing and can make you think that something is okay when it is not. Trust me, this isn't something you want to get involved with. You will deeply regret it if you do. You and your parents could get into a lot of trouble for it.
Do NOT tell him. It will only make the situation worse. The fact that you even have to ask this question should be enough to show you that telling him would be wrong.
If the feelings continue, you should probably tell your Dad or your step-mom. They may have some good advice for you. If you're not ready for that yet, see a counselor at your school. Though the feelings are pretty normal, you need to be able to control them and from this question, I'm not sure you can.