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Talking to your parents
How do I talk to my parents about sex and purity? Whenever I bring somthing up with my dad he gets mad at me and with my mom it just gets akward. What can I do? I want to stay pure till marrige, Im thinking about getting a purity ring just as a reminder whenever it starts to go to far with a boy. How can I bring up a conversation with my parents. I have a little sister(11) if that helps at all. Thanks in advance!
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All the advice you've already received is good. I'd like to add something though. I think that you should try talking to someone else first. Kind of like practice. Sometimes it's much easier to talk to an Aunt, older cousin, grandparent, or a teacher. When it comes down to it, talking to parents is just plain hard. If you can sort of practice what you want to say and become more comfortable in how to want to express it, talking to your parents will be much less painful. Writing down all your ideas and what you want to get out can be helpful too. After that, I'd say call a "family meeting" with your mom and your dad. Talk to them both about it. They may be a little less intimidated and uncomfortable by what you have to say if they have each other there. Do not get your sister involved in anything. She's too young right now. When she is older though, definitely talk to her about it too. Older sisters have a lot of influence on younger sisters and you could help her make the right decisions by setting such a great example. When you do get into a serious relationship, try to tell the boy about you decision to stay pure relatively early in the relationship. That's not something that you should keep to yourself. It can cause a lot of problems if you do. If he has a problem with your decision he's entitled to that, but if he doesn't even know about it and a problem develops, then it's partly your fault too. Don't go blabbing about it on the first couple of dates, but when the moment arises, don't be afraid to bring it up. You don't want to be with a guy that won't respect your values. Whatever you decide to do good luck! :)
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hey:)
i was going through the same problem but then i finally got the nerves to talk to mi parents about sex.First i went to my mom and like you said it felt kind funny to me to but i knew i had to listen to her so that i know what to do when a guy asked me to have sex.i would forget about talking to your dad because no dad wants his girl to do them thing.i hope my advised worked.and i hope u can tell me how it went.
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First of all I wanted to say Congratulations on making the decision to stay pure until marriage. I actually do wear a purity ring, and I just told my parents that I wanted one. If your parents make it impossible to talk too, then talk to another trusted adult, maybe an aunt or even your pastor.
The ring is a good reminder that sex comes after marriage, and I am not going to lie to you, it is hard. It is tempting to give in to sex, but the ring is a constant reminder to me, to stop and remember that my promise to God comes before my own feelings. It is a big step, but well worth it. And especially since you have a little sister, your ring will be a good influence on her to wait until she is married.
And if you say to your parents that you are old enough and mature enough to discuss sex they very well may listen, especially if you say that you want to wait until you are married. They may be acting weird b/c they realize that you are growing up. Explain to them how you feel about it and that you want to talk about sex.
Sex convos are always awkward with parents, I'm sorry it is true, just talk to your mom and say it feels awkward but it is necessary and that you feel like you can't talk to your dad b/c he gets mad. Let her in maybe she needs to know how you feel.
Good luck with everything, and congrats on your decision. It really is a good one.
:) Jeannie
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ok then forget about your dad for now and start with the easier to talk to parent....ur mom!!
it may be akward but come on you need to talk to her sooner or later!just think of it this way its not like shes gonna be mad at you when you say mom i want to be pure till marriage,if you were my daughter id be mad proud of you and id be listening to you till the end!Itll be akward at first but then bit by bit youll get the hang of it^_^give it a try youve got nothing to lose^_^
just start off like this...mom what do you think of people that stay virgins till marriage?Well im thinking of staying like that because....blah blah!see its not that hard is it^_^
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There is one thing you and all children, (which we all are if you think about it), need to realize about parent's I'm a parent and a child of course. I have always tried to be open to being approached about anything with my three children, (now all adults), but for some people it's hard. Parents get so use to looking at you as a child, when adulthood comes along, they can't help but still see you as a child, they may never get past this.
You don't mention your age, but I assume you are at least the standard two years over your sister, so 13 or above. Now they may think it is still not appropriate to talk of such things at your age. It also sounds like maybe serious talk is not all that common between you and your parents, so I suggest you set your sights lower, going from talking about what clothes to wear to school, to talking about sex and purity, just maybe too big a leap for them.
Spend some time and I'm talking days or weeks, could even take months, engaging them in conversations, gradually going from lighter topics, to heavier ones, eventually get to the one you really want. Talk to them about politics, religion, things adults talk about, not things that children talk about, I'm sure you'll find this enlightening and stimulating. When you feel that they are starting to see you more as an adult, try going to light romance conversation, you know, how did you and dad meet, or what were the kinds of things you did for dates back when you first met, get them thinking of the old days.
Go into this with a well thought out plan. Think of "off the cuff" questions you can ask them and write them down. Put them in order from light topic to heavy. As you are helping your mother in the kitchen, get her talking as if it were unplanned. Focus on your mother, but work on your dad too.
Consider him practice on how to engage men in conversation, start simple, you should know his interests by now, then start slipping a few easy going questions on him and work your way up with him too.
Take care to start these things at the right time, don't interrupt times of normal solitude, or reflection time for your parents. Depending on what they do for a living, you may be interrupting their brain down time. If they spend a lot of time at work using their brain, they undoubtedly have a time soon after coming home where they like to shut their brain down for a while. Watch for patterns, (routines), they follow, alone times are important to everyone, remember when they have the do not disturb sign hanging on their forehead, respect that.
Too many young ones don't respect that their parents are people and they don't respect them as individuals, but expect them to treat them as such. If you want them to treat you like an individual and adult, be aware of them and their rights as individuals, as flawed as they maybe. Acceptance is probably the most important thing in life and I can count on one hand those I feel have really accepted me. Your parents should be, but most often aren't among the people you count among those who accept you, but I would ask, have you accepted them, or do you want them to be something they are not?
Be open, take it all in, reject nothing, contemplate everything, see the possibilities, live in reality, but most importantly, see the truth.
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I dont know how close you and your parents are but you should always have an open line of communication with them.If you cant be open with them then who can you be open to.Now i really applaud you for respecting yourself enough to want to wait for love and experience sex in a loving marriage.As for your parents,try to sit down with them and reassure them that you love them and you just want their advice on the matter.Sometimes as parents we jump to conclusions thinking the worst but if your mom is the easiest to speak with i would try her first without your father around.Some conversations is not for a dad to hear anyway.Your mom can relate to you as a woman and give you advice in that area.
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try your mom first. akward but shes been through it since you are both females. Tell her like, Mom, before this gets to akward i just want to say that i want to safe my self until marriage but i was a purity ring to remind me of what i want rather than being pressured into something. then let her know you want to ask some questions if itd be okay .. and parents tell each other everything she will tell your dad and you wont have to worry about that lol he gets bad because your his daughter.
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