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Dear Melissa,
I just found my boyfriend making out with my best friend.My bestfriend is mad at me for being upset about it and my boyfriend broke my trust,said it was my fault,the girl was prettier and older,but he still wants to be friends,I know its kinda stupid but it still hurts alot.Should I apologise to my friend,wait for her to say sorry,or just forget it.Oh and what should I do about my boyfriend.I need help!!!!!!!




Signed,

Lonely and Confused

Ohh my ..this is a horrible situation..and its extremely messed up on both of their parts. I dont get why your bf is blaming you and why your friend is mad at you for being upset. You have EVERY right to be EXTREMEEEELY mad! I know i would be because its not only my bf cheating, but with my BEST FRIEND!!
What i would do is this: ditch the friend. She is not a true friend at all if she would go behind your back and mess around with your bf. That is so low of her. The least i would do is bitch her out. I might even hit her in the face..but i guess thats going a little overboard..i dont want any trouble for you. But definately dont talk to her again, shes not worth it.
As for your bf: he cheated on you. When trust is broken it is so hard to get it back. I would ditch him too because what he did is horrible! Who says he wont do it again? You desserve so much better. Get both of those scums out of your life. You dotn need people like that in your life.
Im so sorry this happened to you..i would be devestated if it happened to me. Stay strong, get rid of the bf as well as the friend..and move on from all this.
I hope this helped?
Good luck hun and thanks for writing to me
-melissa-

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i was just talking to my friend and she is mad at me and when i talk to her she just yells at me and i really want to be her friend her name is izzy and i want to talk to her but she thiks i am a jerk and arnt very nice i need help please HELP!!!!!!!!!

Well the only thing you can do is try and talk to her..tell her not to yell at you. Let her know you dont want the two of you to fight. If i had a friend who would just scream at me..then after trying to talk to her a couple times i would just move on. i mean, its not fair to you for someone to keep yelling at you. Yelling is not the way to work out problems. I hope it all works out..but just remember..you dont need a friend who is just going to scream at you because you desserve better
-meliss

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*first of all i wanna say thanks for viewing my question. it is kind of long but thats because i am being completely honest.*

before i ask it kinda necessary to give you some history. My ex and i went out for a year and a 3 months almost.t. We started going out back in 2004 and broke up in the middle of 2005 like at the end of April. when we were together we were crazy about each other we were each others first love. but eventually..i guess my ex realized he wasn't ready to settle down and be with one person for the rest of his life (well guess i should of know we were 15,16 at the most) but hey. i was really in love. the break up was really hard for me i fell into a deep depression. For 3 weeks i couldn't eat or sleep and i started having panic attacks. surprising this didn't happen until about 2 months after the break up...it just hit me suddenly like finally sunk in. In the time before that i tried desperately to hold on to him. I would call him but of course he never wanted to talk. we also had a really bad argument one night. it just didn't seem fair for him to do this after he mad me so many promises. obviously we stopped talking all together.it stayed like that for a year. because we were together for so long i was(and still am) really close to his brother and his mom so i still talked to them. then like two months before last summer i made a myspace account.when i added my ex boyfriend i didn't really expect anything but when i sent him a message he actually wrote back. it was only like one or two word answers so i got the clue and didn't plan on messaging him anymore. but when i went to his page he had put me in his #1 spot on his friends list. i didn't really know what to think about this so i just ignored it. but a few days later he sent me a message that said i should put him on mines since i was on his. so i did and we messaged each other everyone in a while. then in July like 10 days after his bday his bro invited me to go to the movies with him and his mom. i hadn't seen them in a long time so i said yes. i didn't know my ex was going to come but when i got there he was there. i just played it cool and said hi,gave him a hug but i didn't really know how to act. When we got in the movies i ended up sitting between my ex and his mom. he started playing around like hitting my leg and stuff. i just played along. eventually we were fighting over the arm rest and he grabbed my hand and held it. a rush of emotion ran through me. i don't really know what emotion it was but i had to fight back my tears. after we got out the movie he was all in my face being all nice putting his arm around me. i have to say i was happy. after they dropped me off he texted me. then called me. we hadn't talked on the phone in a whole year. but we stayed on the phone for like 8 hours. i stayed like this for the next three weeks. he told me he was starting to like me again and then told me he loved me. i guess deep down i knew it wasn't true but i went along. over the next few months we went to the movies and i went over his house for the first time since the night we broke up. in the movies we kissed...and at his house we made out. then in October he got a job and started calling me less and less... i guess i knew what was happening because it has always been this cycle with him. he starts talking to me and is all pressed over me then he gets tired of talking to me. one night i went to his house and he completely ignored me because his friends were. here. i called him and told him i didn't like how he acted and i could tell he couldn't he cared less. a few days later i sent him a message on the computer and just said everything. i told him i was tired of him playin with my emotions. i said i jst wanted to know if he wanted to stop talking again and why. all he replied was idk i just don't feel like talking anymore.(i don't know are his favorite words.)i cried but i refused to do the same thing i did after we broke up so i just stopped calling. i only went over his house to see his brother and mom when he was at work. this laster for like 3 months. then one day i came over his house to hang out with his bro and we just completely ignored each other at first. but by the time i left we were playing around play fighting and stuff. he even felt me up a couple times and stupid me i let him. When i left he asked me for a hug goodbye. so we were cool again but we still don't talk on the phone anymore. then a few moths after i was over there he texted me and asked me whens the next time i am coming over i came over like to weeks later and we made out while i was there.then a few weeks ago he sent me a message on the computer asking the same thing so i went over there that weekend. while i was there we laid down and watched tv and he had his arm around me. then eventually we made out but we went a little further than the previous times. so yea. he is the most confusing person i have ever known he is always sending mixed messages. i don't even try to figure him out anymore because he is so wishy washy. i am in the mindset that of we are gonna be cool then we are and if we arn't we arn't. of course is still have feelings for him. i don't have a physical relationship with anyone else I'm not like that. i know that he doesn't want a long relationship because are mutual friend told me that when they had a conversation he said that the longest relationship he had as with me and he didn't know if he could do that again. he hasn't really had any serious girlfriends since me. i know he likes this one girl but he isn't really that worried about according to our friend. i just wanna know if i should come out and just ask him what we are. i don't even know anymore. or if i should just wait and see what happens. or am i just kidding myself completely and is it obvious he has no feelings for me. sorry it was so long and thanks.

If i were you..i would back off a little. Like wait for him to start talking to you again..and when he does, dont just say ok i'll hang out. tell him no i dont think its a good idea cuz im tired of the same stupid crap happening where you lead me on then change your mind. im done with that. give him that kind of attitude and wait and see his reaction to that. he might be like whatever..or he will talk to you and show that hes serious this time. make him earn you back. he has to prove to you he isnt going to keep doing this to you..so dont go right back. see if he fights for you.
i hope it all works out hun!
-meliss

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My bestfriends baby shower is this afternoon. I've known about this event for about 2 1/2 months now. the problem is i dont have any money to get the baby anything im young and i've been trying to find a job but i hven't gotten 1one yet. i feel really bad about it. she will be very dissapointed in me if i didn't show up. i dont know what to do.

this is a tough situation. being that it is your best friend..definately show up and just explain the circumstances before the party. when you do get money together, definately pick out something nice for the baby. for now a sweet thing to do would be to bake something(s) for the shower. its your best friend so im sure she would understand

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14/f
going into 9th grade

hey well i'm 14 now and i still don't have my period. i know it's normal, but my sister got hers about my age and my mom got it when she was like 12. so you know how people say you're supposed to get discharge about like a year before your period? well it's been way over a year, maybe even 2 and nothing's happening still. and also you're supposed to get it a little bit after your boobs start to grow? yeah well that's been about 2 years now. it's so annoying. it's not like i'm looking foward to it or anything, but practically like every girl my age has it already. even my bff who is like 85 pounds and tiny. i would have expected her to get it after me. but no. is there anything wrong with me? i don't want to talk about it with my mom or anything, because well, you don't know my mom. and also a doctor because i'm not open about this kinda stuff. any advice?

hey dont worry..i had a friend who didnt get hers until she was 16. They say if your 16ish and still dont have it,...then you should see a doctor..but dont qorry..it should be coming soon. and trust me..enjy the time you have without it..because its not that great and it stays with you for a lonnng time..utnil menapause age which is like 50-60 yrs old!

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Long but please read:



My parents are getting a divorce shortly mainly because my dad is 38 wanting to be 20 again. I have a bestfriend that comes around alot and she thinks my dad is hot and he knows that. He says that she is very attractive and so on. He text her all the time. Me and my friend work together and my dad will go in and talk to her then leave without saying a word to me or he will go in when im not even working like he has for the last 2 weeks according to my friend.

The other night i was pretty drunk and my friend and i were talking to my dad. I laid down on the floor and dosed off and i hard noises coming from my friend ( like her and my dad messing around ) after my sister came in the room i got up and went to the bathroom and started crying. After 10 min my friend came to check on me and i asked her if she was messing around with my dad and she said "no, i would never do that ___ i would never do anything to ruin our friendship". And of course i believe her she my bestfriend.

Lately my dad is very attached to his cell phone every time it chimes i know its my friend.He sleeps with the phone right next to him most nights and if you touch his phone he flips out. Well tonight he left his phone on the table so i snooped and i looked thourgh his pictures and i found one of my friend naked (from the waist up)

IM so hurt by this i dont know if i trust her shes lying to me. We're supposed to be bestfriends. Shes tells me she annoyed by my dad but that pictures proves that thats a lie. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to tell her i was looking through my dads phone and found this. I'm Graduating tomorrow and shes going to be there we are supposed to move in tomorrow as in get an apartment.

Please help im falling apart over this
thanks

They are both so disgusting! I could never immagine myself in this situation..if i were you i would be so angry..i would confron t my friend and i would definately be very upset. I would neverrr move in with her..i wouldnt even be friends with her! As for your dad, he should be ashamed of himself. Confront him and let him know how sick and selfish he is..make him think about his poor choices and hopefully eventually you guys will be able to work things out. But for the time being i would not feel comfortable around my dad at alll and i would have a lottt of anger towards him. Ditch your lying,slutty friend. Confront your dad as well and let him know how hurt and disappointed you are in him.
I hope everything works out ok!
-=-melissa--=-

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the other day my friend invited me to her party. we are pretty good friends but not the closest. an hour later she told me the party was canceled cause her mom said she couldn't. well in everyone's away message it says "can't wait for sarah's party on saturday" so its obvious shes lying. i dont wanna bring it up to her and sound like a bitch or get her mad at me.. but like how should i bring it up? i really dont know why she'd do that to me. =/ the party is tomorrow night.

Honestly i think it would be hilarious to crash the party and just show up. When you see the girl be like heyy im glad your mom let you have the party afterall!
Another iddea is to team up with a friend of yours who is going and thinks what she did was mean. You go up to the girl with tyour friend and you say.."man im glad your mom let you have the party afterall." then your friend says "what do you mean?" and you say..'you know, the party was cancelled at first.." your friend says "no it definately wasnt.."then you can be like "hmm i see how it is" lol or somethin like that.
Another idea is to take the high road and forget about it..just take her off the list of any parties you will be having in the future :)

(If it were me i would probably team up with a friend haha)

-Melissa-

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well, i'm 15 and i'm definitely not having sex before marriage. me and bf are sure of that and are strong with our beliefs.
but for me, i'm little lost on some things. i would just like to be a little bit smarter with the subject.

1st - is ejaculation (for both guys and girls)good or bad? is it gross? does it get on anything?

2nd - what are orgasms for? what do they do? why do people always ask about them?

3rd - what is "popping the cherry"? is it bad? is it something to watch out for? does it hurt?

4th - and when i am married i'm a little afraid to have sex because a lot of people say it can and can't hurt and girls can always can get pregnant. is there anything to really be afraid of? what is there to really watch out for?

5th - how well do condoms work? would condoms work everytime we would have sex?

thanx for answering...

1) Ejaculation is for both guys and girls. When a male is sexually stimulated down there (by receiving head,handjob,sex) then he eventually ejaculates. Girls cum also after stimulation as well. It isnt bad at all..it is perfectly natural and shows that they got so stimulated! I dont think its gross at all..but some people do. Its all a matter of opinion. It is messy..it will stain clothes, and it has a certain taste to it.

2) an orgasm is something ((amazing)) that happens during sexual activity. (masturbating,sex,etc.) for a girl..her heart beats fast,things down there feel really good (lol) and her muscles in her vagina contract. It is a very unique experience. (you'll know when you have one) People are always asking about them because they want to reach orgasm during secual activity. People want to know tips on how to reach orgasm, etc.

3) When a girl has sex for the first time, her cherry gets popped. The cherr y is really the hymen, which is a piece of skin that stretches and covers part of the vaginal hole. When a guy inserts his penis in her vagina, the piece of skin breaks. It is 100% normal and natural. It happens with every girl the first time they have sex (some girls cherries pop during activities like gymnastics or horseback riding) The pain varies from girl to girl. A very good friend of mine told me that yes it hurt a little her first time..but once the cherry was popped, 10 seconds later it felt good.

4) dont be afraid of sex. when you are married and have sex for the first time, im sure your husband will take it very slow. he will be gentle. as for the pregnancy thing..yes there is always a chance but condoms are extremely effective (not exactly sure on the numbers but i think its over 90?) if someone else wants to correct me please do. You can get birth control which is even more effective..and if you decide you never ever want to get pregnant, you can have an operation done to tie your tubes. this will prevent pregnancy. there is nothhhing to bee afraid of. once you are married with the right guy you will definately be ready :)
condoms are very effective but liek i said, there is always a chance. they could break..but if that happens you can always get the morning after pill.

-i hope i helped?
-melissa-

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so im not the prettiest apple on the tree. But I think I have a really good personality (corny, i know)
I'm really into theater. Obsessed with Broadway.
Yeah, are guys into that stuff and wouldn't mind my looks. Or am I a helpless case destined to be a nun??
14/f
I've never had a bf or someone to like me.
so what should I do?
guys answers very welcome!

hey dont think that just because you arent the prettiest that guys wont go for you. im definately not the prettiest but ive been with the same guy for over a year :)
personality is a huge thing for guys..who wants a lame barbie doll girl who doesnt know how to have fun?
looks arent everything..and not all guys want a girl who looks perfect. dont worry..you are NOT helpless silly :)
-melissa-

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I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and ever since i did i have no friends its like i stopped hanging out with all of them. I need someone close to talk to but it seems everytime i find someone like that they always backstab me and tell the hole world...

what should i do?

i totally know how you feel. i think you should make more of an effort to hang out with them..like every friday night or at least once every other weekend. At first they might be uneasy about it and yes it is frustrating..but things will get back to normal hopefully. you have to make your friends see that you are going to change and hang out with them too

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ok well see theres this guy and i went out with him for 3 and 1/2 weeks. well then we broke up, recently i told him i still liked him but he has a girlfriend. i ask my friends for advice and they tell me i need ti win him back. how do i win him back. its summer break so all i can do is talk to him on AIM. but if we start going out i can go to the movies with him. But how do i win him back, how do i flirt with him, and do it all on AIM.

Well..just start off by having a normal convo with him..ask him what hes been up to,plans for summer,etc. Then be like..'can i ask you somethin? have you ever thought about us getting back together?" or..'what if i told you i still like you?" ask him that first..if he has no interest then i would let it go...theres always a possibility in the future. if he has an interest when you ask him this..continue to flirt and ask him if he wants to hang out..just be prepared for his gf to be pissssssed. i know i would be
hope it works out
-meliss

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i just ended a three month relationship with my boyfriend..it was mutual. but it still hurts a lot. just the thought of me being sad makes me sad about it. and everytime i talk to one of my friends about it, they tell me something else about my relationship with him that makes it ten times worse.
what can i do to get over this quicker?
i'm sick of crying.

I know breakups are hard..ive been through a couple tough ones. The best advice i can give you is to take it day by day..and as time goes by it will get a little easier. Go out with your friends and spend extra time with them. hAVE sleepovers and go places and do things you didnt do while you were with him. Crying is ok, dont be afraid to cry..just keep strong and i know you arent ready now..but eventually a new guy will come into your life.
-melissa-

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Say you are having anal sex, and the penis doesn't go in all the way, and it falls down and then the condom breaks but there was no seman in it and you were on your period, and your still flowing after. can you still get pragnet(sorry can't spell)?

you CANNOT get pregnant from anal sex

-melissa-

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i have braces
for about a year and i get them off in a year
when i get them off, will there be brown marks where my braces were?
and if so how do i prevent them
is there any whitening things they do or anysort

Hey i wore braces for like 3 1/2 years. When i got them off i had no marks at all except for this one bad one kinda in the back of my mouth. its a permenant black kinda spot stain but its so minor and nobody can see it at all. You will be fine..just make extra efforts to brush your teeth really well while you have your braces on and you should be fine. im sure if you do have some stains when they come off that the orthadontist will know exactly what you should use. just for now remember to brush your teeth extra good
-melissa-

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ok, you know those kilns to make like clay hard or whatever? so you can paint it, well we did that in school, and it was so cool, and so i told my mom i wanted a kiln. lol but i guess there like 1000s of dollars. soo, someone told me you can put it in your stove? is that true? and how would you do it?

you cant put it in your oven. they are called kills and they need to reach about 3,000 degrees. (isnt that crazy?) my art teacher told me this. ask your art teacher and im sure she/he will tell you the same

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im lost what do you say when your in a changing room or bathroom in public and someone knocks on the door? this sounds stupid probly but its not to me im lost.

haha i know how you feel..its definately an awkward moment. i just say "someones in here.." or "just a minute" lol. I kinda try and make it obvious im using the changing room or bathroom by either clearing my throat every few minutes or coughing or something..because i dont like those awkward moments haha

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I dated this guy for a month.
He's a nice guy, but have bad temper. There're so much differences between us. HOwever, we also have the same option on the overall view of life. We fighted a lot (2 out of 3 times when we went out)considered the period of time we dated.

Now, he doesn't talk to me at all. No emails, no txt, no calls. I know we couldn't work out as couple, but I'd like still be friend, but he obviously doesn't want to...what do I do?

Honestly..dont worry about it. You guys might be friends in the future..but not now. Dont wworry too much about it..just enjoy hanging out with friends and meeting new people.
-m3lissa

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so..i dont think i like my boyfriend anymore but he always says that he loves me and he would die if we werent together..ect...so should i break up with him? i've been hanging out with his friend a lot and we have kind of a conection but i cant like him because then my boyfriend would get really mad..what should i do?

Definately dont continue dating him if you dont like him..its not fair to him or you. As for going for his friend..that might not be such a good idea in my opinion. Things can get messy and that would reeeally hurt him.
-melissa

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okay, I don't want to make this a really long story but I dated this guy for 8 months...we broke up the end of February. He was my first "real" boyfriend and I was crushed when he said we should see other people. After about a month I realized things about our relationship that I couldn't see when I was in it. I've met a new guy now and we've been dating almost two months. The two of them are like opposites. My new guy is so sweet. I've been feeling like he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Yesterday, my ex called me and wanted to know if we could go out again. I guess he had looked at my myspace because he knew that I was seein someone else. He was begging me to give him another chance. I can't believe that I am thinking about it even though I know that it will mess up what I have with this new guy. Is it possible to like two guys at the same time? Why do I want to go back to the "bad" guy and chance losing this guy that has been nothin but great???

Dont feel bad..its normal because this guy was your first real bf. But keep this in mind..the new guy is MUCH better for you...your ex blew his chance..and now there is a guy who is so much better to you..and thats what you desserve. Remember to keep that in mind..definately stick with this new guy,..it sounds like he treats you right.
-melissa-

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Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been going out for more than a year (I broke up with him once a couple months back for another guy but we got back together). I love him, but lately he has been criticizing things I do, even good things, making good grades, even my clothes and hair. He says he still loves and cares about me. Then there is this other guy. Him and I have been good friends for a while, but then a week ago we both just randomly started flirting with each other. Our parents are friends, and we both show animals, so we see each other a lot. After the flirting, we both realized we like each other. His girlfriend broke up w/ him for another guy a couple weeks ago, and he says I'm the only one he wants now. I like him, but I dont want to dump my longtime boyfriend if it turns out to be a mistake like it was last time. It feels so right to be with the other guy, but I dont want to break my boyfriends heart again...I'm so confused...help

Dont be so concerned about breaking his heart..you have to do what is best for you. Think about if you and your longterm bf broke up..would you miss him? Would you regret your choice? If it doesnt work out with the new boy are you going to go crawling back to your ex..or do you think its better to be apart even if it doesnt work out? These are all factors to consider before making this big decision. Whatever you do..do whats best for youu.
-melissa-

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