Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
Visitors: 31708
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
|
| |
Me - 24/F
Boyfriend - 26/M
Sister - 30/F
I just jumped to conclusions and did something that I totally regret.
After I came home from my boyfriend's house yesterday my grandmother asked me the reason why I didn't have my period at the moment. I told her that sometimes my period is late. She then asked me tell me when you get it, then she told me that if I'm pregnant that it's the end of my college. That really hurt me because my family has always said things along the lines of, "A family should support a pregnant woman in her endeavors in raising her child," and that if my sister became pregnant they would help her.
I am a college senior, they would only need to assist me and my boyfriend in raising our child for one semester. The two of us would save up and then get our own place and support our own child. My father whose been unemployed for years would watch the baby while my boyfriend worked (he graduates this semester, and would be needing a job) and I went to school. As a thank you for the support and free child care, my boyfriend would drive them around (I don't drive yet) and help out in areas where we could.
This is the scenario that I always thought up in my head, because I THOUGHT that they would want to help me.
Honestly, I am stressed about possibly being pregnant. I didn't take my birth control and it's been 35 days since my last period started. I'm just telling myself that before I was on the pill I would get my period the next week of the following month, ever since I first started having sex with my boyfriend four years ago.
Although I have experienced pregnancy symptoms, I've also experienced them before and it turned out to be nothing. I think that going off the pill changed my body chemistry more than I realized. I'm also nursing a yeast infection that started off from a bacterial infection. Possibly that is why I haven't had my period yet.
That's not the big problem though, really... no one needs to give me advice on that. The problem is that I made my sister, who means a lot to me, feel like total crap by pointing the finger at her for discussing the conversation that I had with her with my mother and grandmother, and then telling her that my boyfriend's brother's sister is a better older sister than her.... that's totally untrue and unfair. All of this stuff I said to her was said in a one-sided facebook message.
After she responded to me, I tried taking back all of the things I said. I sincerely apologized to her, she was angry because all I did was accuse her and she never got to respond back to me.
What can I do to make her understand that I'm sorry and that I love her?
(link)
|
First let me just say it is usually bad to accuse or say something like that to a sister. However i can tell that this was a comment that was said cause by allowing your emotions to rule you, which i think you should try to work on. Yes it was mean, BUT hopefully if you say your sorry, give your sister sometime, and then stay calm and approach her at a later time saying that you were just really stressed out over everything surrounding the whole situation then i cant see why she couldnt find it in her hear to forgive. Even if some time needs to pass before you speak again. Sometimes giving someone some space for a while is the best medicine. If shes older than you then im sure she can see things from your point of view or at least understand how stressful this can all be.
you should take an early pregnancy test to see if you are pregnant because you dont even know really. Even when i was on BC (and ive been on almost every kind) my husband and i still used a condom, and i think you may want to consider having those on hand more often after such a scare like this. BC isnt only your responsibility, its his too.
If you have an infection down there i would putt off having sex at all right now until your fully healed. I had the beginnings of one before and the doctor said that sex could exacerbate it and do more harm then good.
; )
if you do go to the doctor over that you could ask for a blood test. thats the most accurate way to know if your pregnant. theres no mistaking it.
good luck.
|
I'm gonna get it shaved like this, but before I go to the salon, can any of you explain in detail how to do this???:
http://kernunnas.tumblr.com/image/125618081367 (link)
|
What aspect are you asking for in detail about?
i went to cosmetology school so i could most likely help you but i dont know what kind of hair you have or the texture of it to be able to explain fully.
If your hair is naturally wavy like the girl in the picture then its just a matter of dying and styling it using simply products from the store.
if you want to know more feel free to inbox me with more specific questions.
|
|
Yeah. I am at a complete loss here. I have the dreams and then they usually come true the next day. I also have moments of strong intuition seconds before something is going to happen. I have no way of really explaining it and I don't have a way of telling it is a premonition until the incident actually happens. I'm pretty much starting at the beginning here and I feel like I at least owe it to myself if this is something I can strengthen to help people. I have a really good relationship with God but sometimes it is difficult for me to let him in to communicate with me because It still freaks me out a little bit & I'm not quite sure what he is going to say so it's scary. I don't know if I should start by keeping a dream journal and meditating to center myself but I don't know much about meditation or how I could use that to help me. Like I said I'm pretty much starting at step one here and I have no idea how I can how to hone this for the better. (link)
|
well im not a religious person but i AM a spiritual one so idk anything about god here but i feel that in my years of having this skill that everyone DOES have a spirit guide and that you need more time to warn people of impending danger then just a day and if you get your messages in your dreams then you may want to ask your guide to tell you further in advance because you cant help people like that.
Unless people are constantly dying around you then yes the dreams of this nature would be few and far between enough that you could try practicing some things first.
try seeing if you could reach someones dead loved one first. see if you get anything off them while your spending time with them or if you get messages from a dead loved one of theirs AFTER youve gone home for the day and your in bed at night.
when your asleep at night thats usually when your the most open so thats when it'll be easiest for anything to come through. then try to talk to them.
For instance right before i go to sleep for the night when im in that place where im just on the edge of falling fully asleep i say to myself "anything that wants to give me messages tonight is allowed so long as its not scary or negative" and then let yourself fall asleep and see what happens.
then before you wake up, before you open your eyes, just lay there and try to rewind like on a video tape what you just saw over and over in your mind so that you can remember the fine details of the dream when you wake up.
You want to do this because once you open your eyes in the morning, your brain starts processing whats going on around you instead of remembering what messages you got. This is because youve gone from relying only on your subconscious to being fully conscience and your brain will put aside FOR YOU the messages you recieved because they arent important anymore.
weather you want it to or not things you got in your sleep will be put aside even if you try to reach back in your memory for them while your awake so to try to keep your eyes closed and rewind on what you saw during the dream in your mind BEFORE you open your eyes because this shows your brain that you want to turn what you saw into memories and not just passing thoughts you had while you were asleep.
keep doing this until you can remember as much as you can once youve woken up and this will perfect your brains recall strength on dreams weather they are special or just random.
Ive also worked out creating a "safe light" to keep around myself while im asleep that ive seen more experienced psychics use to teach young children who are naturally gifted like this to keep them safe from harmful spirits that only mean to scare them during the night.
this is where you imagine a small ball of white light that you imagine grows bigger around out and glows with safe white light.
this could be something you could try.
imagine this while your about to fall asleep as well. = )
|
|
I have decided to elope with my long term boyfriend within the next year or two. I do not have a good relationship with my family (I was physically abused most of my childhood), I do not have money for a huge wedding and I also am more on the shy side, so eloping seemed like a good option. However, I knew from the get go that my dad would be upset if I eloped. So, in an effort to help my dad adjust to the idea, I told him in advance that we are planning on eloping. I also explained that I don't enjoy being around the family anyway because of what went on in the past, that weddings seem too expensive to me and that I would prefer something quiet. This was a huge mistake. I wish I had just kept it quiet like you are supposed to when you elope. My dad did not adjust to the idea over time. Instead, he has been fighting with me for a full year over my plans to elope. He tells me that I am the reason the family doesn't get along and that I will make things even worse by eloping. In particular, constantly hearing that my dad thinks I am a drama queen for still being upset over being abused in the past is hard. I regret telling him that my family issues played any part in my decision to elope because now he won't let it go. I cat turn back the clock on what I said to him, although I wish I could...But what can I say to diffuse this situation the next time my dad brings this up? What do I say when tells me not to elope and that I have to invite my family to the wedding because he believes that I should be "over" my abuse already? It's hurtful and I don't want to be having these conversations. (link)
|
Well the only way to avoid questions and not having to have any conversations would be to just never see them all again but would that be the right thing to do?? probably not.
yes it was a bad idea to tell anyone you were planning on eloping but what done is done, now you have to focus on what your going to do once your gone and moved out with your new husband to insure that youll never have to rely on them again because if you DO try to ask for anything most likely it'll get used against you for the rest of your/their lives (thats usually how this kinda thing goes) and for someone to tell you how to feel is not their place period.
No one would be telling you to "get over" the trauma of the abuse you suffered. thats wrong. what they CAN do is offer support and THAT you can ask for here. you can ask any of them to acknowledge that what happened was not ok and that we're not going to just sweep it under the rug and pretend like it never happened.
You might consider counseling for your family if not for just yourself if you need to because the scars that are left behind from such trauma can result in you later making bad choices in life in other areas.
Now your simply in a spot where your going to get married and its going to be a "small romantic affair" with just the two of you. thats what you could say if they wonder why their not being included. you not inviting ANYONE its not like your just NOT inviting them only. that way it'll seem more fair at least.
marriage is supposed to be a once in a life time thing so firstly, make sure this is really what you want, and secondly you shouldnt have to invite people out of obligation. Like the abuser or abusers just because they are family or something.
its your wedding day, its about YOU and you can do whatever you want on that day and no one is allowed to question that.
You pretty much cant count on your dads word now because if you get on his bad side he may spread around what youve told him, so be prepared for that as much as you can, by any means and do whatever you think you need to do to protect yourself from any possible bad reactions from other family members.
Also, know that in life there ARE going to be conversations your not going to want to have but your going to have to have them anyway because if you dont things could turn out MUCH MUCH worse. Try to understand forgiveness and that everyone makes mistakes and that those mistakes shouldnt be waved in their faces for the rest of their lives ok.
Forgive them for YOU not for them, because when you dont they hold power over you, over your soul, over your happiness, and over your life. Sometimes to the point where your not longer living life, your simply existing day to day and the only person thats hurting is you not them. Just because they hurt you long ago doesnt mean that they shouldnt be punsihed but you also cant punish yourself either so you might as well just try to make the best of it because you can still have a bright future with the person you love more then anything. = )
It takes alot of energy everyday to just be negative and angry at someone ALL. THE TIME. and i cant imagine having to live like that.
You dont have to regret having told your father what your honest opinion was, you were clearly trying to get a message across to him that maybe he isnt ready to hear right now. But you said it, its out there now, and no matter what he thinks about it, he cant ignore forever the effects he will see after youve made the ripples in the water so to speak.
good luck ; )
|
|
I don't even know if this is the right catagory it put this in but I felt it was the closest to. I have premonition dreams. Not very often but when I do it is surrounding someones death that either hasn't happened yet or hasn't been announced yet. It freaks me out quite a bit. If I were also having good premonitions as well maybe it wouldn't scare me as much? I guess I am looking for any advice on where to go from here... (link)
|
Well idk if i can help you with this one totally.
I actually have been psychic and had premonitions since i was very young.
I also receive mine in my sleep but have been trying harder to hone mine better so that i can "feel" things as i am standing there with someone.
psychics run on my family on my dads side in all the women.
For me if you have a loved one thats passed away already and i simply spend some time with you, if they want to pass something on, later that night ill get something in my dreams from them. i call these my "special dreams" because they are distinctly different from my regular "random" or what i call "weirdo" dreams. Those have no meaning to them what so ever and is simply my subconscious speaking to me about matters of the heart and not something of any significance. see what im saying??
FOR YOU, since you only seem to receive deaths notices or warnings, you might want to verify if these dreams can provide proof that they are real.
for instance: who are you getting these messages from?? is it a person? and if so is it always the SAME person?
If so could you ask them to give you other messages too? not just bad ones?
You might have give given the ability to save peoples lives here, and i dont think thats really a bad thing. if you want to, you can turn it into a positive one but before you go telling these people who youve received warnings about, ASK yourself while your in the dream still "is this really a true warning?", "who is giving me this information?", "can i get involved in whats happening?" things like that.
alot of times if your watching like its on a tv and you can necessarily do anything about it. That doesnt mean its a premonition.
Try to analyze what it is in the dream thats making it so special. test this theory by looking around and NOT focusing on what the dream is trying to get you to focus on or IF theres a focusing point at ALL. This will tell you if something is actively trying to get you to look at something or if this is just a random dream.
also for ME, during a special dream when someone who has passed away is talking to me, their mouth does not move at all. I can hear them speaking somehow though, saying "i know you can hear me" the first time this happened to me i was A LITTLE alarmed obviously lol.
next once you have the dream, go talk to the person about it. but dont tell them right away that they died in it. Ask them if they have a family member that looks like this or that, because you "had a crazy ass dream about them" and you just want to know if what you saw was correct at all. you dont always have to tell the person that they are in danger.
You can also think about "asking a question" to whoever or whatever it is that gives you these messages to give you others as well so that you can help people. Do this right as your falling asleep, and your eyes are closed and then see what you get.
ive spent years honing my skills so if you'd like to inbox me for any questions or anything feel free.
|
I really cannot understand myself, and why I keep doing things I regret.
I am in relationship with an amazing man, and I am ready to commit for life...
really, he is amazing and we are really great together.
And I just cant understand why when on occasion I go out to clubs without him, I tend to just go with what others are doing.. and I end up doing things that I know my boyfriend wouldnt like and I am so ashamed of it.
(Ive never really properly cheated,
but Ive let guys hold me and stuff and I dont think its ok, so maybe it does count as cheating??)
I am bad at saying no, not because I want anyone else or really want to do these things..
but more because I'm not quite sure at the time if it is ok or not.
And Im stupid and oblivious.. I tend to trust
others when I shouldnt.
I really want to be someone my man can trust, and who I can trust. I never want to let him down.
I am disgusted with myself for my lack of backbone and assertiveness,
and I really wish none of this has ever happened. And every time it does, I feel terrible :(
Can someone tell me whats wrong with me?? And how I can fix it?? (link)
|
Ok, i think the problem here (even though you may be correct about not being able to say no easier) is also that clubs are usually places for single and "ready to mingle" people.
people go to clubs to MEET and maybe even "go home with" other people they've met there.
if your in a relationship you may want to rethink going to clubs even with friends if you know yourself and you know that you are easily taken in by strangers and/or not able to say no.
I would say for you for right now, just stop going to clubs until you can figure this out or dont go without your man, so if someone DOES grab you, HE can step in and help you.
try to AVOID situations like these now that your in a relationship if you can say no basically.
theres no need to feel disgusted, your still figuring yourself out, you sound relatively young and we're ALL kind of a work in progress through out life. ;
)
you'll figure it out.
good luck
|
|
I want to drink more water because I get dehydrated but I don't want to drink it at school because it always makes me pee and I HATE using public bathrooms. So how do I get enough water for the day without having to pee at school? (link)
|
Well your gonna have to get used to it because your body is always supposed to be making urine. If it isnt then something is wrong lol.
If you dont like sitting ON the toilet (assuming your a female here) then just hover above it, dont actually sit on it. Thats what i do at ANY public toilet, i dont care, im not gonna sit on a toilet that 50 people used in the last 12 hours before me. ((and i dont care if they have those paper ass gaskets either i still wont do it)) lol.
My more major concern would be having to go number 2. which you can make sure you do in the morning before school or the night before.
sorry, your risking too much what with the heat this time of year to be NOT hydrating yourself.
good luck.
|
This question is slightly more complicated than you might think it is by looking at its title.
My friends go out every night. They play cops and robbers first and then go to the pool to play truth or dare. Honestly, I don't mind the cops and robbers part; I even like it. But the truth or dare part is what I'm at discomfort with. They come to my house every night and ask me to go with them to play and to this day, I've managed to play cops and robbers but leave when they start playing truth or dare, saying it's past my curfew when it really isnt. NOw that we've grown a little ollder, they know that I don't have a curfew that early and will want me to come play truth or dare with them. Also, since we are older, they are starting to make the truths and the dares more challenging such as kissing someone or making out with them or anything of that sort. I have never kissed someone and don't intend to kiss any of those friends anytime soon but backing out of a dare would make me seem like a coward and my friends would start excluding me if I did that. Before you start giving me advice, I want you to know that I have already ruled out a couple of options.
1. Saying "no" to them directly. This would make me seem like cowardly and theyre not REALLY good friends of mine so after a while they would completely kick me out of the group.
2. To make up an excuse every time I go. Believe me, I've tried this and after a while they have started getting suspicious.
3.To explain to them that I am not comfortable with Truth or Dare. As I said earlier, they're not really good friends of mine so they would probably make fun of me or something like that.
I know from the above you will tell me that I probably shouldn't be friends with them but they're the only people here (I'm at my cottage) and I really don't want to spend two months playing cards with my grandparents.
I'm sorry this was long and complex but I really need some help. I am sorry if I left some things out so feel free to ask me to give you more information you will need to help me out. Thank you so much!
(link)
|
If youve continued to say no to going out and their starting to not believe you then you honestly need to just tell them that you DO have fun when your out with them but that your really not comfortable with the truth or dare thing. If they are real friends they will respect your wishes and not give you a bunch of BS over it period.
If you cant work up the balls or stay true to yourself (even if it means being with no friends for a while) then your going to have get used to them doing things like that.
You really dont "know" what they would do or say if you asked them to not force you to play so really its a crap shoot. If you say "i dont wanna play that but ill chill with you guys and watch" and then just sit there until their done playing it then thats ok. just say "nawwww im good thanks ill watch though"
usually if they arent close friends and they want to be hospitable to you as temporary friends then they will just be like "ok" and you can still hang with them.
ORRR you when they DO bring up playing it you could just say your bored with playing that EVERY SINGLE TIME you guys hang out and see if you can think of something else to play and that the truth or dare thing is "getting old" and play it off but remain positive about it.
Why dont you go out "exploring" with them?? walking around the area and trying to "find cool stuff" like empty houses, or shops or stuff people leave out in alleyways for the trash guys to come pick up that you all didnt even know about??
go walk to the thrift stores and see what kinda stuff they have in there! thrift stores really can have a wealth of shit you had no idea about. you can walk in, check stuff out, make fun of old clothing that people "actually wore" at one point in time! haha.
even if you dont have any money it CAN be really fun still and will "kill time" if you want to delay having to put up with playing stupid immature games.
good luck ; )
|
|
So I am a 12 year old female, i have small breasts in training bra, i also just started growing pubic hair, needing deodorant, didn't hit growth spurt or period, etc. Most my friends are the same, or even less developed, but I have this friend who is in a b-cup, has had several periods since she was 8. So she was born in Febuary, she is literally 5 months older than me, and she is 12, she acts like she's a teenager and older than everybody, and is superior. I mean, YOU ARE NOT TURNING 13 UNTIL NEXT YEAR! YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING GODESS! And if that couldn't be bad enough, she thinks her boobs give her some super power. Like I was talking to her and I commented on how much my stomach was cramping and my mom said she thinks I'll get my period this month, and then cracked a joke about it. So of course she had to give her 50ยข,"oh, but you're not going through puberty! Only IIIIMMMMM going through puberty." I mean, what the actual fuck. Every girl and boy goes through puberty at some point, you are not a special case because you got your tits in 1st grade (I'm literally not fucking joking, I can't remember a time she didn't have tits). She thinks she knows everything because she's "almost a teenager". Yeah, good for you. You dated guy, broke up with him, dated his friend, broke up with him, your first ex told you to date him again, you said no, he threatened to tell everybody she's ugly, so she dated him again for a few months, broke up with him, claiming she was " forced" i mean, anyone could see if you are ugly or not by looking at you, some freak doesn't have to tell them. Not to mention both of them were autistic fucks who fail every subject and got in serious trouble with the law several times, but nope she knows more because she's "a teenager" another thing, we were on each other's Spotify playlists, and I explained the genres i had (emo, screamo, alternative rock, punk, indie) and she moved away like I had the bubonic plague, and was all, "ohmygod...i listen to teen pop, because I'm like,a teenager and that's what teens listen to" and she is constantly bugging me on my choice of music, dress, etc... Also when she talks, she screams with her face in yours. And she ALWAYS brags about being good at gymnastics (never took any lessons, and the only thing she can do is a split) i remember in the 3rd grade me and another friend almost got rid of her when she made a club and kept making us do stuff in order to get in it, after test #192933722902928373738290000 we quit and made our own club, she threw a hissy fit saying clubs are stupid, cried, and went home and had her dad call my dad. She is a dumb fuck, how do i get her out of the group without murder? (link)
|
I was the most popular one in my group in jr high and high school at the time ((over ten years ago lol) and if we wanted someone out of our circle of friends because they were acting like that, then since i was the strongest willed one, i would try to talk to them about it first, give them some time to change and if they didnt i would then get everyone to ignore that person if they approached us. If they walked up and tried to talk to us, we would immediately say nothing, get up and walk away together.
This worked well after i told this person, your attitude isnt cutting it and your going to lose all your friends by acting the way you are.
then i just had all her friends ignore her.
;)
we only did it for about a week before the brat gave in and either would change her ways or would go off and try to be with some other group of friends. tell the other girls not to except her calls, dont talk to her or share anything with her, and if she tries to talk to them to just walk off.
this kinda thing can really cut a person down because they dont understand why their being ignored so they start to doubt themselves and it forces them to look inward and ask "is it really ok for me to act like this? im losing everyone i was cool with"
you should see the change pretty quickly if she truely wants to be friends with you guys. if not she will move on and thats probably for the best.
not to be messed up but ive known girls like this before and they grew up to be street walkers, having boyfriends who were gangsters and in trouble with the law themselves, and it sounds like thats where shes headed anyway and you dont want to be around that. Youll get either pulled into it or theyll blame things only you that you didnt even do. Ive had brushes like that with people like this years ago and i was just lucky enough to get away.
|
I need to die to get out of my current situation. I need to do it fast and it has to be efficient. I tried to hang myself but after hanging there a moment I couldn't go through with it. I do not own a gun and I don't have pills just laying around so I need something household and efficient.
(link)
| |
Maybe if you tell us whats wrong, we can tell you how to fix it. thats what we're here for anyway, not to aid people in offing themselves. Really.........if you have a problem dont be ashamed to ask for help. you can get some pretty great insight on here.
|
i am a 25 year old single mom, i was working a job for five years, and i wasn't making much, so i found another job where i make more money... i was so happy, the happiest i been in a long time once i got the job, i was sad to leave the old job because i was cool with everyone, they all loved me. but now working at this new job i just feel like the outcast, most people don't speak to me, they have attitudes mostly, and when i need help, most of them are impatient, and sometimes rude to me. barely anyone even talks to me, some people may do a little, i even overheard some ppl talking bout me... and it hurts, and it's hard, because i am a hard working person, and i want a better life for my daughter and i. i mean, I've always been a loner kinda person, in high school, but like i was loved on my other job... and now i feel so awkward, so alone at a place im at five days a week, eight hours a day.. i'm not a quitter, i don't wanna give up... but this is hard u know, what should i do? no better question is, what would you do?
(link)
|
This is common when i new person starts working at a place where everyone else knows each other.
I would just keep my head down, keep doing a good job and slowly they will come to accept you and start being friendly. Your still in that much hated "ehhh its the new girl" position in the eyes of the people around you and not everyone will just automatically take to you right away. Give them some time.
Just smile, be friendly, try to compliment them when you see the chance and sooner or later youll kill them enough kindness that they wont have any complaints. ; )
this will pass.
|
|
Something really weird happened recently my 7 year old sister came to me and asked why when she thinks about our cousin her panties get wet (our cousin is 20) so i asked her what she thinks about when that happens to her she said she thinks about him when we go to the beach with him. obviously there's more but i feel sickened to even think that my little sister has a crush on him anyway i told her that she should never think about that ever again then she started crying and told me she thought she could trust me then she stormed off to her room so i was wondering what i should do now should i tell him or should i tell my mom i just don't even know. (link)
|
i agree with the other poster, its natural to start to feel things for her that are confusing, hes of the opposite sex and right now thats all that matters for her.
i would go back and tell her that shes not a freak or weird and that youll never tell anyone else and that shes allowed to have the feelings she has just not about family members. and try to be nice about it because the hurt feelings with trust may last ALOT longer then even the conversation she had with you about your cousin and you dont want her to NOT trust you. so i would think more about repairing that. the other thing will blow over and i wouldnt make a big deal about it, shes just young and confused right now.
|
22/f, 28/m
Now, before I jump to the question... Here is a brief summary of why or how I ended up stalking his ex:
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. The first six months of our relationship, he lied to me about not having feelings for his ex-girlfriend still. Reason why I asked him in the first place, was because he kept talking about her. His reason was because "she was part of his life for two years," and I never believed that he was completely over her but decided to let it go after the 5th or 6th time I asked him because he stopped talking about her when he realized that it was bothering me. The end of the 6th month, I found him messaging her saying that he missed having her in his life, that nobody compared to her, and that she set the standards pretty high.
A lot more things have happened other than these two incidents, just not with her. But because of these incidents similar to this, he blocked all of his ex's, the girls he has ever dated, took their birthdays off his calendar, etc. It took a second message to ANOTHER ex for me to have enough of it, and to request him to do this until I can trust that he won't do it again.
Since he blocked his exes... Apparently he unblocked his most recent ex for her birthday, just to see her Facebook and to see what she was up to. He told me he didn't message her or friend request her, but he was planning on blocking her again as soon as he was able to. I was unhappy with what he did. He didn't see anything wrong with it, but he knew that I would've questioned his feelings for her and for me. I told him that he was "bending" the rules and that wasn't okay. Especially since he wasn't planning on telling me any of this until I found out and confronted him.
I know what you're probably thinking, I must be an idiot for giving him another chance. But since then, I keep thinking that he's unblocked her, he's facebook stalking her, he's messaging her, or someone. And now I'm stalking her because I'm curious about what is/was so interesting about her profile, posts, etc that makes him want to unblock her and break my trust, again (he hasn't even gained it back, yet). And I want to quit looking at her profile.
Yes, I do realize our relationship needs work to do. But it's hard to work on it when he has broken my trust several times. I caught him lying to my face, breaking my trust, hiding stuff from me, etc. And yes, I do have some insecurities. I usually don't have it within myself, but I started having it in myself/with him/with us because of all of these incidents. So much damage has been done within a year. He's been "my definition of perfect" for the past two months, which is obviously not enough to repair the damage that has been done, but I don't know what to do.
I want to stop stalking his ex-girlfriend. I don't want to be intimidated by her. I want to be able to trust him. I've spoken to my counselor and it seems like the conversation just seems to go off topic.
What should I do? What can I do? Any advice? (link)
|
Ok theres alot going on here so im gonna try to break this down with you level by level ok....so im gonna quote you and piece by piece go through this for you...
"The first six months of our relationship, he lied to me about not having feelings for his ex-girlfriend still. Reason why I asked him in the first place, was because he kept talking about her. His reason was because "she was part of his life for two years," and I never believed that he was completely over her but decided to let it go"
Ok when your with someone and their doing things like this, it signals that not only are they NOT over that person but that they are emotionally not ready to be in a relationship with anyone ELSE either. This means that what your getting isnt the best version of themselves because they havent taken the time to deal with and get over whatever feelings they had for that last person and want to look towards the bright future they could have with you. This means that if you care about them, you will tell them that YOU feel they arent ready to be in a relationship, tell them WHY (like what i just said) and that you want the best version of them, and not the version that is still lusting for the other girl because they are bringing the emotional baggage from that into YOUR relationship and thats not fair to either of you is it?
You dont want someone that jumps from relationship to relationship like changing clothes, you want someone that wants ONLY you and couldnt care less about those others.
"I found him messaging her saying that he missed having her in his life, that nobody compared to her, and that she set the standards pretty high."
ok this right here should have been enough for you to walk away.....this is not ever ok.
For you to see this and still forgive means that your putting him up on a pedistool in your heart and lowering yourself. This shows that you dont have very good self-esteem or else you would have walked away already. He not a perfect creature of a god. hes human and has flaws just like the rest of us, he just looks and acts the way you think a perfect guy would but this is far from perfect.
Also the whole "not planning on telling you" thing? i mean really??......hes sounds like a habitual lying guy. You need to ask yourself how long your willing to put up with this?? because your only hurting yourself by being with someone that lies to you and still talks to people he should have left in the past.
I married ok, and i told my man from the start that he would neverrrr be telling me who i could and could not talk to, and that i would never tell him that he could not longer talk to females he knew before i was around because that wouldnt be fair. you know what he did?? he CHOSE to not talk to them because i showed him that i was giving him the responsibility of having my full trust right from the start but that if he fucked up, it was over. Telling your man right off the bat something thats this important can make them see that your willing to give them the chance they would want with you but that if they mess up its over and thats it. Often times, when demands like not talking to people they are used to talking to still are made that person really secretly doesnt appreciate it but is willing to SAY "ok" just to keep you happy for the moment. But as soon as your back is turned this is the kinda shit they do. If they are given the choice, often times they see that you trust their judgement and will WANT to do the right thing because they love you. ((just a little misconception i thought i would clear up)) ; )
"But since then, I keep thinking that he's unblocked her, he's facebook stalking her, he's messaging her, or someone. And now I'm stalking her because I'm curious about what is/was so interesting about her profile, posts, etc that makes him want to unblock her and break my trust, again (he hasn't even gained it back, yet). And I want to quit looking at her profile."
Ok see all this blocking and unblocking of people is just way too much work and your wasting your energy trying to "make sure" that your man who you should be able to trust is doing the right thing. I dont necessarily think you have trust issues, i think you have them with HIM because hes given you good reason to right from the start by continuously talking about his girlfriend and then saying he wasnt talking to them but was. I wouold say this is kinda his fault for making a bad impression on you from the start, anhd if your the type that doesnt forget or doesnt get over things like that easily then yeah, its going to be an issue.
You dont need to be intimidated by an old girlfriend i mean he obviously is with you (
for the most part) but if he really doesnt want to stop talking to all these girls and your not comfortable with it then you need to decide how much your willing to put up with cause hes likely not gonna change unless something major happens like you leaving for a while so he can get his head clear.
I would ask him if he really wasnt ok with not talking to his ex gf's anymore when you said it made you uncomfortable then why didnt he say something about it? why did he just go along with it? cause if thats what he did your in for a whole lot more of him doing that kinda shit in the future.
you have lots to think about dear.
good luck
|
I love my mom like crazy, more than anyone else in the world. She pretty much raised me herself and we get along great, but there are times when I can really piss her off. Although she's a wonderful person with a huge heart, she can be kind of a ball buster too. She treats me better than anyone else, until I piss her off and then she goes crazy on me. Please read this all, even though it's gonna be long and there might be times when you're like, "Alright, I get it." But I want to be thorough and not leave anything out that may be important.
Lately, she's seemed a little OVERLY nice, Which is great, but I'm worried about why she's being like that. There could be a number of reason, almost all of which are bad news. She tends to put off telling me terrible news for a while and she's always super nice to me between the time she finds out the bad news and the time she tells me about it. I heard her talking on the phone about a family friend of ours earlier. The friend AND his wife have cancer, so it could be about them. Our dogs are going to the vet tomorrow even though they just went, so there could be something wrong there. My Mustang that I love is in the shop getting a new wheel bearing and is taking way too long to get fixed. The last time that happened to a car of ours, it was because there were a ton of things wrong with it and we ended up not bothering to fix it. I highly doubt it's about that, but it could be.
A good example of her being overly nice would be tonight. We went to my granddad's house for dinner and my mom forgot the biscuits at our house. She asked me to go get them while she set the table and I was super annoyed art having to do so. I was kind of mean to her about it and when I got back to my granddad's house, I locked the keys in the car. It was an idiot move and she could have really torn into me, especially after the hard time I gave her, but she didn't. She was like, "Oh, it's okay. It's not your fault. It wouldn't have happened it I didn't forget the biscuits." We had to walk home and to make matters worse, earlier I was playing on the internet on HER phone while we were driving, so it's locked in the car too. Still, she's not giving me a hard time at all about it.
The reason I can't use my own phone is because it's been acting up lately. I need a new charger because I lost my old one and have been using my kindle charger for months because it fits, but it's not good for the phone. The guy at the Verizon store told me not to use anything but a BlackBerry charger on it or it will start acting up like it is now. As soon as I get another charger, it will stop, but I've avoided telling my mom because I was afraid she'd be pissed that I lost the old charger. Tonight, (before I locked the keys in the car) she was like, "Where's your phone? I tried to call you when you were out. I needed something from the store." I decided it was time to tell her about the charger and she was like, "Oh, that's okay, I'll buy you a new charger."
Perhaps the biggest surprise was the way she reacted to some news I gave her recently. I'm kind of in a relationship for the third time with this guy that my mom use to hate. The first relationship, tried and tried and tried to get her to like him,convinced that I could do it, but she was like, "No! He's a cheating manwhore. I don't like him." I didn't even tell her about the second relationship. Now that we're together again and she knows, she's like, "Oh, he's sweet, oh he's cute." And things like that.
Lastly, my birthday is September 7th and it's nit a big one. It's not a milestone or anything, but yet, my mom's like, "Hey sweetie, what do you want for your birthday that's not even THAT close? Do you want a computer or laptop that will be expensive as hell? Do you want to get all these ridiculous electronics installed in your Mustang? How do you want to take advantage of your mother's strange over-generosity?"
Does it sound like my mom's being overly nice for some reason or am I just being overly critical and unappreciative of the situation? (link)
|
Im gonna have to agree with the other poster here. She may very well have been thinking back on how she was earlier or the past couple days or something and thought to herself that she was being too mean and thought "ok i need to ease up a little here" and she did. Its not uncommon, and family members that care and really never give up on each other DO things like that. its called forgiveness.
The other possibility here is that shes too tired right now to be mean from whatever it is shes not telling you and/or realizes that theres no real point to being mean because its not going to get her or you anywhere so why bother. Also having other things on your mind can kind of make focusing on being mean to someone else a little lower on the list of priorities.......idk something to chew on i guess.
good luck
|
|
Hi there I'm a 13 year old male I had an girlfriend o had sex with her and it was a mistake an sin and I think she pregnant I don't know what to do and I'm so scared I don't know what my family would think of me can u you help and the girl is 14 what should my mom do (link)
|
talk to your girlfriend and ask her if shes had her period, if she thinks she might be pregnant, or if you can get money take her to the store and by the plan B pill.
have her take a pregnancy test. they have the kind that can detect pregnancy early.
|
|
So I am 28 weeks pregnant. My baby's father and I are no longer together. We broke up last year of May, he found a new girlfriend. I was doing fine, then he came back around this year of January and we started talking again, and as soon as that happened I got pregnant. Me and him both have deep feelings for eachother, I do still love him. Im still in love with him due to the fact i really havent been able to get over him because I really thought we were going to be together, but he doesnt want me anymore he wants someone else. My question is am i wrong for not wanting the baby to go around him and his girlfriend just yet because im not over him. I wont keep him from seeing his son, but i just am not quite ready to let my baby go around another woman. And also take into consideration he has been lying to me through this whole pregnancy, he tells me he wants to be with me but he cant because he is using the other girl for her car and she helps him get around to his job. But now he texts me and tells me that he really just wants to be with her. and he was just lying to me because he didnt want to hurt my feelings.. but now im just trying to get over him i jus want us to raise our son and be good parents. but am i wrong for not wanting our son to be around the girlfriend yet? (link)
|
Well i hate to tell you this but these are the kind of things that happen when the relationship isnt stable to begin with, which it sounds like it wasnt because he continued to lie, and even be around another female like that and you did nothing.
Once you have a child with someone you are TIED to them for life ((unless you and him agree that he will never see that child again which is rare)) because he is that childs father and even then eventually that child will want to know who their father is see where im going with this??
He'll be that one bad relationship that "just didnt work out" because he'll never go away now. youll always have to deal with him and whatever females he has in his life because he'll want to see his kid. So theres really nothing you can do there. you have to just be civil with her now and allow him to take the baby on trips as it gets older so that the child can have quality time with its father.
You cant keep him from bringing his girlfriends around unless you want to file for sole custody of the child and then youll have to prove that hes not a good care giver.
All you can do for right now is maybe say that child is too young to go anywhere without you (depending on how old the child is) and thats only going to last so long before you have to start making things up or something.
all you can do is ask that he not bring other females around your house, other then that you have no right to make that kind of demand if your not together.
good luck
|
|
STD from blow jobs (link)
| |
Soooo your question exactly is what???
|
|
I want to start packing lunch next year (I'm going to highschool) but I don't want to have a plain peanut butter and jelly everyday. I want it to be healthy but not repetitive. But my parents are also on a budget. Plus I don't want my lunch food to get eaten by my family. And I also don't want my mom to have to rush to the store every night before school to get my lunch. So do you have any tips for packing lunch? Or ever lunch recipes? (link)
|
salads can be a great filler upper without you feeling like you have a brick in your stomach after you eat it and sluggish.
If your mom every makes baked chicken you can pull the chicken apart, cut it into smaller piece and add it to a salad. does your mom ever offer salad with dinner? or for lunch in one of those large family sized containers?? take some of that, put it in a tupperware like bowl with a lid, grade up some block cheese (pepper jack cheese is my personal favorite), cut up a half of a tomato, and a mushroom throw it all together and BOOM a restaurant style salad to go! if you want to add croutons you can, and if your worried about weight gain, use only oil based salad dressings! (oil based AKA salad dressings you can see through in the bottle) not ranch or one with milk.
green apples are a personal favorite as a snack. if your mom has any caramel sauce you could cut up the apple, put it in a bag and then pour the sauce over it for a little sweet treat.
tuna fish sandwiches are great. Maybe a bagel if your family eats those and bring some cream cheese in a little container. maybe you could ask the people at school in your lunch room if they could toast it for you.
if your mom ever makes mexican food, like spainish rice with vegetables in it and beans for dinner the night before you could save that and find somewhere to heat it up. (again ASK the school if you brought your own lunch if they would be willing to heat it up for you in the cafeteria) then that will open up your options even more as far as what you can bring.
|
This is what I believe in:
-reincarnation
-spells
-gods and goddesses
-worshipping those and being one with nature
-that everything has a spirit
-communicating with the gods and goddesses
-meditation (candles and incense)
I know you all are gonna say Wicca, but I want a religion that when I tell someone what mine is, they'd be like "wtf???"
I'm American; part Irish, Swedish, German, etc if that helps. (link)
|
why do i have the feeling this isnt even so much about religion but about the shock value you can get from what other people think when you tell them this??
im not going to aid you in that if your merely doing this to surprise people. Thats not what finding a religion is all about. You can still be a certain religion and not agree with every single thing in the rule book. Lots of people do it.
|
|
I don't know what I am.ever since I was young I knew what sex was and I always wanted to have it. I wanted to do it with boys and girls and I find them both attractive I watched porn at 10 and started masterbating at 12. If I see a boys or girls butt it turns me on and I want to experience sex with them both but im 13. I need help im scared of the shame plus im young and my hormones are raging. (link)
|
have you tried being just friends with girls yet? and seeing how you like it?
im not trying to steer you one way or another here im just curious if your just still confused thats all.
the best thing you can do is try to make sure that this is how you feel (even if youve felt it since you were young) that it is as real for you as it can be. Not to say that your feelings now arent valid, but you may try going on a website where there are other bisexual people and talking with them about it more. Sometimes you can really get the support you need as well, so its helpful on many levels.
good luck.
|
|