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Am i wrong?
So I am 28 weeks pregnant. My baby's father and I are no longer together. We broke up last year of May, he found a new girlfriend. I was doing fine, then he came back around this year of January and we started talking again, and as soon as that happened I got pregnant. Me and him both have deep feelings for eachother, I do still love him. Im still in love with him due to the fact i really havent been able to get over him because I really thought we were going to be together, but he doesnt want me anymore he wants someone else. My question is am i wrong for not wanting the baby to go around him and his girlfriend just yet because im not over him. I wont keep him from seeing his son, but i just am not quite ready to let my baby go around another woman. And also take into consideration he has been lying to me through this whole pregnancy, he tells me he wants to be with me but he cant because he is using the other girl for her car and she helps him get around to his job. But now he texts me and tells me that he really just wants to be with her. and he was just lying to me because he didnt want to hurt my feelings.. but now im just trying to get over him i jus want us to raise our son and be good parents. but am i wrong for not wanting our son to be around the girlfriend yet?
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He has a right to see the child, and the child has a right to bond with their father. You can't make rules that get in the way of that.
Regardless of your feelings for the baby's father, you have to respect him as a co-parent, and that means given some basic respect to other people in his life. No judge is going to deny or limit a father's access because you don't like his new girlfriend. That's not realistic.
You can express some fair limits. You can be clear that girlfriend is not to babysit, or be alone with the child. If you are comfortable with her being in charge of your child, it is fair to make that a clear rule. You can remind him to make sure he's spending his time bonding with his child, and not just getting someone else to help him out.
But you have no legal right to say the child can't meet his girlfriend. There is just no law that is going to help you out there. You're only option is to ask him to not introduce the child to his girlfriend yet, but you need to accept that he's not legally bound to agree to that, and that eventually the child will meet someone who is in his life in that way. With older children, couples often makes rules that say you must be dating for so many months before the child is introduced to the person, but even those are private agreements, they aren't laws.
It's not wrong to feel weird about your child meeting your ex's girlfriend, but it is wrong to try and make rules that are not legally enforceable. Focus on your child's well being, not on the desire to punish your ex, or dislike his new girlfriend.
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Right or wrong is not the consideration at the moment. There are certain legal considerations that have to be allowed for whether you or he like them or not.
First: For the next 18 years he is legally required to support his son. Now every state has slightly different laws as to how much monetary support he must provide to you and what other support in the way of health insurance and life insurance he must have to cover these items until his son turns 18. Once the boy turn 18 he is no longer legally required to support him.
What you must do now is see a lawyer and have custody papers drawn up where in all of this is worked out and ordered by the courts. He may be saying now he is willing to support his son though without a court order he can walk away at any time
Second: As the father of the child he is also legally entitled to unsupervised visitation unless there are legal reasons for not granting unsupervised visitation. During this visitation if he wants to bring his son to his home where another woman is living with him there is nothing you can do unless it is spelled out in the court orders you obtain. So it is important that you see a lawyer and get the child support and visitation orders worked out now, before the baby is born.
Don't be surprised or insulted if through his lawyer there is a request for paternity. This is a common practice and a delaying his lawyer may invoke if your OB does not want to do one know or if his lawyer wants a blood test. Let your lawyer do the talking. If you can't afford a lawyer contact the clerk of the courts at your District Court about having a lawyer appointed to you. Some Lawyers will even offer you a payment plan as well.
My advice is now is not the time to worry if your are right or wrong. Now is the time to make sure you do what is need to insure your baby gets everything he is legally entitled to from his father. As part of the custody negotiations you can discuss visitation and any you might have any limitations you may want to place. Once agreed to they will be ordered by the Court. This is the right and legal way to go about this. Do not take the father's word that he will always be there for his son. Get the court order.
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Well i hate to tell you this but these are the kind of things that happen when the relationship isnt stable to begin with, which it sounds like it wasnt because he continued to lie, and even be around another female like that and you did nothing.
Once you have a child with someone you are TIED to them for life ((unless you and him agree that he will never see that child again which is rare)) because he is that childs father and even then eventually that child will want to know who their father is see where im going with this??
He'll be that one bad relationship that "just didnt work out" because he'll never go away now. youll always have to deal with him and whatever females he has in his life because he'll want to see his kid. So theres really nothing you can do there. you have to just be civil with her now and allow him to take the baby on trips as it gets older so that the child can have quality time with its father.
You cant keep him from bringing his girlfriends around unless you want to file for sole custody of the child and then youll have to prove that hes not a good care giver.
All you can do for right now is maybe say that child is too young to go anywhere without you (depending on how old the child is) and thats only going to last so long before you have to start making things up or something.
all you can do is ask that he not bring other females around your house, other then that you have no right to make that kind of demand if your not together.
good luck
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