cloudy_conscience's advice column

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Q: i am going out with a girl who i want to kiss but she dosnt want to. what should i do?

If you really like the girl then you should respect her boundaries. If you pressure her into it then she is probably going to get very upset with you and she may break-up with you. Let her know that you want to kiss her, but that you are willing to wait until she is comfortable with it. Letting her know you respect her, will make her feel good and she may come around quicker.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Ok, let me just say that if any of you are going to judge me, just stop now, and leave. I dont need your opinion on me choosing to be bi.

So, I'm 15/m and I've come to the recent realization that I'm bi, or at least I think. I've had gfs before, and it was any normal relationship, just the same. But recently I've been noticing guys just as much as girls, and them I met Nick. Now, I met Nick online. I've never actually met him in person, but we've talked for hours on the computer, texted, and I've even seen him on cam so I know he isn't some 60 yr-old man. Well, over these 4 months that I've been talking to him, I've been developing feelings for him. He's adorable, caring, and has this amazing personality that I've come to love. I want to meet him, since he lives about 20 minutes from me, but something is holding me back. I dont know if it's being caught, seeing as how no one knows I'm bi. Or if I'm afraid of being bi and meeting Nick would be the realization. Also, if i should meet him, how do I ask my mother of all people to give me a ride to go see him?
Oh, one more thing, he's turning 20 next week, and im only 15.

Wow, hope you can help, please.
Thanks, Anthony.

Okay first of all you need to be extremely careful with internet dating, I'm not judging your or anything but you do need to be careful. You also need to be careful because he is older and you really don't know his background, where he comes from, how many partners he has had, or anything. He could easily lie to you about all of it. So I advice before you do anything sexual make him get tested that way you are sure you do not get any STD's, you need to be careful.

If you really feel like you are bisexual and you want to explore to see if you really are, then I say go for it. You have to be true to yourself, otherwise you will never be happy. About telling your parents, that could be very difficult. Hopefully they will accept it and be happy for you, but being a different sexual orientation can be difficult. It is a huge burden, so before you jump to any conclusions realize, you are young and you may just be curious and want to experiment with a different sex. I hope things work out for you.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Actually, Im a girl but..I think I like girls too.
I think im a bisexual. I really like this girl (I think she's straight), like i keep thinking about her, but don't know if she likes me. When I sort of look at her, it feels like she's looking at me too. But the problem is, I really can't see well, so I don't know for sure. And I'm really scared to tell her if i like her or not because Im not really confortable if she knows that Im a bisexual. I'll have to add I walk like a boy and is a tomboy, but my behavior is not different from a girls. I really need help, should I go and tell her? I would tell her, but Im scared how she'll treat me after I tell her and Im really not into it when people tease bisexuals. By the way, Im 13 years old.

Since you are young you may not neccessarily be bi, you could just be in a sexually curious state. Lots of people just like to test the waters with a different sex and then decide they are straight. You really have to decide if you do like girls before you tell people because people are going to tease you and they are going to be really mean. People often tease people of different sexual orientations because they are intimidated my them. Really really decide if you like girls before you tell, because it is a huge burden to handle and if you were just curious then you are carrying it for no reason. But if you really feel as though you are attracted to her and like girls, then it is probably best for you to go for it and follow your heart. I mean you don't want to be living a lie by not following along with your sexual orientation. Be true to yourself, that is the most important thing.

Hope I Helped.

Q: is it wrong to touch a guy's pants in that "area" [not like a handjob because there were clothes on] after knowing him for a few weeks? i kissed him a few weeks ago and then this happened yesterday.
honestly do you think its slutty? and if it is how can i kind of put the sexual stuff on hold an just focus on getting to know him better?
thanx

Well it really depends on the message you depict with the touch. If you did it seductively and came off like oh my gosh I want you, then yes I think that is kind of slutty, but if you just slipped you know and didn't mean it that way thne no.

Don't put yourself in situation where you are alone and have a chance to do things sexual. Attempt to stay with a group so you can just talk and get to know one another. Text, phone, and just make conversation.

Hope I Helped.

Q: 19/f

My boyfriend always thinks I'm cheating on him. In reality, I haven't even spoken to a male in about a year (besides my dad).

He has his reasons because I cheated on around a year ago, but I guess he doesn't understand that I've changed. He is severely paranoid. If I don't answer my phone but call back less than ten minutes afterwards, he assumes I was with a guy. He always asks where I am, who I'm with, and I have to tell him where I'm going all the time (that is, IF I ever go anywhere).

The thing is, it's like he won't let me break up with him. When we first started going out, we would break up all the time and get back together. He thinks it's always going to be this way. It seems like the only way this will end is if one of us dies (that may sound like I'm going to kill him but I assure you that's not what I'm saying!)

The only other way I see this is if I were to cheat on him, because he would never cheat on me. After all these years, I'm surprised he hasn't. But I don't want to cheat on him! I love him so much, but I'm so tired of being in a relationship. Just looking a guy makes me sick. I can't do this anymore.

Well, yesterday he was upset with me as usual, so I just shut my phone off all day. He assumed that I was cheating on him.

I know this isn't the right way to go, but it seems like the only way out. BUT I don't want him to believe a lie, thinking that I cheated on him.

Then again, I don't want to go through all the effort of trying to convince him. I'm just sick and tired of it. In my heart, I want to be with him, but I know he won't change. I can't live like this anymore (no, I'm not suicidal).

Maybe we'll have a chance together in the future, but we probably won't be the same people as we used to be. Plus, I'm a jealous person by nature, and I will go crazy if he is with other people.

So, how do I go about this? Or what would you do if you were me in this situation?

Thanks in advance.

My ex was like that when I tried to break-up with him the first like 4 or 5 times and he was always very very jealous. I got to where just seeing his face made my stomach churn and I just couldn't stand feeling so trapped anymore. I broke up with him at a football game and he went ballistic and tried to get me to take him back all weekend. I stood my ground and told him that I just felt trapped and that maybe we would be together later, but that we just weren't supposed to be together right now. It was hard on him and he kept kind of stalking me for a while, but I just had to put my foot down and even though I didn't want to hurt him and I cared about him I had to let him go.

You shouldn't lie to him though and make him think you are cheating because that is going to hurt him really bad. I understand why he is jealous because you cheated and once someone has cheated on you it is extremly hard to get that trust back. If you feel as though you really don't want to break up with him then just sit down and talk to him. Let him know that you really don't want to hurt him but if he doesn't change then you are going to have to move on. Tell him that you can't handle him not trusting you and that you really want it to work, but if he doesn't trust you it won't. If that fails then put your foot down and let him go.

Hope I Helped.

Q: ok so my boyfriend did a lot of stuff with a lot of girls about 5 or 6 years ago...when we weren't together. About 2 or 3 weeks before we started dating he did something with this other girl that I was and still am extremly jelous of, because she liked my boyfriend the same time I did but he chose me (him and I have been together 2 and a half years and we are getting married in october) I didn't know that he did anything with this girl until he and I were together for about 6 months ( around the time we started to have sex) but last night and a few other times I just had the worst feelings and images. I sometimes just zone out and picture him with her and I can't get it out of my mind. I know he doesn't like her and I know the reason he had sex with her wasn't the most romantic...but I hate the feeling that I felt.
I guess I am asking if anyone has ever had that happen to them and what way did you find the best to get rid of the feeling.

Ohh yeah I have totally been where you are. I did and do the same thing with the boy I am with now. Even though I know he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else, I picture him with his ex's and it tears me apart. What I do to avoid it is completely just try not to think about it, but that gets really hard sometimes and when it does I just start talking to him, he tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me and that helps me to get the picture out of my head. I also think that he probably does the same thing with all of my ex-boyfriends and I know that I love him and would never hurt him and that also helps knowing that he does the same thing.

If you know he loves you and you are getting married just remember that everytime you get those feelings and thoughts, if he didn't love you then he wouldn't have proposed.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I just found out today that I have genital herpes. I'm only 15, and it was my second time having sex with the same person. Don't tell me I'm too young or whatever. I know I was ready, and we've been together for a really long time. I'm really scared though. I'm having a hard time like, dealing with it. He thought he didn't have anything, but, I guess he did. I wasn't his first, but he was mine. My mom thinks he cheated on me, because, both her and my doctor said if he had it before the second time we had sex, I would've most likely gotten it sooner. What do you guys think? I'm so scared. Please help. I also just need ideas to help me cope with this. Wow. Who thought just one stupid mistake could mess my life up forever?

It often is one small mistake that ruins your life, one you don't even realize you are making. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to your boyfriend and figure out if he cheated on you or not, if he did then it isn't worth it. Then maybe you could find some group of people who have genital herpes, comminuicating with others who understand can be a huge help with this. Remember to be more careful from now on and remember that now you have this you have to warn your partners and be responsible with it. I am really sorry this happened to you.

Hope I Helped.

Q: is it weird for me and my bf to be curious and explore things..such as fingering my butt?

No it isn't weird. Everyone tires different things and likes to experiment with different things. If anything it is good, it can be healthy for your relationship to experiment and it also means you are comfortable with one another.

Hope I Helped.

Q: ok so at the present time i have exremly bad allergys and a throat infection, and the common cold. I cannot breath right not at all becuse my noes is sooo lugged up and whenever i blow my noes it jsut gets worst. my senior prom is saturdy and i cannot get over this. but i would just like to sleep tonght and i cnat if i can breath. Any suggestions?? thank you much!

Nyquil is one of the best things to take so you can sleep, then I suggest on the day of take tylenol cold that usually clears out your nose so you can breath, and get one of the vicks smelling sticks that also helps.

Hopw I helped.

Q: I am deeply in love with a girl. She happens to be my class mate nd we are pretty close friends. I told her how i felt cos i couldnt keep it inside any longer and I thought it was best to tell her. Well she doesnt love me the way i love her. She says that I am a great guy and all. She just wants to be my friend for now (thats what she said exactly).So I asked her if anything could happen between us in the future (A pretty stupid move i think) and she said probably not. That hurt a lot and it still does. The problem is that I cant stop loving her. What am i supposed to do? Does anyone think I stand a chance.

It is very difficult to fall out of love with someone, sometimes near impossible. Usually time is one of the only things that helps. Friends are also great, talking to them about it, and going out with them. Do all things that you can do to think of to get her out of your head. I am very sorry this happened to you, rejection is one of the worst pains in the world.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my bf has the most respect for me and hes really sweet. i just don't think he thinks im sexy. other "sexy" girls grab his attention easily. is there any way i can do the same and make him only pay attention to me? i just want him to think "wow ive never seen her like that before" and think of me in a sexy way. without losing the respect of course.

i need help and ideas!!!
p.s. im seeing him this weekend.

f/16

Well first of all, taking control can be a big thing with guys, they love a girl who will just take over. Second you can try kissing his ear and neck and whispering naughty phrases in his ear. Even phone sex may be something you may want to try, it is something new and most guys find it extremley sexy.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I have a class with one of my friends. I only met him this year, really. He's one grade older than me, a junior. We get along really well and talk all class. And I mean like all the whole class. And outside of class too. He's fun and silly any someone who I've grown close to, and attracted to. He has a girlfriend, but it definitely seems like he flirts with me.

I don't know what to do. I'd like to know what he thinks about me but I don't want it to hurt our friendship, especially if he's not into me... u know? So I'm very confused--- Help!?

Well if he has a girlfriend then it may be best if you just step back, I mean you don't want to hurt her or ruin their relationship or start drama. He could just be flirty, lots of guys are. You can either talk to him about it and let him know that you kind of like him and everything, but that you don't want to intrude on his current relationship. This way he will know exactly where you stand.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I think i really like my best friend. The only thing is is that i cant tell whether the feelings are mutual because most people would say if he flirts with you then the answers yes but thats what our relationship is. We spend like every day with each other and usually kisses me goodbye. It feels as if we are dating each other just without the sxual bit involved. So what are the signs of him liking me? and should i just tell him that i do like him or think i like him? i'm kind of scared tho because i don't want to ruin the relationship but i can't go on feeling wierd with butterflys when i see him nd tht. thanks x

If you guys flirt, get along, have fun, and like each others company then I think you should let him know that you like him. Keep in mind that this may change your relationship and whether you date or not things won't be the same. It seems like you really like him though and if you get butterflies when you see him, then give it a shot.

Hope I Helped.

Q: nah, thats better than what i had hahah i couldnt find anything that good. if you had any others that'd be great. thanks for what you gave me so far =]

i belong to you
you belong to me
it's the way things are always meant to be
like the morning star and the rising sun
you convey my life.

I feel like I've found my better half
With all that we've been through
But I still look at you
Like the world is just a blurr
And you're the only thing that matters,
the one thing that keeps me hoping

I don't wanna spend my life
Thinking what it could've been like
If we had another try
Like back in the day
That look on your face
Feels like, the first time

Here are a few more, I still don't know if these are want you are looking for, but I thought these were cute and they reminded me of that.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Hey im alexa. so you live by yourself? iv actually been wanting to live on my own. how is that? i can understand what you feel about your dad. i also thought about if that would have happened insted of my mom dying, would have it been worse or better..
no situation is the same, but feelings are similar.
we are kinda oppisite, my dad i have never lived with and never really known. i talk to him occasionalyy and hes not very nice. i live with my grandperents and they are awesome, but i want to get out.

Yeah well living by yourself can be fun, but it can also be very difficult. You are responsible for washing dishes, keeping the house clean, and you sometimes get lonely. Overall, though I like it. I just wish my mom and I had a closer relationship, like we used to be.

Yeah well my dad is a real jerk and I would prefer it if I had never have known him and never wasted enegry on him. He doesn't even attempt to make contact with me, so my grandfather has been like a father figure with me. I don't really know which would be worse, because I don't know how it feels to lose her to death, but this kind of sucks. I feel like she has given up on me just like dad and doesn't really love me anymore.

Hope I Helped.

Q: My mom died 7 months ago, almost 8. but it feels like yesterday. im 15 going on 16 next may.
i was just wondering if anyone around my age has lost a parent as well. feel free to talk to me if so!

Well I have lost a parent but not to death. My mother and father were divorced when I was very young, but once I got older he decided he didn't want anything to do with me. He got a new family and just completely shut me out, it was like he died. I was completely devastated. I kept thinking that there was something that I could have done to change that, you know, I should have been better or pushed harder in sports because thats why he loved and coping with those loses are hard.
I couldn't even begin to imagine my mother, though we aren't near as close as we used to be. She too has grown away from me. I am 16 and I live alone, she lives with her boyfriend and we fight constantly. Sometimes I feel alone and I imagine thats how you feel right now. I think talking about it may be you best bet, it always helps to talk to someone, even if they don't understand. Getting all of that off of your chest can be the best medicine.
I know I am not in your exact situation I just thought I would let you in to my life a little and tell you that I am very sorry for you loss.

Hope I Helped at least a little.

Q: 19/female..
i had sex this weekend for the first time.. im 19 years old so please dont tell me that if i dont know, im too young. im not too young. but i dont even know if i orgasmed. he asked if i did but i dont know. i still wanted to do it after i thought i was done.. but i dont even know? when i thought i did, i felt like i was peeing.? please helpppp ?

Well it may feel like you are peeing because you are having an orgasm and therefore releasing fluid, but that could also just be some of your vaginal juices. Usually after and orgasm you feel tired and numb and perfectly happy and you are, or well I usually am, done with sex. You feel relieved and completely at peace I guess. If you are having second thoughts about an orgasm then you may not have had one, because most women call it an 'earth moving experience.'

Hope I Helped.

Q: I'm in 8th grade and 13. I like this guy. He isn't popular or anything either. He hangs out with like nerdy people or whatever. I don't label people but I couldn't explain it. So I like him and he has a twin brother. I sometimes talk to him but hardly ever. I have 3 classes with him and its just confusing. I really don't know what I should do. Whenever I do talk to him, I get all hyper or something like that. I usually don't talk much, only with my friends. But I feel really comfortable talking to him. We have more of tiny little small talks though. I'll give you some type of example except it wasn't much of talking. I was asking out loud if anyone had any paper. And he doesn't sit near me but he looked over and gave me 4 pieces of paper. Haha more than I needed but he did. I think he is really nice but the thing is I don't know how to stop acting so weird. I don't know if he likes it or thinks I'm stupid. Please help me out. Thanks so much!

This sounds like a crush, they often make you act hyper and weird and sometimes stopping that sometimes is very difficult. Just when you are around him be aware of yourself and what you say and what you do. Maybe you should ask him and maybe even let him know that you get nervous around him. Are you thinking about like maybe wanting a relationship with him? If so then I say start talking to him and as you talk to him you will probably get more comfortable and not act as awkward as you are.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Ok so I went out with my exboyfriend for a little over a year and we did it. It always burned and it burned to pee afterwards, but I thought there was no way I could have an STD because he had never done anything passed kissing a girl and the same with me with a guy. It never was enjoyable. I thought maybe I was allergic to the latex. We did it without one and it didn't really burn. Maybe a little so I'm worried now. I don't think its normal for it to hurt that much considering we did it like 100 times and the majority of the times it hurt and I never really got any pleasure. Please tell me your thoughts. I hope I'm just over reacting, but I think I might want to get tested incase. Please help me. =(

It could be anything from an STD to a simple infection, but I think your best bet is to go to the doctor and let them know what is going on. That way in case you do have one then they can catch it soon and get rid of it or begin treating it. I also think you should refrain from sex until you get tested and find out what your problem is.

Hope I Helped.

Q: okay so i really like my boyfriend and we are always kissing but its kinda getting old how do i spark it up physically with out having sex of any kind???

Here are a few tips from some websites that I have found:

"It's a no-brainer that kissing the neck feels good. But instead of just kissing, gently rub your tongue up and down your partner's neck. This will do two things. Initially, it will induce a tickling feeling, which will then become a sort of erotic tingle. It will also arouse your partner even more because of how you are teasing him or her with just the lightest of all touches.
Playing with your partners ears — nibbling and swirling your tongue — is a major turn-on. Another more indirect turn-on is that the close proximity will allow your partner to hear your breathing. For good measure, try whispering into his or her ears — sweet nothings are nice."

http://badgerherald.com/artsetc/2007/04/19/sensual_touches_spic.php

Some guys are also totally taken aback when a girl intiates and takes control of the situation. It can be a total turn on. Also maybe a sensual massage, thats a way to touch your partner in a kind of sexy manner with no sex involved. Passionate kissing can also be a turn on, look deep into your partners eyes and mean everything.

Hope I Helped.

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.