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boyfriends ex
ok so my boyfriend did a lot of stuff with a lot of girls about 5 or 6 years ago...when we weren't together. About 2 or 3 weeks before we started dating he did something with this other girl that I was and still am extremly jelous of, because she liked my boyfriend the same time I did but he chose me (him and I have been together 2 and a half years and we are getting married in october) I didn't know that he did anything with this girl until he and I were together for about 6 months ( around the time we started to have sex) but last night and a few other times I just had the worst feelings and images. I sometimes just zone out and picture him with her and I can't get it out of my mind. I know he doesn't like her and I know the reason he had sex with her wasn't the most romantic...but I hate the feeling that I felt.
I guess I am asking if anyone has ever had that happen to them and what way did you find the best to get rid of the feeling.
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Ohh yeah I have totally been where you are. I did and do the same thing with the boy I am with now. Even though I know he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else, I picture him with his ex's and it tears me apart. What I do to avoid it is completely just try not to think about it, but that gets really hard sometimes and when it does I just start talking to him, he tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me and that helps me to get the picture out of my head. I also think that he probably does the same thing with all of my ex-boyfriends and I know that I love him and would never hurt him and that also helps knowing that he does the same thing.
If you know he loves you and you are getting married just remember that everytime you get those feelings and thoughts, if he didn't love you then he wouldn't have proposed.
Hope I Helped.
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To simply answer the question, yes. Everyone has had those horrible images before. You don't like knowing that the man you love has once loved other girls and has slept with other girls. I am engaged and am getting married in two years. I have these awful, visual images too from time to time. It always crosses my mind whether or not my fiance thinks of his exes and the time they spent together. Reality is, everyone thinks of their ex once in a while. It is human. My way to get over this is to focus on what is happening now.
Remember, YOU are with him, not her. YOU have been with him for two and half year, not her. YOU are his fiance, not her. He is sleeping with you and wants to marry you. She is just a memory to him, and chances are, she might not even cross his mind. So don't let this girl bug you. Another thing to look at though, is to make sure these feelings of jealousy are just you over-thinking his past relationships, and nothing more. Make sure that you are not getting jealous because you don't trust him. Trust is the most important thing to have in a relationship, so make sure you trust him 100%.
I promise these icky pictures in your mind will go away. You may not have been his first, but at least you know you will be the last woman he will every be with! You just have to stop thinking about her and start realizing that you are better than her. He chose you over EVERY girl he has been with. He chose you to be his WIFE. So all those other girls can't compete with that! :)
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The thing is, everyone wants to be the first, the most special, the best sex their partner has ever had. The reality is that as people get older, you are highly unlikely to find someone who has not had sex with or messed around with other people.
I do understand it can be crazy-making, even though you logically know this all happened before the two of you were together.
I suppose you've just got to remember that out of these other girls, and out of every girl he's ever met, he's picked you. You've successfully weathered over two years together, and you are both willing to make a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. You need to keep reminding yourself of this.
You can also talk to him and let him know you've been thinking about this stuff. Chances are you'll get some reassurance, and it might help to share your feelings with him anyway.
The only warning label I place on this situation: Sometimes this sort of feeling isn't about being jealous. It's about some part of a person not completely trusting their partner, or perhaps not wanting to be with them anymore. Examine your feelings carefully, and don't forget to involve your brain as well!
If you feel you still love him and just want to move on from these feelings, then it's possible. You just have to make a choice about whether you will focus on the here-and-now of a strong relationship, or dwell on the past that you were not a part of.
I wish you the best.
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