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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Don’t you think what Earl did to Carole at the restaurant is disgusting? Earl is my 59 year old rich and powerful cousin. Denise his is ex of 19 years, Carole is their 26 year old daughter and Iman is the 32 year old girl that Earl is not serious with and just beds twice a week.
On Friday, December 11, 2009 Earl emails me to invite me to dinner on Monday, December 14, 2009. As we were emailing back and forth on the 11th he says to me “I have a new girlfriend” So I emailed back “Ok” And Earl emails me back telling me she is 32 years old, (from Palestine and Muslim), and he met her at Howard University. I was stunned because 32 is way to young and Howard University is an all Black school and we are White. But I did not say anything.
Any way on Monday, December 14, 2009 I met Earl at Pearl East Restaurant in Manhasset. When we were sitting down I said to him “Nice restaurant” And he said “Speaking of restaurants” and he proceeded to tell me the following:
Earl said to me: “Last week Iman and I went to a restaurant in Great Neck. When Iman and I walked into the restaurant there was Carole and Denise sitting at a table. So I told Iman to go and sit at a table and I would join her. I then went over and said a civil hello to Carole and Denise. I then went to join Iman. When I was sitting down at the table with Iman I turned toward Carole and Denise and Denise mouthed the words ‘You came in here with her’”. So I said “Denise is __” and before I could finish the sentence Earl finished it for me “Yep mother bear protecting her young. Also not to long after I sat down with Iman Denise and Carole walked out, Carole was crying but the funny thing is not to long before I came into the restaurant with Iman Denise left me a cell phone voice mail inviting me to join her and Carole for dinner at that restaurant but I did not get the message until it was to late” I then said to him “Are you serious with Iman?” and Earl said “No definitely not - I just see Iman twice a week and mostly for sex” End of conversation, but I was very upset but I had to drive home at night and I did not want to yell at him at the restaurant.
POST SCRIPT: I KNOW EARL GOT DENISES INVITATION BECAUSE WHEN HE AND I HAD DINNER HE CHECKED HIS CELL PHONE VOICE MAIL.
The Answer
Earl is a divorced man and his daughter is an adult.
He has a right to do date - even to date someone just to have sex with her.
It's unfortunate they ended up at the same restaurant and that this made Denise and Carole uncomfortable, but he didn't actually do anything wrong. It was simply an uncomfortable situation that was no one's fault, and that everyone might have been able to handle better than they did.
If you don't like Earl's behaviour towards the women in his life, stop being his friend.
And you don't know he got the invitation - you'll never know that for sure. You don't know that just because he checked his cell phone with you days later means he checked it while he was out with his girlfriend on that day.
You are being more judgemental than is warranted. If you don't want to be friends with Earl anymore, don't be. But don't make up false reasons and obsess over it for months - Just stop being around someone whose behaviour upsets you. 'Cause sure, he sounds like a bit of a jackass in general.
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The Question
I really would like to buy some products from that website. They sell designers for a lot cheaper than they go on the market for. Is it a legit and safe website to purchase from? I'd like to know if you bought any products from them also. I've heard people talking about it being a website they would shop on. How do they profit with the merchandise being so cheap? Do they make money from google ads or something?
The Answer
Yep, it's a scam site.
They make money by taking people's money and never delivering the product.
It's easy to spot - They list Western Union as their preferred method of payment. Only thieves and scam artists do that.
NEVER, EVER buy online from anyone who suggests you send them an online money transfer, money order or cashiers check.
E-Bay banned this kind of payment options years ago because of all the scams and abuse. A money order is a cheque that anyone who has the password can cash. Once you give someone the money order information, they just go and cash it. If you complain to the bank or provider that someone didn't send you what they promised, they will shrug their shoulders and say "But you gave them the Money order password. That's not our fault." Same thing with money transfers. They companies that will do that for you, assume you know and trust the people. They don't care if you'd been promised a product - that's not their concern so they won't protect you if your stuff never shows up.
This is what Western Union says about their service:
The Western Union Money TransferSM service is a great way to send money to people you know and trust. If you need to send money to someone you don’t know well, you may be putting yourself at risk for fraud.
Because we care about consumers, Western Union urges you to protect yourself from fraud by considering the following:
Never send money to a stranger using a money transfer service.
Beware of deals or opportunities that seem too good to be true.
Don’t use money transfer services to pay for things like online purchases.
Never send money to pay for taxes or fees on foreign lottery winnings.
The other thing that just makes their scam more obvious is that they say they have PayPal, but they don't offer any proof of having a valid, paypal with a good reputation. Providing a link the PayPal account they have would be easy, but they don't do that.
When something looks too good to be true, it probably is.
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The Question
20/f
ive been dating ray for a while now and we live together. we got really intoxicated n started having a 3some with my best friend A. after a few minutes i sobered up and realized what was going on and immediatly stopped and told them to. i said i was getting in the shower n for ray to come. right after i started the water i walked in the room and found ray fucking A on our bed. i freaked about it and told them to stop and got in the shower. after a few seconds i walked back into the room to see it happening again. and my bed and sheets were covered in blood. it hurt me so much. things between us have been rocky recently anyways n i told him i needed a break. but we live together and i dont know what to do. for the last couple days ive been hanging out with my friend kenny. he's the only one who makes me forget about what happened. hes amazing to me in everyway. he always gives me hugs and kisses me on the cheek. and non stop flirting between us. i know he likes me but the other problem is he's talking to this girl thats completely and utterly wrong for him. shes all over every guy when shes drunk and he sees it. hes been telling me he'll make ray jealous if i want him to and i think its working. i feel like im stuck in a rut. i live with ray but i dont know if i should be with him anymore because of all this plus the non stop fighting before it happened. i look to kenny who even flirts with me in front of that girl. i cant leave ray with all the bills. ive been sleeping on the couch and not really talking to him. i feel bad but i dont know what to do. should i leave ray? dont get me wrong of course i love him but i dont think im in love with him. i dont think ill be able to ever have sex with him again. should i tell kenny how i feel or should i wait? wait until things get cleared up between me n ray? ken knows the situation between me n ray and hes just been so totally supportive and helpful to me. is this just a rebound? i mean me and kenny have had something before and became really good friends. but he's always hitting on me. i know ray loves me he keeps buying me things, its just that it doesnt make up for what happened. i didnt walk in just once but it was TWICE after i said something. and his excuse was he thought it was okay because of the start of the 3some. my thing is im his or was his girlfriend and without me it shouldnt have still been goin on after i asked him to get in the shower with me. it just seemed like ray was paying for attention to A then he was me. please somebody, Anybody tell me what to do.
The Answer
In the future, don't drink until you are stupid.
I'll be honest darling, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you.
Of course they kept on having sex. They were drunk and the sex had started with all three of you consenting and then you walked away from two very drunk, fucking, people. Walking away from them was not a good way to express your concerns or wishes clearly. They were still consenting (and drunk I imagine) so they kept on having sex.
You ran away, twice, and they didn't understand your position or what you wanted. In your place, I would give Ray the benefit of the doubt when he says he didn't understand. It's not really very fair to blame him completely, because you happened to sober up faster.
If this ever happened again, the way to get what you wanted was not to leave the room and hope they got the message, it's to get dressed, insist everyone else get dressed, and with some kindness kick your friend out so you can all sober up and talk to your boyfriend about what just happened when you have your heads on straight.
However, if you feel you can never sleep with Ray again, then you need to start talking about moving out. Yes, a break up is always hard finically, but that is the only respectful thing to do if you know that the relationship is over. (And if you can never have sex with him again, it's over).
Forget about Kenny until you handle your break up with Ray in a respectful and honest way. Much the same way you did in the situation with the threesome, you are avoiding the direct and difficult conversation you need to have in order to make things clear.
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The Question
Hello, I am a 20 yr old female, and I dress in a gothic style (not emo or scene which is really popular now)
I am aware that by looking weird, I will get weird looks which I'm fine with.
Lately however I have been yelled and cussed at purely for the way I am dressed which I view as immature.
I always ignore these people but I was thinking about confronting them.
Should I introduce myself to these people politely? And just try talking to them?
I would like to show someone that just because I look odd and have a different style that doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
The Answer
By the time someone is yelling or cursing at you, it's really unlikely that you are going to be able to reach them with polite conversation.
The people who just give you odd looks, or whisper and have slight negative responses like that, they are the ones you might be able to win over. Kill those people with kindness. Try talking to them.
However, the people who yell or curse, them you should ignore. You aren't going to reach them. Far better you keep yourself safe than approach someone who has already taken that position so violently.
You aren't going to reach everyone. Focus on the battles you actually have a chance of wining. Avoid the dead end ones that could escalate and become dangerous.
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The Question
My mate and I are somewhat new {abou six monhs}. But we now reside together where I pay all the bills, cook 90% of the meals in the house, do home repair projects etc. My mate does some things for me which are not frequent but nonetheless appreciated. However, alhough I specifically explained to my mate at time of uniting my expectations sexually, she debates or otherwise find reason discuss what things I like or don't like sexually.
When I initially told her of my sexual expectations there was no objection of complaint of any kind. Now every time I bring the subject up, she attempts o change the subject or gets upset. This puts in my mind that she does not feel as she claims and I believe causes me to not perform well in terms of durability, a thing NEVER before a problem in my life. Am I being unreasonable to insist on complete nonrestrictive sexual activity, in light of fact that she was informed in the beginning of relationship? It seems we are BECOMING less sexually compatible. What do you think? I ask only to show her your reply since she does not view my view as credible it seems to me. I am a 49 year old male.
The Answer
You are being an ass.
She might also be being an ass, but since you asked the question, I'm going to talk to you, because you are most definitely being an ass right now.
Stop being an ass, and end the relationship.
Are you unreasonable to expect 'complete nonrestrive sexual activity'?
Yes!
Unless you are paying a prostitute it is completely unreasonable to expect your romantic partner to pander to your every single sexual whim, whenever you have them.
It doesn't matter if you told her upfront - it's still not a legitimate expectation to have for another human being. Period. Ever. (After all, even sex workers have their limits and nights off.)
If that is your expectation, you need to hire someone to meet that expectation. Even a women with whom you are very sexually compatible would be lying to you if she agreed to allow you 'complete unrestrive sexual activity'. Even people who embrace serious master/slave relationships have understandings where the slave can respectfully stand up for their own desires and limits.
Of course it's fair to expect an open conversation, and an attempt at pleasing your partner, and some sexual compatibility. It's also fair to expect a degree of fair devision of household chores... However, if you aren't getting those things, and you've tried to talk it out, stop whining about it and trying to be a bully, and just walk away from the relationship that isn't working.
Sometimes we don't get what we want - even when we ask nicely. Don't be a asshole and try to demonize her just because you gave her fair warning of your exceptions and she is not able or willing to meet them. If you aren't compatible with someone, move on, with respect.
Right now, you are using your lack of sexual compatibility as an excuse to justify cruel and stupid asshole-ish thinking and reasoning, and to judge her harshly and twist what she says to make her seem dishonest and misleading. Stop that. Be a respectful person and honestly and kindly end the relationship that isn't working for you anymore.
If you are showing this to her, great! Next bit is for her.
If he isn't man enough to break up with you, you should do it.
At best, you are not compatible sexually OR in the way you approach problem solving. At worse, he has irrational expectations from the relationship and you are not capable of participating as an equal in it. After only six months, those sorts of problems are not worth fixing. Move on and try to do it better - with someone else.
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The Question
When I was younger i had lost my virginity to someone I really loved at that point, CJ.I actually loved him for 3 years of my life.We would have sex and ofcourse since i was young and ignorant ,i thought that meant he loved me to even though we weren't dating. For those 3 years,we'd have sex all the time whether he had a girlfriend or not ..just because i was crazy for him .He never acted like he liked me and has hurt me so many times,but I was to in love to let him go.One day ,i decided enough was enough.I wrote him a letter,telling him how i feel and how i can't be in contact with him any longer because it's hurting me to keep going how we were going. On that very same day,I met Garrett. Garrett was my first real boyfriend and i fell head over heels in love with him.We dated for 4 months and it was the happiest i've ever been in my whole life. i completely forgot about CJ and continued my life with Garrett. Garrett broke up with me because he said he just didn't have the same feelings for me as he did before. He still keeps me around though and we hangout ALL the time and he tells me that he cares about me so much and that he's in highschool and wants to enjoy his highschool life,even though he knows im the girl for him. I still am in love with him so i keep him around. Lately after garrett broke up with me CJ has been calling me and texting me ALL the time,nothing major ,just seeing whats going on and wanting to hangout.I never thought anything of it,i figured he was just bored and whatnot,but i'd never hangout with him because i didn't care enough to. One day,he told me he needed to tell me something so i went over and chilled with him and his friends and then we went back to my house to talk. He was a little drunk but he confessed that he's loved me all this time,and just never wanted to express his feelings toward me and he didn't realize until i dated Garrett that i wasn't into him anymore.He said he was so jealous and that he missed me so much but thinks it'd be really weird if we dated because of how different our friends are and because all this time,he's put on an act and pretended to not like me.So he basically said he wants to fight his feelings but he wanted to let me know that he didn't use me all that time.He told me while he had his girlfriends he was in love with me and whatnot but never showed it.I was shocked because I had mutual feelings as well but not recently since I'm still in love with garrett. After a few days of thinking,i was willing to see how things would go with Cj. I asked him if he wanted to talk again but he said No.He feels embarassed that I wasn't totally in love with him too and will barely speak to me. I wrote him a letter saying how ive waited for 3 years for him and he just never came back and that if he wants a chance,he better take it now or never.Its only been a day but he hasn't said a word to me . I don't know what to do because I don't know if I love my Ex or Cj. My ex only loves me as a friend though.I need help!
The Answer
Cj isn't that into you. He's just trying to justify his past horrendous behaviour and convince you to not hate him. Now that he feels he's done that, it's unlikely he'll speak to you much again. He got what he wanted - you think better of him then you did before. He doesn't like you enough to be with you, regardless of what he says. If he did like you enough to be with you - he would be. He reeled you back in, convinced you think better of him than his actions warranted, and then rejected you out of hand. There is no reason to hate him for that, but there is also no reason to be his friend.
Garret is a similar story. He might be a much nicer, more honest guy, but in the end, if he liked you enough to be with you - he would be. If he really knew you were the girl for him, you'd be the girl with him.
Let CJ go. His confession was just part of selfishness. It had nothing to do with you. He might not realize he is still being a selfish user, but that is what that amounts too.
Keep Garret as a friend, but start to let go of hope and maybe rely a bit less on him. Focus on other friends and new people. Garret might be a great guy, but he has been honest enough to admit that he isn't offering you what you want. So get a bit of space from him so that you are ready when someone who does have what you want on offer comes along.
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The Question
it's one of those days when I feel lonely and sad, it's not that I'm depressed because I'm pretty cheerful and energetic around my friends but sometimes I feel like I don't have someone to talk to or just feel like isolating myself from people by not answering any of my phone calls from my friends, I don't know why but I don't feel like talking to anybody even though I do want to, I don't know why I feel like that, whats wrong with me?
The Answer
Maybe nothing.
We all have days when we want to be alone, and recharge.
I think the more important thing is to decide to use those times well and not guilt yourself for 'em.
Think about what gets you the point where you want to withdraw - is it too much partying? Too little sleep? Too much junk food? Part of avoiding feeling this way might be taking better care of yourself on a day to day basis and not pushing your limits so much. The other part of it is using your 'me time' well. So take a think about what relaxes you and helps you move past your quiet, isolating times - is it taking a run or bike ride? Is it watching a chick flic? Taking a bubble bath?
You don't sound like you think you have a chronic problem, so instead of worry so much about it, turn these moods into something you respect and honour. We all have needs that can't be met by other people. Try and think about what yours are, and how to get what you need.
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The Question
1. Going out every night, getting completely wasted and coming home around midnight.
OR
2. Smoking weed everyday, by yourself, when your mom's not home.
I guess I want to see what other people think? My friend keeps pushing on what I'm doing is so much worse that what she is, though I don't think so. Opinionnnns! :) oh both of use are 16 and females.
The Answer
They are both illegal, stupid and symptomatic of substance abuse.
If you are putting ANY mind altering substance into your body every day, be it nicotine, marijuana, beer or hell - caffeine, you've got a substance abuse problem.
Your sixteen years old and you are both engaging in destructive behaviour. Sure - you can argue that booze has a higher death risk, but sitting at home and smoking weed alone is isolating and destructive to many other aspects of your life (at least going out and drinking every night will keep you social, and likely there will be other people around to watch out for you.) That much weed damages the brains ability to remember and think critically - so as a student - the regular pot smoker isn't doing themselves any favours. Brain damage from alcohol is more permanent, but it also takes much, much, more alcohol, then weed, to start to impair brain functioning while you are sober.
Even though weed doesn't kill, please trust me when I tell you that at twenty five years old, you might run into many people who still enjoy smoking weed, but if you look at the successful ones with jobs and solid relationships and friendships - almost none of them are doing it everyday. Of course, the same goes for beer. Even my friends who drink most frequently can go a day without.
Please, stop arguing about who is worse off. Instead, maybe you could turn it into a pack where you promise each other to cut down? I don't believe there is anything totally wrong with either weed or beer, but the behaviour you've described here is not okay for either person. You are setting patterns that have the power to ruin your lives.
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The Question
15/f
My boyfriend and I are going to have sex and when I told him I had just gotten on the pill, the first thing he says is how excited he is because he won't have to use a condom. When he said this, I had no idea how to respond because I've always been under the impression that with sex, a condom is ALWAYS a must for protection. My first time was last winter break when I was raped. Since then, I've been tested (clean) and only had safe-sex once with my current boyfriend. I know the fact that I'm having sex with my boyfriend at such a young age may seem "slutty" after such a short period of time but being raped, I never thought I'd have any desire to have sex again. Plus, now that I've done it, I'm much more open to it. But, I'm not sure how open I am to sex without a condom. He's 18 and I'm his first and we're currently not seeing anyone else....I just don't know what to think about sex without a condom. I want this to be special but I'm just not sure. Because I'm his first and we're both clean, sex without a condom shouldnt have any risk.....right?
The Answer
Sex is always risky. Period. End of story.
We use tools to reduce that risk, like condoms and birth control.
Obviously, you are more protected if you use both.
If you are not open to sex without a condom - now, or ever - speak up. Many, many couples use both birth control and condoms. Even adult couples.
Many people, especially guys, fall into the idea that they don't need to use condoms anymore once they are using birth control. They are dead wrong.
Tell him you that just because you wanted to go on birth control, doesn't mean you need to be ready (ever) to stop using condoms. Tell him as much. Insist on the protection you desire.
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The Question
100 years ago, NOBODY died of lung cancer because they didn't even know it exsisted! people 100 years ago smoked heavily too. Now all of a sudden people can get lung cancer? we're not any different then the people 100 years ago. Also I am a non smoker I live with my mom and her boyfriend, I've looked it up and have asked many questions about "second hand smoke" apparently even though I TRY to get away from the smoke I am still breathing it in even when I go to my room? is this true? I cant leave my house to get away from it, my parents don't care whether I talk to them or not so talking to them does NOO good.
The Answer
Actually, people discovered and labeled 'cancer' eons ago. Hippocrates was a thinker and doctor in ancient greece, and he described cancer and it's treatments. Queen Mary was said to have died of stomach cancer by some of her physicians at the time (that was 1558).
So you see, the word and the illness 'cancer' has been around for a very long time - it's only been in the last 40 years or so that we've actually started to understand it, and treat it.
There wasn't too much point in talking much, or worrying much about cancer when there was no way to treat it (and when the life expectancy was only 40 or 50 years of age). Now that we live longer and better than ever before, cancer has become something to treat or avoid, whereas it was just a mystery and fact of life for centuries before.
There is nothing really new I can tell you about second hand smoke. It's their house, and even if what they are doing is very wrong, you still don't really have the power to stop them. Investing in an air purifier for where you sleep might help, but in the end, the best thing you can do is make peace with it. There are risks in all of our lives. It's impossible to avoid these risks all together. Although there are risks associated with second hand smoke, it's certainly no guarantee of getting cancer. Also, as our understanding develops and treatments improve, there are more and more reasons to be optimistic.
Don't let something you can't control make you sick with worry. Take the reasonable persuasions you can, and then try to accept that life is always risky and often unfair.
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The Question
I bought this hair 2 days ago:
http://www.target.com/D-5015-Remington-3-in-1-Styler-Hairdryer/dp/B003521CBQ/ref=br_1_4?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&qid=1276763437&searchView=grid3&sr=1-4&node=13821201&searchRank=pmrank&searchPage=2&rh=&searchSize=30&searchBinNameList=purchasing_channel%2Csubjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin
When I was using it yesterday, about 10 minutes in, the power just went out. I want to know if I should keep it and make sure a lot of things aren't turned on at the same time, or should I return it and get a different hair dryer that uses less power? My dad said I should just use it when the air conditioner is off (My AC is on auto), but that seems like it would get annoying.
The Answer
Sorry hun, but your dad is right. It wasn't the hairdryers fault - any electronic device you plugged in would probably do the exact same thing. You just had one too many things plugged in.
Buying a different one wont fix the problem.
What you need to do is make sure you don't have too much plugged in at the same time. Turning off the air conditioner for a few minutes sounds like a very easy solution to me.
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The Question
Don't say I'm getting in my friend's love life, I was simply asking one question, it's not like I'm making them fall in love. I had said to this boy, that I dated in like, 8th grade, that him and my friend seemed like they were really hitting it off. He said "yea, totally..." If he feels like they are, why did he put "..."?
Little background info : he usually answers her right away, they never talked face to face, it's summer so don't say they have to because they kinda can't, I told him he should come to a little get together my friend is hosting and he said "yea, maybe". These kinda things lead me to believe he likes her but why the "..." if he does like her or thinks they're hitting it off why did he feel the need to put the "..."?
Thank you!
The Answer
It's a bit silly to focus on a little ...
He could have meant a million things, and we are less likely to guess than you are.
... implies more to come, so maybe he was implying there was more to it then totally. Or maybe, he wasn't comfortable talking about it in more detail with you. Or, maybe he was in the process of being kidnapped by aliens and that was the only button he could press ... If he didn't say more, then he didn't want to say more. Be a good friend. Respect that.
Let it go. Let it happen for 'em. Watch a romantic movie if you need this kind of intrigue in your life.
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The Question
I have been dating someone for roughly 3 months now. Their last relationship was a very unhealthy, verbally and emotionally abusive one. My SO has decided that in order to move on in life, and our relationship, that visiting the ex to gain closure is necessary. The ex lives several hundred miles away. My SO intends on staying at the ex's apartment. I feel in general I have been really supportive, but I do have somer reservations, and am not comfortable with every aspect of this trip. In particular, do I have the right to ask my SO not to share a bed with the ex? Or is this something I should just expect (I do expect it, but should I make this expectation clear?)
thanks in advance
The Answer
Talk to him about it.
Ask him the real questions.
What is closure?
What will he do/ask/say to try and get closure?
Does he still want to sleep with her? Kiss her? Cuddle with her? Hug her?
This isn't really about what your 'rights' are - it's about clarity and understanding what his wishes are. It's about asking the tough questions you have and really hearing his answers, not just about where he will be sleeping, but about what his intentions are and what he hopes to achieve.
You probably have many questions, and the sleeping arrangements are just the ones you are fixating on. Start talking to him - not to make your 'expectations clear' but to clearly understand what his expectations are. Does he expect there will be hugs? Cuddling? Deep, emotional conversations with a lot of crying? Loud arguments? Sex? In all seriousness, the sleeping arrangements aren't going to keep them from having sex if that is what he wants, so the questions you need to hear clear answers to are not where he'll fall asleep, but are what he really wants to achieve on this visit.
If you are still nervous about where he is sleeping, I'm going to suggest the two most likely explanations for that nervousness in my mind:
One - You don't believe the reasons he's given you for going. You suspect him of not telling you (and possibly not even telling himself) the whole truth of what he wants.
Two - You are generally nervous (which is okay), but that nervousness is leading you to forget that even if they DID share a bed, your boyfriend will still not have sex with her if he doesn't want too. He will not kiss her if he doesn't want too. He will not even have deep emotional conversations, if he doesn't want too.
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The Question
Crap. I was going through my mom's drawers because she use to put money in there when I was a kid and I ran into this thing. I didn't know what it was at first so I picked it up and examined it.
It's her vibrator. It isn't like a dildo though so you can't blame me for not knowing what it was at first! But still! Eww!
What do I do? Should I tell her I found it? I feel weird around her now!
The Answer
Nah. Don't tell her.
It's always unpleasant to know that our parents have sex lives - but regardless of knowing about it - they ALL do.
You'll get over it in a little while. Just wait for the weird to drift away.
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The Question
I've heard about girls loving big dicks. I don't really know why though. I know that line about "not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean" but it seems like it must not be so true since so many girls are raving about how huge penises really do the trick for them. Even pornstars show off their size.
I'm definitely no porn star though and I don't have a big one. So, I'm just curious why girls do prefer bigger penises? I don't have a problem with it. If it's just the way it is then it's just the way it is. Can anyone offer me some answers though as to why girls prefer it? Out of pure curiosity, of course...
The Answer
One - Because it's what is most frequently seen in porn.
Two - Because it's a bit scary and intimidating, and people fetishize things that scare them.
Three - Because some women like the feeling of being stretched and filled.
It really is important to know that not all girls like large penises, just like not all men like large breasts. Sometimes it takes till a bit later on in our sexual development to really begin to understand and appreciate just what we find attractive.
To use a highly personal example: I was a bit of size queen in my teens and early twenties. I enjoyed really well-endowed partners, but as I got older and gained experience I learned that I actually had much better, more enjoyable sex with men who were not hung like porn stars. Large penises can present problems for many women, either through pain, sensitivity loss, or simply by limiting what positions are physically possible.
As in all things: Accept your body. Know your body. Listen to your partner. Remember that everybody is different, not just their bodies, but their attraction and breadth of experience too!
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The Question
Okay so my dad loves to get on these weird dating websites like match.com or plentyoffish.com
my parents are divorced so idrc about the fact of him talking to women but he's dating girls that are like 19 years old I have a sister who's 18!
I find it creepy for him to be talking to girls who are that close to his own daughters age.
is he just doing this to feel young again?
or what? it makes me creeped out to even be around him! why won't he date girls that are his age? (he's 39 almost 40)
The Answer
Yes - it's creepy as all hell and I feel bad for you.
However, it's not pedophilia. Pedophilia is about sexual attraction to children - people who are NOT sexually mature yet. Nineteen and eighteen year olds are sexually mature, they are well finished puberty and are physically adults.
Go ahead and let your dad know you don't like it. It's probably not illegal. It's definitely not pedophilia. But that doesn't mean you have to be cool with it. It's not cool.
There are lots of reasons he might be doing this - feeling young, powerful or just sexy. Whatever the reason, you don't have to be okay with the behaviour and to let him know that. He might not change his mind but at least he'll know that this behaviour has an effect on his kids.
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The Question
I'd like to bequethe a substantial part of my estate to my two younger sisters but really DON'T want either of their spouses or children to inherit this down the line. Is it fair to insist in my Will that my sisters bequethe that inheritance to my choice of charities when they die?
I'm 63 and female.
The Answer
Nope. It's really not very fair at all.
Note: I am assuming that you aren't concerned for your sisters' safety, and that their families are not abusive or criminal. If they are, then such a restriction makes sense, for their safety and your desire not to support illegal or immoral behaviour.
However - unless their families are doing illegal or harmful things, then in my opinion, it would be unfair, rude and disrespectful to put those limits on a gift.
Giving someone a gift of money but applying those sort of conditions on is pretty much always rude. I am certain there is a legal way for you to write such a restriction into your will, but just because you can do it, doesn't really make it right.
You are better to take the positive route, rather than the negative route. Write your sisters, or speak to them in person, and encourage them to use the money for something for themselves - a trip they have always wanted, to pay down debts, or for a new car/furniture ectra.
Many states do have ways to restrict a spouse or child's access to a parent's inheritance, but I would strongly advise against a move that would surely seem disrespectful to your sisters and their families. Without so rudely and deliberately restricting them, let them know that your hope for the money is that it will be spent on a treat for themselves leaves it in their hands to honour your wishes, rather then makes them indentured too you.
Although people we love will not always do what we want them too, it's never really fair to impose these sorts of restrictions, unless you are looking out for their safety. (Even then, there is only so much 'looking out' you can do for adult siblings).
If you are really concerned, I honestly think you'd be better off giving them less, and donating to charity yourself, then giving them a generous gift with the kind of strings attached that would cause pain, conflict and probably leave them feeling disrespected and controlled.
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The Question
so my volleyball team made team tshirts and they are soo cute but i lost mine and i'm trying to duplicate it because it means a lot to me. I tried asking the girl who created the shirt if she had the design for it or where she created it and she forgot. so now i'm trying to duplicate it on my own. I was thinking about creating the design on my computer and then printing it on transfer paper and then ironing it on a shirt. or i could create the design and send it to a company and they would design it. but my problem is that its so hard to duplicate the image because i'm not sure which font she used.. can anyone help?? is there any sort of website i can send a picture of the t shirt and they can tell me what font it is?
here are the pictures-
http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/9373/tshirt2w.jpg
http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/2232/tshirtun.jpg
The Answer
I don't know of a company that will do the design part for you, although there are many places that will print your own image on a t shirt... and in all honesty, this wont work well on fabric transfer paper. Those thin white outlines are too thin. You'll go mad trying to cut them out.
However, I can at least help you with the fonts. They are generally called Collegiate, you've got one here with an outline and one without. You can download a bunch of Collegiate fonts for free from this site, just pick the one that is closest...
http://www.fontspace.com/category/sports
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The Question
So right now I'm feeling very anxious to see this guy that I like. However, when I do see him sometimes I find myself slightly less attracted to him. Or even embarrassed? But only when other people are around. I should explain.
My last boyfriend had flaws that I suppressed in my mind. He is not the most intelligent person ever (This is in no way to be a snob, but he is more of a party-going guy who doesn't like the idea of school. I live to learn and do really well in school so obviously there is a problem). My parents also hated him because they feared he wasn't "right" for me. And also he isn't what I consider extremely attractive. But I really liked him, and even loved him at one point. However, with all of these "flaws" I would sometimes look at him and suddenly be nearly repulsed (that word is too strong, but the point is that from one day to another my feelings for him would change 180 degrees). It's almost like he was a different person but obviously he hadn't changed, it was me who had the problem. Eventually my "hot and cold" behavior was our downfall. It caused so many problems. I broke up with him several times and wanted him back soon after. And he told me several times that I acted very weirdly and changed: that alone I would be one person and in public another. I had problems with "acting like his girlfriend." He told me that I treated him more like a friend. Eventually he stopped loving me and broke up with me for good.
Now I like another boy. And by his behavior I get the idea that he likes me as well. I don't find myself repulsed by him but rather uneasy. I told my friend that I liked him and now whenever I talk to him during class I feel like she is staring at me. I can rationalize that no one really cares and that even if did something stupid and people noticed it wouldn't matter. I'm usually not that self-conscious of myself in general in public. This tends to happen only with crushes or relationships.
I don't know why this happens and am honestly afraid that my last relationship will repeat itself with just a different face. My attraction for this new guy is completely different (he's smart, polite, my parents would like him, etc.) but I'm still afraid that this will happen. I thought that I'd gotten over this issue (it's been 7 months since I ended the last relationship) but I realize that I've just pushed this all under the rug and now it's coming out again. Am I psychologically disturbed? I don't know, but this is very aggravating. :(
The Answer
If this makes you psychologically disturbed, then every person on the planet is psychologically disturbed, because what you are describing is perfectly normal. It happens to us at 15 and it happens at 30. It's just life.
In each relationship we get into, we learn something.
We learn what we like, and don't like. We start to recognize patterns and problems we keep on having. We understand ourselves better in relationships.
You will always be wary of past negative experiences. You will always be keenly aware of past mistakes and keep a close eye out for them repeating themselves. You will always be anxious when you start to get to know someone new.
These feelings don't go away - you'll just get better at handling them, and keeping them in their appropriate place.
It's okay to be anxious and to be wary of repeating old patterns. But don't let those fears rule over you.
Take a deep breath and realize this: Even if it weren't for your 'hot and cold' behaviour. Your past relationship STILL would have ended. You obviously had problems way bigger than you being lukewarm. There was a lack of respect and acceptance in your past relationship, so it was destined to fail. You weren't compatible. End of story.
In your life you are probably going to date quite a few people who you just aren't compatible with, until you come across someone who you are!
As you start to get close to somebody new, you can share these fears and warn them of patterns you don't want to repeat, but first you have to let yourself start to get close to someone new!
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The Question
my horse is 4 years old. i broke him by myself and he's always been awesome since then until the other day.. i was out in the field (where i ride him all the time) and out of no where he bucked me off like a bronc and i only had him in a light trot and its not like there were any flies out so i was like wtf? if he was ever gonna throw me why didn't he do it like 2 years ago? is there something wrong with him? could it be a neurological defect? any help would be awesome cause i wanna keep him and get him barrel trainer but i'm not gonna spend 500 some on bucks for a horse that's gonna randomly throw me. any help would be awesome:)
The Answer
Get your vet, your trainer, some adult with good horse sense in to look at him.
At four years of age it's unlikely you're just noticing a neurological defeat now. It's far more likely he's feeling ill.
Another possibility is - frankly - you. It never hurts to have someone take a look at your technique when you run into behavioural trouble. You might have a habit or issue as a rider that made him prone to bucking, or at least made him think he could get away with it.
Very few horses 'randomly' throw people (unless they are trained to do so). There was probably a reason for his behaviour. The reason is either his health, your riding or his environment. If you like the horse and want to keep him, put in the time and get the expert help to figure out what the issue was, and how to fix it.
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