Not feeling satisfied or appreciaed in relationship.
Question Posted Sunday June 20 2010, 8:10 pm
My mate and I are somewhat new {abou six monhs}. But we now reside together where I pay all the bills, cook 90% of the meals in the house, do home repair projects etc. My mate does some things for me which are not frequent but nonetheless appreciated. However, alhough I specifically explained to my mate at time of uniting my expectations sexually, she debates or otherwise find reason discuss what things I like or don't like sexually.
When I initially told her of my sexual expectations there was no objection of complaint of any kind. Now every time I bring the subject up, she attempts o change the subject or gets upset. This puts in my mind that she does not feel as she claims and I believe causes me to not perform well in terms of durability, a thing NEVER before a problem in my life. Am I being unreasonable to insist on complete nonrestrictive sexual activity, in light of fact that she was informed in the beginning of relationship? It seems we are BECOMING less sexually compatible. What do you think? I ask only to show her your reply since she does not view my view as credible it seems to me. I am a 49 year old male.
Razhie answered Monday June 21 2010, 12:26 am: You are being an ass.
She might also be being an ass, but since you asked the question, I'm going to talk to you, because you are most definitely being an ass right now.
Stop being an ass, and end the relationship.
Are you unreasonable to expect 'complete nonrestrive sexual activity'?
Yes!
Unless you are paying a prostitute it is completely unreasonable to expect your romantic partner to pander to your every single sexual whim, whenever you have them.
It doesn't matter if you told her upfront - it's still not a legitimate expectation to have for another human being. Period. Ever. (After all, even sex workers have their limits and nights off.)
If that is your expectation, you need to hire someone to meet that expectation. Even a women with whom you are very sexually compatible would be lying to you if she agreed to allow you 'complete unrestrive sexual activity'. Even people who embrace serious master/slave relationships have understandings where the slave can respectfully stand up for their own desires and limits.
Of course it's fair to expect an open conversation, and an attempt at pleasing your partner, and some sexual compatibility. It's also fair to expect a degree of fair devision of household chores... However, if you aren't getting those things, and you've tried to talk it out, stop whining about it and trying to be a bully, and just walk away from the relationship that isn't working.
Sometimes we don't get what we want - even when we ask nicely. Don't be a asshole and try to demonize her just because you gave her fair warning of your exceptions and she is not able or willing to meet them. If you aren't compatible with someone, move on, with respect.
Right now, you are using your lack of sexual compatibility as an excuse to justify cruel and stupid asshole-ish thinking and reasoning, and to judge her harshly and twist what she says to make her seem dishonest and misleading. Stop that. Be a respectful person and honestly and kindly end the relationship that isn't working for you anymore.
If you are showing this to her, great! Next bit is for her.
If he isn't man enough to break up with you, you should do it.
At best, you are not compatible sexually OR in the way you approach problem solving. At worse, he has irrational expectations from the relationship and you are not capable of participating as an equal in it. After only six months, those sorts of problems are not worth fixing. Move on and try to do it better - with someone else. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
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