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so confused about old love and new love
When I was younger i had lost my virginity to someone I really loved at that point, CJ.I actually loved him for 3 years of my life.We would have sex and ofcourse since i was young and ignorant ,i thought that meant he loved me to even though we weren't dating. For those 3 years,we'd have sex all the time whether he had a girlfriend or not ..just because i was crazy for him .He never acted like he liked me and has hurt me so many times,but I was to in love to let him go.One day ,i decided enough was enough.I wrote him a letter,telling him how i feel and how i can't be in contact with him any longer because it's hurting me to keep going how we were going. On that very same day,I met Garrett. Garrett was my first real boyfriend and i fell head over heels in love with him.We dated for 4 months and it was the happiest i've ever been in my whole life. i completely forgot about CJ and continued my life with Garrett. Garrett broke up with me because he said he just didn't have the same feelings for me as he did before. He still keeps me around though and we hangout ALL the time and he tells me that he cares about me so much and that he's in highschool and wants to enjoy his highschool life,even though he knows im the girl for him. I still am in love with him so i keep him around. Lately after garrett broke up with me CJ has been calling me and texting me ALL the time,nothing major ,just seeing whats going on and wanting to hangout.I never thought anything of it,i figured he was just bored and whatnot,but i'd never hangout with him because i didn't care enough to. One day,he told me he needed to tell me something so i went over and chilled with him and his friends and then we went back to my house to talk. He was a little drunk but he confessed that he's loved me all this time,and just never wanted to express his feelings toward me and he didn't realize until i dated Garrett that i wasn't into him anymore.He said he was so jealous and that he missed me so much but thinks it'd be really weird if we dated because of how different our friends are and because all this time,he's put on an act and pretended to not like me.So he basically said he wants to fight his feelings but he wanted to let me know that he didn't use me all that time.He told me while he had his girlfriends he was in love with me and whatnot but never showed it.I was shocked because I had mutual feelings as well but not recently since I'm still in love with garrett. After a few days of thinking,i was willing to see how things would go with Cj. I asked him if he wanted to talk again but he said No.He feels embarassed that I wasn't totally in love with him too and will barely speak to me. I wrote him a letter saying how ive waited for 3 years for him and he just never came back and that if he wants a chance,he better take it now or never.Its only been a day but he hasn't said a word to me . I don't know what to do because I don't know if I love my Ex or Cj. My ex only loves me as a friend though.I need help!
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Cj isn't that into you. He's just trying to justify his past horrendous behaviour and convince you to not hate him. Now that he feels he's done that, it's unlikely he'll speak to you much again. He got what he wanted - you think better of him then you did before. He doesn't like you enough to be with you, regardless of what he says. If he did like you enough to be with you - he would be. He reeled you back in, convinced you think better of him than his actions warranted, and then rejected you out of hand. There is no reason to hate him for that, but there is also no reason to be his friend.
Garret is a similar story. He might be a much nicer, more honest guy, but in the end, if he liked you enough to be with you - he would be. If he really knew you were the girl for him, you'd be the girl with him.
Let CJ go. His confession was just part of selfishness. It had nothing to do with you. He might not realize he is still being a selfish user, but that is what that amounts too.
Keep Garret as a friend, but start to let go of hope and maybe rely a bit less on him. Focus on other friends and new people. Garret might be a great guy, but he has been honest enough to admit that he isn't offering you what you want. So get a bit of space from him so that you are ready when someone who does have what you want on offer comes along.
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