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so complicated n confused.
20/f
ive been dating ray for a while now and we live together. we got really intoxicated n started having a 3some with my best friend A. after a few minutes i sobered up and realized what was going on and immediatly stopped and told them to. i said i was getting in the shower n for ray to come. right after i started the water i walked in the room and found ray fucking A on our bed. i freaked about it and told them to stop and got in the shower. after a few seconds i walked back into the room to see it happening again. and my bed and sheets were covered in blood. it hurt me so much. things between us have been rocky recently anyways n i told him i needed a break. but we live together and i dont know what to do. for the last couple days ive been hanging out with my friend kenny. he's the only one who makes me forget about what happened. hes amazing to me in everyway. he always gives me hugs and kisses me on the cheek. and non stop flirting between us. i know he likes me but the other problem is he's talking to this girl thats completely and utterly wrong for him. shes all over every guy when shes drunk and he sees it. hes been telling me he'll make ray jealous if i want him to and i think its working. i feel like im stuck in a rut. i live with ray but i dont know if i should be with him anymore because of all this plus the non stop fighting before it happened. i look to kenny who even flirts with me in front of that girl. i cant leave ray with all the bills. ive been sleeping on the couch and not really talking to him. i feel bad but i dont know what to do. should i leave ray? dont get me wrong of course i love him but i dont think im in love with him. i dont think ill be able to ever have sex with him again. should i tell kenny how i feel or should i wait? wait until things get cleared up between me n ray? ken knows the situation between me n ray and hes just been so totally supportive and helpful to me. is this just a rebound? i mean me and kenny have had something before and became really good friends. but he's always hitting on me. i know ray loves me he keeps buying me things, its just that it doesnt make up for what happened. i didnt walk in just once but it was TWICE after i said something. and his excuse was he thought it was okay because of the start of the 3some. my thing is im his or was his girlfriend and without me it shouldnt have still been goin on after i asked him to get in the shower with me. it just seemed like ray was paying for attention to A then he was me. please somebody, Anybody tell me what to do.
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In the future, don't drink until you are stupid.
I'll be honest darling, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you.
Of course they kept on having sex. They were drunk and the sex had started with all three of you consenting and then you walked away from two very drunk, fucking, people. Walking away from them was not a good way to express your concerns or wishes clearly. They were still consenting (and drunk I imagine) so they kept on having sex.
You ran away, twice, and they didn't understand your position or what you wanted. In your place, I would give Ray the benefit of the doubt when he says he didn't understand. It's not really very fair to blame him completely, because you happened to sober up faster.
If this ever happened again, the way to get what you wanted was not to leave the room and hope they got the message, it's to get dressed, insist everyone else get dressed, and with some kindness kick your friend out so you can all sober up and talk to your boyfriend about what just happened when you have your heads on straight.
However, if you feel you can never sleep with Ray again, then you need to start talking about moving out. Yes, a break up is always hard finically, but that is the only respectful thing to do if you know that the relationship is over. (And if you can never have sex with him again, it's over).
Forget about Kenny until you handle your break up with Ray in a respectful and honest way. Much the same way you did in the situation with the threesome, you are avoiding the direct and difficult conversation you need to have in order to make things clear.
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