cloudy_conscience's advice column

askcloudy_conscience

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: My ex boyfriend is in the same group of friends as I am, and we see each other everyday. We dated for about six months, but then I liked another guy. And he found out, and we broke up. We fought all the time after that, about everything. Eventually we did try going back out again, but I broke up with him again because I thought I might have only gotten back together with him because I wanted to end the problems, not because I wanted to be with him. Now he says he won't talk to me, and wants to stay out of my life. He was one of my best friends, and I miss him so much. It's hard to see him every single day and know that he hates me. He thinks I lied to him about things, when I didn't. But he won't believe me. He says that he doesn't trust me enough to ever believe me, or think that I'll change. He just says I'll screw things up again. How can I get him to see that I truly am sorry for hurting him, and get him to believe me?

Well when you hurt someone, especially more than once, it can be very difficult to get that trust back and usually even if you do things will never be the same. I dated a boy for 3 years then we broke up and we are still friends, but we can't hang out much because of my new boyfriend and things really aren't the way they used to be. First of all you can talk to him and let him know how sorry you really are and how much you really want to move on and be friends again. If that doesn't work then maybe just try to be nice to him when you see him and try to show him that you want to be friends with him. I really hope you get him back and you can be friends again =].

Hope I Helped.

Q: there is this boy in my class that i like and he knows that i like him but i dont know if he likes me back...can you please help me to figure out what the signs are

Well if he goes out of his way to talk to you or smiles at you alot or talks to you alot. Also if he flirts with, like hits you or picks at you, he probably does, but the only way that you can know for sure is to ask him. If he knows you like him them maybe you should ask him if he is interested.

Hope I Helped.

Q: me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years and i love her sooo much you know it wasn't that first sight love it was that first kiss that made my world change just that first kiss and all of a sudden she doesn't love me for no reason after she has done everything bad to me and all i have done is love her, her friends hate me and put things in her head all the time, i just want to take her and leave and be alone and happy forever just the 2 of us and just start a new life i love her and i dont know what to do i have done everything she has asked lost firends everything you can think possible and now i have nothing but her i just don't know what to do

I really hate that this is happening to you, but things like this do happen. You out grow people or just lose that spark. My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up around 8 months ago, I broke up with him because I just felt like we were growing apart. Maybe she just needs sometime to herself to think about what she is feeling. I think you should talk to her and let her know that you are feeling hurt and ask her what she is feeling. If she needs space, then give it to her, if she says it's over I'm sorry, but let her go. Stalking her and harrassing her won't help, thats what my ex did and it made me competely hate him. Maybe if you are lucky and she does break-up with you then you can still hang out as friends.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Okay so, me and this guy like eachother. But then there's this one girl, and she seems like she's perfect for him but she already has a guy who shes apparently in love with and he's in love with her too. But they don't seem to talk anymore. Me and her NEVER talk, but she knows that me and this one guy like eachother, a lot. But we don't talk as much as that one guy and her. Now she invited him over for a movie night. Should I be mad? I feel like I can't do anything though, because it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but i feel like she's trying to steal him because she doesn't like me that much.
So I can't go to her house, NO WAY. I want to let it go, but whenever I think about it, I think of her putting moves on him. She's also done this to my bestfriend's boyfriend like twice. What should I do? Nothing? I don't want to be annoying or anything, but like I don't know. ):

Well it is very plausible that she is trying to take him from you or make you jealous because girls to tend to do that if they know you like someone, but she may not be. If you really like this guy and maybe want to start a relationship with him the I think you should let him know that you like him and that you might like a relationship. Try not to worry about her and him, unless you think that he may like her or they have like major history or something. You really can't tell him not to go because you aren't dating and you don't want to seem like a stalker or obsessed so just step back and let him do it, then discuss your thoughts about the two of you with him later.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I kno the title sounds bad already.. but i met this guy he's the sweetest guy ever like he's perfect in every way and i think i fell in love with him. we had to stop seeing eachother because his ex girlfriend of 2 years came back to him so they tried again n it ended as soon as fast as it started and we recently started talking.. on the phone texting (he lives about an hour away) well now that his ex girlfriend's out of the picture and she's moving so she'll be farther away i think we were gonna try something again but now im worried he's got another girl behind my back.. i figured out they've been talkin on the phone.. hangin out.. he threw her a party.. and everything flirting obviously and idk what to do.. i dont want to confront him because then i seem "stalkerish" and "obsessed" which in reality im def. not like that. but i dont want to get hurt again. its been one of those we'll talk all day one day n he wont talk to me at all for the next 2.. and when he's not talkin to me im pretty sure he's talkin to her =/ please help i need advice!

You really don't know where he stands with this girl, or so it seems to me. He may still care about this girl but still care about you at the same time, he may just not be ready to move on from her yet. I think you need to just step back and realize that he is an older guy first off and second off he is a guy, he may not come out with his feelings and he most likely probably won't let you know where he stands. Don't push him because you don't want to lose him. If you push him to hard then you may miss the chance to fall in love with someone. Stay in touch with him, but play a little hard to get. Don't panic when you don't talk and don't freak when he talks to his ex-girlfriend. Let him know you are interested and if it's meant to be then it will happen and if not you can do better ;]

Hope I Helped.

Q: im 16/f
he is 19

when we went out i was 14. he was my first boyfriend and it lasted 4 months and i started to lose the spark in the relationship. i loved him but i didnt like him anymore if that made sense. i think the stress of everyone thinking he was too old for me and being so judgemental about it just made me not want to have to deal with it anymore so i told him "i have to talk to you" and he said "i have to talk to you first" and i told him to go first and he told me that there was another girl who told him she liked him and he had always liked her and he said he would absolutely stay with me and tell her to back off if i wanted to stay together but with all the stress i broke it off. within an hour he was going out with this other girl. realizing i truly did still love him i flipped out on him because i felt like he didnt care. i think i had an understandable reason to be upset....it was only an hour! we ended up getting into this big screaming fight and we didnt talk for a year and a half. then one day he texted me. i had no idea he still had my number becasue when we were going out he didnt have a cell phone so its not like he had it saved in there. so that was around christmas time and we've just been talking ever since. by the way he's still going out with the girl "he left me for" (i dont know what else to call it). so we gradually started talking more and more and now we talk about twice a day. still texting because he's shy and would probably have a heart attack if he called me.

so on to the real situation. in the 4 or 5 months that we've been talking to each other its just like all my other friendships except that i havent seen him in two years and we dont talk about our relationship and our girlfriends/boyfriends. even though i've been single ever since. so today he says "i have a question" and he asked if i thought it was weird that we can have such a good relationship after having a serious dating relationship and then a heated break up and i said it was fine and i enjoy having someone to talk to. the conversation kept going and now he's going to visit me at work while im on break which im excited about but nervous all at the same time. and he said he was excited too. then we started talking about our relationship and how we were so shy that we barely talked to each other in the begining and how i was the first and only girl (to this day) that he ever had butterflies for. and then we started talking about the break up and he told me that for a week he didnt care that we broke up but then after that week he totally broke down and realized what had happened and what he lost. even while he had this new girlfriend who he had always liked. and he thought i didn't care that we broke up and i "didnt give a F***" so i told him that i had loved him a lot and i really did care when we broke up and it took me a year to get over it.

im just wondering why someone would say this. and take two years to say it. and why would they say this, to their ex girlfriend after being with a girl for two years???

i'm not sure what to make of the situation. i wasn't expecting this at all!!

Maybe he was embarrassed or was nervous about telling you that he loved you. Maybe it took him this long to realize it? Or maybe, not to be rude, he really doesn't care he just likes talking to you again. You have to remember that he did start dating a girl right after you broke up and still is dating her as you guys are talking. That is kind of disrespectful to his current girlfriend if guys are talking about dating. If you really think that you care about the guy and want to give it a try then I say go for it, but you have to remember that he is talking to you while he is dating a girl and it shows that could probably do it to you. If he is doing it to her then he is going to do it to another you.

You have to follow your heart and decide what you think is worth it. If you really care about him and you feel like you could really have a connection with him then let him know, but make sure he breaks up with her so you know he is for real and not just using you.

Hope I Helped.

Q: 15/f

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years.
At the beginning of the relationship i liked him alot, because you have so much to learn about eachother. Then one day i loved him. He's in love with me too, but WAY MORE then i love him. Everythings fine, we aren't arguing, or yelling.. but i have doubts. He's seriously IN love with me, and i keep thinking that maybe i just love him, and not IN LOVE. How do i figure out that im IN love or just love him like a brotha?

You would know if you love him. It isn't some explainable thing, it is an unexplainable, uncontrolable emotion. If you really love the boy then you will know.

Hope I Helped.

Q: i've been dating my boyfriend for six months.
but three months before that his girlfriend that was his girlfriend on and off for three years broke up with him.
i really don't know why he stayed with her in the first place, she cheated on him all the time. and the guy she dumped him for, and is now dating, is the ONE of the guys she cheated on him with.
and inbetween their breakups she'd always have a different boyfriend, but he never had another girlfriend.
hes messed around with other girls, but i'm only his second girlfriend.
well anyways, i love him. i honestly do. and i know he cares about me, but sometimes it just pisses me off that their past is like that.
and i like her, shes fun. but he doesnt like her anymore, he can't stand her. but lately shes just been getting on my nerves.
today a girl asked me about his mom [she died of cancer three years ago] and his ex just jumped in, because she was sitting on the otherside and just started saying all this stuff about what type of cancer, and how he reacted and all this stuff.
i get they have a past, and i know i do too.. but it just makes me so mad that it gets brought up.
and i still think she cares about him because everytime i even say his name she looks at me like shes gonna cry.
i just don't know what to do about it because it honestly gets on my nerves that she acts like she knows everything about him. what can i do to get over these feelings and just concentrate on our relationship that we have now?

Well one thing you are gonna learn is ex-girlfriends will do anything and everything to try and piss you off and hurt your feelings. They look for the reactions you give whenever they do things, the best thing to do is not to react, but I know that is the hardest thing to do. Dealing with the past relationships are very very difficult and if you aren't careful your anger about it may ruin your relationship.

Things to do when you start thinking about it, remember that she is his 'EX'-girlfriend for a reason and he wants to be with you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Focus on the future and how much you care about him. She is just jealous and wants to make you misrable, ignore it and kill her with kindness.

Hope I Helped.

Q: okay so i hate bringing my boyfriend over my house. my parents dont let us shut the door anymore because i guess they see we are getting more serious..they know he is in a gang so now they think he is a criminal...which he isnt. my dad thinks im going to become a chola (thats a girl gang member in my boyfriends gang) and all i hear is how they think hes a nice guy but hes a bad influence. they treat me like i have no brain and cant make mature decisions every since i got a tattoo. its like the tattoo labels me as "DANGER SHE IS GOING OVER THE HILL" kind of kid. AND IM NOT. i make smart decisions. they think im going to turn into my older brother and get myself locked up. what do i do? i dont want my boyfriend coming over anymore and when i go to my boyfriends house im not aloud over for longer then 4 hours. and yes we are sexually active and im planning on asking my mom for birth control...i want to prove to her im responsible and im looking out for myself. i dont exactly know what im asking...i just want to know peoples opinions on my situation.

-15/f

Okay well you have to realize your parents are just looking out for you, they want whats best even though it may seem like they are being irrational now. It may be true that your boyfriend is a great guy, but being in a gang can get people into a lot of trouble and I'm sure your parents know that. They are trying to make sure you don't screw up your life and go to prison or something.

I'm not going to say anything about you being sexually active at 14, because thats when I started too, but I did get on the pill at 14. I know that kids are doing it at younger and younger ages, its happening. I really think that you should sit your parents down and talk to them. Let them know that you want to get on the pill, that you are sexually active, but you are going to be mature about it. Talk to them about your relationship with your boyfriend and that you know he may not be the best example of a model citizen, but that he is really a good guy. Let them into your life, once you do they may give you a little more slack and be a little more understanding. It not then just remember they are just trying to make sure you are safe.

Hope I Helped.

Q: okayy so im 15 and a female.. well i know for a fact, 100 percent that i want to wait until marriage before i have sex and i know that in the future guys will respect you more if yoou werent out and about being a little whore..but right now i feel like i cant get a boyfriend.. at all bc im just not like that idk im not ugly and im not shy but it feels likee every guyy just wants to have sex like all the time or something. idk what to do..is this just how they r at this age??

At that age, yes a lot of boys are constantly thinking about sex and girls. The thing for you to do is let them all know where you stand now and don't back down for any of them. You may not get a boyfriend right away, but sooner or later you will get a mature guy who respects you for you. Do not compromise your beliefs or yourself for someone. Most of them will grow out of it, but a lot of them are going to be immature and obsessive about sex for a long time.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Im 19 and ive bin going out with my girlfriend who is 17 for 1 year and 4 months. I live in PA and she lives in NJ. I am obsessive with her. I want her all to me. She use to have alot of guy friends like that was all her friends. she told me that she isnt happy and she wants to hang out with her guy friends and im not good with that. i call her alot more than i should. she said that i have till the end of the summer to change or she is leaving me. She has bin the best friend i never had. I love her to death. im just afriend that shes gona meet a guy better than me cause theres alot better guys that she could have.

I need steps on how not to be obsessive. i want to be with her longer then 4 months.

If you don't want to lose her then you really have to back off, give her her space, and show her that you trust her. First of all, cut the phone calls down, don't panic when she doesn't answer and don't leave millions of messages. Thats just plain annoying. Next, show her you trust her and you are comfortable enough witht he relationship that she can have guy friends. Let her know that you will try to be less jealous and maybe when you visit her, go out with her guy friends and get to know them. Showing her that you are trying will make a big impression on her and she will love you for it.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Hi.

14/m

I've been going out with this girl. Its been almost a week. We've each gone out before but it was like 4th grade with other people and it wasnt "real". Now we're 14, its the real deal lol.
So weve talked alot and hung out alot (not sure whether to consider them dates or not) and I'm wondering, should I kiss her on the cheek in the near future? I HAVE HUGGED HER BEFORE.

Any advice on cheek kissing/making out is very appreciated.

Thank you.

I think its really cute that you want to kiss her, just make sure she is comfortable with it before you make your move. You don't want to make her uncomfortable and cause her to pull away from you. Let her know you would like to kiss her and whenever she is ready you would love to. For the cheek though, it would probably be okay to go for it, then move on to making out.

Hope I Helped.

Q: So, this guy really likes me, and I really like him a lot. He's amazing, and instead of him calling me "hot", He tells me I'm beautiful, incredible, amazing ect. And I love it, he makes me SO happy.(: But, he always asks "Wanna hang out?(:" and I always say yes becuase I really do, but then at the last minuet, I find myself making up things to get out of it. I still don't know why. My friend asked me the same thing! And I just realized, I have no idea. She thinks it has something to do with my dad leaving when I was like two, and I never got to know him. But I have no idea. Help?

You may just be scared of getting into a relationship where you may get really into and maybe you are scared of commitement. Or maybe it does have something to do with him. Maybe you have trouble trusting men because he left you. Who knows? You may not need to know the problem to fix it. Try going out with a group that way you don't feel really trapped and like you have to be just with him. Then go to the next step, just move really slowly, you are going to have to face it sometime and now is better than never or later.

Hope I Helped.

Q: 3 weeks ago a girl said she started falling for me and really liked me, after spring break word got around I hooked up with some people on a cruise

and it broke her heart but we were never going out. First of all I never hooked up with anyone

and she doesn't believe me. I told her today I wanted to be with her and she said a couple of

weeks ago I would of said yes but I just can't trust you so i think being friends is our best

bet. Well I told her i was going to try to win her trust back. She said she had some feelings for me

now but just doesn't trust me. What do I do to get her trust back? I want to soon before i loose her.
soooo yeahhh thankss

Well let her know that you are willing to work on it and prove to her that you will be faithful. It may take a while but once she sees you are willing to give it a try and really work for it, she will probably come around.

Hope I Helped.

Q: So a conversation came up about getting an orgasm from a guy fingering and the girl i'm kind of with was like, no noones that good. Is she implying that her ex boyfriends probably sucked at it? I havn't done anything with her yet so she wasn't talking about me. But I know it's possible so you think theres a chance she'll be very impressed if i did give her one?

Some girls just have a hard time getting off by being fingered or it just takes a really really long time for them to do it. Yes, she probably would be impressed if you gave her one by fingering her. Tips to do it are get her really turned on and tease her, it will take less time for her to orgasm if she is turned on.

Hope I Helped.

Q: the last day of my period was march 17th. it was a 5 day period. it is now april 27th and i have not had a period since. i had unprotected sex on march 12th, march 30th, april 18th and april 22nd. and on the 22nd i noticed that i had a lot of clear/white discharge.i've never had this much discharge,its been constant and lasted for 6 days now. it doesn't itch or smell or anything like that. so what could be happening? possible infection? pregnancy? b/c i heard that women have more discharge when they are pregnant. or ovulation?

If there is a chance you could be pregnant, then I would go get a pregnancy test just in case and if it is negative then maybe you are ovulating or just have more discharge that happens sometimes. It is common for women to discharge more in both cases.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my boyfriend is really annoying and i want to break up with him but im not sure what to say bc i just know that he will probably like start crying or soemthing haha. but i want to do something to make him mad or get in a fight just so it will be easier but im not sure i just need help!

You don't have to start a fight, yes it might be easier for you, but it's easier and better for both if you just let him know that you just don't want to be in the relationship. Let him know that you just don't like him that way anymore and that you would feel best if you went your seperate ways. Don't be really really mean about it, but you may have to put your foot down if he won't accept it.

Hope I Helped.

Q: recently... everytime me and my bf make out, hours later my throat starts to hurt and get sore... what can be the cause? this has NEVER happened with anyone else... could it be and std?? help greatly appreciated!!!

sincerely, SICK.

You could just be getting sick or it could be something such as mononucleuosis[sp], also known as mono and the kissing disease. I would check with you doctor just in case.

Hope I Helped.

Q: just yesterday a friend of mine called me and told me some things about me bf. she told me he's cheats on me constantly and names plenty of girls. i was only really upset b/c this isn't the first time i've heard things like this about him. i have talked to him and i called about it b/c the stuff she told me had me pissed. he says its not true of course and doesnt understand why i dont trust him. i told him i dont a while ago b/c of all this stuff going on and he said he trust me. all i need to decide for now is who ima believe b/c i cnt leave him unless i really knw. so who should i believe??

Well can you trust your friend? How long have you known her? Is she your best friend? If you feel like you can trust her, then you may want to believe her. It all really comes down to that, if you can trust her enough to know that she isn't lying. Considering you have heard it a few times, you may want to consider getting rid of him, you can do so much better than someone who is going to cheat on you. Believe who ever your gut tells you believe.

Hope I Helped.

Q: What are some things girls can do to a guy to really turn him on while you guys are making out.

Hope that made sense.

I will rate or whatever. Lol

Guys love it when you kiss on their necks, blow on their ears, suck their ears, take control, and kiss them passionately. You can try sitting on his lap, staring in his eyes, and then just start making out with him. Also run your hands through his hair, and if you are comfortable with it some like it when you talk dirty to them.

Hope I Helped.

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.