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16/f
my boyfriend has trouble trusting me. he says he trusts me but i know he doesn't. he freaks out anytime i even talk to another guy. i used to have so many guy friends now i don't anymore. i love my boyfriend to death and will not breakup with him i just need your help with a way to make things better.
this happens a lot about different things but i'll tell you what is going on now. he is constantly scared that if i talk to another guy i'll like him. my boyfriend is always asking me who i talk to in my gym class (meaning guys). i hardly talk to any of the guys, mostly just the girls. i told him that and he was like give me all of the names of the people you've had conversations with. and he started freaking out. then i told him that there is no way i could ever remember that and i'm crying so much and he thinks i'm hiding something. he always thinks i talk to guys behind his back.
like he always looks at my phone at my texts and calls. i know he just loves me so much and never wants to lose me but idk what to do to make all of this stop and just have him trust me!
thanks so much! (link)
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Your boyfriend is being paranoid and unnecessarily controlling. It will get worse if you don't put a stop to it now.
Unfortunately, you're going to need to give him an ultimatum. He needs to allow you to talk to other guys without getting upset. He needs to let you live your life without demanding an accounting of who you've spoken with. He needs to recognize that he does not have a claim of ownership on you. And if he won't or "can't" do these things, then you HAVE to be able to break up with him. As long as that option is off the table, and he knows it, he will be able to tighten his control over you. He needs to know that you WILL leave if he doesn't treat you right.
This kind of behavior is often a precursor to abuse. I'm not saying that your boyfriend is an abuser; I'm saying that abusers always act like this, cutting you off from your friends and assuming control over your life.
He says he trusts you, but clearly doesn't. I submit that as long as he holds that attitude, you shouldn't trust him either. As long as he doesn't really trust you, the relationship is doomed to fail - and if you wait for it to fail on its own, you will end up losing all your friends in the process, and who knows what other damage you'll suffer along the way. Addressing the problem now, and with determination, is the only way you can preserve your relationship on terms you can live with.
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I'm an addict. No, I'm not a druggie, an alcoholic, none of that. I'm a computer addict.
I spend AT LEAST 5 hours daily on the computer on school days. On days that I'm free I will spend all of my waking hours on the computer (for example today, I was online nonstop from 8:30am to 11:30pm, right now).
This is getting out of control. My family is breaking apart because of it, my school work is suffering as well. I no longer have a social life, I stopped doing the sport that I used to love so passionately.
I think the reason I'm (psychologically) addicted is because its a way to escape for me. I'm pretty depressed and lonely, and the computer helps me cheer up and forget my problems.
I had suspected that I had a problem for a while now (two years). What finally triggered me to ask help is that my mom tearfully and angrily lectured me that I live in filth (which is true, my room is disgusting, but I don't clean it because I'm on the computer), that "when we're all together we're not a family anymore because of you, because of the way you treat your brother and father and even me, your mother." What hurt me the most was when she said that she has a stupid, lazy, selfish, 17-year old daughter who would rather be with a computer than with her family.
But it makes me upset and angry because they're really the reason for this, I'm never good enough, I'm lazy and stupid no matter what or how much I do. My brother is the perfect angel and can do no wrong. My dad has these horrible habits (thundering on the phone, stomping when he walks: the whole house literally shakes, chews extremely loudly) that really irritate me, and I've tried talking to him about it, but he practically says that I shut my mouth and suck it up, because he's not doing anything about it. I can't even eat with him because I'm in tears halfway through dinner because the noise of his chewing (and its only him) really extremely irritates me. I've been eating my meals alone for the past 2 years or so. My mom, dad and brother eat together. And when he is shouting at the top of his lungs on the phone when I'm trying to do homework... I just can't stand it and I think its extremely inconsiderate of him, and rude.
What do I do? Where do I start? How can I fix things up with my dad? I can't get any professional help because my parents believe that I am the only reason of the problems that I have. I don't really know who to believe anymore. All I know that I'm sad, depressed and unhappy, and I hate it. Please help.
17/F (link)
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I hate to sound cliche about it, but you have taken the first step in recognizing the problem. Another step you must take is to recognize that your family is NOT the cause of it. They may be the reason why you're depressed or upset, but unless they're chaining you to your keyboard, they are not the cause of your computer-addiction. That was something you got into on your own - and that's a GOOD thing, because it means that you can get back out of it on your own.
You probably already know that you can't expect much in the way of help or support from your family (and that REALLY sucks, because they should be there to help and support you - that's what families are for). I really have to wonder what your parents think they're doing. If you were my kid, I'd have cut your internet access a long time ago, for your own good. Since they aren't taking responsibility for you like parents should, you're going to need to take the responsibility yourself, or your problem will never be solved.
I think a good way to begin would probably be to unplug the computer for a weekend and spring-clean your room, from top to bottom. That sort of thing can really help you to feel like you're making a fresh start.
One thing to bear in mind is that nature abhors a vacuum. If you want to get away from the computer, you're going to need to fill that time with something else - preferably, an activity that you can do with other people, and something that's as far removed as you can get from the computer (take up that sport again, whatever it was).
Then, you need to give yourself some rules, and follow them. Some people find it easier to quit an addiction "cold turkey"; others prefer a step-down approach. Only you know what will work best for you. I suggest you try an approach whereby you allow yourself computer time on three days out of the week, including one weekend day, and for no more than two hours at a time. Again, finding something else to fill that time with is imperative. If you don't have anything to do except pace around your room waiting for the next time you can use the computer, you're not going to be able to resist logging back on.
On another note, you're not going to be able to change your father's habits. He doesn't want to change. I also think he's being rude, but as long as he doesn't think so he has no reason to change anything. I submit, however, that to be reduced to tears due to the noise of his chewing does seem a little extreme, and I can see why he might think you're overreacting. For your own sake, as well as for the sake of family unity, you may need to simply get used to that. Easier said than done, I know!
It is unfortunate that your parents won't let you see a professional, because it would probably help you a great deal. But you'll be 18 soon, so at that time you can arrange it on your own and it won't be any of their business (though you will have to pay for it, unfortunately).
One more thing to consider: if all else fails, you may be able to turn this into something positive. Ever consider a career as a computer programmer? If you're going to be on the computer for eight hours a day anyway, you might as well be making money at it!
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Hi! this is kind of an odd question but, I'm a 15yo female and I was wondering do guys mind pubic hair?
Like, is it normal to shave it all off down there? Do guys prefer that? Or does it not matter. I'm kinda worried cause if I'm ever in a situation, i wouldn't want the guy to be grossed out by tons of hair!? Thanks in advance! (link)
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First of all, and I hate to be the voice of prudence, but it has to be said: you're 15. Moral issues aside, it's actually illegal for a guy to be in a position with you where your pubic hair would matter. 15 is below the age of sexual consent.
That having been said, it's definitely something that varies among guys. The best thing is to do what is comfortable for you. Shaving to suit your guy is definitely something you would do only well after you've established your sexual relationship - and I do hope you're on the far side of 18 years old by then.
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Hi Xeneolan,
First of all, I'd like to say how much I enjoy your column-you have given me, and continue to give others, some of the most sensible and compassionate advice I have seen, either on or off Advicenators.
Second of all, please don't be put off by the title of my question! I know that it sounds a little dodgy(and my unease is the reason I'm writing in the first place) but I promise that I'll keep the content of the question as "appropriate" as the very subject matter allows it to be.
Basically, I'm a happy young woman(25) in a very good relationship with a man of about the same age. I love him and would never dream of cheating on him, but lately I have been having a lot of extremely erotic dreams about a young man(aged 17) who works with me. This makes me feel guilty and confused 1) Because it feels like cheating(even though dreams are outwith my control) and 2) Because this boy is so young, I feel almost like a pedophile(hence the title of my question). I do, of course recognize the difference between ephebophila (love of the adolescent) and pedophilia, but I still am surprised and disturbed by my lust for this boy (I have to force myself not to fantasise about him during waking hours-I'd feel like a pervert.
To be honest, I don't quite know what I'm asking you for here, reassurance that what I feel is normal, or a viewpoint on why it might be considered unhealthy. I know that there is a lot of confusion and debate in today's world about the sexualisation of young adults:I know I myself felt ambiguous about my own sexual "visibility" when I was that age. Any thoughts of yours would be appreciated.
(link)
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I certainly don't think you're a pedophile. A pedophile is excited particularly by prepubescence and childlike attributes, and while I don't know much about the object of your lust, seventeen is usually old enough for someone to be physically more of a man than a boy. Consider if you'd be attracted to him if he was twelve, and that should put your mind at ease on that score (let's hope). I also wouldn't call you an ephebophile (thanks for teaching me a new word!) unless you habitually focus on teenagers to the exclusion of men closer to your own age. Clearly, that is not the case.
And incidentally, there may be too much sexualization of young adults in today's world, but we should probably remember that a hundred years ago, someone would have been considered a fully-grown adult at the age of 17 (and a thousand years ago, 14 was considered old enough). Our society has probably the highest "Age of Adulthood" in the history of the human race, so if you ask me, it's not surprising that we sometimes find ourselves sexually attracted to those in the 16-19 age group. It's not a perversion; it's just that society has changed faster than our basic human instincts.
What's not particularly healthy is that your focus on this guy seems to be moving into the area of "obsession". Whatever his age, that's not a good thing. There are three things that might help you to get over this.
(1) If you're sexually active with your significant other, you might consider asking him if he would be willing to engage in a little role-playing whereby he would pretend to be a young and perhaps virginal guy. I think that most men would be happy to do something like that once in a while, especially if you're willing to indulge him in something in return.
(2) This solution carries a little more risk, but it also may help even more. Basically, you get to know your 17-year-old coworker as a person. I'm not saying you should date him or anything like that, but just have friendly conversation at work. It will be easier to control these dreams and waking fantasies once you know him in a more well-rounded way. The risk is that you may start to see more and more things that attract you to him, and that could be problematic.
(3) Sometimes it helps to just let your mind indulge in the fantasy, but carry it to its logical extreme. Think of what it would be like to be this guy's prom date, meet his parents, or attend his high-school graduation as his girlfriend. Obviously you're not even considering having such a relationship with him, but if you actually DO think about it in those terms, you may suddenly find that he's a lot less appealing in other ways.
My gut feeling is that this is something you'll get over in time, so give it time. That's really the best solution, because given enough time, he won't BE a teenager anymore.
Oh, and thank you for your kind words! I do my best.
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why do a lot guys deal with their problems by partying, sleeping with lots of girls and doing drugs? (link)
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Because they're immature and selfish and disrespectful. Guys who do this are displaying only their inability to grow up and take some responsibility.
Guys will sometimes be that way, unfortunately. MEN, on the other hand, deal with their problems by solving them.
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i've only been going out with this guy for a month and a few weeks. well the other night when were messing around (not sex, which we haven't had) he told me he loved me. well i didn't say anything back cause i don't love him, just like him. well after he left he texted me and said that he meant what he said and i told him i like being with him but i dont love him. he said that's good enough for him. well this all happened sunday night and that's the last time we hung out. he's called me and always asks how my day is going but it seems like he's always making up excuses to not hang out now.
it's spring break and he is always at baseball but tomorrow he has the whole day off and i don't have to work so perfect chance to hang out right? well, no he's going to be with his friends. which is totally fine but don't you think he could take out like an hour of the day to at least like eat or something with his girlfriend?? are these signs to a break up? i sound pathetic. (link)
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There's a fairly good chance you're heading towards a breakup. It is not anyone's fault, but the writing is on the wall, and the reason is obvious: you feel differently about each other.
Not every dating relationship has to be based on love, of course. People who just LIKE each other date all the time. But if one person says "love" and the other says "like", it's never going to work.
The reason why he's avoiding you is that he's suffering from heartbreak; he loves you, and you don't love him. You've done nothing wrong, of course; you can't make yourself feel love when it's not there. But the fact remains that he's hurt, it's because of you, and he's going to therefore avoid you. He may have said that things were good enough for him as they are, but I don't think he really meant that. He's clearly upset.
Here's what you need to do: consider whether (1) you think you will ever grow to love him back, or (2) the feelings you have now are all that you'll ever be able to give him.
If it's the first one, then tell him so (in person, not text). Tell him that you would like to say that you love him too, but that he has to give you time to really mean it when you say it. Give it another month; if you're not feeling it at least a little by then, you probably never will, and it's time to let go.
If it's the second one, then the time to let it go is now. There's no point in dragging it out, because it will make the inevitable breakup worse (especially for him). Just tell him that you can't give him what he wants from you, and that you don't want to give him false hopes that you ever will be able to.
It looks like he may have already decided that he needs to move on, though. Whatever is going on, you guys need to have a talk that will determine your future together.
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Theres guy Ive liekd for a year and something nowww. And he use to like me when we were both in middle school but now hes in highschool and hes changed so much and hes being an asshole to me all of a suddden. But when we liked eachother, we hooked up and we did a little more then making out but not sex or anything. But that was the first time ive ever done somehthing like that with anyone. But then he stopped talking to me and hes a jerk now but I can NOT seem to get over him no matter whattt. Im always the one to talk to him first and it ends up in a fight usually or something. I called him once and he actually called me again after that and we talked a lot but one day he called and I didnt call backk and the next day I told him to call me n al he said was ughhhhhh. And ever since then weve never really talked even though Ive tried. How do I get over him or move on or anythinggg?
:) Thankss (link)
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There are three time-honored methods for getting over someone:
(1) Get blind drunk
(2) Cut off all contact with him
(3) Find someone new
The first option is probably not a legal one for you, which is fine, because it doesn't work anyway and you just end up heartbroken AND hungover.
The second one works, but it may not be practical if you go to the same school, of if there's some other reason you just can't get away from each other.
That leaves you with the third option, and though it also has its pitfalls, it does tend to actually work. Don't look for your True Love at this point, though; just find a guy (or guys) that you can have a good time with, and enjoy few laughs, maybe with a group of friends. A couple of casual dates will do wonders for you. If you can't find someone suitable or you're shy, ask a friend to set you up with someone.
Incidentally, whoever you go out with should be told that you're coming off a bad breakup, but he doesn't need to know details. Stuff like that is what your girl friends are for - talk to THEM about it. When you go out on your next date, the goal is to forget about the previous jerk, not to obsess over him.
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im a girl. when i shave "down there" i get the razor burn//bumps. how can i make it go away? (link)
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Apply a thin layer of neosporin antibiotic ointment immediately after shaving. It's vaseline-based, so don't put on expensive panties right away, or they might pick up a grease stain. A little goes a long way; a drop the size of a watermelon seed should cover you.
I've used it on my neck to get rid of razor burn there, and it does an excellent job.
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ok so me and my ex recently broke up and he owes me $40.00. The problem is we dont like talking to eachother and we get into an argument every time we speak! so how should i ask him for my money??? (link)
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As Mangy_Momma says, the first thing to do is to ask him directly. If that doesn't work, or if he tries to argue about it, then I suggest sending him a bill - an actual letter, in the mail, stating that he owes you $40.00 and that your breakup doesn't change that.
Pursuing it any further than that would probably not be worth the money. If he doesn't pay after that, I suggest you drop it - but feel free to tell your mutual friends that he can't be trusted with a loan.
In other words, pursue exactly the same course as any creditor: talk first (though they usually call instead of just showing up), then get collections involved, and then eventually write it off and put a black mark on your credit report.
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ok well i was talking to my boyfriend yesterday and he had been at a friends house playing basketball earlier. well he fell and landed on his ankle, and he says he felt & heard it crack. he said he couldnt even move bc it hurt so bad, and he was starting to cry. well, then it got numb, and now hes walking on it although he says it hurts as an 8 on a scale of one to ten. he said his ankle was sticking out in a weird way when he fell, and its very swollen. i keep telling him to go to the doctor, or even the hospital maybe, but he wont listen, & im worried. not only about him, but if its fractured like i think it is, itll never heal completely right and itll hurt him when hes older. everyone in my family is a nurse or doctor, so i pretty much know what im talking about. what do you think? is this a fracture or break? should he seek any immediate medical attention? i think so, but i would just like more opinions. thanks! 16/f...16/m boyfriend. (link)
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You are absolutely right. He needs to see a doctor immediately, or it may heal badly and he could end up with a permanent limp. The fact that it became numb could indicate nerve damage or lack of circulation. I'm surprised his parents haven't done anything about it.
See if you can get his friends on your side - maybe they can convince him to stop being such a nimrod and go get his ankle fixed. Or, if you can get him to come over to your place, maybe one of the nurses or doctors in your family can talk him into having it treated properly. The longer he waits, the more he risks turning a simple injury into a lifelong one.
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Is there a 'rule'... like one of those things that you're not supposed to do even though it's never mentioned, against liking the same person, which another friend likes? And liking/dating a friend's ex? (link)
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You can't much help who you like. People tend to become friends because they have similar tastes in things - naturally, they will often have similar tastes in the opposite sex as well. This, of course, makes things very complicated.
There are no rules in love and war, but there are some things to consider if you want to be a good friend. Here's some general advice to follow, for what it's worth:
If two friends (assume they're girls, just to pick one) both like the same guy, and they both want to date him, there are essentially three ways to resolve the situation.
(1) Both of you try for him at the same time, and he gets to choose. This is usually he messiest method with the greatest potential for disaster. It just doesn't tend to turn out well.
(2) Consider him off-limits to both of you. This is, of course, no fun at all, and can lead to resentment on all sides.
(3) Flip a coin to see who gets to make a play for him first. Sounds silly, but it actually works better than anything else.
Now, if he independently shows interest in one of the two friends, the other should, for the sake of friendship, back off. There's always someone else to date; good friends are much harder to find. Among guys, we have a saying: "Don't put gals before pals."
As far as dating a friend's ex, one should ALWAYS consult the friend first. Not only is it the right thing to do in the spirit of friendship, but your friend may have valuable information about the guy that you'll want to know. Also, make sure that some time has passed between the time your friend broke up and the time you step in - six months is a good rule-of-thumb.
People don't have claims on their exes, but unfortunately, emotions can get heated about such things. When preparing to date a friend's ex, keep in mind one thing: which relationship do you value more? The day may come when you have to make that call.
Needless to say, your friend's CURRENT bf/gf is to be considered strictly off-limits. When you make a play for someone your friend is currently dating, you have effectively nullified the friendship.
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I've been with my bf for almost 2 years, and he makes me sooo happy. I lost my virginity to him, and he's my first love. I knew his previous girlfriend really well and she told me every detail about their relationship. They never had sex but they did other things... if you know what i mean... She was his first love, and i was the one who comforted him when they split up. But now we're together and i still get upset when i think about him with her. I know its natural to be like that with your bfs ex, but i cant help but cry when i think about him being in love with her, and although he says he doesnt still think about her i know he does.
Is anyone else going through this? or do you know any ways i can try to get her out of my head. It doesnt affect our relationship, but when i'm on my own it plays on my mind...
Thank You in Advance xx (link)
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Here are a few things to consider, some of which might help, some of which won't, but it's all very likely to be true.
Forgive me the Hallmark schmaltz, but "First Love" is a special thing. It would be great if every couple could be each other's first love, but that's just not how it works a lot of the time. However, "First" doesn't have to mean "Best", and often it doesn't. Speaking for myself, I have been in love with three different women during my life. Each time felt different, each time was wonderful, and the love I now feel for my wife is the most wonderful of all, even though the other two preceded it. He loved her first, but that doesn't mean he loved her more.
I hate to tell you this, but he's telling a white lie when he says he doesn't still think about her. He most certainly DOES still think about her. I've been married for ten years, and I STILL think about the girls I dated in high school every so often. That is normal behavior, healthy, and to be expected. He has happy memories of her, and he should not have to suppress them or pretend they never happened. Those memories and experiences are part of him. He would not be who he is now if she hadn't been a part of his life, so in a way you can be grateful to her for whatever she gave him that made him a guy you fell in love with.
There are things he's shared only with you. Not just the obvious (sex), but every moment he spends with you is something he's only shared with you. His moments with her are finished; his moments with you are ongoing. Let that give you some peace of mind.
Remember, envy is not an attractive trait. The more you ask him about her, or get upset that he had a history with someone besides you, the worse it reflects on you. You must find some way to get over this, or your fears will be self-fulfilling.
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Well, I have a laptop, and I also happen to have a spare computer screen, and I was wondering if I connect the two, would It be possible for me to use them both...?
I like to multi-task and it'd be great if I could have sims running on one of the screens, or another program, and then internet and msn on the other.
Is this, in anyway possible at all?
Or something I could do with two screens? :D
Thanks! (link)
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Yes, it certainly is possible, provided your laptop has a port for the monitor. Most of them do.
Assuming you're running Windows, just plug the external monitor in, and then bring up the Display control panel (right-click on the empty desktop and select Properties).
Then, click on the Settings tab. There will be a diagram of both monitors (the laptop and the external). Choose the external one (usually designated as 2) and click the box for "Extend my Windows Desktop onto this monitor."
You may then need to adjust the screen resolution for both monitors until it's the way you want it. That's all there is to it!
That is, unless you have an advanced video card. In that case, you may need to click the Advanced button and make the adjustments there. Since all video cards are different, I can't give you general instructions on that; you'll just need to muddle through.
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Yeahh okay im 14/f, im not to young so dont even say that cause im about to be 15. Dont worry!
So like im not saying i want it to happen, like having sex. But sometimes it just happens, and I want to be prepared. Because me and this guy were making out like A LOT on the floor and like he started to unzip my pants and stuff, but I have MORALS! I told him not to. But like even if I wanted to go for it, like idk if Im ready. Like in the emotinal since and like physically because im not on birth control : which im really scared to ask my mom about, and I didnt have a condom, like I know he may have had one but I wouldve felt better if I carried them too : which I would feel very embarassed about buying.
So what I really am asking advice about it is:
-How do I know Im ready?
-How do I tell my mom I might need birth control?
-How do I find a way to be more comfortable buying condoms?
In general how do I protect myself! lol
Thank you for reading this long piece of crap :]] (link)
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Here are a few tings to consider:
(1) At the age of 14/15, regardless of how emotionally ready you feel to be, you're not legal. The guy you're with could be charged with statutory rape even if you're totally willing.
(2) As other responders have pointed out, if you're not prepared to buy condoms, you're not ready to have sex. These days, you're putting your life at risk if you can't communicate about sex openly and without reservation. If you can't do that, YOU'RE NOT READY.
(3) Sex doesn't "just happen". At some point, those involved make a conscious decision for it to happen. People who say that it Just Happens are dodging responsibility for their actions, which is another sign of emotional immaturity.
Now, there are also some positives going on here:
(1) You were with a guy, he unzipped your pants, and you told him to stop because you didn't feel like it was the right time. That was a smart move, no matter what your age or level of experience; if it doesn't feel right, don't do it!
(2) You are absolutely right that you should provide your own birth control. It should be a shared responsibility, but the fact of the matter is that YOU will bear the consequences of a failed condom, so it's in your best interests to make sure they're available.
Now, I will answer your actual questions as best I can:
(1) There are a lot of things that have to fall into place before you're ready, but the most important one is this: You're ready when you can deal with the consequences of failed birth control. No matter what precautions you take, there is always a chance.
(2) Don't just go up to your mom and say, "I need to arrange for birth control" - unless you want to witness a five-alarm freakout. I suggest that you begin the conversation with your first question: "How do I know when I'm ready?" That will lead to a more productive conversation, and it may actually answer that first question more completely than I or anyone else on this site ever could.
(3) Becoming comfortable with buying condoms is one of the ways you can tell if you're ready. Since you're a young girl, though, be prepared for the fact that some places will simply refuse to sell them to you. Here's something else to keep in mind: DON'T buy them from a vending machine! Those things sit in there for months, even years, and they have an expiration date.
(4) How do you protect yourself? Well, I hate to sound like President Bush (really, you have NO idea how much I hate to sound like President Bush) but you need to practice abstinence for now. Even if you feel ready, the guys you do it with might not be - in which case you could end up with a skanky reputation, an unpleasant disease, or a small human being in your uterus. At the very least, wait until you're sixteen so no one has to run the risk of getting arrested and charged as a sex offender.
Bottom line: I've never heard of a 14- or 15-year old girl who had sex and was later glad she did it so soon. I've heard many, many men and women who said they were glad they waited until they were genuinely ready. You have time.
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I went to the doctor a week or two ago, and they measured my height there (with my shoes off), and said i was like 5'3 and then the next week we measured ourselves in p.e., and the coach said i was 5'1. I'm guessing the doctor had it right because they are professionals. But, then when they weighed me i was the same (101). Do you think that is overweight for 5'1 or 5'3? Also, i have a bunch of stomach fat, any idea how to get rid of it? I run everyday but that doesn't help. (link)
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According to height/weight charts, most marathon runners are obese. Muscle weighs much more than fat, after all. Height vs. weight is a very poor method of determining body fat.
If you're trying to shed belly blubber, you're doing the right thing; running is good for that. You might add sit-ups and/or crunches to your routine as well; they don't burn much fat, but what they do burn is exclusively around the tummy, and they tone the stomach muscles nicely. Your doctor may have other good advice.
Incidentally, why not just take a tape measure and measure your height yourself it you're curious?
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whats in style right now? (link)
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Vidal Sassoon once said this: "Fashion and Style are diametrically opposed." I think we can accept that he's something of an expert on the subject. Why worry about what's in RIGHT NOW - that is, what's fashionable? It'll be unfashionable tomorrow.
True style is timeless. Only those who have no taste of their own go in for what's in "style" right now. Find something what works for you and always will, not what fashion dictates for the current five minutes.
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So I'm 18/f.
I'm in a long-distance relationship right now, with an amazing guy. He's coming to town for a week on the 14th and I can't wait to see him.
But my mom is being a huge hassle. For one, she's making him stay at a hotel on the other side of town (which is 60 bucks a night.) Plus, she read his blog on his myspace and made him add her as a friend on facebook just so she can "know what this kid's all about". I find myself repeatedly apologizing to him because of her invasion of our relationship (she's always asking me what he meant by blah blah blah or teasing me about what I'll leave him for a comment, etc.) It's getting so annoying. I know she means well, but I feel like I'm under constant supervision.
She's insisting on driving me to the airport to pick him up when he flies in, and she even refuses to wait in the car when I go in to find him. All I want is to say hello to him without her supervision, since I haven't seen him in person since December. How can I convince her to just back off?? Help! I'm desperate. (link)
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You're 18 years old, you're a legal adult, and that means that you can see who you like. Your mom can certainly offer her opinion, but in the end it's your call who you choose to associate with.
However, this isn't just about dating who you like; it's more complicated than that. There are some points here where your mom is right, and some where you are. Here's where your mother is right:
(1) It is up to your mom to decide who is a guest in her home. She is perfectly within her rights to say that he has to stay at a hotel. In her position, I would say the same thing.
(2) Your mom can read his blog on myspace if she wants to. It's open to the public. If he doesn't want her to read something on it, he shouldn't post it there. The same holds true for whatever comments you're leaving. It's PUBLIC. Send him a private message if you don't want her to read it.
(3) I really have to wonder how she "made" him add her as a friend. Was it at gunpoint, or something? That was his decision to do that - he could have said "no".
Here's where you're right:
(1) You should be able to greet him at the airport by yourself if you want to. The airport is a public place and every inch of it is under constant camera surveillance; you'd be hard-pressed to find a more secure meeting place, if that's her concern. Tell her that. And if you have alternate transportation to get there, you should be able to use it. If she's your only source of wheels... well, you can expect this sort of thing to happen.
(2) As an 18-year-old legal adult, you can expect a certain degree of privacy in your relationships. The easiest way to get it is to make it clear that you WILL have it whether she likes it or not, and that if she wants to continue having an open and honest relationship with you, she will stop butting in where she is not welcome, and especially teasing you about your comments on his page (but see above about it being a public place).
Bottom line: You seem to want independence. If you want to get out from under what you feel to be oppressive rules, then you need to start supporting yourself. You don't mention anything about your home situation, but I'm guessing that you are, essentially, still living as her child in your mother's house and she pays all the bills. There's nothing wrong with that up to a certain point (if you're still in high school, for instance, I'd say the situation is normal). But if you want the freedom of adulthood, you're going to have to earn it.
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Ok so I have this friend who I go to the Bar with, and we are both married to Navy guys... our husbands are on different boats hers is a surface ship and mine is on a sub any ways her husbands boat rarely goes out and my husband is gone all the time... We were going to an employee party and we were shopping for gifts to give our secret pal. well i noticed that she didn't have her wedding ring on and i was like wheres your wedding ring? Shes like oh i left it at home because it was bugging me i was like oh ok so she then explained that her ring gets buggy to her a lot and its a really nice ring i mean really pretty but hey thats her.. So we are at the bar and i only had one drink because i'm not really big on getting drunk only every now and then .... well there was a guy there who was from another boat and she kept going you should ask him if you can play pool with him.... i told her no because i'm not there to seek guy friends and i'm not about leading them on ... well about an hour later since we work at the resturant connected to the bar i went to get a cup of soda because the bar was gonna close and i spotted a guy friend of mine who my husband has met and doesn't mine and so i was talking to him.... she came u and was like omg she is totally into you and thinks you are hott i was like ok i'm not gonna lie you are cute but you hes like well thats nice ... she was getting pretty ticked at how he was taking it and she adds in and see you guys should hook up you guys are talking and laughing and we both told her look its called casual conversation. So she adds in look see that guy over there (the guy from earlier) i told him i wasn't married so he would buy me drinks and i was like umm ok so eventually we all got bored and wanted to go somewhere else and i guess the guy was getting touchy feeley and she didn't like it so was complaining to me and my friend and she was like you have to do something and we told her sorry you screwed upand if she was that worried about it why did she keep holding his hand and and sitting by him well the night ended and he asked for her number and gave her a dollar to write it on and she put my number.Its not like this is the only time she says she isn't married i mean like evry other night she goes out without her husband and with out her ring starting at like 6pm and doesn't come home till like 8 am the next day. I have a bad experience with a lot of people because when i hang out with them i get the same reputation and i am no way near being like her i love my husband and if i talk to guys at the bar i make sure they know i am married right off the bat, but how do i talk to her and let her know how i feel, and i think whats shes doing about taking the ring off and lying about her husband is wrong without ruining our friendship. I know her relationship isn't my business but i'm afraid that some night shes gonna get mixed with the wrong guy and hes gonna figure out she lied to him and somethings gonna happen to her? (link)
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Look at it this way: marriage vows are among the most sacred, most important promises we make to another human being (and that applies whether one is married in a church under God, or in front of a judge with the legally required two witnesses). If she's so cavalier about this kind of promise, how can you trust her in any other way?
I'd confront her, and tell her flat out that you think she's doing wrong. It may not be your business how she treats her husband, but it is relevant to your friendship that she is trustworthy. Furthermore, she has no business handing out YOUR number. She chose to get you involved, and it is your place to now say that you won't allow her it include you in her lies.
Insofar as whether you should tell her husband, I wouldn't, because then it's her word against yours - and he is far more likely to believe his wife. Here's what I'd do - if someone calls your number looking for her, give that person the correct number. Then, let her try to explain why strange men keep calling.
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ok i have two questions
i was wondering if ghosts are real.
please provide me with the correct answer, im getting so many different ones.
and the second one is that show 'most haunted' real?
explain them both please because im really confused (link)
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There is not one single shred of genuine, scientific evidence that ghosts are real. I have never heard of any in-depth ghost investigation conducted in an objective and thorough manner which did not reach a conclusion which was entirely natural (as opposed to supernatural). There is plenty of anecdotal evidence, of course, but that is simply not reliable.
Ghosts are a product of human imagination, caused by our natural fear of death, our wishful thinking for life beyond death, and our fascination with the paranormal.
They are not real. I cannot prove that statement, but to assume that ghosts ARE real is to ignore both rationality and strong evidence.
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I'm a 15/f and I am 5'1 and I weigh 95 lbs. I still want to lose weight though. I look in the mirror and my stomach is sticking out and my butt looks strange. My arms and legs are fine its just my stomach sticks out when I eat. Which I don't eat anything. I just wanted to know if there's any good ways to lose weight?? (link)
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Be careful! You've got two things going on - you're naturally small, and you're still growing. Don't do anything radical at this point, because you don't have as much of a "safety net" as someone 5'9" and 160 pounds, and any major cuts in your nutrition at this point could affect the way you grow. Furthermore, 95 pounds is not excessive for someone of your height; it is on the low end of normal.
The very best thing you can do is speak with you doctor, and tell him that you want to be at a healthy weight and look good. He will probably prescribe a diet AND exercise plan for you - and that "diet" will probably NOT involve cutting calories, but rather it will emphasize certain kinds of food over others. Paradoxically (it may seem), he may actually have you consume MORE calories. The problem with your stomach could be that you're not getting ENOUGH nourishment; the body's natural response to that is to begin storing fat as a defense against starvation. If that is the problem, then cutting calories further will not only make it worse, it could make you seriously ill.
I'm not an expert, but it seems to me that if your arms and legs are fine but your stomach and butt are not, then your problem is not weight, it's muscle tone. Aerobic exercise combined with sit-ups will probably be beneficial, IF you also consume sufficient nutrients to maintain the higher metabolism. But don't take my word for it - talk to the guy who went to school for twelve years in order to add the M.D. after his name.
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