|
not a ho, just if it happens.....
Yeahh okay im 14/f, im not to young so dont even say that cause im about to be 15. Dont worry!
So like im not saying i want it to happen, like having sex. But sometimes it just happens, and I want to be prepared. Because me and this guy were making out like A LOT on the floor and like he started to unzip my pants and stuff, but I have MORALS! I told him not to. But like even if I wanted to go for it, like idk if Im ready. Like in the emotinal since and like physically because im not on birth control : which im really scared to ask my mom about, and I didnt have a condom, like I know he may have had one but I wouldve felt better if I carried them too : which I would feel very embarassed about buying.
So what I really am asking advice about it is:
-How do I know Im ready?
-How do I tell my mom I might need birth control?
-How do I find a way to be more comfortable buying condoms?
In general how do I protect myself! lol
Thank you for reading this long piece of crap :]]
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I have to applaud your willingness to lay that out and look for advice on being ready. BUT- age, and anything else regardless, neither I, nor ANY of these other people can tell you that you are or are not ready. Sucks! But ultimately it is YOUR choice, and don't let other people use shallow facts to decide for you. As far as figuring it out for yourself, sex isn't much different from most decisions you make. You're obviously not stupid, you realize all sorts of consequences as well as benefits. It can be a really awesome, or a really terrible thing. One of the main factors you didn't include was the WHO. Just look at it at all angles. If you don't know the answer to a question you have, find it. (not health stuff here, look on a planned parenthood or other legit website) Look at all your possible outcomes, and decide what you can and cannot live with. As for the other two, be as honest with your mom as you were here. Explain how you feel, that it doesn't mean you're for sure, but you want facts and you want to be prepared. Even if she gets upset, she might have words of wisdom for you (gross! i know!). And hey, there are very few people out there comfortable with buying condoms, it's always uncomfortable to reveal something so personal to a total stranger (i.e. basically telling the cashier "yes! i have sex!) To correct some of the other advice you got, YES, sometimes it DOES just happen. Anyone that tells you it's easy to decide when and where and with who obviously isn't aware of what a real sex life means. So don't ever ever ever think you don't need to ask these questions. Being able to recognize the fact that you need some answers to make a decision is a VERY mature thing to do. Good luck, you are the only one that can decide if you are ready!
]
Here are a few tings to consider:
(1) At the age of 14/15, regardless of how emotionally ready you feel to be, you're not legal. The guy you're with could be charged with statutory rape even if you're totally willing.
(2) As other responders have pointed out, if you're not prepared to buy condoms, you're not ready to have sex. These days, you're putting your life at risk if you can't communicate about sex openly and without reservation. If you can't do that, YOU'RE NOT READY.
(3) Sex doesn't "just happen". At some point, those involved make a conscious decision for it to happen. People who say that it Just Happens are dodging responsibility for their actions, which is another sign of emotional immaturity.
Now, there are also some positives going on here:
(1) You were with a guy, he unzipped your pants, and you told him to stop because you didn't feel like it was the right time. That was a smart move, no matter what your age or level of experience; if it doesn't feel right, don't do it!
(2) You are absolutely right that you should provide your own birth control. It should be a shared responsibility, but the fact of the matter is that YOU will bear the consequences of a failed condom, so it's in your best interests to make sure they're available.
Now, I will answer your actual questions as best I can:
(1) There are a lot of things that have to fall into place before you're ready, but the most important one is this: You're ready when you can deal with the consequences of failed birth control. No matter what precautions you take, there is always a chance.
(2) Don't just go up to your mom and say, "I need to arrange for birth control" - unless you want to witness a five-alarm freakout. I suggest that you begin the conversation with your first question: "How do I know when I'm ready?" That will lead to a more productive conversation, and it may actually answer that first question more completely than I or anyone else on this site ever could.
(3) Becoming comfortable with buying condoms is one of the ways you can tell if you're ready. Since you're a young girl, though, be prepared for the fact that some places will simply refuse to sell them to you. Here's something else to keep in mind: DON'T buy them from a vending machine! Those things sit in there for months, even years, and they have an expiration date.
(4) How do you protect yourself? Well, I hate to sound like President Bush (really, you have NO idea how much I hate to sound like President Bush) but you need to practice abstinence for now. Even if you feel ready, the guys you do it with might not be - in which case you could end up with a skanky reputation, an unpleasant disease, or a small human being in your uterus. At the very least, wait until you're sixteen so no one has to run the risk of getting arrested and charged as a sex offender.
Bottom line: I've never heard of a 14- or 15-year old girl who had sex and was later glad she did it so soon. I've heard many, many men and women who said they were glad they waited until they were genuinely ready. You have time.
]
A big red flag; If you are to embarassed to buy condoms, you shouldn't be having sex. Especially if you are questioning yourself physically and emotionally.
-If you were ready, you would know you are ready. Second guessing yourself is not a good sign of being prepared.
-Just flat out say, "I want to be put on birthcontrol." Ovethinking it will just make it harder. Tell her the truth. Explain how you don't plan on having sex right away, you just want to be prepared just in case.
-There is not way. Either you are ok with buying protection, or you aren't.
]
It's completely normal to start wondering about these things and a good idea to have some plans in place for when you are a lot older than you say you are.
However, because you are questioning yourself, you are definitely not ready to go ahead and have sex. You will know when you are ready and with the right person and, hopefully, will be old enough to arrange birth control without your mother's consent.
When it comes to buying condoms, just buy them along with a few other bits you might need from a chemist.
My final bit of advice is to wait for as long as you possibly can before having sex because once you have lost your virginity you will never get it back. All the best.
]
BEFORE YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE READS THIS LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR IM NOT SAYIN GO OUT AND HAVE SEX< IM JUST ANSWERING A QUESTION!!!
First off, dont be ashamed to buy condoms, because everybody has sex at least once in their life. You should confident that you had enough sense and responsibility to even want to use a condom.
If you feel that you dont know how to tell your ready, then your NOT EVEN CLOSE to being ready.
Dont waste your virginity on some guy that isnt going to be in your future. Trust me, he isnt.
Next Your 14, you really dont need to bring this up to your mom because she is going to have a major panic attack! But if you really feel it neccasery to get birth control then you should tell her that your have irregular periods and you want to go to a doctor. When you get back there, discuss your situation with your doctor. You can always go to a planned parenthood, or a health department also.
]
More Questions: |