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signs of a break up...
i've only been going out with this guy for a month and a few weeks. well the other night when were messing around (not sex, which we haven't had) he told me he loved me. well i didn't say anything back cause i don't love him, just like him. well after he left he texted me and said that he meant what he said and i told him i like being with him but i dont love him. he said that's good enough for him. well this all happened sunday night and that's the last time we hung out. he's called me and always asks how my day is going but it seems like he's always making up excuses to not hang out now.
it's spring break and he is always at baseball but tomorrow he has the whole day off and i don't have to work so perfect chance to hang out right? well, no he's going to be with his friends. which is totally fine but don't you think he could take out like an hour of the day to at least like eat or something with his girlfriend?? are these signs to a break up? i sound pathetic.
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RED FLAGS GOING UP...
KNOW THIS: YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC!!
Okay, got that out of the way *smile*.
And it is likely signs of a break-up, but I don't think that you should worry...because, from what I read, your not going to be happy with him in the long run anyway. You admitted that you only "like" him so it's probably best!
I'm sorry that I disagree with the consensus..but, well, I used to date a guy when I was your age and his favorite line was:
"but we love each other"; always when he was trying to persuade me to give in to a sexual relationship.
uhum...
I could be wrong about your guys feelings, but, from experience I've learned that if he really loves you as he says he does, he couldn't stay away from you for the life of him. He would pursue you rather than avoid you. Real love consists of three things:
Intimacy, passion and commitment
It seems to me that you both are lacking intimacy and commitment in spades.
And the passion is mostly coming from his side..SO what you have here is what is referred to as:
Merely "infatuation" and "liking".
Passion involves the emotional arousal that can lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual interaction. It may relate to desires to gain self-esteem, be sexually active, to affiliate with others, to dominate or to subordinate.
Infatuation occurs when we only have passion, such as in love at first sight. This type appears quickly and disappears almost as fast.
Empty love is felt when commitment is the only component that is present.
Why do you feel you should commit to him?
Intimacy needs most of the following things (and friends can have intimacy):
Communicating with your partner about intimate things.
Understanding each other.
Valuing and being happy with their presence in your life.
Giving and receiving emotional support.
Holding them in high regard and promoting their welfare.
Being there for each other in time of need.
Sharing yourself and your possessions.
See:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...to get a better understanding of this.
I'm a little leery because it seems to me that after you didn't "give in" after he said he loved you..well he just wasn't interested anymore like anyone in love should be. That's what I gather anyway!
And, yes, if he wanted to truly Love you then he would want to "hang out" as much as possible! Mere infatuation should even lead to this behavior...and I don't see it!
You said yourself that you only "like him", maybe it's best just to move on and find that perfect guy rather than settling for "just what you and he are willing to give to each other for this moment" which = empty-love. Who knows maybe the relationship will grow with time, but it doesn't seem to be moving in that direction right now at all.
You can "break up" and still remain friends. I don't see why this is such a problem with most people. Eventually your relationship may grow into what it should be.
In the meantime, find yourself a love worthwhile, and stop wasting your love life on a guy you merely "like". If he loves you like he says, he will come back around because he won't be able to help himself. If not, then it's time to move on sweetie...lots of great fish in the sea!
Just.. "First, lock the target, 2. bait the line, 3. slowly spread the net, and 4. you catch the man!" *grin-song lyrics*
Then again, he may be calling in the dire hope that you will give in to the love he wants/needs...and if you don't see that happening with you..same advice, you say yourself that your NOT in love with him, don't lead him on, and PLEASE don't break his heart- if that is what is happening, just remain friends (who knows what may happen in the future if your relationship grows-I've been in that situation where I told a guy, "I love you, but I'm just not IN LOVE with you! Over time, we became extremely intimate, passionate, and committed- a wonderful relationship after I waited until the time was right).
But, for now, my advice is to move on and in the meantime remain friends, you likely have much to learn about each other and will find a great relationship whether it blossoms into romance or not!
Hope this helps,
Jasmine
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It sounds like he is kind of embarrassed about the whole situation, he may feel rejected and hurt by it. It is very hard to open up to someone and tell them how you feel about them and if they reject you then it hurts and you feel embarrased. Talk to him about it and let him know that you do care about him and may even grow to love him. Tell him that you just aren't ready to be in love with him at this point but you still want to have a relationship and try to make this work.
Hope I Helped.
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There's a fairly good chance you're heading towards a breakup. It is not anyone's fault, but the writing is on the wall, and the reason is obvious: you feel differently about each other.
Not every dating relationship has to be based on love, of course. People who just LIKE each other date all the time. But if one person says "love" and the other says "like", it's never going to work.
The reason why he's avoiding you is that he's suffering from heartbreak; he loves you, and you don't love him. You've done nothing wrong, of course; you can't make yourself feel love when it's not there. But the fact remains that he's hurt, it's because of you, and he's going to therefore avoid you. He may have said that things were good enough for him as they are, but I don't think he really meant that. He's clearly upset.
Here's what you need to do: consider whether (1) you think you will ever grow to love him back, or (2) the feelings you have now are all that you'll ever be able to give him.
If it's the first one, then tell him so (in person, not text). Tell him that you would like to say that you love him too, but that he has to give you time to really mean it when you say it. Give it another month; if you're not feeling it at least a little by then, you probably never will, and it's time to let go.
If it's the second one, then the time to let it go is now. There's no point in dragging it out, because it will make the inevitable breakup worse (especially for him). Just tell him that you can't give him what he wants from you, and that you don't want to give him false hopes that you ever will be able to.
It looks like he may have already decided that he needs to move on, though. Whatever is going on, you guys need to have a talk that will determine your future together.
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I think you're probably overthinking the situation. I tend to do the same thing, so I know how you feel.
I don't think anyone here could tell you exactly what he is thinking, but here is my guess:
Saying "I love you" to anyone is (should be) a big deal. Since you don't necessarily feel the same way, he is most likely feeling pretty vulnerable at the moment. He might have said it was fine that you didn't say it back, but think about it. What would you have said in that situation? He's probably a little embarrassed, and therefore being a big stand-off-ish at the moment.
I think what you need to do right now, is give him a call or try to see him in person. Text messages aren't gonna cut it. Let him know that you don't want to say it unless you mean it. And even though you don't love him yet, doesn't mean you don't like him a lot and want to continue spending time with him. I'm sure he'll come around.
Hope that helped, and good luck to you. :]
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To me it sounds like you broke up with him when you told him you didnt love just liked him, give him a chance and call up and ask hey I'm going so and so would you like to go? Or asking him out for a soda.
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