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unfair boyfriend?
16/f
my boyfriend has trouble trusting me. he says he trusts me but i know he doesn't. he freaks out anytime i even talk to another guy. i used to have so many guy friends now i don't anymore. i love my boyfriend to death and will not breakup with him i just need your help with a way to make things better.
this happens a lot about different things but i'll tell you what is going on now. he is constantly scared that if i talk to another guy i'll like him. my boyfriend is always asking me who i talk to in my gym class (meaning guys). i hardly talk to any of the guys, mostly just the girls. i told him that and he was like give me all of the names of the people you've had conversations with. and he started freaking out. then i told him that there is no way i could ever remember that and i'm crying so much and he thinks i'm hiding something. he always thinks i talk to guys behind his back.
like he always looks at my phone at my texts and calls. i know he just loves me so much and never wants to lose me but idk what to do to make all of this stop and just have him trust me!
thanks so much! <3
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Paranoia is very hard to get rid of, especially when it's someone else's. Fear is one of the strongest emotions, one that can drive humans to do many things, and it is what your boyfriend feels everytime you talk guy. This fear is, of course, of losing your love, another of the strongest emotions. I can make suggestions, but, and I am very sorry to say this, you might have to accept the fact that this is just how he is and decide what you want: love or freedom. Needless to say, I hope this is not the case.
The first thing you should do is talk to him about the situation. Tell him how you feel about his suspision and how much it hurts you that he doesn't trust you. Make sure he knows just how much you love him and how painful it is to be so suffocated.
If this doesn't work try this slightly more childish approach: show him how frustrating paranoia is. Ask him how many girls he's been talking to and treat him the same way he treats you. When he starts to complain say that's how it feels when he does ths same thing to you.
If that doesn't work or if he doesn't talk to any girls, try this next tip. Now remember that this is only to be used as a last resort as it can be the most emotionally stressful, for both you and him. Tell him you need some time away from him. Tell him that you'll come back to him when he matures and starts trusting you more. This is the most likely to work, since he is losing your love because of his fear, but, as I said, it is the most painful method for the both of you.
If none of these work, don't lose hope! Keep asking people for help and trying new things. I have a feeling that your boyfriend will change with a little help.
Good luck!
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The issue here is definitely your boyfriends lack of self-confidence. Two big things I look for in love are honesty... and trust. You can't continue a loving relationship if he's going to keep acting like this. It's driving you insane and it's driving him insane.
Remind him that HE is the guy you always come to. HE is the one you love. And if he can't trust you to even have a friendly conversation with another guy, things will never get better between you two.
You need to put your foot down and tell him you deserve your privacy (i.e. no going through your phone). That is just ridiculous that he does that. Tell him you have nothing to hide, but at the same time he should respect your privacy.
Sit him down and talk through everything with him. If he wants to freak out and act like a baby, maybe you two need to go on a break until he can learn to trust you better.
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Your boyfriend is being paranoid and unnecessarily controlling. It will get worse if you don't put a stop to it now.
Unfortunately, you're going to need to give him an ultimatum. He needs to allow you to talk to other guys without getting upset. He needs to let you live your life without demanding an accounting of who you've spoken with. He needs to recognize that he does not have a claim of ownership on you. And if he won't or "can't" do these things, then you HAVE to be able to break up with him. As long as that option is off the table, and he knows it, he will be able to tighten his control over you. He needs to know that you WILL leave if he doesn't treat you right.
This kind of behavior is often a precursor to abuse. I'm not saying that your boyfriend is an abuser; I'm saying that abusers always act like this, cutting you off from your friends and assuming control over your life.
He says he trusts you, but clearly doesn't. I submit that as long as he holds that attitude, you shouldn't trust him either. As long as he doesn't really trust you, the relationship is doomed to fail - and if you wait for it to fail on its own, you will end up losing all your friends in the process, and who knows what other damage you'll suffer along the way. Addressing the problem now, and with determination, is the only way you can preserve your relationship on terms you can live with.
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Ah. Your boyfriend has a disorder called jealously. I have it too.
This may be because he had bad relationships in the past? With cheating or whatever. I dont think that its not that he dosent trust you, he may just be insecure.
Maybe he thinks you are flirty.
but after re-reading this i think you boyfriend is obsessed with you. A little too obsessed. A creepy obsessed.
It kind of scares me. I dont know your boyfriend personally, but i know that i probably wouldnt want to mess with him.
Anyway, your boyfriend is jealous, and there is not going to be a change in that. (sorry)
but he does need to let you breathe. You need to confront him in a strict tone, explaining that you love, and would never cheat on him, so he needs to back down. You may also want to threaten him with a break. (I can assure you he wont want to lose you, so that may work.)
good luck!
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Hi,
Trust is the key in any relationship, Without it you have no relationship. It seems to be that maybe he has a problem trusting himself. Alot of times people become hyer vigilant when they have done something wrong. They will accuse there partner of doing somthing because they have broken that trust and now feel as if there isnt any trust at all. He may however just be the jealous type. In that case, since you arent willing to say goodbye work with him. Willingly let him see your texts and even write down the names of people you talk to throughout the day. Eventuallly he will begin to trust you. He will relize that if you had something to hide you wouldnt be so open. Also you can try and trust him more so that he knows that there can be trust in a relationship.
I hope that it helps.
Best of Luck
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Relationships are all about trust, If you can't trust the person then there is really no relationship. I would try to sit down and exsplain to your boyfriend how it makes you feel that he has all these assumptions about what you do or what you might do. Tell him how you feel about him and reassure him that everything is okay and that you love him. If you hang out with a guy friend maybe include your boyfriend into hanging out and maybe he will realize that everything will be okay. Remember communication is the key.
Good luck
-BahaiMa22
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Have you ever asked him why hes like that?
Maybe something has happend in his past that has made it harder for him to trust people.
Talk to him about it, tell him you need a little more space.
Try giving him compliments more often, dont suck up too much because he might think something is up. Let him know your not going to leave him for some other guy.
My boyfriend and I go through this a lot, but its me with the trust issues. You just have to stand by him and let him know you want him and no one else.
Good Luck!! Hope I helped you.
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Tell him that the relationship wont last without trust....tell him how hes the only boy for you and you would do anything to stay with him, that he needs to stop being so untrusting...without his trust the relationship wont last...hope i helped
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Thanks for inboxing!
Alright, you might not like what I have to say, but I'm going to say it anyways:
This entire situation is ridiculous. Not on your part, but your boyfriend's. You aren't doing anything wrong, but he is.
In my opinion, the best relationships are built on trust, and if he's not trusting you, something isn't right. I know you've tried talking to him, but you've got to put your foot down somewhere.
You have to tell him that there's nothing more you can do to make him trust you. Tell him you're not going to drop all your guy friends because he gets a little jealous. Tell him that if you wanted to date one of the other guys you talk to, you'd be with THEM and not HIM. Let him know you want to be with HIM and not one of the other guys, and stalking your texts and tracking who you have conversations with is not helping this relationship, but ultimately causing problems.
Don't say it in a mean way, but be firm and don't just nicely drop it in a conversation. If this keeps going on, it will only cause more and more tension. =/
Best of luck and let me know how things go!
-Laura. (15-f)
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