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computer addiction, depression
I'm an addict. No, I'm not a druggie, an alcoholic, none of that. I'm a computer addict.
I spend AT LEAST 5 hours daily on the computer on school days. On days that I'm free I will spend all of my waking hours on the computer (for example today, I was online nonstop from 8:30am to 11:30pm, right now).
This is getting out of control. My family is breaking apart because of it, my school work is suffering as well. I no longer have a social life, I stopped doing the sport that I used to love so passionately.
I think the reason I'm (psychologically) addicted is because its a way to escape for me. I'm pretty depressed and lonely, and the computer helps me cheer up and forget my problems.
I had suspected that I had a problem for a while now (two years). What finally triggered me to ask help is that my mom tearfully and angrily lectured me that I live in filth (which is true, my room is disgusting, but I don't clean it because I'm on the computer), that "when we're all together we're not a family anymore because of you, because of the way you treat your brother and father and even me, your mother." What hurt me the most was when she said that she has a stupid, lazy, selfish, 17-year old daughter who would rather be with a computer than with her family.
But it makes me upset and angry because they're really the reason for this, I'm never good enough, I'm lazy and stupid no matter what or how much I do. My brother is the perfect angel and can do no wrong. My dad has these horrible habits (thundering on the phone, stomping when he walks: the whole house literally shakes, chews extremely loudly) that really irritate me, and I've tried talking to him about it, but he practically says that I shut my mouth and suck it up, because he's not doing anything about it. I can't even eat with him because I'm in tears halfway through dinner because the noise of his chewing (and its only him) really extremely irritates me. I've been eating my meals alone for the past 2 years or so. My mom, dad and brother eat together. And when he is shouting at the top of his lungs on the phone when I'm trying to do homework... I just can't stand it and I think its extremely inconsiderate of him, and rude.
What do I do? Where do I start? How can I fix things up with my dad? I can't get any professional help because my parents believe that I am the only reason of the problems that I have. I don't really know who to believe anymore. All I know that I'm sad, depressed and unhappy, and I hate it. Please help.
17/F
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Well, I edited it a bit, But it makes perfect sense you just need to read.
Also! You said,"Food is also not the problem" You say nothing of your deit meaning you just dont know like a kid in a book store. Though its nothing to feel bad aboot.
And fyi, discipline as in discipline over the self
In Other Words, Being aware of what your doing when your doing it and making right choices in life from not eating the last chemical filled oreo
to getting off the computer and doing whats right instead of playing pretend that your powerless to yourself tho it is one hell of a hole to get out of. most dont make it.
And it seems you didnt spend much time reading what i wrote. Sometimes it takes some people to a few times reading it to grasp it. It takes a widly open mind to read what i wrote and get it fully like that(snaps) I say widly open even after that fact that i simplify All i write. I rewrote this 3 times!
But its your happieness. I only do this for I am wise enough to know dumbbut online and express myself for if i dont ill end up like (we will see if your desire to brain fart over comes your desire to find happieness =][this is why i love life btw])
Well, Most cases of depression in first world nations are because of the food the people eat.
And Yes, that means im saying if you eat the every day foods most ppl eat. You will always and forever be depressed.
It can also be your environment. As in...
You sit around in a box all day(a room)
You have negitive influences in your life, and you might not see it or them as bad so be carful.
You have little Discipline. And since the dawn of time little Discipline has caused sorrow. Its the way of our human world and is a part of our human life.
Your also at a time in your life where hormoans are raging. And if your a milk drinker who loves dr.pepper you must be very mellen collie always.
Not to mention the mental illness you will most likly get :] scaryness, i know alot aboot these kind of things and wouldnt say a peep if I wasnt sure.
And a very common depression people around your age have is to due with there place in life.
One with no direction is lost.
I can barely remember that feeling myself.
Filling that void with all sorts of things.
Friends, fad`s, hobbies, sin, chinese food and pepsi. A dark time indeed.
But i think ive said all i can say, hope it helps
From the heart -Buddhaman
-----------no need to read, just words of wisdom i wish i had when i felt like you =[------------
A very healthy thing to do to gain a direction in life is philosophy. Most ppl to me atleast head for religion, but i dont belive in that kind of thing to do while mentally stressed.
It is a science fact that meditation greatly reduces stress and promotes better mood and health
Buddha was very wise and spoke nothing but truth
Advoiding deadly sins is a great way to stay happy
The wheel of dharma is so simple is complex, but when understood fully, depression will be a thing of the past to the fullest your imagenation can fancy. Love thy everybody =D
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I had [past tense, HAD] the same problem as you. I still do enjoy going on the computer, but for leisure. I think that my addiction was as strong as yours. I remember when I was 12/13 [I am 15 now], and when people would come over to our house for birthdays or just to stop by, I wouldn't leave my room. I would sit in my room and play, play, play. My family realized that I had a problem. Whenever my mom would go grocery shopping, I would always stay home. I then acknowledged my problem, it was extremely hard, but I finally mounted up the courage to ask my mom to set a password on the computer. Either that, or she unplugged the modem and only let me go on the computer for about an hour a day. I think that this is what you need to do. If you have any will power whatsoever, you CAN accomplish this! I figured, oh well, I'm already on the computer, what's the worst that can happen? Now, I am only allowed to go on the computer during the weekends once the school year starts back up again. During the summer, I can go on for however long I want, since this is the only break that I will be getting anytime soon. I, too, find the computer to be an 'escape', there are endless possibilities as to what you can do online. I'm not saying that you have to quit the computer, but you really need to reduce the amount of time that you spend on it. I notice that when I'm on the computer, I become very tense, and stressed. When someone bothers me while I'm on the computer, it annoys me to a very high extremity. I've learned to control that, though, by just telling myself that it's not good for me. You know what also happened because of the time that I've spent on the computer? I developed myopia, aka nearsighted-ness, and had to go get glasses. The computer is there as an option, NOT a necessity. You shouldn't let it run your life. My mom was a computer programmer for 13 years, and I was introduced to the computer at a very young age. A couple of years ago, a hernia disk was found in her neck. This sent shockwaves throughout our entire family. Luckily, she had it removed, but the surgery was a very long process.
I don't know you very well, but I pray to God that this doesn't happen to you. I don't want this.. machine to end up damaging you like this. You never wanted it like this in the beginning, did you?
A few good things that I got out of reducing my computer time:
My grades have improved.
I spend more time with my baby brother.
I don't come up with excuses as to why I won't hang out with my friends.
I have a lot more energy, my posture has improved, I don't feel stressed, generally, I feel GREAT, to tell you the truth.
I had your problem, and if I could do it, then you can too.
Message me if you need anything else, I'm here for you.
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Oh, God. Okay. Im on the computer as much as you are if not more, but Im homebound due to this iffy chronic fatigue thing. I eat all my meals alone [if i even have an appetite] sitting in front of the computer on myspace or, yes, disneys toontown online [its like a drug okay]. I have absolutely no social life due to my ILLNESS, though, so were sort of in two different situations. But my brother is absolutely HORRIBLE! He treats me and my mom, especially me the little sister, like crap. Im on the computer to get away from him because if Im in the family room or at the kitchen table he will take any chance he gets to prove me wrong. He just doesnt believe that I have problems and when he DOES choose to accept the fact, he only uses it as an excuse for all of HIS problems!
But my brother has some apathy syndrome so how he is, isnt going to change.
For me, the computer is a way to socialize, and to feel like Im not totally isolated and alone. I have friends, I just cant be with them. So Myspace and AIM is sort of like a comfort for me. It lets me know that Im okay. And sitting around doing nothing day after day gets a bit boring. And have you noticed what computers do for time? They make it FLY!
so yeah, i know i wasnt much help. but i feel for you. ya know? sorry
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I hate to sound cliche about it, but you have taken the first step in recognizing the problem. Another step you must take is to recognize that your family is NOT the cause of it. They may be the reason why you're depressed or upset, but unless they're chaining you to your keyboard, they are not the cause of your computer-addiction. That was something you got into on your own - and that's a GOOD thing, because it means that you can get back out of it on your own.
You probably already know that you can't expect much in the way of help or support from your family (and that REALLY sucks, because they should be there to help and support you - that's what families are for). I really have to wonder what your parents think they're doing. If you were my kid, I'd have cut your internet access a long time ago, for your own good. Since they aren't taking responsibility for you like parents should, you're going to need to take the responsibility yourself, or your problem will never be solved.
I think a good way to begin would probably be to unplug the computer for a weekend and spring-clean your room, from top to bottom. That sort of thing can really help you to feel like you're making a fresh start.
One thing to bear in mind is that nature abhors a vacuum. If you want to get away from the computer, you're going to need to fill that time with something else - preferably, an activity that you can do with other people, and something that's as far removed as you can get from the computer (take up that sport again, whatever it was).
Then, you need to give yourself some rules, and follow them. Some people find it easier to quit an addiction "cold turkey"; others prefer a step-down approach. Only you know what will work best for you. I suggest you try an approach whereby you allow yourself computer time on three days out of the week, including one weekend day, and for no more than two hours at a time. Again, finding something else to fill that time with is imperative. If you don't have anything to do except pace around your room waiting for the next time you can use the computer, you're not going to be able to resist logging back on.
On another note, you're not going to be able to change your father's habits. He doesn't want to change. I also think he's being rude, but as long as he doesn't think so he has no reason to change anything. I submit, however, that to be reduced to tears due to the noise of his chewing does seem a little extreme, and I can see why he might think you're overreacting. For your own sake, as well as for the sake of family unity, you may need to simply get used to that. Easier said than done, I know!
It is unfortunate that your parents won't let you see a professional, because it would probably help you a great deal. But you'll be 18 soon, so at that time you can arrange it on your own and it won't be any of their business (though you will have to pay for it, unfortunately).
One more thing to consider: if all else fails, you may be able to turn this into something positive. Ever consider a career as a computer programmer? If you're going to be on the computer for eight hours a day anyway, you might as well be making money at it!
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when i was 13 the same thing happened to me. i was so MAD if someone wanted to use the computer, i would FREAK out, yell scream hit things, it was.... jsut dumb. one day i was grounded. (for like the first time in my life) NO COMPUTER.. they litterally picked it up and took it away from me. if i could have done it myself i should have. it was possibly the best thing ever to happen to me. i finally went on trips with my friends, i learned to skate board... i started to play volley ball, and i picked up cooking, and reading, WITH BOOKS!... i mean it certainly didnt fix everything in my life (i still disagreed with my parents and brothers), but it made me say wow i dont have to be lazy, i can be happy without sitting on my butt, i didnt run to the computer and tell all my friends online about how i hate my family, i started talked with my family, i played outside, (my brother taught me the skate board), it just.. changed, when i started to use it again i used it like it was the last time in my life, i said what i said nothing more nothing less, i looked up what i needed, i checked what i needed, i used it for what it was made for not just my escape goat.( i woke up at like 11-12 noon and would stay on the computer till 5am.. so this was a huuge differnce.) and my family made all the differnce cause i knew i didnt want to go back to the way i was with it.
I really would hope it would do the same for you.. so what i would tell you to do, as a person that totaly knows what that feels like, is take it away, its not like nicotin, it doesnt control your body, your RIGHT it controls your head, get rid of it, let yourself find things to do with yourself, with your family, if you cant keep yourself away, then have a sit down talk and say you need help.. say you want them to take it away from you, or from the entire family for a while.. since your 17 you could start a job, or just volunteer, say you love animals you could volunteer at an animal shelter.
Dont be too hard on yourself, alot of people resort to the computer as their "own little world" the way people did with quiet librarys full of books did. try hard to stay calm, take time for yourself, wiether it might be in the shower, at night before you go to bed, when you get up, ect.. take time for yourself way from the family so that the time that you spend with your family is quality instead of always fighting. i really hope this all helps and it works out, take care.
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my advice, being the the computer isn't unhealthy if it helps you unwind some and feel better. but don't let it take control of your social engagements, make sure you get some exercise, and if you need to get away, just go for a walk alone around outside near your house. and parents push you harder because they know you're smart and can do better. in a twisted way, it's them saying they love you. and your dad just seems obnoxious, just try and hold you tongue and deal with him. you are 17 and can move out soon eventually, but try to make more of an effort and not argue with him, and get along even if he won't. be the bigger person.
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