A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of. Member Since: July 16, 2007 Answers: 2588 Last Update: April 13, 2014 Visitors: 96924
Main Categories: Love Life Random Weirdos Mental health View All
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When my boyfriend fingers me, I like love it and believe me, he enjoys doing it. But sometimes he goes really like... "far up"... and it hurts. So I like want him to stop, but then I don't.
Is there a way to prevent that, or do I have to just tell him to slow down?
Plus, if he's fingering me and that hurts I can't imagine what sex must feel like, which we are planning on doing.
I'm of age, I'm in love, and we've been together for a long time, so there's no advice needed about those issues.
Thanks. (link)
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The penis is made to go into the vagina. The fingers, are not.
It hurts because hes not gentle enough and because fingers interact with a vagina in a different way than the penis does. The fingers can bend and press into areas not usually subject to much pressure during sex. His fingernails might scratch you inside. His fingers arent exactly the shape meant to be inside you (more than one finger is not going to be the same shape/dimensions as a penis)
Tell him to be more gentle and maybe consider checking/filing his finger nails.
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I've been seeing this guy mark for quite a while and i really like him. I'm 18 and he's 21. But I hate the fact that he goes to strip clubs! I think its completely disgusting and degrading towards women! No one would like their man getting a lap dance from a naked girl and feeling all up on her! Not to mention their completely nasty sluts! I dont think it's worth the 10 bucks at all for that and especially if he has a good women that can do the same damn thing for free! It's a complete insult to me and it's a slap in the face...like im not good enough to get him turned on that he has to go waste his money and watch nasty whores dance! He keeps talking serious with me and saying he wants to be with me and wants me to move some of my stuff into his place! But I don't think I can be in a serious relationship with someone that goes to strip clubs! I already knew he did that when I first met him, but I didn't care because I wasnt looking for a relationship and I was seeing other guys and keeping my options open. But now that it's getting serious and he's talking about offically being a couple, I don't want him to go there. And I know some of you are going to tell me that I should tell him how I feel and that I don't want him to go...But he already knows how I feel about strip clubs....he always tells me I look better than half the girls in there...but if thats so, than why the hell does he even go? He acts like im over reacting and like it's not a big deal. "Its not like Im taking them home with me" he says or "Its just like watching a porno!" And it doesn't help that Im not old enough to go in there and see what it's like and see exactly how bad it is. Also...I dont want to tell him to give it up because I dont want to be that controlling! His friends will make him feel stupid for not going with them anymore and act like Im being ridiculous and controlling him too much and that he needs to do his own thing. Then he will lie and go! I feel really strong about strip clubs and I don't like double standards. I hate how guys can do so much more that girls and get away with it!! I have half a mind to go to a party, pick out the hottest ones with the biggest dicks and have them all give me a lap dance at once and video tape it for him and be like "yeah...i didnt even have to pay for that amazing show" I bet I would get labeled all sorts of names but I think it's completely FAIR. But my point is, he would definitly not like me doing that, just like I dont like him watching girls strip. Im not going to be some peice of ass for him to go screw after watching a bunch of other women! If he can think of other women sexually than I can think of other men sexually! That's how I see it...anyone agree or have a simular issue?...Let me know! (link)
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::Edit::
In response to your return comment.
Im sure that every guy tells you you are the best. When a girl tries as hard as you seem to (judging by the highly defensive nature of your response) guys just naturally kind of give you as much credit as you need to feel good about the situation. Im sure you do turn him on. That being said, refer to the REST of my answer.
You lack confidence in yourself. Confidence is not based on believing what someone else told you. Confidence is based on intrinsically knowing your own value.
Your issue with him, your jealousy, everything else, he doesnt have to deal with that from a stripper. Thats a big part of why he defends it and keeps going back. Hes attracted to the fact that the stripper isnt worried or upset about whether or not she is enough for him.
::/edit::
Im sure its easier for you to label them "degraded nasty sluts/whores"
Strippers do suffer some degredation, but its kinda because people like you.
Im going to preface with this. You and he are not compatible. You feel like you should be enough for him in every area.
Do you want to know why strippers are so desirable?
Confidence.
Thats it. Confidence.
I love my girlfriend. And no, I dont go to strip clubs. Ive been a few times, Ive enjoyed myself each time. Our sex life is wonderful. That being said, she is not confident in herself enough (and honestly, the fact that she has no experience hurts in that dept) to give me a lapdance.
Strip club dancers know that they are attractive. They are confident in their own appearance, even when naked in front of a group of guys. Do you have any idea how hard it generally is for ANYONE to feel comfortable enough to dance on a strangers lap and know you turn them on?
Its that quality that makes them attractive. Some guys dont even realize it, but thats what draws them there.
Also, if you arent old enough to get in, then hes going to a 21 and up club. That means that its topless only (no full nudity) and probably at least a slightly higher quality establishment. 18 and up strip clubs are generally a bit lower on the classy scale and are fully nude clubs.
And yeah, its fair for you to have your own thoughts, just like its fair for him to have his own. Most guys are GOING to be attracted to other girls. You do not have the right as his girlfriend to be the only person he thinks about in a sexual manner. With most guys, its not going to happen.
I am in a 2+ year relationship. There are girls in my life other than my girlfriend whom I would like to sleep with. Im not going to act on it, but the desire is there. There are guys in my girlfriend's life that she is attracted to and would like to sleep with. She isnt going to act on it either. We have alot of trust, and in that way we are compatible. We are both able to realize that desire for others is natural and doesnt make us disloyal.
You do not have complete trust and with him you are not compatible. You happen to be dating a guy who is turned on by pornstars, and strip clubs are about as close as he can get. You dont provide that for him, apparently. Judging by what you've written here you are probably at least somewhat uptight sexually and that translates over into comfort and personality in bed. I would imagine you probably very much enjoy sweet, kissing kind of sex.
As to whether he would be jealous or not, theres no telling. Unless you put him in that situation he probably doesnt even really know if he would be or not.
Just remember, hes not going in there because the girls in there are hotter than you in physical appearance. Hes going in there because the girls in there are experienced in using their physical charms and the way they act to turn men on. Its a kind of attitude in them that isnt often experienced outside of that kind of environment.
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hi, 15/m. i live in the uk. ii understand the different parties here, but what are the parties in the states? and what do they believe, like, what do they want to do exacly? ive heard of the republicans, and the democrats. are there any more? and how does the system work? thanks:) (link)
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There are a great, great many parties out there. Ill cover some of the main ones and what they proclaim themselves, as well as personal opinions on them.
There is something to keep in mind. Every party has propoganda. They say alot of things, but those things do not neccesarily hold true all the time.
The main two parties are republicans and democrats.
Republicans - Republican ideas include smaller government and lower taxes. They preach that less government oversight and involvement is better. They advocate the right of the individual over all generally. Traditional republicans are very capitalistic and believe in less government regulation of the economy and of business. Republicans also traditionally are not very avid about social programs and social welfare, they say that people should get to keep more of the money they earn and that people should not be forced to pay for others who do not earn as much. Republicans also are traditionally very pro family morals and moral regulation. Republicans enjoy crossing religion and law.
Republicans in the real world. America is home to some of the biggest divides between the super rich and those below what is termed "the poverty line". The current republican party is all about corporations and business. Republicans have a habit of removing barriers to business practices that would eliminate competition. The current republican party has a strong hold on the american middle class through continued support of conservative moral views. They are anti-gay rights/gay marriage, they are generally for harsher crime punishments, and they pander alot to the uneducated middle to lower conservative base who couldnt care less what you do with corporations as long as the republicans keep laws in effect that go in line with the moral views of the mass conservative religious right wingers.
Republicans also still lower taxes. Heres the problem. In this country, the tax paying is disproportionate, if you make a ton of money you get higher taxes, because you can afford it. Republicans pass tax laws that remove some of the burden off the highest payers while virtually leaving the middle class untouched. An example would be the recent repeal of the estate tax. Estate tax is when you die, the items you pass on to your children or other friends/family members are taxed, the money usually coming out of the estate.
Heres the thing. Estate tax is a tax that avoids virtually 60% of the american populace and is mostly unnoticed by the rest. It is the super rich who are passing estates of 100s of millions or even billions that are paying the majority of these taxes and that no longer have to. Basically, its a huge tax cut, but only a very small percentage of the population are significantly affected by it.
Democrats - Democrats say they are for social welfare. Democrats believe in responsible, regulated business that prevents the corporate giants from smashing out smaller competitors. They are very much for social justice, and have a very active civil rights side. Democrats traditionally favor higher taxes so that the government can provide more, and have no problems with a little more government oversight and a larger overall government.
Democrats in reality - Democrats gain most of their votes through their social agendas. For every person that wants abortion criminalized, gays to not be able to marry, etc, there is another person in this country who feels the opposite. Democrats also enjoy supporters from those who benefit from social programs such as wellfare, unemployment, medicare, and a host of other programs the government has that give money to the needy.
One of the key things that both parties gloss over, is that they pay for votes. Republicans stick with the moral aspect (though many of those elected seem like they couldnt care less about moral issues) because it gets them votes, but alot of their support comes and goes in the way of giving money to businesses and other wealthy by way of tax breaks and contracts.
The democrats, on the other had, promote social programs that give money to the poor.
Each group is paying a different segment of the population for votes.
Independents - Independents are middle of the road. Made up of people who are generally fed up with the two primary parties, they are the "swing votes" of the nation. Independent presidents are rare, however indepdendents are common at all other levels, state/federal congress, governors, city officials, etc.
Independents are usually people who have a mix of views from both the republican and democratic parties, however because neither the republicans or democrats have great history of sticking to their touted "beliefs" these people separated themselves.
Green party - This is a somewhat minor party, but big enough to be known. They are the environmentalists. People who are for a green earth above all else. They are not very popular for a number of reasons.
Among republicans, the green party either would put far too many controls on corporations for their taste, or the green party just isnt concerned with their moral issues.
Among democrats the green party is just too specific. The environment is part of the democratic lobby, part of their ideals, and so most democrats would rather vote for a democrat, who has a wider focus than just the environment. Democrats think that the environment is important, but not the end all be all most important issue facing our country right now.
Independents might agree with green party candidates but would vote their own party or a democrat first generally just because the green party doesnt have enough support in this nation to field many candidates with a prayer of winning any significant offices.
Theres a good bit of fact and my own opinion in this, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Im generally more indepdentant/democrat leaning just because of self interest. Im not a member of the upper middle class economically speaking so I support organizations that tend more towards social responsibility and not letting the wealthy profit at the expense of people like myself (at least not too much =/)
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hi, can someone tell me how the american schooling system works? here in England, theres are a couple different variations, but the city i live in, and surrounding areas, the system goes like this:
5 years old-start year 1 of primary school
11 years old-year 6. last year of primary school
12 years old-start year 7 of secondary school
16 years old- year 11. last year of secondary school.
after that you can go in to full, or part time work while going to college, which is optional, and free. college is usually for about 2+ years and you earn A levels here, aswell as other like a2, As etc.
then you can choose to go to university, for 2-5+ years. you pay for this, and do one subject. if you stay for 5+ years, i thing you get a PHD and become a doctor.
i think some parts of london have high schools and that, but was just wandering what the American schooling system is. thanks.
(link)
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We have 13 grades, then college.
Usually at 5 you start "kindergarten".
From there, 1st through 5th grades (6-11 years old) This is known as "elementary school"
Then comes "middle school" which is 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. 12-14.
Then "high school" which is 9th - 12th grade, 15-18. The average student graduates high school at 18 (you normally turn 18 during your senior year)
Each high school year has a second designation. 9th grade is a "freshman" 10th is a "sophmore" 11th is a "junior" and 12th is a "senior"
College they stop using numerical designations and you just begin again as a college "freshman"
College is basically "university" to you. There are 2 year and 4 year colleges, your first 4 years are your "undergraduate" years. After undergraduate you can pursue a "masters degree" or a "doctorate" degree. These require an extra 2 or 4 years average study respectively.
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15/f. i had sex a couple days ago and i know im young i have a question im not here to be lectured that im too young to have sex. the kid i did it with he said the condom had a hole on tha side but he was told that if a condom breaks then it snaps at the top and rolls down. is there a chance i would get pregnant if it just had a hole on tha side of the condom? (link)
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A hole in the condom is almost like wearing no condom at all.
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I'm going to be doing Rush soon, for sororities, and I know one of the rules is no alcohol and no talking to guys during Rush. But, My bf goes to another school and I talk to him everyday on the phone so does that mean I can't talk to him either?
Also, I know what happens during Rush but am I allowed to tell the sorority members that I'm really interested in their sorority or do I wait and see what happens on bid day? (link)
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Do you really think theyre going to get ahold of your cell phone records?
Personally, I think sororities and fraternities are fucking stupid. The frat/sorority mentality is people who loved the pecking order and social climate of high school and dont want to let go of it. Its a chance to continue being "the popular kids" or to become one of "the popular kids" when you couldnt quite cut it in high school.
Please at least strive to be a little smarter than the average by not actually taking this that seriously and obeying them and giving them actual authority in your life.
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So my boyfriends birthday is tomorrow.He's turning 19.I already got him a shirt && shorts from AE.Personally, I don't like it, But my mother picked it out.I told him I already got his gift and he kept trying to get me to tell him what I got him.For example.. "Is it used or new" "Can I use it over and over again" ..etc. I told him I wasn't going to tell him though.Then I went on to asking.. well what DO YOU WANT?.. that I would consider whatever he wanted.And he wanted me to ressure him that I would.And he said.. "BOW CHICA WOW WOW" meaning.. (sex) It's been 4 months and it would be our 5 month on the 9th.Anyways and I was like SCUSEEE MEE? haha and he said he'd put that off the list.He's been wanting that for awhile now, But obviously it hasn't happened.I'm still a virgin and I'm not even trying to consider it right now.I'm 16.. i'd be 17 in a couple months.Soo, I don't know if I'm wrong for not giving it to him or what.I know if he was a good boyfriend he'll wait.. yeah I know that, But the thing is I tease alot and he recently has too.. I guess it seems unfair on my part for kind of leading him on.. does that make sense?? I don't mean to do that though, just I like doing it.Is it wrong of me to do that?We did all the other stuff and what not, But seems like it's not enough I guess.Sooo any suggestions to what to do.I know only I can decide to what to do and what not.I just want some opinions that's all.Thanks again whoever answers. :] (link)
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Lesson 1.
Guys are horny. We are always horny. 24/7.
Hes horny now, hes going to be horny later. That doesnt mean you owe him your virginity, it just means that investing in some lube for his one handed trombone practice would be a kindness.
Especially at 19. God was I horny. I went through a pack and a half of condoms per weekend with the girl I was dating then. I spent more on them than on gas.
His sex drive will be waiting for you when/if youre ready.
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My gf says im not daring enough like she wants me to grab her but and finger her but I want to treat her with respect and iono most ppl would think i'm weir for not doing it but iono (link)
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Your girlfriend is dating you because she is extremely immature and sees you as her way of not being a "loser" by not being sexually experienced. She is dating you because she thinks having a boyfriend is supposed to be exciting and illicit.
If you arent ready or dont want to do those things, then find a new girl. The one you have is just going to end up pregnant and a dropout somewhere down the line.
And do not _ever_ compromise on your own values (especially ones like respecting women) because some little slut wanna be wants you to. You're young, you'll meet plenty of decent girls further down the line.
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So I really really like this girl, but she has me eating out of her hand. I can't stop, she's a master of manipulation. Or maybe I'm just nuts about her. Any thoughts that could help me out? (link)
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One of three things is going to happen to you.
1) You will continue to fall head over heels for girls before they fall for you, and sometimes even when they dont. Girls like this will use you and discard you until you are bitter and so emotionally armored that you have difficulty with relationships for the rest of your life because of your deep seated inability to trust women you like.
2) You will be pushed past a point of anger with a girl and will focus all of negative emotions on her and completely blow up. You will be angry and distant with relationships, which ironically stands a chance of making you better with the ladies. Your ability to not give a shit the way you used to will attract women who want to "tame the beast".
3) You will become angry with yourself for letting people treat you like crap all the time. This will either result in suicide or serious self examination and positive changes to your demeanor and behavior.
Actually, you'll probably just keep making this mistake until youre like 25, and you'll either find a girl who treats you right by chance, or you'll end up with a domineering bitch who refuses to let go of her hold on you and you'll end up married either way.
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14/f
k well me and this guy (16) broke up like 2 weeks ago (cuz of the distance because i had to go back home to another city than which he was in) and three days after the break up i was totally over him i was ok with not being his girlfriend any more. but then a week and a half after it he started talkin to me again we flirted and messed around (nothing sexual...yet) then he tells me he wants to have sex with me again. and i'm all like no we broke up and i don't do that friends with benifites kind of relationships. i mean yea he's a cool and a hott guy but it's like i could easily go out with another guy. i made an effort to let him live his life and then he calls me over the next day when he's kicking it with his friends.
@ this point i know that he knows he not getting any but he still wants to kick it. i know that because we've broken up before and i stuck to that whole non f/b thing. but we flirt more and he kept on holding me like we were still going out. & that night was gonna be my last night seeing him though so i decided maybe i should do it with him one last time and so we did.he was totally shocked.
later that night he visits again and we just talk and hang out and to me it's really confusing!!
i just wanna know where me and this guy stand what kind of relationship we are in and just ur opinions =]
thank you =] (link)
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Instead of asking us what kind of a relationship this is you should be determining it yourself.
Currently you are in a relationship where with enough cajoling he can still use you for sex.
If you want to change that, the balls kinda in your court.
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how do i stay out of trouble? (link)
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Hide.
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Ok so here it goes. my ex broke up w/ me lets say 3 months ago and we've stayed friends and wat not, but we've chilled like a lot kinda and we've had sex a lot even tho we're not togetha, its more than sex to me cuz im still inlove w/ him but im thinkin its just sex for him and like i wanna be with him so bad and i figure if thats the only way then i dont care, but im just making things worse for myself and i cant let go. i love this kid more than anything but i just dont know wat i should do. any advice? (link)
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Your boyfriend is in what is probably to him the best possible situation.
He still gets laid. Regularly.He doesnt have to deal with anything involving relationships so its basically free and clear getting laid.
You are hurting more every day that this goes on.
Stop yourself. Seriously. There are more and better men out there.
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I'm a 32-year-old female who has been having an affair during the last year with my 59-year-old married boss. I am madly in love with him and divorced my husband eight months ago to marry him.
He promised to divorce his wife, but so far there is no sign of divorce. I'm beginning to think I'm a big fool. What do you think? (link)
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Theres about an 85% chance that he isnt going to divorce his wife. Hes almost double your age. It is more likely that you are a fling than anything serious.
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13/F
Now, i was thinking of future jobs just the other day. I would love to be a Lawyer, but I'm not sure what i would have to do to achieve this.
I realise i may be a bit young to be thinking about this, but i watched Legally Blonde & i just thought that i would love to be a Lawyer.
Any advice on how i go about this? (link)
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Graduate High School
Go to college
Decide if you want to be a lawyer.
Most careers, it doesnt really matter what you do up until about your junior year of college. There are certain things you can do to prepare, for instance certain colleges make it more prestigious in general and certain majors are more admired when it comes to a law school deciding to accept you.
But in practical actuality there is nothing you can do at least until you hit the end of high school. Just keep your grades up.
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I love my boyfriend. i would never in my life consider cheating on him. yet today there were these two guys flirting with my friend and me. they were funny and i liked hanging out with them, so i figured what's the harm. then my friend had to leave so it was just them and me. the flirting got worse. i didn't do anything to encourage them i don't think. i just liked hanging out with them. then i had to go home and one of them offered to walk me. i probably shouldn't have let him, but i did, then he had a long way to go home so i let him come in and rest for a little bit. my mom asked him to stay for dinner so he stayed a lot longer than i wanted him to. nothing happened, we just hung out. now i'm just not sure how to tell my boyfriend. i know i should tell him something, i'm just not sure how much to tell. (link)
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Its fine.
If the friend makes a move or continues flirting draw a line and let him know that you are taken and not interested that way.
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Ok, I love my boyfriend to death, but there's one thing that really drives me crazy. Every so often he gets on this big self-pity kick, whining about how hard his life is. How his dad is never home because of his job... how his mom can never do things for him because she has to work so hard to run the family... how his parents can't afford to buy him things... how school is so difficult for him and he has to try sooo hard... wah, wah, wah! Yes, I know his life isn't perfect, but whose is? And trust me, he's NOT that bad off.
I try to be really sweet and sympathetic when he gets like this, because I know he just wants sympathy. But then he brings me into it and tries to make me feel guilty. He'll say I can't possibly understand how he feels, because MY dad is always home; MY mom does everything for me; MY parents buy me whatever I want; MY grades are good because I'm so much smarter than him. And then he'll get mad at me for some random thing and we'll end up in a big fight.
I hate this! I really do love him, because besides this problem, he's really an awesome boyfriend. But this is so irritating and stressful. I know I can't change him... so how should I handle it when he gets like this? (link)
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Be understanding.
Because honestly, if you dont know what its like to be in a situation, then you dont.
I can understand where he's coming from. I used to be someone who could afford to drop a couple hundred dollars on a whim. Now, I cant afford to eat lunch out when I work all day. Its frustrating, especially when there are people in your life who sometimes take money for granted.
Be understanding. Its what he needs you to be. Dont let him make you feel guilty but at the same time dont get in his face about it and dont brute force your views of how hard his life is, because in all likely hood you cant fully relate to his experience.
Just be understanding. Tell him that no, you cant really get exactly what its like, but encourage him and try to remind him of whats good in his life.
Im not trying to pass judgement, but alot of what hes upset about seems to be pure frustration. His parents work and work and are never around and arent really a part of his life, and they still arent financially doing well enough to even be able to enjoy life once in a while. Its a hard situation to be in, working your ass off just to stay afloat.
And it seems like you are a bit spoiled in that area. I was too when I was younger and living at home. My parents and I hated each other, but we had plenty of money so I wanted for nothing, and I was able to work to earn money for my own things because all my needs were already taken care of.
Support him. Do what you can. Just step back when he starts to take it out on you and call him on it. Tell him that you are happy to be there for him and you can understand that he is very frustrated with his life, but he should not push you away while feeling horrible about the fact that everyone else in his life isnt really there for him.
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I've been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months and i'm wondering when i can finger her (link)
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Whenever she decides shes ready to let you.
There is not a set timeline where you can say "Ok, we've been going out for x amount of time, now I get to stick things inside you"
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this guy asked me togo see a movie and his like wayy older then me like aboout 3 years lets say and i dont if he means like a date or just to hnag out ??? cuz im 15 and his 18 so i dont he was all like so u wanna go to the movies and i dont if its date or not?? (link)
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18 year olds do not just ask 15 year olds to go to the movies for no reason. Its a date.
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My friend is really eager to have sex with her boyfriend, but I am worried that she will get pregnant because she doesn't have any form of birth control (other than condoms, but they don't always work). Her mom would never allow her to get on the pill, so is there some way she could get it without her mother knowing? She is fifteen, if that helps at all. (link)
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1) http://www.plannedparenthood.org/
Planned Parenthood. Find one close to you, go with her. They might be able to help with the birth control.
2) VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. They are sold over the counter in the same place condoms are in stores like walgreens. Your friend can put one inside herself 15 minutes prior to sex, and then it melts into spermicide. (They look like thick, flexible breath strips). This is a good back up because it works fine with latex condoms and is an extra bit of protection in case the condom breaks.
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when you take one.. is there any way you can get it to come out to negative? ive always wondered that.. (link)
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Breathalyzers, unfortunately and contrary to what is below, are extremely inaccurate.
Even more unfortunately, they err on the side of drunk. A breathalyzer is more likely to say you are past the legal limit even if you are not. Ive seen blood tests vs breathalyzer tests where the sample was taken at the same time come out as much as .12 difference in alcohol concentration. The breathalyzer said a friend was at .19 and he was actually .07 BAC. Which is a HUGE difference if you know what we're talking about.
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