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Waaaah - my Poooooor Boyfriend!
Ok, I love my boyfriend to death, but there's one thing that really drives me crazy. Every so often he gets on this big self-pity kick, whining about how hard his life is. How his dad is never home because of his job... how his mom can never do things for him because she has to work so hard to run the family... how his parents can't afford to buy him things... how school is so difficult for him and he has to try sooo hard... wah, wah, wah! Yes, I know his life isn't perfect, but whose is? And trust me, he's NOT that bad off.
I try to be really sweet and sympathetic when he gets like this, because I know he just wants sympathy. But then he brings me into it and tries to make me feel guilty. He'll say I can't possibly understand how he feels, because MY dad is always home; MY mom does everything for me; MY parents buy me whatever I want; MY grades are good because I'm so much smarter than him. And then he'll get mad at me for some random thing and we'll end up in a big fight.
I hate this! I really do love him, because besides this problem, he's really an awesome boyfriend. But this is so irritating and stressful. I know I can't change him... so how should I handle it when he gets like this?
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Be understanding.
Because honestly, if you dont know what its like to be in a situation, then you dont.
I can understand where he's coming from. I used to be someone who could afford to drop a couple hundred dollars on a whim. Now, I cant afford to eat lunch out when I work all day. Its frustrating, especially when there are people in your life who sometimes take money for granted.
Be understanding. Its what he needs you to be. Dont let him make you feel guilty but at the same time dont get in his face about it and dont brute force your views of how hard his life is, because in all likely hood you cant fully relate to his experience.
Just be understanding. Tell him that no, you cant really get exactly what its like, but encourage him and try to remind him of whats good in his life.
Im not trying to pass judgement, but alot of what hes upset about seems to be pure frustration. His parents work and work and are never around and arent really a part of his life, and they still arent financially doing well enough to even be able to enjoy life once in a while. Its a hard situation to be in, working your ass off just to stay afloat.
And it seems like you are a bit spoiled in that area. I was too when I was younger and living at home. My parents and I hated each other, but we had plenty of money so I wanted for nothing, and I was able to work to earn money for my own things because all my needs were already taken care of.
Support him. Do what you can. Just step back when he starts to take it out on you and call him on it. Tell him that you are happy to be there for him and you can understand that he is very frustrated with his life, but he should not push you away while feeling horrible about the fact that everyone else in his life isnt really there for him.
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Whenever he points out something bad in his life, remind him about something positive. For example, when he whines about his dad not being home, remind him that he is fortunate to have a father at all. Remind him that it is totally unfair (and uncalled for) for him to compare his life to yours. Everyone has different blessings. You cannot choose the gifts you are given in life. Instead of whining about the things he doesn't have, remind him to be thankful for the things he does.
Point out to him that the more he complains about his life, the worse things will seem. But if he looks at the positive side, he'll be much happier.
I'm wondering if maybe he is having other problems in his life. Perhaps he had a bad day at school and that caused him to be stressed out, thus causing him to complain more. Whenever he whines about his parents or school, ask kindly if there is anything else bothering him that might have caused him to think negatively all of a sudden.
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You should let him know some things that aren't perfect in your life so he will see that you understand him,he'll be supportive with you as well.Try not to get into an arguement with him so then later on he starts to notice that you've been very patient with him,that he has not been nice with you about the whole family thing,and he will most likely change his ways with you.
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Have you talked to him about it? Tell him even if you may not be able to understand you want him to know you're there for him, but also that he should be very grateful for all he has. And he has you so what more does he want! :P lol Bring up a situation like all the more dying children in Africa or something and tell him he's lucky and your sorry but sometimes you just don't want to be dragged down. Being happy isn't a feeling it's a lifestyle (I read that somewhere...) And tell him you care about him so much and don't want to fight with him because of how upset and stressed it makes you feel. Hope I helped!!! :D
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