I'll give advice to anyone I think I can help in any way. Ask away.
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
Answers: 297
Last Update: January 22, 2011
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My boyfriend just asked me if it was alright for him to spend the night at his best friend's house. His four best friends are girls. there's gonna be two other guys, but I still don't really like the outlook on it; he's gonna be all night with 5-6 other girls.
is this dumb of me? (link)
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Always a tough one. I agree with Dhrutts- tyhe question you have to ask yourself is do you trust him? If yes and it's just that instictive jealousy everyone gets that makes you uncomfortable then bite the bullet, tell him to go, if you don't then you have to wonder why you're with him at all.
Keep yourself busy while he's there (it might make you feel better to go out with some guy mates of your own) and have a good time. Maybe drop him a text now and then (not constantly texting back and forward- that's just annoying) asking if he's having a good time etc- keep it light.
At the end of the day if these girls have ben his friends for a long time they're unlikely to just go away so you have t decide whether or not you can handle them being in his life. If not, save yourself the heartache and get out now.
best of luck
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There's this boy that I've known ever since 5th grade (we are in 9th grade) we are very close besides the fact that I NEVER SPENT TIME WITH HIM BESIDES SCHOOL!!! Yea we would talk on the phone, text and stuff but, I would LOVE to go somewhere with him one day but there are 2 problems:
1.) I am afraid that if I am alone with him, he might put the moves on me and we might have sex! (Only a kiss will do)
2.) I am afraid that if I go to the movies with him or something, that he might try and play me by taking me somewhere far, leaving me alone or embarrassing me.
What can I do to overcome my shyness and how do I explain to him that I am shy?
P.S. I gave him some excuses! I don't want to seem like a liar or that I don't want to be with him because I DO! it would be like a DATE or something.. My FIRST date! (link)
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if you really think he might do that, don't go out with him. If on the other hand you just generally think about the worst possible outcomes of every social event and worry about them (like me) then just comfort yourself with a backup plan. Arrange where to go beforehand and make sure your mum or someone can come and pick you up if you do for some unfathomable reason get stranded.
If you're close to him, just tell him you're shy and have never really done this before. do it with a smile and a nervous but happy expression and you'll just come off doubly cute.
Oh, and always remember- the use of the word "no" coupled with a sharp slap can work wonders.
Good luck
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okay i have a problem =/ my friend who i am really close to asked me to homecoming the other day, and i said no. well all along i have really wanted to go with him but people at my school hate him because he dumped one of them like 2 years ago, and they are still upset with him. the thing is, i said no because i didnt want people to be mad at me since it is only the 2nd week of school. Did i do the right thing? He seems really upset and i really want to go so does anyone have any advice? xO (link)
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*gasp* he dumped a girl...?? *double gasps* and only 2 years ago...??? Good god he sounds like a total arsehole/playa/loser...(ATTENTION: Hardhats must be warn at all times to protect against free-falling sarcasm)
It may well only be the second week of school but start as you mean to go on- trusting your own judgement and using your own mind rather than that of the general populace. Most people in highschool are stupid. Don't be one of them.
If you like the guy, date him.
I know you've had a million responses like this but I thought i'd add another voice to the general roar trying to stop you missing out on what could be a great opportunity for the sake of some random girls with bruised egos and chips on their shoulders.
Have fun.
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Man, this thing is really coming along! And check that rating, baby!
Scribbs (link)
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Cheers mdears. Saving the world one problem at a time.
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My crotch incessantly itches, wich I know can be a symptom of an STD/STI, but I'm a virgin (no one other than me has touched it since I was a baby). I've had problems with urinary tract infections in the past. So should I really be worried? 14/f (link)
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sounds like it could be Thrush. Loads of women (and men) get it and it's not due to having sex, just that things are complicated down there and things get in places they shouldn't lol.
Go to your doc, he'll be able to sort it out in a flash. You'll wonder why you put up with it so long.
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This might be kind of gross, but for the sake of my friend, please try to help...
I recently found out that one of my friends is purging or becoming bulimic. I'm pretty sure she is but i have no clue how she's doing it. I mean, i've heard different stories and i really want to talk to her about it, but i can't yet. My only question is, is there any kind of medicine/drug that she might be taking for her to do this??? I dont know much about this so i really need to know to help. I know that alot of people just say, "stick your finger down your throat", but i'm not sure if she's doing that. I know she's taken drugs before but i don't know if that can literally cause you to purge. She's had trouble with stuff before but i just recently found out about this. I need to know if what she's taking is causing this. If you have any idea or can tell me what the pills are, i'll appreciate it. I'm just really worried and kind of naive about all this. Please help!!! (link)
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I would guessing fingers down the throat is the method she's using. Seems unlikely to be any sort of drug purely for the fact it's a less reliable way of making certain you're gona throw up. There are things called laxatives which loosen your bowels, shall we say (i.e.: can relieve constipation/give you diarrhoea) and some people lose this as a means of getting rid of food before your body's had time to take in all the nutrients etc it needs.
If you think you can talk to her about this then do. She might feel pretty alone right now. Perhaps try to advise her to go and talk to either a councillor or, even better (in my opinion) her mum or close family member. This kind of thing can turn pretty serious and do the person all kinds of physical and emotional damage so she needs to nip it in the bud asap.
If she won't tell anyone about it and it's getting serious you might have to make the decision to tell someone who cold help yourself. It will feel like a betrayal to both you and her but could be best in the long run.
Truly hope it works out. Been in your situation-it's a sucky one.
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I tried out for a solo in chorus but I didnt get it. And now Im really mad because I ALWAYS win at singing and get solo's. Im not used to this. Plus, a girl I HATE got it. And she always says shes better than me.. And this just PROVES it. What do i do?..
-Saddddd (link)
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You suck it up. It's annoying but people will think better of you if you don't go around bitching about it. You win some you lose some. no need to act delighted for her but put on a smile and be a good loser.
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well i like this guy a lot but he has a gf n he says he likes me too well at least thats what he tels mee but i dono if hes lien n stuff soo is that one of the player type of sayings or... what is it ?????
(link)
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General Rule: If a guy is willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, he is a loser and you would be well advised to steer clear.
How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and he is telling some other chick that he likes her? That's a good question to think about coz, judging from his current behaviour, if you do go out with him that is the position you are likely to find yourself in.
Unless he is seriously planning to dump his girlfriend because he's realised he has feelings for you instead i would keep well away.
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When I get made at my mom because of something she said to me or something she wont let me do I get really really upset and basically start talking back to her and saying things I shouldn't then storm upstairs. After a few minutes of being unbelievably mad, I realize that I over reacted and go back down stairs and ask her if she needs help or something. It happens all the time. And because I do it alot, my mom now thinks I have mood swings. But, I don't, I just always feel sorry about the way I talked to her. I know it's something I need to change and I'm working on it because I know I shouldn't treat her that way. But, while I’m working on it, how can I convince her that I do not have mood swings? (link)
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Well...you kind of do. Not in the sense that you change for no reason but over-reacting to things and suddenly going from one emotion to another because of a pretty small trigger is a mood swing I think.
I'm guessing you're a teenager in which case it's totally normal- you're changing mentally and physically and your hormones are all over the shop so it'd be odd if you weren't a bit erratic. At least you realise afterwards what you've said and try to make it up to her. Keep trying to change it but don't worry about it.
I'm sure if your mum's sensible she'll know it's just part of growing up so don't bother trying to tell her you don't have mood swings- it'll just end up in an arguement where you talk back, say things you shouldn't, storm upstairs...:) lol.
Take Care
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My boyfriend is 20 years old and we been going out for a year (this months) and he always tells me that he is going to go to the dome(another word for a strip club) and i always tell him that if he goes i would be extremely mad. He hasn't gone to one yet, but he says he is going to. Do you think that it if stupid for me to get mad at him if he goes? I believe it stupid because he already has a girlfriend(me) that he can look at, am i not good enough for him to look at?
thanks (link)
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You seem to have got a lot of answers defending your boyfriend. While I can kind of see where they're coming from may I just take this opportunity to say you have every damn right in the world to be bloody annoyed at this insensitive jerk.
I'm sure he loves you and may well be a great guy generally but he seems to be going about this in totally the wrong way. If it were some kind of guys stag/birthday party it would seem far more harmless in my eyes- just a bunch of lads acting like excited little boys and having a laugh. The fact he keeps holding this over you is just plain mean. Does he use it when you ahve arguements or when you're not in the mood for sex?
Either way you need to explain your insecurities to this guy and try not to worry-as others said, it's probably natural curiousity that makes him want to do it rather than not being attracted to you. Even so he should have some consideration for your feelings.
If all else fails and he does go, find a male strip club to visit while he goes to his, bring along a bunch of girlfriends and a stack of $1s. Dare him to object. When he's put in your shoes he may have a miraculous change of heart about just how good an idea "the dome" is.
And if not here's hoping you come home having replaced the bunch of dollar bills with the numbers of the dancers.
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Okay, has anyone out there been in a situation where you think you're getting a crush on someone and you really don't want it?
That's kinda the situation I'm in right now. He's my guy friend...I refuse to like him. I have a boyfriend whom I adore to absolutely no end. My guy's perfect for me, and he has plans, and he loves me, and I'm safe with him.
My friend, though, has recently been hinting that he likes me, and he knows I have a boyfriend - so he won't try anything. Some little part of me, though, almost wants him to.
What the heck is wrong with me? I think part of it is because he's a good friend, and we have a lot in common...but I know for a fact that it wouldn't work - I've tried relationships where I had almost everything in common with the guy, and they REALLY didn't work. Especially not with someone as competitive as I am. I'm majorly into music, and those guys were too. (So is my friend I'm talking about here)
How do you kill a crush without making yourself hate the guy? (That's what I've done in the past, and I don't want to hate him 'cause he's a sweetheart...)
GAH.
Help? Lol. (link)
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Of course. Happens to most people at some point or another. This is all about will power and trying to constantly keep in mind the effect it would have on your boyfriend if anything happened. Focus on the boyfriend if you are truly happy with him.
At least you realise that the grass isn't necessarily greener on this music guy's side- that'll give you more control than you think if you hang onto that thought.
I'd say try not to get into what could be deemed "romantic" situations if you think this guy might make a move or if you don't trust yourself not to get carried away in the heat of the moment (e.g: sitting in a dark cinema together may not be the best idea).
Other than that, business as usual, trying not to think about this crush at all. Try your best not to lose your friend in the process. Sounds like he means a lot to you and good friends are damn hard to come by (even harder to keep).
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Okay. Me an this gurl have been friends since the 6th grade, and now were freshman. We told each other everything we were like each others other half. Everytime you seen me you seen her. Well last November we went to the mall and to eat an bowling. Well while were there I met this guy that I have been with now for a year next month. An every since about January Mine an the gurls friendship has just broke. We would always get into it. And everytime something happened we blamed each other for it. Well everytime me an her got into it i told drew (my boyfriend) we he started disliking her because she always hurt me. As me an her drifted apart me an Drew got closer an closer. We became *bestfriends* I tell him everything an he tells me everything. Now he doesn't even like when I talk to her because he says shes a bad influence on me. Shes always trying to bring up our old friendship an how she misses it. And of course, I miss it just as much. But Shes not my bestfriend anymore .. Drew is. He knows stuff about me that no one knows. An I kno stuff about him that no one knows. We just so close. And she always brings up how he took me away from her an stuff. And I dunno what to do I wanna be friends with her but I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were. (like vacations together an stuff) And Drew doesn't want me hanging out with her, like going to her house an places. An sometimes when I do he gets like extreamly mad. So I dunno what to do? Ahhhh. Help! (link)
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It's your call whether you want to give this friendship another go. If you miss her then try it- you'll always wonder if you don't.
Your boyfriend is understandably protective of you and your feelings but it's hugely unfair of him to make you feel guilty for trying to patch things up with this girl (what does he think you're going to do, sleep with her?) and though i can understand why he might perhaps be threatened by the closeness you had, if he loves you, he really shouldn't try to hold you back from living your life.
You need to explain to him that being friends with her is not going to affect the relationship you and he share and how much you feel you want to try to regain your friendship with this girl. He needs to back off a bit.
I hope your friendship works out- it sounds like she really wants to make an effort with it too.
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y is it that all you gurls say you want a nice sweet guys when u wind up going out with the dark nasty selfish ones.
and dont say its bs because u know exactly what i am sayin
and a serious question demands a serious answer because my sanity is @ stake (link)
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I'm guessing your talking about teenage girls in which case I guess it's because what most are really looking for is fun, mystery and a big drama.
On the other hand the idea of the poor misunderstood rebel who only they can understand and take care of can be a very attractive (if often misguided) prospect. That's the explanation that usually applies to older women too. Needing to feel needed. Some maternal thing *shrug*.
Some grow out of it, some never want a "bad guy" at all even if they find them attractive so don't panic. Nice guys never finish last in my book, it's the selfish ones who are going to lose.
P.S. If you're a nice guy please don't try to stop being one- there are too few of you around.
In answer to your comment: it made me laugh but catagorically untrue! My own boyfriend is possibly the most terminally nice guy you will ever meet and I can assure you he is not a virgin. A guy friend of mine only managed to finally get laid once he dropped the "i'm a bastard" act and showed some actual emotion. Don't comdemn all females as being the same as those you've clearly run into so far.
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i was wondering if you could tell me at what age you had sex. not a lecture to wait or what can happen,, just what age you had it. thanks. (link)
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16. Still going strong with the same guy.
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Can a passionate love-hate relationship work out? (link)
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Look at Elizabeth Bennet and Mr.Darcy.
Seriously, they can be a bloody nightmare and cause a whole lot of heartache but I'd say it's worth having at least one when you're a teenager. Feeling that much about one person is crazy and emotional-sometimes the highs are worth the lows.
Enjoy them but dont count on them too much.
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Three girls. Used to be friends with them. Now I'm not (long story) and they're bitching about me behind my back. The part that makes it upsetting is that act really lovely to me when I'm around... and I'm a trusting kind of person. It took ages for me to believe it.
Would you please tell me what to do? Is it better to...
1)...confront them, and a)hold a grudge b)forgive them OR
2)...ignore them, and a) hold a grudge b)forgive them.
3)start a hate campaign.
Or if you have an alternative I'd be glad to hear it (but I'm not changing schools!) (link)
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Personally I would talk to perhaps just one of them (the one you trust most or, actually, just the weakest one) and ask them what's going on. Don't be too confrontational, just say that you've heard some things being said and would like to know how much of it is true and why they're doing it. Make it clear you don't want an argument, just some kind of explanation.
Chances are this is going to make little difference to their behaviour, but there's always the possibility t may make them think. If not all you've done is gain the upper hand by being calm and mature about it, making them look a bit stupid in the process.
If nothing changes, ignore it. Oh and don't waste your time bearing a grudge whatever happens- not worth the energy.
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I have a college induction day tomorrow, where they go through your subject choices and you get to meet people at the college... it's a private college (there was a test to get in and it costs alot to go there) and the dress for the day is "smart casual"... would it be okay to wear jeans? A pair that arn't ripped ect... lol I don't have trousers! But if it's not a good idea I can borrow something off my mum :S
What do you think?
16/f/UK (link)
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To be honest, at places like this and at times when you want to make a good impression I would go with a skirt no matter how cold it is (just vary the length). As a rule they tend to be a little bit...not sexist exactly, but traditional in that "oh isn't it NICE when young ladies are feminine" way, so use it to it's advantage. It's easy to casual up a simple, one-colour skirt (black is a great choice) with a pastel shirt and not too dressy heels and a neat but casualy hair style.
Since you're not going to really know us how smart smart means, i would take two options of small accessories with you. With the simple outfit mentioned aboe, you can dress it up with a simple neck-scarf of pearls if you ahve them, or down with some kind of beaded necklace and bracelet and the same rules can apply to any hair ornament you wear.
Hope this helped a bit
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what would be an equation that has no solution? (link)
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a pain in the arse
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God. You really have no idea how many times I have been blamed for something I didn't do. Like 2 weeks ago someone (not me) cut the seatbelts on the bus and threw out the airfreshener. And there comes the vice principal looking for me and he told me that I did it. Which I obviously didn't. I have done things that made me get in trouble. I did that like 5 times. And yes I did bad stuff then. But that was in 6th grade. I'm now in 8th.
So, he was talking to me and telling me how I shouldn't of done that. And hes blaming me for everything. He doesn't care about my side of the story. I've tried talking to him but he wouldn't lissten. I told him he was a liar, because it's true. He didn't care.
How should I show him i've changed from being a bad @$$ to a good person?? I'm thinking about going to my councelor and telling her about it.
(link)
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Absolutely tell this councelor person if that'll mean an adult on your side. If your principal isn't listening to you when you talk to him, I think a letter is in order. A very calm, mature letter, apologising for your behaviour in the past but explaining that you want to and have turned it around and asking him v.politely not to jump to conclusions about you without any proof. Photocopy the letter and keepa copy just to prove what you said and how if it comes to it.
Tell your parents exactly what is going on and that you are being blamed for something you didn't do. Hopefully they have seent he change in you and so should believe you. Having them know makes things a lot less complicated and makes you look far less guilty.
Good luck
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(im 19 female)Im just asking, there is this guy i like a lot he liked me, soon as i told him i wasnt a virgin he simply lost interest! and he belives that the one he is going to marry should be a virgin.i feel like SHIT! he has told me he is not a virgin - ofcourse its ok for a guy not to be one isnt it! but anyway, then i told him that i was joking and that i didnt quite have sex.i really like this person and i regret loosing my virginity to this ONE bf" overseas, now if i was to get close with this guy could i live a lie and never tell him? or should i tell him? or should i forget him and move on! but i cant! nicest person iv ever met! what do i do!? is it good to keep it to myself and NEVER tell him.- i feel so guilty (link)
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best not to lie about it. There's a chance he'd find out one way or another and you'd never be able to be completely honest about your past which is never good in a relationship. Incidentally this guy sounds like a bit of an arse. For a start he's a hypocrite (as you pointed out) and if this virginity issue put him off he can't have been all that interested in you as a person to begin with. Putting the issue of virginity above love and trust for a person is (dare I say it) pretty immature and idealistic anyway.
I'd say carry on being friends with him if you like him but don't expect him to ever fully change his mind about the nice sexist logic he has going on. And the question is would you really want to get with a guy who only values you for the fact you're "untouched"?
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