Hi! I will answer any of your questions or problems, big or small and in complete confidence. I have had a lot of success in helping people in the past and hope I can help you too! Look forward to hearing from you soon!
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Member Since: December 8, 2004
Answers: 293
Last Update: June 12, 2005
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my name is nicole ok i live in cali and im 15 years old me and my x like broke ^ like on monday i feel like soo tear a part i have been crying i dont know if i should go back with him i was like with him for like 8 months things dont feel the same because his not in my life right now i feel like some other girl could take my place he has been crying 2 so have i i dont know if i should move on or not should i take him back or give me more time can somebody please help me!! (link)
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Why did your ex break it off? If you and him are both crying then you still obviously have strong feelings about eachother still and should try and work things out. Breaking up with someone is always difficult especially if you've been going out for a long time. You need to try and talk to him about it. Make a list of the pro's and cons of getting back together with him. If you can't talk to him face to face then try over the phone or writing him an email or letter. A lot of couples your age will split up for a bit because they have been going out with eachother for a while and by splitting up for a bit they then realise if its really meant to be or not. By the sound of things I think you should try and talk to him and try your best to sort things out. The sooner the better. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will work out. It will probably take something like this for him to realise just how much he really cares for you.
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What do you do when your best friend is kind of blowing you off and when you aren't hanging out anymore. I miss her and don't want to let go. (link)
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Is your best friend blowing you off cos you don't hang with her or the other way round? You have to think if there could be anything you have done recently which could have upset her. Next, you have to confront her either face to face or, if thats too difficult, over the phone. Ask her whats wrong and if you have done something wrong. She should tell you then but if not then the best thing to do is to write her a letter or email. This might sound stupid but this way you can get all your thoughts and feelings down and everything you want to tell her and let her know about, out in one go and without being interrupted. Tell her that she means a lot to you and how this is making you really unhappy. She will realise how much she is hurting you especially as you took so much time in letting her know exactly how you feel and therefore how much you do count her as a really good friend.
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I'm going to a dance tonight and I'm so excited I need help though, I know what I'm wearing but I need suggestions on what to do with my hair its shoulder length and I have long bangs down to my lips. I also need help with this. My two crushs are going and I really think one of them likes me because he is flirty with me and everything. I do like the other one alot but I don't think he likes me. Please help me decide on which one to go with... xox thanks. (link)
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guys love really glossy, healthy looking hair so it doesn't matter what you do woth it just as long as you don't go too over the top! as for the guys, the flirty one-is he like this withother girls or just with you? the other one might like you but not show it as he might think you like this other guy more. just relax tonight! You will have a great time and as long as you are yourself, you will be able to find out what you really want and who you really want out of the two. Good luck and have a great night!
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I have a friend. We've been bestfriends for 3 years now. Well lately, we haven't been talking to eachother. She found some new friends, as have I. But I mean, once in a while, we'll talk. But, she's become this total slut. Seriously. She'll makeout with any guy (no matter the age). Plus she cheats on her boyfriend. She also tells everyone that she's gotten drunk/high/fingered/given a blowjob/given a handjob/had sex. Which is so not ture! But everyone at school is thinking she's a whore. I know she doesn't do it. But I have a feeling that she might, someday. She's only 12. But, she does all these crazy things with boys. No one likes her anymore. (link)
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It is because she is hanging out with the wrong group of friends. As you know what she is like it is obvious that it is not in her nature to be like this and you have to let her know. Try talking to her and if that doesn't work send her a letter or email telling her everything. Say that you will be at home or other place at a certain time so she can come and talk to you. You have to make her realise that what she is doing isn't making her look cool,it's just giving her a bad reputation and you can help her get over it.
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I've lost my voice, and I was wondering if anybody knew any useful remedies to help me to a speedy recovery, as I'm supposed to be singing in a carol concert on Sunday and in the coming week. I've heard honey and lemon is good for throats, and obviously not trying to strain my voice any more. Any additional ideas? (link)
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The fast and quickest way to overcome this is not to talk but if you need to then whisper. Drink loads of warm drinks and lozengers and apart from that , that's all you can do. It might be an idea not to sing in the concert on Sunday so you can get your voice back and can sing in it next week instead when your throat has healed more.....
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okay theres this guy that likes me.. and i used to like him. I sit with him evryday at lunch. Hes so controlling. I cant stand it anymore. All my friends say i should ask him out or he should ask me but i cant stand him anymore.!! Seriously. He really bugs me!! i turn my cell phone off just so i dont have to talk to him at night. He asks whats wrong with my phone, i tell him i couldnt talk anyways or that my older sister was using my phone and it went dead. That was true Wednesday Night tho. Yesterday in the note he rote me.. he told me.. "Dotn make any plans for Saturday night. We're doing something. What we're doing i dont know.. but"
See i cant put up with that anymore.
What can i do?
Please help me...
Christine (link)
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He has no right to have this control over you. I think he likes you as more than a friend and by talking and doin g things with you all the time, he doesn't want anyone else to get in the way. He need sto know that you are your own person and that you will do things with him whenever you want to , not whenever he wants you to. Since he has written you a note, write him a letter back saying, thanks for the note but have made plans already for saturday (even if you haven't) thanks though.
By being like this he will realise that he doesn't rule your life. You just have to make him realise this and everything will be ok. good luck
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my mom and dad are realllly religous and they want me to be religous and i dont want to be! i need to be my self and belive what i want. i mean i talk to jesus and pray to him but i cant be saying PRAISE GOD! every SECOND!!! help i dont know what to say to them!! (link)
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You can be as religious as you want. It is totally up to you. What you have to let your parent s know is that just because they feel one way, doesn't mean you are automatically going to feel the same way too. If they are pushing you to be like them you have to tell them that by doing this they are actually pushing you away. You have a right to believe in as much or as little as you want. There are hundreds of different ways to be religious and just because you don't take part in the same things as they do religiously, doesn't mean you don't feel as strongly about religion as they do!
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my boyfriend seems like hes my life i cant stop ever thinking about him and i always talkt o him on the phone and on AIM but now my grades are failing and my mom and dad says that if i dont get my grades up my life will be a living hell!!! there really strict on my grades! i dont know what i should do how do i jugle my boyfriend and school? also my friends?!!! also my boyfriend lives right next door thats why i see him so much!! thank you~! (link)
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Are your grades slipping a lot? What you need to do is become really strict about what you do. Have you only started going out withthis guy quite recently? You need to set yourself goals and reward yourself for getting to them. For instance, when it comes to work, see if your friends want to get together and do work together after school, then when you've finished the work, and only when you have REALLY finished the work (!) you can go round and see your boyfriend. Remember he is your boyfriend and has chosen you to be his girlfriend. You can spend time with him whenever, but you have to realise that your grades come first. A boyfriend can be flexible, you grades can't.
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I went derrell online .we talked online for one months.I gave him my phone number ,he started to call me ,he's really funny.I think I like him
he also askedme out and I said yes.now he's the only thing I think about,dream about and talk about.but I'm having some doubts,he lives really far from me.I kind of scare to tell what I feel
when he asks me what I want to talk about I say nothing.what should I do??
(link)
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How far away do you live from eachother? If you are scared to talk to him about how you feel it means you are getting to know him but don't know him that well yet. When you talk to him, as I said to another girl the other day, and you are worried you will run out of conversation, then make a list before you/he calls so you know you won't forget anything. By doing this you will soon get the hang of it and start to feel much more relaxed around one another. Once you feel relaxed you will feel more confident in confiding how you really feel and it will come more naturally.Distance relationships are hard but if you want it to work out then you can.
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hi again, thank you all so much, your answers and advice all helps but im still hurt. I cant believe i made such a fool of myself in moving too fast. i guess there is still a feeling for him, but its more hurt now thats filling my mind up more.
update on the whole issue. well, i contacted him after i wrote this question
see we were to go to dinner tonight, being friday night, so i was going to call to cancel, cos i wasnt up to it
i called and he answered
arrr. i mean just to here his voice sent shivers down and up my spine. it made me so nervous. anyway, i called and asked him if he was ok to talk to right now. and he said not really he is going out with his room-mate because she is leaving earlier that monday, so i am off to say goodbye.
i said, so where do i stand now, and he paused for so long, and i said what
he said nothing and then said, i dont know
so when can i see you, to talk. to try to clean slate my speediness in moving to fast with you,
and he said
well, hmmmm, well um, we can talk on monday. im off work.
so i was like, is this another one of his tricks, because when i go over there, again, i will have to try and contain my emotions, and feeling, and it may be hard. but im still confused on the whole issue. can i paste what he wrote to me yesterday night before i poored my heart out with hurt and sadness. i dont know why i did so, but unfortunatly i did, and i feel like a complete idiot. anyway, on monday night, this coming. i was invited to see TINA ARENA in concert. its 2nd row seats, and he will be there with his friend. well i went to visit his friend today, and i told him that i feel this way for him, and i feel like shit now and he wont return my calls.
well you have to give it time, he is just freaked by how fast you moved.
i was like, but he sent me those mixed messages
and his friend said, yes but you did move faster than normal people would do, i mean, if you want me to be honest, how do you know he is the guy for you, and i was like well, i dont, but i feel a feeling for him, and i just acted on it. may be the wrong way, but i cant change the way i do things or who i am.
his friend said to me 'do you want me to try and hint you toward him a little more, and see where it takes you, and i was speechless. i dont know i said. but he also said that i should take a few days off, dont call him. and just wait to hear from him.
i am seriously well, still have feelings for this guy, i dont know why, cos im hurt but i still cant help not knowing where i honestly stand with him.
by the way, my emotional outburst the night before was only caused by this comment
i messaged him on the dating website and said hi. this is what he wrote back.
Ummm yeah interesting profile....... I know that ive sent this profile a message before and never received anything back.
Anyway this isnt going to happen, friends is cool, but im 21 and still interested in enjoying myself, and no thats not saying i want to fuck around its saying that i am happy with how i am at the moment, and mabey you need someone who is also inexperienced, kinda hard to explain........
well can you understand why i poored my heart out so fast to him now, because i then retreat back and try to make sense of what happened when he put his head on my lap and stroked my legs.
i was so emotional i again scared him off.
so back to todays call, trying to cancel the dinner. i called him, he answers and said he was off to say goodbye to friends. i was like on, he said come over monday and we can chat, i was like on will you message me, and he was like silent.
i really dont know whats left to do. his friend contacted be just before i started writing this response. he said that its ok to come to tina arena. i asked him, and he said fine as long as i dont destroy the concert for him, he is fine....
i feel like i dont want to go now, based on that comment. i may have dissed his clothes and watch earlier, but he is far more hurtful that i was ever.
i guess i want to see the concert but i dont want to destroy it for myself becoming so silent because of him next to me, when all i want to do is hold his hand and say sorry for the past week.
i wanna tell him i love him, but i know that will destroy it, but im sure its love cos i cant stop thinking of him, i cant even keep my brain on work. its so hard. im so hurt.
what do i do....
should i go on monday morning, cos i want to, but im afraid to
he said that he is just after friends. thats it, but i still feel kind of violated, and hurt.
like my heart has been ripped out, and keeps being placed back in just to get re-torn out.
if i say goodbye, this town is only so small, and im sure ill run into him, and feel like a complete shit again.
so, i dont know
basically i feel like i should go, tell him one last time that he has hurt me, and if he says nothing or tells me it will never happen i will again feel like it was a waste of time.
i want to grab him and kiss him one last time, to see if there is anything still there, but again, like his friend has said, i would be moving too fast.
oh boy oh boy, im so bad at this whole thing.
i mean ive done the casual scene, but im now 25 and feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a relationship, it was the first time i have connected like that with a guy. it was so different to the others.
see this is what i want, i want to invite him over and cook for him, i want to light a candle, and sit and talk over wine, i want to kiss him and see if i can pass on this intensity that i have inside me. but i fear it will never happen,
yeah i know im moving too fast, but i cant help these feelings.
sometimes i wish i didnt meet him last weekend. cos i know i would have still a working heart, without hurt.
by the way, i am lonely, and i guess what i saw in him was trust and warmth, but it went cold for some reason.
i dont know anymore, i will give it one last try, and speak to him, and share my feelings, but should i speak love or chemistry.
i am deeply emotional, but i feel from my heart, not my body. if you all reading this i wish you could feel this feeling for one brief moment, the intensity, the completity, the heart exploding, um its a nightmare right?
thank you again. until the next update. (link)
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You are not alone. What you really have to realise is that you are far more mature than this guy so therefore not afraid to tell him your feelings. Girls his age wouldn't tell him or any guy that age. When he was talking to you about his friends leaving, it was so obvious that his friend was in the room at the time so he couldn't talk properly!
When he said he wrote back to you on the dating site he obviously again had had his ego bruised by the fact you hadn't answered him back. the fact that he still answers your calls shows that he still has some interest in you.
As I said before, you really need to go for a while without talking to him or his friend about your real emotions, however strong they are. Guys are really scared off by this and you are scaring him away. You need, as I said before, to go to this concert and try to have a great time and pretend that you are going with friends, not a potential boyfriend.
Don't try and talk to him about anything serious or relationship-wise the night of the concert. He will be worrying that you will, so if you don't, then he will take a renewed interest in you.
Try and be as cool and relaxed as you can and don't call or text after the concert, wait for him to contact you. This can work out if you work at it. Write back if you need anymore advice and good luck at the concert!
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Ok me and this guy have been going out for a month and a half and im going shopping on 12/11
and i need to know what to get him. hes a biker like BMX and a skateboarder but mostly bmx does anyone know what to get him!!!!! HELP!! (link)
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Oooh, that's a difficult one! Do you know what music he likes ?? Could you get him something to go on his bike or skateboard? Or something to wear while he is skateboardin/biking? Drop hints about what music he likes or what shops he likes to go to. Or, could you ask his friends? They could find out if htere's anything he's got his eye on and really wants/can't afford. Or are there tickets for a bike/skateboarding tournament??? Hope I've been some help and good luck!!
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Ok, well, let me start off by saying i'm a 7th grade girl. Today at lunch this kid named derek passed me a note and said it was from my friend brian. I took one of my girl freinds, tara, to the bathrooom and read the note. It was really orny and soft....it read, "Roses are read, Violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you......will you go out with me?". My friend tara started cracking up while i was numb and shocked from the note. I threw it in the trash and ignored brian the whole day. Now, me being quite popular (not rele popular, but popular as in knoing everyone in our grade and tlk to them and hang) and brian being shy and non-social. It's really weird and almost gross that he asked me out.....i rele don't know how to tell him that i don't want to go out with him at all so that he on't get embarrased and i won't get embarrased. Pleask tell me what i can write to him so he on't get hurt.
Thank-you so much for the help (link)
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Ok, with you being popular it would have taken real guts for him to even think about writing you the note let alone giving it to you. He will be feeling really down right now especially as you are ignoring him. If you can't talk to him face to face then write him a note and say you are really flattered but you don't want a boyfriend right now. Say that you are sorry for ignoring him but you didn't know what to say. The nicer the note, the better both you and he will feel and it won't be so awkward and you won't need to ignore him.Good luck!
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probably more than a month ago, my mom found out shes anemic(sp?) in other words, shes low in iron...then today my oldest sister found out she is somewhat canceris..(she may have a tumour down there, and is scheduled to have surgery next week, then be on Keimotherapy(sp?) nd if those dont work she will only have 1 year to live!)...then there is more drama in my family between my crack head sister. then of course i have my own problems going on @ skool, with my work and all...and most of all my boyfriend is giving me trouble!...i juss need sum advice please! (link)
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First of all, the anaemia your mum has isn't serious at all, in fact hundres of thousands of people get it and you just have to take some iron and mulitvitamin tablets. Where your sister si concerned, a good thing is that she can have surgery as that means the tumour hasn't spread. The chemotherapy after the operation will mean the cells which could form into tumours are killed off. As with your other problems, you can write to me with them if you want-telling someone your problems is the first step towards solveing them!
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im 14/f...and the hair that i have above my upper lip has gotten really dark and noticeable...its embarassing...my mom says not to shave it, im scared to get it waxed, it hurts when you pluck it, and well is there anything else?! (link)
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You can bleach the hairs. Don't whatever you do shave as the hairs will grow back thicker and darker, don't pluck or wax either. - Bleaching definitely, you can buy kits in most drugstores and don't worry, you're not alone!
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2day my family and i(14) found out that my older sister (27) has a tumour down there, and is supposed to be haveing surgery in a week. after that they will be putting her on keimotherapy(sp?) and well if none of those cure her, she will then only have 1 more year to live..im so scared of loosing her! (link)
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First of all, the fact she is having surgery is good as it means the tumour won't have spread. They will be able to remove most or all of the tumour and the chemotherapy will kill all the cells which are likely to turn into tumours. It's lucky the doctors have found out in time and at such a young age she has a very good chance of making a full recovery.
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how do you know if a girl is devirginized based on her physical outlook and socialization??
does it easily show?
thank you......... (link)
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You can't usually tell by her physical outlook but if she is really confident around guys then that might mean she is.
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ok, here's the scoop, i asked one of my friends to talk to the guy that i like....she said that he hates me and thinx i'm ugly and stuff. i don't know whether or not to believe her and i don't know what to do. i don't really think he'd say that, but should i ask him or what? please help if you can. thanx
~ArL0* (link)
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Is she your best friend? If not she might just be saying it because she fancies him! If you don't think he'd say that, he is a nice guy and knows she is one of your friends then he wouldn't say that. Try asking him
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alrighty..well i have a big group of friends over alot...but its starting to get boring because we just do the same thing over and over and over again...we either come to one of our houses and watch movies, or go to the movies...i want to do something new! and fun! what should we do?...btw..something guys and girls would have fun doing...but we are all just friends, so nothing gross..if ya know what i mean lol (link)
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Ten pin bowling or go karting? Or go on a road trip for a weekend or camping!!!!
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if you had the opportunity to have sex with someone you weren't dating but have hooked up with a lot over the past few months would you? i guess im just wondering because everyone says sex is supposed to be a "special" thing you share with someone you love. I think i'm ready but i'm not even dating the guy let alone love him-so if i think he is the right guy to have sex with is he worth the risk? My friend told me, "if you like him don't do it, if you don't like him then go for it"
also on a side note-if you were my friend would you lose respect for me if i made the decision to have sex?
thanks a lot yall :) (link)
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You have to think about how you would feel if you did sleep with this guy. Have you spoken to himm about it? Do you know any other girls who have been in your situation and the reaction they got from others? Your friend is right in the sense that if you really like him and do sleep with him then you will end up liking him even more and want to be with and see him more and if he doesn't want to go out with you then you will feel crushed. Would you like to go out with him? Does he want to go out with you? Yes I would respect you if you were my friend especially as I have spoken to her about it and you have obviously given it a lot of thought. but in the end it is your decision. Go for it if you are happy your fellings won't get in the way afterwards and you know he isn't going to be awkward with you afterwards.
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I guess the best way to describe how I need advice is to briefly explain my situation.
I met this guy on Saturday Nite. The moment I saw him, I was stuck with a still focus. He looked back and forth, but it wasnt until his friend pointed out to him that I was looking over.
His friend tapped me on the shoulder and said that my friend is interested in you, but scared in approaching you. Nervous, well I guess we both were.
I walked over and introduced myself very bluntly, but friendly, because I thought that it was now or never. I shook his hand, and we briefly chatted, but the nervousness kept blocking both of us in having a normal conversation.
about 1 hour later, I walked back over to him and I gave him my mobile phone, and said 'here can i have your number'? He said yes, and put it in.
He offered to drive me home, as I was not driving that night. I was about to say yes, but I walked over to my friends, and asked them for advice. 2 of them said to say no, because unless you want to have sex tonight, dont go. I didnt go, because I never sleep with someone just for sex. Its more a need to trust first, then sex second.
I refused and said I would call him. He said ok.
I called him the next day, being sunday, and he invited me over for a movie at his place. I made it there at about 9pm. We spoke briefly, but went straight into the movie. It was probable the wrong movie to watch because it was a little erotic. I didnt choose this because of the erotic level, but rather because it had a story to it as well, and it was amazing.
after the movie, we spoke about out past a bit, about our interests as so on. He shared a lot of information, and I listened open minded. Then he asked me about my past. I was hesitant at first, but only because every other person I have met on a previous time has not wanted to see me again based on my past. No I havent murdered anyone, but I have been through a lot with my parental upbringing, meaning my parents subjected me to quite a vast amount of emotional torture. I never really have gotten over it, but everyday I try. I am only 25 but all the pain stopped at approx. 21. but the last 4 years have been very hard because emotionally and spiritually I have been very confused, very lost, and lonely due to it all.
Anyway, I told him that I didnt want to tell him yet, because of people running away due to the emotionally deepness of it all. He still wanted to know, and he put his head on my lap and started to stoke my knee, saying its ok, im not going anywhere. Please tell me. So i did. Not all, but bits and pieces. He still layed on my lap, but he grew more and more speechless and I became more and more confused. He said that although its a lot of information, its stuff people usually never tell people. I said well you persisted in asking me, I wasnt going to tell you, but I did only because you asked.
It was now 3am Monday Morning. I didnt want to drive home, because it was 35 minutes drive, and I said, if i slept here on the couch would you be offended. he said, come and sleep on my bed, and we can just cuddle, and nothing more, i promise.
I said ok. I walked into his room, and he kissed me, I stopped and looked at him, but the kiss was so passionate that I kissed him back. We didnt have sex, he didnt even offer. but what i did was fall asleep next to him, holding his hand.
I woke up, needed to leave, and said I have to go, around 7:30am this was. He said, kiss me, I did, and it was so different, because I have never felt this way. It wasnt love, I know, but it wasnt Lust either, It just felt really nice to be held by someone again. It was a long time since this had happened.
I left, and he walked me to my car. I opened my window, and he kissed me through the car window goodbye.
I drove off confused So Very Confused. Because It was the first time I had ever felt this feeling inside, but I was feeling very weird. He is 21 by the way.
I got home, got dressed, and headed off to work. I took my mobile with me, but because I had not much sleep, and this emotional feeling that was inside me exploding inside me, made me not keep my mind on my job all monday. I texted him later in the day, and I said that I had never felt this way before, and I dont want to scare you off, but am i moving too fast in saying that I feel something with you, something so powerful, something so profound and I cant explain it. He said no. You are not moving fast at all. Its ok.
I left that phone call thinking that this might be the one. and yes it was only the second day, but my heart was powerfully moved and my emotional connection with him was rapidly moving to climax. I wasnt sure of it all.
Tuesday came, and I rang him that night and offered him to come to meditation class with me. I said that its not hard to learn, and I would really love for you to come. I said think about it and please let me know either way. The class was on Wednesday Night at 7:30pm. He kept referring the whole meditation thing as 'HIPPY STUFF'. But I tried to reassure him that it wasnt.
Wednesday came, I didnt hear anything all day, so I turned on my phone, and texted him at 6:30pm. I said that I am off to Meditation class soon, and are you still coming. He first texted me and said, that you need to slow down a bit, cos im getting freaked out. I was ok, sure sorry I will.
he texted me back and said I am sorry, I am up having dinner with a mate. would you like to come and join us. I replied and said but im not dressed, and im in my work clothes. he said its ok. so i did.
I showed up, and we had dinner. he wasnt as talkative as usual, but I mean, we had been in contact non-stop, well actually I had been, not him, for the past 4 days. But remember he said I wasnt moving too fast. So i interpreted this as ok, keep moving at the current speed, its fine.
I spoke more to his mate and his mate was 15ish years older than him. We all walked to a quiet bar and sat and talked. I drant water because I didnt feel like alcohol. He didnt also. he sat next to me, and we hardly spoke. I guess I was nervous being with him like this, because the more I saw him, the more I grew closer to him. I didnt think it was love, but it sure felt like it.
I spent most of the nite on my mobile phone, texting people, because I was very nervous, and I didnt want to come on too strong, and I didnt want to freak him off. I liked him too much and didnt want to loose him to something so simple as my egarness.
he told me that i should put the phone down, but before i did, I texted him and said "do you know you are so sexy tonight"
he replied saying "haha. I know"
I thought nothing of the comment, and started talking about other things. then a friend from work came in and saw me. I was all nervous, i dont know why, but she walked past and said hi.
she sat over to my left on another lounge with 3 other girls. He was looking over at these people, and lots of others that walked past him. it was a little sad to watch his eyes roll all over them.
then suddenly he put his arm around me and yelled really loud, SO EVERYONE KNOWS NOW! ITS NO LONGER A SECRET. it embarrised me so much, but i didnt hate him, i just grew more silent. His friend told him to stop it, because he was embarrising me.
What confused me was the fact that one minute he is laying on my lap, begging me to tell him my past, stoking my knee. sleeping together, holding his hand. kissing him. kissing me goodbye through the car window. telling me i am not moving fast, and then i am, and that i am scaring him off. then inviting me out to dinner, and not talking to me much, and then putting his arms around me and speaking loudly. I didnt know what messages he was sending me, and it was making me emotionally confused.
We finished the night off, walking along the beach, the 3 of us, and then heading to a bar, where i played a game of pool with his mate. It was an all in all good nite, except he was silent, and he didnt say goodbye to me, but his friend said bye instead. his friend offered me a concert ticket to join the two of them on Monday night. I accepted.
He didnt say goodbye, and I was confused further. I guess I knew something had happened. but what?
I texted him in the morning, and said thank your for the night, and that I enjoyed myself quite a bit. by the way, we had already organised another date just the two of us, a few days earlier. on friday nite to have dinner somewhere.
anyway i texted him saying that i had a great night and that i enjoyed myself. I switched off my phone, and went to work, and didnt switch it back on, because i couldnt take any distractions today due to heavy work load.
I got home at 6:30pm, turned it on, and recieved a text back from his mate and him. his mate said that he got the tickets to the concert, 2nd row. but he texted me saying that I made him out to be a complete slut last night, and that i embarrised him. well I was confused again, but I was so sad to be confronted like that, so i texted him right back, and said I was on my way to talk to you to explain myself properly. He texted me back saying that he would rather speak about it on friday night. tonight was thursday. I said fine, ok, no worries, but also said sorry for any problems I may have caused.
I went over a friends house that evening, and he was online on the dating website I joined. although we didnt meet through this site, because it was local, we met at a bar. I messaged him and said hey, its me.
he messaged me back 10 minutes later. and he wrote that we could never have a relationship due to what happened last night and that because you hinted to me that you want a full on relationship, and that i dont. He said just because of this comment it doesnt mean that I want to f#%k around, but rather I cant see myself with you now. I am only 21.
I messaged him back, trying to get an explaination for the comment. he said join me in a private message chat room. i did.
he said that because of all of the shit last nite, i cant see myself with you long term. you are ready for a relationship and i am not. his profile on the website also states that he is after a relationship too. so again i was confused.
I started to cry and my friend i was with sitting next to me, was very confused, as to why i was getting so attached so soon to someone i barely knew.
we chatted for approx. 1 hour. and i poored so much emotion out that night, he didnt speak at all. I said all what i have told you, that the mixed messages, moving too fast then im not, so on. and he said, that why are you like this. any normal person would have told you to f#@k off by now, because you are freaking me out. then i was so sad, for that comment, i said i was hurt, my heart was crushed, and so on. [I can still feel the pain right now]. I said that i am not sure if i can be just friends because all i want to do is grab you kiss you and hold you. I feel something so profoundly impactfully stong and powerful, and why you dont see this, is beyond me. I said that if we were to sustain a friendship, after this big week, I would have to bottle all my feelings for you, and put a lid on them all. and try to be just friends. but i said it would be hard.
and then he said very little, but he said he wants to be friends. more than ever. but I was too sad to make a decision that night. he said he had to go to sleep for work the next day.
I couldnt sleep all night, because of the issues looming in my mind. i woke up every 1 hour tossing and turning. I woke up at 6:30am, and texted him one last time being Friday, the day we are to go out for a date. I said i was sorry for last night, sorry for going all emotionally distraught, so on. and I would like to come over tonight and speak to you in person, if that is to say goodbye, or to stay friends, i dont want to do it on the internet or the phone, i need to speak to you face to face.
I did ring his friend and say that I am shocked. that has he spoken to him? and he said no. I told him briefly, that I was feeling so connected to him, and I was afraid that i stuffed it all up, that i destroyed it all, because i moved fast. he said i did move too fast, but there is something you must know about this guy you are in love with. he is a very touchy feelie person. he did the exact same thing to another person 2 months ago. and the same reaction you are having happened. I said that have i blown my chances, and he said i am not sure, but i will talk to him, and say that you are deeply regreting loosing him as a friend. I said thanks. I also said that do you think that i should give the concert a miss because I might be moving again too fast too soon. seeing too much, and he may need time to settle down. cool down so to speak.
he said ill get back to you after i speak to him today.
which brings me to now. writing this.
the advice i am after is:
was i too fast.
am i too emotionally deep
is there something wrong with me
did i do things wrong.
why did i get attached so emotionally to this person
and what was the feeling in my body, if it wasnt love and wasnt lust.
i dont know if its me, but it sure feels like hell today. I am awaiting his return message but i am doubting he will message me and let me speak to him tonight.
ps: sorry my story is so long. i needed to set the story right so you could understand better.
thank you for reading it. (link)
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Ok. First of all,there is NOTHING wrong with you! What you have to remember is that bybeing younger than you, this guy is more immature than you and can therefore be scared off very easily. Everybody is emotionally deep but I think that by trying to talk to him about it so soon after meeting might scare him off a bit only because he is trying to get to know you and probably doesn't really understan what you are saying as guys don't think like that. I think you are feeling longing rather than love or lust. He was so romantic and nice to you that night that any girl would feel the same if they were treated like that. I think he was silent with his friend because you are always different around your friends because you have known them for longer. He was probably feeling insecure when you went for that drink because the girls probably kept on looking over at you two and it probably made hi feel really nervous. I don't think you should have invited him to the meditation class because he obviously isn't interested into it. Not that that is wrong-everyone is different. By coming out with the loud comment, he was wanting the girls to stop looking over as he was thinking they were trying to suss him out. He will have done it out of nerves and nothing else. Then when you reacted by being silent he was really embarrassed. He thought he had embarrassed you in front of you friends and then when he didn't say goodbye, was obviously putting up a front as have was REALLY embarrassed. He probably kicked himself when he got home! Don't worry about his friend. If he is his best friend then he is probably jealous that you might start seeing eachother as that will mean they will spend less time with eachother. What you should do is be yourself. Try not to let your emotions take over and don't let him know exactly how you are feeling all the time as that will freak him out. If you go to the concert tonight just relax and be yourself . As soon as you do this he and his friend will relax too and you'll have a great night. Imagine you have gone to this concert with your friends and not a potential boyfriend. He will soon realise that telling him your feelings was because you were so nervous. You don't have to tell him everything all in one go and text him all the time. Just take everything step by step. You can still write all your emotions down in your diary to get them all out in the open but you remember that the more relaxed you are and the less you talk about how you feel towards him, to start with, the more relaxed he will be with you and the more he will be inclined to want a relationship with you. Enjoy yourself as he obviously likes you a lot. Write back if you need any more advice. I hope I've been helpful
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