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UPDATE TO PREVIOUS MESSAGE, MOVING TOO FAST, HURT. confused?
hi again, thank you all so much, your answers and advice all helps but im still hurt. I cant believe i made such a fool of myself in moving too fast. i guess there is still a feeling for him, but its more hurt now thats filling my mind up more.
update on the whole issue. well, i contacted him after i wrote this question
see we were to go to dinner tonight, being friday night, so i was going to call to cancel, cos i wasnt up to it
i called and he answered
arrr. i mean just to here his voice sent shivers down and up my spine. it made me so nervous. anyway, i called and asked him if he was ok to talk to right now. and he said not really he is going out with his room-mate because she is leaving earlier that monday, so i am off to say goodbye.
i said, so where do i stand now, and he paused for so long, and i said what
he said nothing and then said, i dont know
so when can i see you, to talk. to try to clean slate my speediness in moving to fast with you,
and he said
well, hmmmm, well um, we can talk on monday. im off work.
so i was like, is this another one of his tricks, because when i go over there, again, i will have to try and contain my emotions, and feeling, and it may be hard. but im still confused on the whole issue. can i paste what he wrote to me yesterday night before i poored my heart out with hurt and sadness. i dont know why i did so, but unfortunatly i did, and i feel like a complete idiot. anyway, on monday night, this coming. i was invited to see TINA ARENA in concert. its 2nd row seats, and he will be there with his friend. well i went to visit his friend today, and i told him that i feel this way for him, and i feel like shit now and he wont return my calls.
well you have to give it time, he is just freaked by how fast you moved.
i was like, but he sent me those mixed messages
and his friend said, yes but you did move faster than normal people would do, i mean, if you want me to be honest, how do you know he is the guy for you, and i was like well, i dont, but i feel a feeling for him, and i just acted on it. may be the wrong way, but i cant change the way i do things or who i am.
his friend said to me 'do you want me to try and hint you toward him a little more, and see where it takes you, and i was speechless. i dont know i said. but he also said that i should take a few days off, dont call him. and just wait to hear from him.
i am seriously well, still have feelings for this guy, i dont know why, cos im hurt but i still cant help not knowing where i honestly stand with him.
by the way, my emotional outburst the night before was only caused by this comment
i messaged him on the dating website and said hi. this is what he wrote back.
Ummm yeah interesting profile....... I know that ive sent this profile a message before and never received anything back.
Anyway this isnt going to happen, friends is cool, but im 21 and still interested in enjoying myself, and no thats not saying i want to fuck around its saying that i am happy with how i am at the moment, and mabey you need someone who is also inexperienced, kinda hard to explain........
well can you understand why i poored my heart out so fast to him now, because i then retreat back and try to make sense of what happened when he put his head on my lap and stroked my legs.
i was so emotional i again scared him off.
so back to todays call, trying to cancel the dinner. i called him, he answers and said he was off to say goodbye to friends. i was like on, he said come over monday and we can chat, i was like on will you message me, and he was like silent.
i really dont know whats left to do. his friend contacted be just before i started writing this response. he said that its ok to come to tina arena. i asked him, and he said fine as long as i dont destroy the concert for him, he is fine....
i feel like i dont want to go now, based on that comment. i may have dissed his clothes and watch earlier, but he is far more hurtful that i was ever.
i guess i want to see the concert but i dont want to destroy it for myself becoming so silent because of him next to me, when all i want to do is hold his hand and say sorry for the past week.
i wanna tell him i love him, but i know that will destroy it, but im sure its love cos i cant stop thinking of him, i cant even keep my brain on work. its so hard. im so hurt.
what do i do....
should i go on monday morning, cos i want to, but im afraid to
he said that he is just after friends. thats it, but i still feel kind of violated, and hurt.
like my heart has been ripped out, and keeps being placed back in just to get re-torn out.
if i say goodbye, this town is only so small, and im sure ill run into him, and feel like a complete shit again.
so, i dont know
basically i feel like i should go, tell him one last time that he has hurt me, and if he says nothing or tells me it will never happen i will again feel like it was a waste of time.
i want to grab him and kiss him one last time, to see if there is anything still there, but again, like his friend has said, i would be moving too fast.
oh boy oh boy, im so bad at this whole thing.
i mean ive done the casual scene, but im now 25 and feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a relationship, it was the first time i have connected like that with a guy. it was so different to the others.
see this is what i want, i want to invite him over and cook for him, i want to light a candle, and sit and talk over wine, i want to kiss him and see if i can pass on this intensity that i have inside me. but i fear it will never happen,
yeah i know im moving too fast, but i cant help these feelings.
sometimes i wish i didnt meet him last weekend. cos i know i would have still a working heart, without hurt.
by the way, i am lonely, and i guess what i saw in him was trust and warmth, but it went cold for some reason.
i dont know anymore, i will give it one last try, and speak to him, and share my feelings, but should i speak love or chemistry.
i am deeply emotional, but i feel from my heart, not my body. if you all reading this i wish you could feel this feeling for one brief moment, the intensity, the completity, the heart exploding, um its a nightmare right?
thank you again. until the next update.
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haha, thanks, well that was the first time i laughed all week, except last night, where i went to a friends house, and we sat up till 2am talking. I told them my entire week, and they all could see where i was coming from, and they all told me to back right away, and one of my friends, who is a guy will be coming to tina arena with me, and he is such a bubbly personality, cos he is gay....haha, i think i will be able to laugh quite a bit on monday night.
I think after all the advice, i feel a little gratitude coming on. well ok, LOADS OF GRATITUDE.
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH, AND I AM SO GLAD I GOOGLED MY CONFUSION, AND THIS WEBSITE CAME UP IN MY SEARCH. funny how these things work.
basically, im off to the concert, im gonna have fun, im gonna get my cds signed, sorry, i am a fan...but dont worry, i dont like star-trek, and i dont own gadgets...um....nevermind.
so yeah, im going to invite my gay friend, and he and i are going to have so much fun. I will talk to him on the night, but i wont say deep emotional shit anymore. He knows how i feel, his friend knows i love him kinda, and friends tell friends, so i guess im not going to push any further, its entirely up to him. ITS HIS MOVE NEXT.
we can be just friends, AND THATS ALL.
NOTHING WILL DESTROY MY TINA ARENA MOMENT....HAHA
ME AND MY FRIEND ARE GOING TO HANG DOWN BY THE STAGE LIKE GROUPIES.....ITS GOING TO BE SO FUN.
I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED.
THANKS!
helokido
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You are not alone. What you really have to realise is that you are far more mature than this guy so therefore not afraid to tell him your feelings. Girls his age wouldn't tell him or any guy that age. When he was talking to you about his friends leaving, it was so obvious that his friend was in the room at the time so he couldn't talk properly!
When he said he wrote back to you on the dating site he obviously again had had his ego bruised by the fact you hadn't answered him back. the fact that he still answers your calls shows that he still has some interest in you.
As I said before, you really need to go for a while without talking to him or his friend about your real emotions, however strong they are. Guys are really scared off by this and you are scaring him away. You need, as I said before, to go to this concert and try to have a great time and pretend that you are going with friends, not a potential boyfriend.
Don't try and talk to him about anything serious or relationship-wise the night of the concert. He will be worrying that you will, so if you don't, then he will take a renewed interest in you.
Try and be as cool and relaxed as you can and don't call or text after the concert, wait for him to contact you. This can work out if you work at it. Write back if you need anymore advice and good luck at the concert!
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Look, I don't mean to be bossy, but you have to listen. He's just going to hurt you again- it's a negative cycle. Don't let him have control over you, babe. Don't call him again. Hang in there.
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Well I never read your update from before, but I think I kinda get what is happening. I think that you should try talking to him about it. If he gets scared away by the fact that you love him, then he eithr doesn't know what his true feelings are for you, or he just doesn't really like you. Also, try apologizing first for what has happened. Tell him exactly why you moved too fast. Maybe he will learn to forgive you for it. But, if he gets scared off by you loving him, then he just isn't worth it. You need to move on. But ask him to be friends with you. Because then yall will be able to get closer as just friends and learn to trust each other, and maybe it will turn into love someday if its meant to be. In the meantime, try to find yourself someone around your age who might be ready for a realtionship too. I know it sounds hard to move on, but you can get through it, especially with the help of your friends. Love you, hope I helped!
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I'm going to be honest with you. It does seem like you move pretty fast. But its true, he did send you mixed signals. Unless he was drunk when he yelled that stuff out before. And I dont think when he put his hand on your lap and you told him all that stuff you scared him out. I think he really cared then, even thought it probably suprized him a bit. But he seems to be on more of a friend level with you, and your talking about loving him. I suggjest for now just be friends with him if you can! And yes, if you tell him you love him that will proably scare him off more.
Maybe your so attached to him and have these feelings because he showed you that he cared. But many people could do that too. He seems young, probably immature and want's to 'party it up' before he gets into a serious relationship.
This kind of thing has happened to me and i know exaclty how you feel. It really hurts. I hide my feelings until the guy I liked, liked me back. It was extreamly hard, evertime I saw him I wanted to tell him that I loved him. But in the end by not saying anything things worked out and we got together.
Good luck with this!! I hope I helped somewhat!!
xoxo Love - Jenna
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