Member Since: December 9, 2004
Answers: 2
Last Update: December 10, 2004
Visitors: 1133
|
| |
hi again, thank you all so much, your answers and advice all helps but im still hurt. I cant believe i made such a fool of myself in moving too fast. i guess there is still a feeling for him, but its more hurt now thats filling my mind up more.
update on the whole issue. well, i contacted him after i wrote this question
see we were to go to dinner tonight, being friday night, so i was going to call to cancel, cos i wasnt up to it
i called and he answered
arrr. i mean just to here his voice sent shivers down and up my spine. it made me so nervous. anyway, i called and asked him if he was ok to talk to right now. and he said not really he is going out with his room-mate because she is leaving earlier that monday, so i am off to say goodbye.
i said, so where do i stand now, and he paused for so long, and i said what
he said nothing and then said, i dont know
so when can i see you, to talk. to try to clean slate my speediness in moving to fast with you,
and he said
well, hmmmm, well um, we can talk on monday. im off work.
so i was like, is this another one of his tricks, because when i go over there, again, i will have to try and contain my emotions, and feeling, and it may be hard. but im still confused on the whole issue. can i paste what he wrote to me yesterday night before i poored my heart out with hurt and sadness. i dont know why i did so, but unfortunatly i did, and i feel like a complete idiot. anyway, on monday night, this coming. i was invited to see TINA ARENA in concert. its 2nd row seats, and he will be there with his friend. well i went to visit his friend today, and i told him that i feel this way for him, and i feel like shit now and he wont return my calls.
well you have to give it time, he is just freaked by how fast you moved.
i was like, but he sent me those mixed messages
and his friend said, yes but you did move faster than normal people would do, i mean, if you want me to be honest, how do you know he is the guy for you, and i was like well, i dont, but i feel a feeling for him, and i just acted on it. may be the wrong way, but i cant change the way i do things or who i am.
his friend said to me 'do you want me to try and hint you toward him a little more, and see where it takes you, and i was speechless. i dont know i said. but he also said that i should take a few days off, dont call him. and just wait to hear from him.
i am seriously well, still have feelings for this guy, i dont know why, cos im hurt but i still cant help not knowing where i honestly stand with him.
by the way, my emotional outburst the night before was only caused by this comment
i messaged him on the dating website and said hi. this is what he wrote back.
Ummm yeah interesting profile....... I know that ive sent this profile a message before and never received anything back.
Anyway this isnt going to happen, friends is cool, but im 21 and still interested in enjoying myself, and no thats not saying i want to fuck around its saying that i am happy with how i am at the moment, and mabey you need someone who is also inexperienced, kinda hard to explain........
well can you understand why i poored my heart out so fast to him now, because i then retreat back and try to make sense of what happened when he put his head on my lap and stroked my legs.
i was so emotional i again scared him off.
so back to todays call, trying to cancel the dinner. i called him, he answers and said he was off to say goodbye to friends. i was like on, he said come over monday and we can chat, i was like on will you message me, and he was like silent.
i really dont know whats left to do. his friend contacted be just before i started writing this response. he said that its ok to come to tina arena. i asked him, and he said fine as long as i dont destroy the concert for him, he is fine....
i feel like i dont want to go now, based on that comment. i may have dissed his clothes and watch earlier, but he is far more hurtful that i was ever.
i guess i want to see the concert but i dont want to destroy it for myself becoming so silent because of him next to me, when all i want to do is hold his hand and say sorry for the past week.
i wanna tell him i love him, but i know that will destroy it, but im sure its love cos i cant stop thinking of him, i cant even keep my brain on work. its so hard. im so hurt.
what do i do....
should i go on monday morning, cos i want to, but im afraid to
he said that he is just after friends. thats it, but i still feel kind of violated, and hurt.
like my heart has been ripped out, and keeps being placed back in just to get re-torn out.
if i say goodbye, this town is only so small, and im sure ill run into him, and feel like a complete shit again.
so, i dont know
basically i feel like i should go, tell him one last time that he has hurt me, and if he says nothing or tells me it will never happen i will again feel like it was a waste of time.
i want to grab him and kiss him one last time, to see if there is anything still there, but again, like his friend has said, i would be moving too fast.
oh boy oh boy, im so bad at this whole thing.
i mean ive done the casual scene, but im now 25 and feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a relationship, it was the first time i have connected like that with a guy. it was so different to the others.
see this is what i want, i want to invite him over and cook for him, i want to light a candle, and sit and talk over wine, i want to kiss him and see if i can pass on this intensity that i have inside me. but i fear it will never happen,
yeah i know im moving too fast, but i cant help these feelings.
sometimes i wish i didnt meet him last weekend. cos i know i would have still a working heart, without hurt.
by the way, i am lonely, and i guess what i saw in him was trust and warmth, but it went cold for some reason.
i dont know anymore, i will give it one last try, and speak to him, and share my feelings, but should i speak love or chemistry.
i am deeply emotional, but i feel from my heart, not my body. if you all reading this i wish you could feel this feeling for one brief moment, the intensity, the completity, the heart exploding, um its a nightmare right?
thank you again. until the next update. (link)
|
haha, thanks, well that was the first time i laughed all week, except last night, where i went to a friends house, and we sat up till 2am talking. I told them my entire week, and they all could see where i was coming from, and they all told me to back right away, and one of my friends, who is a guy will be coming to tina arena with me, and he is such a bubbly personality, cos he is gay....haha, i think i will be able to laugh quite a bit on monday night.
I think after all the advice, i feel a little gratitude coming on. well ok, LOADS OF GRATITUDE.
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH, AND I AM SO GLAD I GOOGLED MY CONFUSION, AND THIS WEBSITE CAME UP IN MY SEARCH. funny how these things work.
basically, im off to the concert, im gonna have fun, im gonna get my cds signed, sorry, i am a fan...but dont worry, i dont like star-trek, and i dont own gadgets...um....nevermind.
so yeah, im going to invite my gay friend, and he and i are going to have so much fun. I will talk to him on the night, but i wont say deep emotional shit anymore. He knows how i feel, his friend knows i love him kinda, and friends tell friends, so i guess im not going to push any further, its entirely up to him. ITS HIS MOVE NEXT.
we can be just friends, AND THATS ALL.
NOTHING WILL DESTROY MY TINA ARENA MOMENT....HAHA
ME AND MY FRIEND ARE GOING TO HANG DOWN BY THE STAGE LIKE GROUPIES.....ITS GOING TO BE SO FUN.
I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED.
THANKS!
helokido
|
I guess the best way to describe how I need advice is to briefly explain my situation.
I met this guy on Saturday Nite. The moment I saw him, I was stuck with a still focus. He looked back and forth, but it wasnt until his friend pointed out to him that I was looking over.
His friend tapped me on the shoulder and said that my friend is interested in you, but scared in approaching you. Nervous, well I guess we both were.
I walked over and introduced myself very bluntly, but friendly, because I thought that it was now or never. I shook his hand, and we briefly chatted, but the nervousness kept blocking both of us in having a normal conversation.
about 1 hour later, I walked back over to him and I gave him my mobile phone, and said 'here can i have your number'? He said yes, and put it in.
He offered to drive me home, as I was not driving that night. I was about to say yes, but I walked over to my friends, and asked them for advice. 2 of them said to say no, because unless you want to have sex tonight, dont go. I didnt go, because I never sleep with someone just for sex. Its more a need to trust first, then sex second.
I refused and said I would call him. He said ok.
I called him the next day, being sunday, and he invited me over for a movie at his place. I made it there at about 9pm. We spoke briefly, but went straight into the movie. It was probable the wrong movie to watch because it was a little erotic. I didnt choose this because of the erotic level, but rather because it had a story to it as well, and it was amazing.
after the movie, we spoke about out past a bit, about our interests as so on. He shared a lot of information, and I listened open minded. Then he asked me about my past. I was hesitant at first, but only because every other person I have met on a previous time has not wanted to see me again based on my past. No I havent murdered anyone, but I have been through a lot with my parental upbringing, meaning my parents subjected me to quite a vast amount of emotional torture. I never really have gotten over it, but everyday I try. I am only 25 but all the pain stopped at approx. 21. but the last 4 years have been very hard because emotionally and spiritually I have been very confused, very lost, and lonely due to it all.
Anyway, I told him that I didnt want to tell him yet, because of people running away due to the emotionally deepness of it all. He still wanted to know, and he put his head on my lap and started to stoke my knee, saying its ok, im not going anywhere. Please tell me. So i did. Not all, but bits and pieces. He still layed on my lap, but he grew more and more speechless and I became more and more confused. He said that although its a lot of information, its stuff people usually never tell people. I said well you persisted in asking me, I wasnt going to tell you, but I did only because you asked.
It was now 3am Monday Morning. I didnt want to drive home, because it was 35 minutes drive, and I said, if i slept here on the couch would you be offended. he said, come and sleep on my bed, and we can just cuddle, and nothing more, i promise.
I said ok. I walked into his room, and he kissed me, I stopped and looked at him, but the kiss was so passionate that I kissed him back. We didnt have sex, he didnt even offer. but what i did was fall asleep next to him, holding his hand.
I woke up, needed to leave, and said I have to go, around 7:30am this was. He said, kiss me, I did, and it was so different, because I have never felt this way. It wasnt love, I know, but it wasnt Lust either, It just felt really nice to be held by someone again. It was a long time since this had happened.
I left, and he walked me to my car. I opened my window, and he kissed me through the car window goodbye.
I drove off confused So Very Confused. Because It was the first time I had ever felt this feeling inside, but I was feeling very weird. He is 21 by the way.
I got home, got dressed, and headed off to work. I took my mobile with me, but because I had not much sleep, and this emotional feeling that was inside me exploding inside me, made me not keep my mind on my job all monday. I texted him later in the day, and I said that I had never felt this way before, and I dont want to scare you off, but am i moving too fast in saying that I feel something with you, something so powerful, something so profound and I cant explain it. He said no. You are not moving fast at all. Its ok.
I left that phone call thinking that this might be the one. and yes it was only the second day, but my heart was powerfully moved and my emotional connection with him was rapidly moving to climax. I wasnt sure of it all.
Tuesday came, and I rang him that night and offered him to come to meditation class with me. I said that its not hard to learn, and I would really love for you to come. I said think about it and please let me know either way. The class was on Wednesday Night at 7:30pm. He kept referring the whole meditation thing as 'HIPPY STUFF'. But I tried to reassure him that it wasnt.
Wednesday came, I didnt hear anything all day, so I turned on my phone, and texted him at 6:30pm. I said that I am off to Meditation class soon, and are you still coming. He first texted me and said, that you need to slow down a bit, cos im getting freaked out. I was ok, sure sorry I will.
he texted me back and said I am sorry, I am up having dinner with a mate. would you like to come and join us. I replied and said but im not dressed, and im in my work clothes. he said its ok. so i did.
I showed up, and we had dinner. he wasnt as talkative as usual, but I mean, we had been in contact non-stop, well actually I had been, not him, for the past 4 days. But remember he said I wasnt moving too fast. So i interpreted this as ok, keep moving at the current speed, its fine.
I spoke more to his mate and his mate was 15ish years older than him. We all walked to a quiet bar and sat and talked. I drant water because I didnt feel like alcohol. He didnt also. he sat next to me, and we hardly spoke. I guess I was nervous being with him like this, because the more I saw him, the more I grew closer to him. I didnt think it was love, but it sure felt like it.
I spent most of the nite on my mobile phone, texting people, because I was very nervous, and I didnt want to come on too strong, and I didnt want to freak him off. I liked him too much and didnt want to loose him to something so simple as my egarness.
he told me that i should put the phone down, but before i did, I texted him and said "do you know you are so sexy tonight"
he replied saying "haha. I know"
I thought nothing of the comment, and started talking about other things. then a friend from work came in and saw me. I was all nervous, i dont know why, but she walked past and said hi.
she sat over to my left on another lounge with 3 other girls. He was looking over at these people, and lots of others that walked past him. it was a little sad to watch his eyes roll all over them.
then suddenly he put his arm around me and yelled really loud, SO EVERYONE KNOWS NOW! ITS NO LONGER A SECRET. it embarrised me so much, but i didnt hate him, i just grew more silent. His friend told him to stop it, because he was embarrising me.
What confused me was the fact that one minute he is laying on my lap, begging me to tell him my past, stoking my knee. sleeping together, holding his hand. kissing him. kissing me goodbye through the car window. telling me i am not moving fast, and then i am, and that i am scaring him off. then inviting me out to dinner, and not talking to me much, and then putting his arms around me and speaking loudly. I didnt know what messages he was sending me, and it was making me emotionally confused.
We finished the night off, walking along the beach, the 3 of us, and then heading to a bar, where i played a game of pool with his mate. It was an all in all good nite, except he was silent, and he didnt say goodbye to me, but his friend said bye instead. his friend offered me a concert ticket to join the two of them on Monday night. I accepted.
He didnt say goodbye, and I was confused further. I guess I knew something had happened. but what?
I texted him in the morning, and said thank your for the night, and that I enjoyed myself quite a bit. by the way, we had already organised another date just the two of us, a few days earlier. on friday nite to have dinner somewhere.
anyway i texted him saying that i had a great night and that i enjoyed myself. I switched off my phone, and went to work, and didnt switch it back on, because i couldnt take any distractions today due to heavy work load.
I got home at 6:30pm, turned it on, and recieved a text back from his mate and him. his mate said that he got the tickets to the concert, 2nd row. but he texted me saying that I made him out to be a complete slut last night, and that i embarrised him. well I was confused again, but I was so sad to be confronted like that, so i texted him right back, and said I was on my way to talk to you to explain myself properly. He texted me back saying that he would rather speak about it on friday night. tonight was thursday. I said fine, ok, no worries, but also said sorry for any problems I may have caused.
I went over a friends house that evening, and he was online on the dating website I joined. although we didnt meet through this site, because it was local, we met at a bar. I messaged him and said hey, its me.
he messaged me back 10 minutes later. and he wrote that we could never have a relationship due to what happened last night and that because you hinted to me that you want a full on relationship, and that i dont. He said just because of this comment it doesnt mean that I want to f#%k around, but rather I cant see myself with you now. I am only 21.
I messaged him back, trying to get an explaination for the comment. he said join me in a private message chat room. i did.
he said that because of all of the shit last nite, i cant see myself with you long term. you are ready for a relationship and i am not. his profile on the website also states that he is after a relationship too. so again i was confused.
I started to cry and my friend i was with sitting next to me, was very confused, as to why i was getting so attached so soon to someone i barely knew.
we chatted for approx. 1 hour. and i poored so much emotion out that night, he didnt speak at all. I said all what i have told you, that the mixed messages, moving too fast then im not, so on. and he said, that why are you like this. any normal person would have told you to f#@k off by now, because you are freaking me out. then i was so sad, for that comment, i said i was hurt, my heart was crushed, and so on. [I can still feel the pain right now]. I said that i am not sure if i can be just friends because all i want to do is grab you kiss you and hold you. I feel something so profoundly impactfully stong and powerful, and why you dont see this, is beyond me. I said that if we were to sustain a friendship, after this big week, I would have to bottle all my feelings for you, and put a lid on them all. and try to be just friends. but i said it would be hard.
and then he said very little, but he said he wants to be friends. more than ever. but I was too sad to make a decision that night. he said he had to go to sleep for work the next day.
I couldnt sleep all night, because of the issues looming in my mind. i woke up every 1 hour tossing and turning. I woke up at 6:30am, and texted him one last time being Friday, the day we are to go out for a date. I said i was sorry for last night, sorry for going all emotionally distraught, so on. and I would like to come over tonight and speak to you in person, if that is to say goodbye, or to stay friends, i dont want to do it on the internet or the phone, i need to speak to you face to face.
I did ring his friend and say that I am shocked. that has he spoken to him? and he said no. I told him briefly, that I was feeling so connected to him, and I was afraid that i stuffed it all up, that i destroyed it all, because i moved fast. he said i did move too fast, but there is something you must know about this guy you are in love with. he is a very touchy feelie person. he did the exact same thing to another person 2 months ago. and the same reaction you are having happened. I said that have i blown my chances, and he said i am not sure, but i will talk to him, and say that you are deeply regreting loosing him as a friend. I said thanks. I also said that do you think that i should give the concert a miss because I might be moving again too fast too soon. seeing too much, and he may need time to settle down. cool down so to speak.
he said ill get back to you after i speak to him today.
which brings me to now. writing this.
the advice i am after is:
was i too fast.
am i too emotionally deep
is there something wrong with me
did i do things wrong.
why did i get attached so emotionally to this person
and what was the feeling in my body, if it wasnt love and wasnt lust.
i dont know if its me, but it sure feels like hell today. I am awaiting his return message but i am doubting he will message me and let me speak to him tonight.
ps: sorry my story is so long. i needed to set the story right so you could understand better.
thank you for reading it. (link)
|
thank you all so much, i have replied with an update please read and let me know your advice.
thank you kindly.
|
|