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confused?
I guess the best way to describe how I need advice is to briefly explain my situation.
I met this guy on Saturday Nite. The moment I saw him, I was stuck with a still focus. He looked back and forth, but it wasnt until his friend pointed out to him that I was looking over.
His friend tapped me on the shoulder and said that my friend is interested in you, but scared in approaching you. Nervous, well I guess we both were.
I walked over and introduced myself very bluntly, but friendly, because I thought that it was now or never. I shook his hand, and we briefly chatted, but the nervousness kept blocking both of us in having a normal conversation.
about 1 hour later, I walked back over to him and I gave him my mobile phone, and said 'here can i have your number'? He said yes, and put it in.
He offered to drive me home, as I was not driving that night. I was about to say yes, but I walked over to my friends, and asked them for advice. 2 of them said to say no, because unless you want to have sex tonight, dont go. I didnt go, because I never sleep with someone just for sex. Its more a need to trust first, then sex second.
I refused and said I would call him. He said ok.
I called him the next day, being sunday, and he invited me over for a movie at his place. I made it there at about 9pm. We spoke briefly, but went straight into the movie. It was probable the wrong movie to watch because it was a little erotic. I didnt choose this because of the erotic level, but rather because it had a story to it as well, and it was amazing.
after the movie, we spoke about out past a bit, about our interests as so on. He shared a lot of information, and I listened open minded. Then he asked me about my past. I was hesitant at first, but only because every other person I have met on a previous time has not wanted to see me again based on my past. No I havent murdered anyone, but I have been through a lot with my parental upbringing, meaning my parents subjected me to quite a vast amount of emotional torture. I never really have gotten over it, but everyday I try. I am only 25 but all the pain stopped at approx. 21. but the last 4 years have been very hard because emotionally and spiritually I have been very confused, very lost, and lonely due to it all.
Anyway, I told him that I didnt want to tell him yet, because of people running away due to the emotionally deepness of it all. He still wanted to know, and he put his head on my lap and started to stoke my knee, saying its ok, im not going anywhere. Please tell me. So i did. Not all, but bits and pieces. He still layed on my lap, but he grew more and more speechless and I became more and more confused. He said that although its a lot of information, its stuff people usually never tell people. I said well you persisted in asking me, I wasnt going to tell you, but I did only because you asked.
It was now 3am Monday Morning. I didnt want to drive home, because it was 35 minutes drive, and I said, if i slept here on the couch would you be offended. he said, come and sleep on my bed, and we can just cuddle, and nothing more, i promise.
I said ok. I walked into his room, and he kissed me, I stopped and looked at him, but the kiss was so passionate that I kissed him back. We didnt have sex, he didnt even offer. but what i did was fall asleep next to him, holding his hand.
I woke up, needed to leave, and said I have to go, around 7:30am this was. He said, kiss me, I did, and it was so different, because I have never felt this way. It wasnt love, I know, but it wasnt Lust either, It just felt really nice to be held by someone again. It was a long time since this had happened.
I left, and he walked me to my car. I opened my window, and he kissed me through the car window goodbye.
I drove off confused So Very Confused. Because It was the first time I had ever felt this feeling inside, but I was feeling very weird. He is 21 by the way.
I got home, got dressed, and headed off to work. I took my mobile with me, but because I had not much sleep, and this emotional feeling that was inside me exploding inside me, made me not keep my mind on my job all monday. I texted him later in the day, and I said that I had never felt this way before, and I dont want to scare you off, but am i moving too fast in saying that I feel something with you, something so powerful, something so profound and I cant explain it. He said no. You are not moving fast at all. Its ok.
I left that phone call thinking that this might be the one. and yes it was only the second day, but my heart was powerfully moved and my emotional connection with him was rapidly moving to climax. I wasnt sure of it all.
Tuesday came, and I rang him that night and offered him to come to meditation class with me. I said that its not hard to learn, and I would really love for you to come. I said think about it and please let me know either way. The class was on Wednesday Night at 7:30pm. He kept referring the whole meditation thing as 'HIPPY STUFF'. But I tried to reassure him that it wasnt.
Wednesday came, I didnt hear anything all day, so I turned on my phone, and texted him at 6:30pm. I said that I am off to Meditation class soon, and are you still coming. He first texted me and said, that you need to slow down a bit, cos im getting freaked out. I was ok, sure sorry I will.
he texted me back and said I am sorry, I am up having dinner with a mate. would you like to come and join us. I replied and said but im not dressed, and im in my work clothes. he said its ok. so i did.
I showed up, and we had dinner. he wasnt as talkative as usual, but I mean, we had been in contact non-stop, well actually I had been, not him, for the past 4 days. But remember he said I wasnt moving too fast. So i interpreted this as ok, keep moving at the current speed, its fine.
I spoke more to his mate and his mate was 15ish years older than him. We all walked to a quiet bar and sat and talked. I drant water because I didnt feel like alcohol. He didnt also. he sat next to me, and we hardly spoke. I guess I was nervous being with him like this, because the more I saw him, the more I grew closer to him. I didnt think it was love, but it sure felt like it.
I spent most of the nite on my mobile phone, texting people, because I was very nervous, and I didnt want to come on too strong, and I didnt want to freak him off. I liked him too much and didnt want to loose him to something so simple as my egarness.
he told me that i should put the phone down, but before i did, I texted him and said "do you know you are so sexy tonight"
he replied saying "haha. I know"
I thought nothing of the comment, and started talking about other things. then a friend from work came in and saw me. I was all nervous, i dont know why, but she walked past and said hi.
she sat over to my left on another lounge with 3 other girls. He was looking over at these people, and lots of others that walked past him. it was a little sad to watch his eyes roll all over them.
then suddenly he put his arm around me and yelled really loud, SO EVERYONE KNOWS NOW! ITS NO LONGER A SECRET. it embarrised me so much, but i didnt hate him, i just grew more silent. His friend told him to stop it, because he was embarrising me.
What confused me was the fact that one minute he is laying on my lap, begging me to tell him my past, stoking my knee. sleeping together, holding his hand. kissing him. kissing me goodbye through the car window. telling me i am not moving fast, and then i am, and that i am scaring him off. then inviting me out to dinner, and not talking to me much, and then putting his arms around me and speaking loudly. I didnt know what messages he was sending me, and it was making me emotionally confused.
We finished the night off, walking along the beach, the 3 of us, and then heading to a bar, where i played a game of pool with his mate. It was an all in all good nite, except he was silent, and he didnt say goodbye to me, but his friend said bye instead. his friend offered me a concert ticket to join the two of them on Monday night. I accepted.
He didnt say goodbye, and I was confused further. I guess I knew something had happened. but what?
I texted him in the morning, and said thank your for the night, and that I enjoyed myself quite a bit. by the way, we had already organised another date just the two of us, a few days earlier. on friday nite to have dinner somewhere.
anyway i texted him saying that i had a great night and that i enjoyed myself. I switched off my phone, and went to work, and didnt switch it back on, because i couldnt take any distractions today due to heavy work load.
I got home at 6:30pm, turned it on, and recieved a text back from his mate and him. his mate said that he got the tickets to the concert, 2nd row. but he texted me saying that I made him out to be a complete slut last night, and that i embarrised him. well I was confused again, but I was so sad to be confronted like that, so i texted him right back, and said I was on my way to talk to you to explain myself properly. He texted me back saying that he would rather speak about it on friday night. tonight was thursday. I said fine, ok, no worries, but also said sorry for any problems I may have caused.
I went over a friends house that evening, and he was online on the dating website I joined. although we didnt meet through this site, because it was local, we met at a bar. I messaged him and said hey, its me.
he messaged me back 10 minutes later. and he wrote that we could never have a relationship due to what happened last night and that because you hinted to me that you want a full on relationship, and that i dont. He said just because of this comment it doesnt mean that I want to f#%k around, but rather I cant see myself with you now. I am only 21.
I messaged him back, trying to get an explaination for the comment. he said join me in a private message chat room. i did.
he said that because of all of the shit last nite, i cant see myself with you long term. you are ready for a relationship and i am not. his profile on the website also states that he is after a relationship too. so again i was confused.
I started to cry and my friend i was with sitting next to me, was very confused, as to why i was getting so attached so soon to someone i barely knew.
we chatted for approx. 1 hour. and i poored so much emotion out that night, he didnt speak at all. I said all what i have told you, that the mixed messages, moving too fast then im not, so on. and he said, that why are you like this. any normal person would have told you to f#@k off by now, because you are freaking me out. then i was so sad, for that comment, i said i was hurt, my heart was crushed, and so on. [I can still feel the pain right now]. I said that i am not sure if i can be just friends because all i want to do is grab you kiss you and hold you. I feel something so profoundly impactfully stong and powerful, and why you dont see this, is beyond me. I said that if we were to sustain a friendship, after this big week, I would have to bottle all my feelings for you, and put a lid on them all. and try to be just friends. but i said it would be hard.
and then he said very little, but he said he wants to be friends. more than ever. but I was too sad to make a decision that night. he said he had to go to sleep for work the next day.
I couldnt sleep all night, because of the issues looming in my mind. i woke up every 1 hour tossing and turning. I woke up at 6:30am, and texted him one last time being Friday, the day we are to go out for a date. I said i was sorry for last night, sorry for going all emotionally distraught, so on. and I would like to come over tonight and speak to you in person, if that is to say goodbye, or to stay friends, i dont want to do it on the internet or the phone, i need to speak to you face to face.
I did ring his friend and say that I am shocked. that has he spoken to him? and he said no. I told him briefly, that I was feeling so connected to him, and I was afraid that i stuffed it all up, that i destroyed it all, because i moved fast. he said i did move too fast, but there is something you must know about this guy you are in love with. he is a very touchy feelie person. he did the exact same thing to another person 2 months ago. and the same reaction you are having happened. I said that have i blown my chances, and he said i am not sure, but i will talk to him, and say that you are deeply regreting loosing him as a friend. I said thanks. I also said that do you think that i should give the concert a miss because I might be moving again too fast too soon. seeing too much, and he may need time to settle down. cool down so to speak.
he said ill get back to you after i speak to him today.
which brings me to now. writing this.
the advice i am after is:
was i too fast.
am i too emotionally deep
is there something wrong with me
did i do things wrong.
why did i get attached so emotionally to this person
and what was the feeling in my body, if it wasnt love and wasnt lust.
i dont know if its me, but it sure feels like hell today. I am awaiting his return message but i am doubting he will message me and let me speak to him tonight.
ps: sorry my story is so long. i needed to set the story right so you could understand better.
thank you for reading it.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm going to answer each of your questions one at a time.
was i too fast.
-I really don't think YOU were moving to fast. You even asked him if you were. I think he's a little screwed up in the head. I mean honestly. He's playing head games with you. You didn't do anything wrong. He wanted you to sleep in his bed with him. He wanted to hear your story. He invited you out. He YELLED to everyone in the bar. HE did all these things, not you. He's screwing with your head and he dosnt deserve your love.
am i too emotionally deep
-I think you really need to ditch this guy. He dosnt sound to stable.
is there something wrong with me
-There is NOTHING wrong with you. Never think that there is something wrong with you when this guy was tugging your chain the whole time.
did i do things wrong.
-Nope. You asked him if you were moving too fast and he said no.
why did i get attached so emotionally to this person and what was the feeling in my body, if it wasnt love and wasnt lust.
-I think you were just looking for someone to be with and he happened to be the first person to show an intrest in you at the time.
I think you should just tell the guy to screw off because you don't need to take his shit. He's playing mind games with you and you need to get out while you can. Tell him you're sick of his bull and that you don't want to talk to him anymore. Thats what I would do and I hope my advice helps you in some way. :) Hope that helped.
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ok...for one i dont think you were moveing to fast...maybe he was just scared to get to close to someone, him being 21 he says he doenst want a relationship with you but more then likely he does he see's how much your growing on him and i guess he thinks he will get hurt...maybe he just doesnt think that he can get close to someone and no your not emotionally to deep, what you were feeling is something normal alot of girls feel like that when they meet someone but i think its just a sign telling you that you like this guy...cause whenever i got that feeling it made me feel like i liked him and if i dont have that feeling then i think theres something wrong...its normal, maybe the guy just needs time...if not time maybe you and him need to be friends befor getting into a big relationship and get to know eachother first befor dateing...because if you date with out hardly knowing the person and withoout being friends first then the relationship could get ruined. i hope you can take my advice and use it, you got so attracted to him because he seemed to like you and you liked him back and it made you feel special that you had found someone who could possibly be the kindof guy you could marry but you just gotta wate it out and think about things and give him time to think...as a saying goes..."If you love someone and or like someone, let them go, if they come back it was ment to be but if they dont come back then it never was ment to be" think about that and maybe it will help you out a little bit...if you need anything else feel free to ask me...have a nice day and i hope everything works out ok.
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thank you all so much, i have replied with an update please read and let me know your advice.
thank you kindly.
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You reavealed a little more than he could handle too soon, but he seems a bit childish in telling his friends everything. That is immature and unfeeling of him. Before you enter another relationship, you need to heal. You attached yourself to him because you need to reach out to someone and feel loved. It's a normal to a point, but can leave you open for pain. Waiting around for him to call you is not a good thing. Give him a break. Men tend to run away when they think the prey is easy. You are very needy right now and it can be overwhelming to another person. You need to talk to a counselor or someone you can trust. A member of the clergy might help you with the feeling lost thing. It's awful to feel this way, but you can set yourself up for an unhealthy relationship.
The thing you felt was warmth and an ear, which you need very badly. It has happened to me before and can be very deceiving. Pour yourself into your meditations, and try to find center because you are a bit off balance. There is nothing horribly wrong other than you need someone to talk to.
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Ok. First of all,there is NOTHING wrong with you! What you have to remember is that bybeing younger than you, this guy is more immature than you and can therefore be scared off very easily. Everybody is emotionally deep but I think that by trying to talk to him about it so soon after meeting might scare him off a bit only because he is trying to get to know you and probably doesn't really understan what you are saying as guys don't think like that. I think you are feeling longing rather than love or lust. He was so romantic and nice to you that night that any girl would feel the same if they were treated like that. I think he was silent with his friend because you are always different around your friends because you have known them for longer. He was probably feeling insecure when you went for that drink because the girls probably kept on looking over at you two and it probably made hi feel really nervous. I don't think you should have invited him to the meditation class because he obviously isn't interested into it. Not that that is wrong-everyone is different. By coming out with the loud comment, he was wanting the girls to stop looking over as he was thinking they were trying to suss him out. He will have done it out of nerves and nothing else. Then when you reacted by being silent he was really embarrassed. He thought he had embarrassed you in front of you friends and then when he didn't say goodbye, was obviously putting up a front as have was REALLY embarrassed. He probably kicked himself when he got home! Don't worry about his friend. If he is his best friend then he is probably jealous that you might start seeing eachother as that will mean they will spend less time with eachother. What you should do is be yourself. Try not to let your emotions take over and don't let him know exactly how you are feeling all the time as that will freak him out. If you go to the concert tonight just relax and be yourself . As soon as you do this he and his friend will relax too and you'll have a great night. Imagine you have gone to this concert with your friends and not a potential boyfriend. He will soon realise that telling him your feelings was because you were so nervous. You don't have to tell him everything all in one go and text him all the time. Just take everything step by step. You can still write all your emotions down in your diary to get them all out in the open but you remember that the more relaxed you are and the less you talk about how you feel towards him, to start with, the more relaxed he will be with you and the more he will be inclined to want a relationship with you. Enjoy yourself as he obviously likes you a lot. Write back if you need any more advice. I hope I've been helpful
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Hey hun, im sorry for whats going on in life. Anyway, everyone is differnt. You might have been moving to fast for him but he didnt want to say anything so he just told you you wernt. There is nothing wrong with you. He was sending you mixed emotions. You didnt do things wrong but you should have waited a day to talk to him after you went to the movies or waited untill he called you. You got emotionally attached to this person so deeply because you needed the love and affection. He didnt run off like all the other guys did after you told him your story so he got a special place in your heart. The feeling in your body WAS love. You were inlove with him. But you might have fallen in love to fast. You didnt get to see his true colors. I think settling as friends would be the best thing to do if he wants to. Find someone who is as into you as you are into them. Tell me how everything gos and if you need anymore help just let me know. xoxo
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I think you physically were not moving to fast, but mentally you were in the fast lane. I dont think you love him persay, but rather you were alone and he was the first thing to come around. (its the impression I got, I could be wrong.) I think you might be too emotionally deep. Its not a bad thing...no....however To show such feelings towards a guy you barely know so fast, makes it deeper then it really is. What I mean is you were probably scaring him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Not at all. The heart and mind can play painful games on a person. You just have to make due with what you have. I think you need to hide some feelings to a certian degree, until the time is right. Most guys are afraid of a girl comming off to strong like this. Guys just look out for number one. (themselves) and dont want to get hurt or tied down before they know what they want. Im sure the feeling you had that wasnt love or lust was just the mind really liking someone. Its a feeling people get. You arent sure if you really love them but you know that its not just about the sex. there really isnt a word for it....Most feelings cant be described...just felt. Also in some parts of this I got the impression he might have just wanted sex. An erotic movie....acting odd after that night. He respected your wishes not to have sex, but he might have wanted it. I think you need to track him down and talk face to face.
I really hope I helped! If you have any further questions leave one in the inbox.
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Hi! First of all I'd like to apologize for Snakeeyes. Some people on here are really rude. However, your question is one of the best questions we've ever had.
It sounds to me like this guy has a little bit of a mental problem. No, he shouldn't been in an asylum or anything- that not what I mean. I hate to bring myself into my answers but let me just explain to you another person like that. My dad. When I was a kid he was normal, but something just snapped. He got his girlfriend pregnant, they have a baby boy, he's a year old and two months ago my mom filed for divorce. My dad insists on thinking my mom has brainwashed me and my brother into hating him. He randomly gets mad about little things and lies about EVERYTHING. One day he's trying to be reasonable, the next he's screaming and threatening. Now, how is this related to your guy? They have the same mind problem, to enjoy hurting people. I've had to battle this, and it's hard- this was passed down to me and my brother. Of course, you'll never be able to prove he's not right mentally, but please just know that something is very wrong with him. Not as extreme as my dad but hurtful nonetheless. You need to distance yourself from this guy. Don't have any contact with him. Create a new username on the dating website. Get Caller ID, if you need to. Don't talk to him or anything- he'll just lie. Just imagine he doesn't exist. It'll be hard at first, but you have to- you can't let him hurt you like this.
I'm sorry in advance for all the rude answers you'll recieve from people who don't understand. Hang in there, and send me a message if you need any more help.
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