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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
advice
I really like this guy and well I try to tell myself that I don't. I have been going out with him on and off for a few years and well everytime we go out after a while he likes another girl and he goes out with her (he's done this twice to me) and so he breaks up with me.. we are still friends and talk but it kills me and I try to tell myself I don't like him because he's sorta a "player" but I don't know what to do...??
First of all, stop lying to yourself because you aren't helping anyone . You're punishing yourself and that is absolutely...wrong. Have you ever really considered the fact that this guy isn't the right person for you and that you're wasting very complex emotions upon someone who likes to play games. And of course, if you're not the kind of person who likes to play games, then he definitely isn't the one for you. Haven't you ever thought that you just might deserve what's the word...better. I know that I might sound mean but I don't like to see girls all worked over guys and I've been that way too. It's about what you want, and if he does that to you, you need to know that it's emotional sort of abuse. So it's up to you if you want to be his doormat or not. Sorry but he views you as safe and really you sort of are. Let him know the contrary. Sorry if I was harsh. GOODLUCK.
ok, I am like in love with babysitting. Like if my mom doesn't tell me someone called for me to babysit them I get upset! I just love kids. So, here is the question, will I forget about babysitting after a while? Because all of my sisters and older people said they thought that they would open a daycare but then they hated it once they turned about 16.
It depends on how passionately you really are about it all because if you're passionate about it in the long run, then you will be interested in babysitting in the future. If it is a phase, then you probably won't be interested in it for the long run. Only time can tell. And really, people are different and some lack substance. So just because they had a short interesting spand in babysitting won't mean that you will. Like I said, all people are different. Only time will truly tell as you grow. Because your mentality will change. And even if you do lose interest for it, it doesn't make you a bad person;it really just shows how you have changed. And for babysitting not. I don't think that change is for the worse. I mean it's nothing to the Steven King Carey change.
Hi
I need to have a blood test done just as a precaution for STDS to test for HIV, Hepatisis,etc..which I am sure I don't have anyways..but the DR just wants me to have it all done.. ANYWAYS...if I only smoked a couple joints between 4 of us and I only do weed a couple times a month probably...just on a weekend sometimes...will it show up if they test me for HIV,etc? How long should I wait? Or should I just go anyways? The last time I done it was 2 days ago. I am going to the hospital early next week...
I don't want any lectures from people about doing weed please :) just an answer to my question if you have any input.
Thanks
If it's next week when you take the test, you should be fine but I wouldn't suggest taking anymore substances that could be detected by the test for precaution. Just stay off that stuff until then and you should be cool. I know that it's a 72 hour time period that can make it where they can't detect drugs in your system. But to be sure, wait till after the test to take them.
I am a Wiccan and so is my boyfriend. I told my mom he was (but not me) now she won't let me see him. My mom's a very conservative Christian who is very judgmental andtakes everything personaly. Should I tell her I'm a Wiccan, my boyfriend says I should..because even though we can sneek and talk we can't sneek and see each other and I'm only 16 so I still have 2 years before I can move out.
PS- I'm worried that if I tell her she will have me on complete lock down
You have to ask yourself if it is comfortable for you to tell your mom the truth. Basically I think that she deserves to know, but you have to think about what you can handle. What's comfortable for you because, after all, you're only a teenager and you need to consider what is right and best for you. I think your mom deserves to know and she just will have to deal with, and sooner-later more likely, she'll have to accept the person who you really are. And after all, you are her daughter and she should love you no matter what you really are. So , I say freshen the air and tell her. But what you really have to ask yourself, is it the best thing for you. Use your conscience as well.
ok this might be kinda confusing and long..I understand the consequences and worries that come around when you have sex& all that. I love my boyfriend with all that I have, and he loves me. We both gave up our virginity to each other, but the thing is, we weren't safe about it, and we both regret that. We both know that we should've used a condom, but I guess we were too caught up in the moment to realize that not using a condom wasn't very smart. okay so here's the question. I was wondering- the first time we had sex, he pulled out right before he ejaculated, and it got all over the place, but I wasn't sure if it had gotten inside of me or not. after that I told him I wanted to make sure I got my period. I took a pregnancy test because he said it would make him feel more comfortable, even though it was too early to be accurate anyways, and like I figured..it came out negative because it was too early. but then a few days later we had sex again but he didn't cum. so if I get my period, that takes care of both times we had sex, right? I know you can't get pregnant if you get your period, but I wasn't sure if I could get my period for the 1st time we had sex, and still get pregnant because of the 2nd time or not. I'm planning on taking the 2nd pregnancy test today or tomorrow since that would make it 4-5 days before my period is supposed to come. please help! thanks in advance!
-confused
It probably would be safe to take one pregnancy test now, and then one after your period, just to be for sure. I've heard of things like this, and I'm not meaning to scare you or anything, but I have heard of women being pregnant when they also had their period at the same time as well. My aunt for example. So , just to be sure , I recommend that you take one before and after the period. And although I don't think I have to tell you this , but next time use a condem or birth control, so you won't have to go through this anymore.
i feel like i should exercise more but i don't know what to do, i'm really bad at sports and i'm not into running, got any ideas?
Sit-ups and crunches will help . If you know a bit, not all, the yoga techniques then that would be helpful a lot . Stretching too, and some movements that would work parts of your body.
what dose it mean to ''give him a blow job''?
It means to put a mans penis in your mouth and suck on it. I wouldn't advise doing as such either.
ok..so lately things havent been the same with me and one of my best friends..i admit i was kinda mean to her a couple times..(it killed me because thats not me at all) but she has been having mood swings ..she would be all great then she would be bitchy and annoying...is there anything i can do to restore our friendship?i just dont know what to do..any suggestions?
Both of you need to learn how to compromise a little. I mean, both of you are changing and anyway you're going to have to do this for the survival of your friendship. Try to be understanding in the things you do and don't repress how you are feeling. Repressing how you feel only adds to the problems ,and this isn't only advice for you but it's to your friend too.You all need to get those issues out and if one of you can't deal with it, rather it's a small isssue or not, then maybe it's a factor of you two out growing each other and that is perfectly alright. It means that you are growing in mentality . Anyway, if you want this friendship to remain what it is, then I think that you really should just try to talk to her about what bothers you . And she should do the same thing when it comes to issues concerning this friendship. And the most important thing above them all is to be understanding and patient.
A friend of mine came to me for help.. and I honestly don't know how to respond.. so maybe someone on her can help?
Well Marc, my friend, is going out with this girl Elena.. they're relationship is great and everything, but he is still obsessesed with his x-girlfriend, Joee..well he's trying to break up with Elena, but she's suicidal and all..so the first time he mentioned it being just friends to her, she overreacted and threatened to kill herself..Marc NEEDS to break up with her, but doesn't want her to kill or hurt herself...
(Elena has attempted suicide once before, so she's not afraid to)
ANY help at all would be awesome.. thanksss.
He needs to discuss this with her parents/and or guardians to tell them what she has been threatening to do and request that she receive some sort of help. If that fails, he needs to report to a free clinic where they have doctors or councilors who will inform him how to contact doctors who will help this girl. They will also answer any questions that he has to ask. And he could just report her to the police and they would not get her in any trouble at all. If all else fails, he really needs to do this because they will make absolutely sure that she needs and will get help. The law doesn't play when it comes to suicidal attempts but they do provide the best of help that this girl needs. When and if all else fails, he should resort to this. It might just be the difference between her life or a death of her own infliction upon herself.
im 13 i have never kissed n i dont no what to do!
If it's what you really want and if the opportunity comes the way that you always imagined your first kiss to be, you could bring this about too if you want to, then you should do it. Just consider the fact that this is very meaningful although it may seem as " a kiss" of no significance to others at all. Try to hold fast to what you have always imagined what your first kiss would be like. Then of course, when the opportunitu comes by, at the right time, then definitely go for it. At the right time for you and when you are comfortable. Comfortability matters. Especially with the guy that you want to share this significant moment with. Take with a lot care when it comes to this and be sensible. Don't do foolish things that you will regret.
Ok, there is this one guy that I know likes me. But I don't like him. We are really really good friends. How can I tell him I don't like him without hurting him?
Well if he likes you as much as you say, then there is no way that he won't be hurt when he receives the news about your true feelings. Don't let it get you down because it's something that you need to do. You need to meet him face to face and be honest with him because he deserves that from you: to be told face to face about your true feelings towards him. It could be either a respectable place for teens, your home, or some place where there is supervision with adults too. Be honest and tell the truth. He'll be hurt and I think he might not want to be your friend because it may remind him of what he never had, if he refuses to be your friend of course, and that is alright. You have to respect his decision whatever it is and move on with his life. It was just only another hard lessoned learned in life. For both you and him . AND don't forget it ever .
i don't know what to do because my boyfriend got grounded and he says he's going to sneak out to see me but last time he did that he got caught and got grounded for even longer. I've been trying to talk him out of it but its not working. what things can i say to him to try to talk him out of it because if he gets caught then we won't be able to see eachother for even longer.
You could try to persuade him with the facts about what happened the last time when he tried to sneak out of the house and got caught. Tell him how you felt then and how you feel now and give him sensible things to think about. Try to use things that appeal to him such as sports or some other thing that interests him . You could use his interest to say something like," if you get caught, it'll be longer for you to sports." Or whatever he is interested in. What you should focus on is the fact that you have and should respect his decision to do whatever he choses to do when it comes to this. You may not LIKE his decision, but if you want the relationship to be steady and stable, try to understand it and him. This doesn't always mean to submit to his will, it justs means that some support would do the both of you some good in this position.
there is this guy who went to one of the local schools in my town. he is black and really fine.. he moved to tx w/ his mom and now he is back for the summer... i really do like him and he seems like he likes me.. well im sortof in a lil thing w/ this other guy like we dated and then he got sent off and came back and wanted to get back together w/ me but hasnt yet. ok well i love him and am in love w/ him... but now that this other guy is back in town i find my self wondering if i should just break things off with him totally.... but the guy that is back in town for the summer is leaving when school starts again in august.. i tink its possible that i may want to pursue things w/ him though..what do u all think? the 2 guys know each other and may even be cousins--but didtant.... help....
You have to ask yourself what you want and who will be able to provide that for you. You have to ask yourself who you know better and who makes you FEEL. This is very important and it's a good thing if a guy can make you do this because it's really special. Ask yourself who you're more comfortable around and list reasons. You should ask yourself if it's totally worth it risking everything on a guy that you'll only see for two months out of a year. Especially when there's the guarantee of having a steady and satisfying relationship with another guy . Only way to be sure about the black guys feeling is to ask him directly. No guessing. Find out and then decide is he worth it because their could be something excellent with the other guy. So, ask yourself the questions and remember what I said. And follow your heart but don't let your heart rule out sensible things too.
I think my parents are gonna get a divorce? What do i stop or help to prevent that?
You really shouldn't . I know it is really stupid to say it but I think you're thinking about what is healthy for you when you need to think about what is healthy for your parents. What you may like isn't always what others may need. They may be suffering together and they just may need to get a divorce. It's hard to deal with but you have to accept it because it's the best thing for them. An unhappy and unstable home isn't healthy and it can affect anyone and cause an unstable mind. It can affect them too because this isn't always for the children too. You have to understand and accept the fact that there may be a possibility of them not ever meant being together. And if they are, they SURELY will find their way back to each other. Sometimes it's best for that time away. You opposing the divorce will only make matters more difficult than they already are and what good is that going to do for you and your parents. It'll only force them further apart. It's their lives and they have a choice to do this. They should think about you too, but it may just be the best for you because it may provide a stable environment. Free of anomosity . Give them time and let them do what they have to do.
I'm not sure why, but latley I haven't been so happy lately. I mean I'm so sick of being me. I don't like my hair, im not as pretty as Miss popular. I dont dress as great as them and I've been alone alot latley cause none of my friends have been invitin me over anymore. I've been on a no sode low sugar diet and I lost my baby fat (im 13 and i weigh 105 lbs) so im noT like fat or anything but I somehow got off my diet and I just feel soo crappy I havent gotten back on. I hate me right now, what should I do?
Everyone feels crappy and hates them self once in a while. It's called insecurities and that is so natural. Especially to me because I just rag on myself, and I judge too deeply when it comes to myself or situations. What you have to focus on is why you feel that way. Writing sometimes help relieve you of these feelings because it flows from you onto the pages. You have to learn how to accept the scrutiny of yourself and to deal with it in a healthy way. Acknowledge these insecurities of yours and accept them. Strive to overcome them in a healthy matter. Deal with it in a way that is comfortable for you. And try to focus upon what is positive about you. And what you like about yourself because you need to focus on the good. Do some writing about it because that will make you feel loads time better.
people say im really pretty and nice but it doesn't seem like anybody wants to be my friend. should i be like hyper and wild? cuz i have noticed that people like hyper and wild friends. idk what do i do?
People say the exact same thing about me too. But I really do think that you should be yourself because you'd be better off in the long run. Then you wouldn't have identity issues with recognizing who you truly are when you wake up one morning, in the future of course, and ask yourself this question which often does not involve simplicity. It's not about who you should be it's about what you want to be and if you're truly satisfied with yourself; the fact that no one seems to want to be your friend is irrelevent in this matter of if you're satisfied with yourself. You should be whatever you like to be. Friends accept you for who you are no matter anything and you shouldn't have to really front about it or pretend that you're someone that you're not . You're only hurting yourself. And when you think about it long and hard enough, it really just is childish and stupid to pretend b/c they're doing the same thing too. They have things that they're doing because they want to be " cool and popular" but they know that they want to show their own individuality and uniqueness ; for them to see that you're doing this makes them envy you. And that's why some of them can't deal with the fact of them being your friend. If they can't deal with it, then they don't deserve you. Understanding this is very important and you should really consider this very seriously.
ok well you said i should just ask him out because im not getting anywhere/ well what if he just broke up with his girlfriend and still might like her because the only reason why they brokeup is cuz she was not by him enought like not compassionate enough..so he might still like her and i dont wana ruin our friendship...
Well, I think that you should try and follow your heart . But you should also consider his too. It may be just too soon to ask him out if he's yearning for the girl that is his x. But if he shows no visual sign of that at all, or anything that is a sign relevent to the girlfriend, then I think you should ask him out and show him how compassionate you can be towards him. You'd get an opportunity to show him that you'll be there for him. But if you don't like it that he's still yearning for her, then you might want to hold off on that a bit longer. Hope I was some help and have a nice day.
so the guy im going out with recently asked me if i was a virgin and i told him yes. Even though im not i really didnt want him thinking i sleep around with people because im only 16. i know im very young but yea. i dont know if i should tell him the truth or not
thanks
It depends on what kind of relationship you want. A relationship based on lies or the kind of good relationship with trust. It depends on what kind of guy he is. If he can accept you not being a virgin, then you should be alright although it may cause some trust issues for not being honest in the 1st place. If he can't accept it, you might be putting your relationship here on the line . So if you don't want a relationship based on lies, I suggest you tell him. If he can't accept that and see past that then you should know that he can't accept you. And if he can't do that then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. So try to strive for something better because you deserve better for you.
i've liked this boy since i was five, and now i am 15. but the problem is that the boy duznt even noe im alive. im right under his nose but he haznt even realized. i dont noe wat do anymore. i cry every night b/c ive tried everything i could think of. its kinda like he's that guy that all the grlz like but he duznt understand that im not like those other grlz. i am actually the one that really cares. ive been in a corner since i was five watching him and now, i dont know what to do. i heard about this website and ive heard good things so if you can help me out, please, i would appriciate it! should i tell him that i like him? or would that sound desperate? i dont wanna be like those other grlz. i wanna hug him b/c i care, not just b/c he's popular. please help me. love, tiana
Calm down, relax, and try to talk to him. Try to be his friend first. Baby steps first. Just try to start off with small talk or something that will make him seem interested in you. Try something that shows your uniqueness and how you're different. And get out of that corner. You got to come out a bit more. Just talk to him and don't force it.
my father has alway been picking on me ever since i was small.. he denys he hits me. but aftr he does he says ssorry. i mean.. if he`s really that sorry why`d he do it. My friend is coming down from the states into canada for 2 weeks. She knows about him and stuff. just hopefully he doesnt do anyhting stupid. i ant her to have a good time here. any advise on how i can just calm down and think positive. i took walks. but im still paranoid. maybe this is just a fear right? o well thanks anywayz
Either tell your friend to overlook it, or tell your father how you feel . That's the only way to be for sure and for certain about how things should be. But sometimes things should be a certain way and then they're not . Just talk to him or talk to ber about it all. That's the only way for sure to ease the stress that you're wearing on your shoulders. And relax a little... I can feel the tension in your plea for help. I am glad that I answered this question and I hope I was some help and have a nice day.