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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm not sure where to begin but here goes.at my job I have this new mgr and she doesn't. Know what she is doing to me anyways .first of all she doesn't make a schedual right ,and she leaves me with one person for only 2 hours who s new and doesn't know what what he is doing .and doesn't do too much for me .then from 7pm till 2am I'm by myself to do handle coustomers and to do all my major cleaning .and for one person that's a lot. Especaly when ts still busy and the coustomers keep pestering you .and the mgr keeps giving me more responsabilties to do and I'm by myself for the most part .iv talked to her about it but she tells me (I know you can hadle it ) .I get my stuf done but it realy stress me out .and I have two jobs I work at so m exausted .I have to have both jobs just to pay my bills .but I don't know how much more I can take I'm at my wits end .its like I'm the only one who cares about my job .but m tired of makeing good impresons and then she wants more from me .what am I suposed to do ????
The Answer
If you are really being asked to do more than you can in the time you have, stop doing it all.
I'm quite serious. If you've told your manager that you can't get it all done, then you need to stop getting it all done. Don’t kill yourself to finish. Work quickly and diligently and show her that you are doing your best, but don't stay late or get frantic and do a half-ass job. Leave the things you cannot finish, unfinished.
Leave short notes telling the next people who come in what is not done. Then have another conversation with your manager and tell her that you really appreciate her faith in you, but that you just can't quite manage everything she has asked you to do in the time you have.
Offer simple solutions: Like one or two of your tasks being the next person’s job. Or ask to close to customers for an hour while you do one of the major tasks. Be open to new ways to solve the problem.
It’s perfectly fair and right of your manager to push you and change the expectations, but it’s also okay for you to push back (without being lazy and just not doing things out of spite) and show her that those new expectations don’t quite work. She doesn't sound like she dislikes you, so it's just time to really say "No. We need to work togeather and come up with a slightly different plan. I can't manage this one."
It's either that, or you just go on being miserable.
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The Question
i have 2 one-year-old cats that we found outside last september (09). they've been in a spare bedroom in our house ever since together, and haven't been outside. they're shy and don't have much socialization with people, except for when we're cleaning the room, feeding them, etc. i tried to get them out of the room but they hiss and are too shy. they actually seem very sweet, one of them came up to me, but we can't keep them in that room forever. my dad is looking to give them away. where should they go if they aren't fixed and are extremely shy and not used to people? thank you so much!
The Answer
Try to find an Animal Rescuer who can foster them, rather than a shelter.
Shelters tend to be a bad place for animals to be socialized. Despite their best efforts, animals are left alone for many hours and don't get enough interaction or exercise in most shelters - behavioural problems tend to get worse, not better.
Far better to research and call up people in your area who are experience Animal Rescuers. They tend to be the most patient people, and skilled animal trainers. Google Cat Rescue or Animal Rescue in your area and state to see if you can't find someone with a bit more skill and a nice home environment to help these cats adjust and, hopefully, become more sociable. You still might end up needing to give them to a shelter, but it’s best to try to find a rescue organization first.
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The Question
So I had unprotected sex about two weeks ago (I know, really stupid) and I wasn't on any birth control. I took Plan B within 4 hours of having sex.
When should I take a pregnancy test? I can't rely on my period because it's always been really irregular (to the point where I'd skip a few months and have up to 2 periods a month).
The Answer
It's extremely unlikely that you are a pregnant. Plan B is quite effective when taken that quickly, and used properly.
So please don’t stress too much, just use the stress to remind yourself that although Plan B is great, it’s not something you want to have to rely on!
As Peeps said, you should wait two weeks and take a test. A negative result is quite reliable from a home pregnancy test after three weeks, so by all means continue to take a test each week. If anything else crops up that concerns you or suggests an answer one way or another, see a doctor. But once more: Plan B is quite effective when taken that quickly, and used properly.
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The Question
My boyfriend wants to have sex while I'm on medication for UTI. This is the 6th day I have been taking antibiotics. I know it's not a good idea to have sex, I want to wait for at least 2 weeks after I am completely done with my medication which my doctor prescribed to take antibiotics for 7 days and to finish it. He is okay with waiting. But he said it was also okay if we did it especially since I already feel better, just that I have to go use the restroom after we're done, use a condom, wipe, and rinse with mild soap around the outside then I would be fine. I am not sure if that is true or not, since he looked it up. Is it? And what would you do?
The Answer
UTIs are uncomfortable, but there is no reason to not have sex while you are receiving treatment for one, so long as it doesn't hurt or feel uncomfortable. He wont catch it, and sex wont harm you either.
You should ALWAYS wash up after sex and to go pee (not use mild soap. Soap is not necessary, warm water is fine). That is a very good way to keep yourself healthy and avoid getting bacteria into your urinary tract or vagina that shouldn't be there.
As long as you aren't in pain, it's perfectly fine to have sex while on medication for a UTI.
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The Question
Okay so I like this guy Mike. And I've liked him since the beginning of the semester. We used to text and flirt a lot but then we kind of lost touch. But recently we started hanging out again, and now I cannot tell if he returns my feelings.
I also have another friend, Kevin, and were really close friends. I've known him since 8th grade. He's like my big brother. Well recently, he became really good friends with Mike, like best friends. And now they hang out all the time, with and without me.
Well, Kevin has been helping me out and apparently Mike has been asking about me to him. He asked him if Kevin and I had a thing and it was explained that no way. were like brother and sister. Then Mike went on to say that he thinks I'm really really pretty, kind of funny, but I can get an attitude sometimes, and he wishes I was in better shape. Which is confusing because he basically contradicted himself. But I asked Kevin if he likes me, and he said yes. Then last night, he brought me up again and was asking if I felt the same way about him now as I did at the beginning of the semester (he knew I liked him at the beginning) because he didnt want it to be awkward if I didn't feel the same way. And I asked Kevin again if he liked me, and he said he didn't know whether he did or not. So I have no idea what that means either.
But also, he will invite Kevin to hang out with him, knowing that I have nothing to do and not invite me. (Kevin tells me, and usually invites me later). Mike is also horrible at texting now (really slow at replying or not at all). We still dont really text a lot, but he always touches my leg or my arm and smiles at me. And he also teases me sometimes. And he still has our texts from like 2 months ago, and he remembers random facts about me or my life that I told him months ago.
He is so contradicting, and sending completely mixed signals. I'm confused. What should I do? Do you think he likes me? Or am I making this up in my mind?
The Answer
He might be making up his mind, but it's more likely that he is just not that into you, and doesn't want to damage his friendship with Kevin by saying it so bluntly. He might enjoy flirting with you, but for whatever reason, he doesn't seem interesting in taking it any further.
Try to move on. It doesn't seem like anything is going to come of this.
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The Question
17/f
For the past 3 months I've felt nauseous every morning and it is very hard to get up in the morning to get to class. Also because I am very tired. But whenever I rest for a couple of more hours I feel a lot better, and I am able to go to class. Also whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, my lower stomach somewhat hurts and I feel like throwing up. I am not pregnant. I just wanted to get that straight, I recently went to the clinic, I took home pregnancy tests, and I had my period the past 3 months and I am currently on it now. But something I should also mention, I am currently on medication for having UTI, tomorrow is the last day I'm taking the last tablet. The assistant principal was thinking maybe because I haven't noticed that I had UTI before that's when I had morning sickness (my excuse letters), and wanted me to wait a couple of days after I'm done taking the large antibiotic pills and see if I'm better. My sister and my counselor thought that it's probably due to stress since I am taking 27 credit hours (don't have a choice, it's a program for high school students in college). My parents think it's because I don't eat anything in the mornings, but whenever I eat I feel like throwing it back up. It went to the fact to whenever I eat small things, 5 minutes later I want to throw it back up. I can't try it now, because I feel more nauseous before while taking antibiotics.
I do not think these are because my boyfriend and I have sex, because we stopped for a while and we wanted to see if that was the reason why. I still felt nauseous, and I still had some abdominal pain. Help?
The Answer
Therapists and principals and parents are all good people, but you need to speak to a doctor, and possibly a nutritionist.
Something is wrong. It's either a symptom of stress and poor diet and you need to eat better and take better care of yourself OR something is physically wrong that is causing the pain and it needs to be treated.
It's unlikely that antibiotics are causing such an extreme reaction, and if they are, that is something you need to know in the future to help your doctors make better drug choices for you and prepare you for the side effects.
Go see a doctor. Quickly.
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The Question
sooo.. i'm just gonna skip over the whole dilemma and get straight to the point. short story- me and this one guy dated for a year and he broke up with me, dated another girl, then they broke up and he wanted to get back together with me. but i was in a relationship with a different guy. he tried to persuade me to take him back. i was stuck in between these 2 guys for a good month. drama drama drama blah blah blah.. then.. i find out my ex is talking to this one chick and lives half way across the country from us. he says they've been talking for 2 years and this spring break she is coming over to visit him. i added her on facebook and next thing i know, i get a text from my ex saying "why did you add Miley" and i'm like because i want to. she accepts and of course being the creeper i am, i check out her pics. every single profile pic is her turned around, or her face covered up, or not very clear.. her friend list isn't on her page, so i cant see how many friends she has. she only has about 3 friends who write on her wall.. i clicked on them and theirs was set to private. their profile pics were only like 8 of them. i checked out "mileys" wall posts and someone said- you need to get a cell phone!" so that rung a bell.. how would my ex know that i added her on fb, if she doesnt have a cell?? oh and get this.. all of "miley's" pics look freakishly like Selena Gomez.. and "miley's" friend's last name is Truscott. MILEY...TRUSCOTT...HANNAH MONTANA?? is that a coincidence or just a weird connection??
my question here is.. do you believe she's fake and that he made her up just to make me jealous? or do you think i'm just insane? be honest. is there any way to find out for sure? i was thinking about asking a friend of mine if he can add her and talk to her and get info out of her. maybe ask him to ask her to send a pic of her?
thank you!
The Answer
Ir certainly looks like she is made up doesn't it?
Of course your ex would know if you added her, because she would show up as friends you share... but still, and some people do keep things private on Facebook. However, all those issues all together make it look pretty damn likely that someone, your ex or a friend of his, made up a fake profile.
The bigger question though, is does it really matter?
If you don't want to get back with him, it shouldn't matter if he being a deceitful little coward or not. If you don't want to get back with him, then he is only making the fake profile to get your attention and create drama. The very best thing you can do is ignore it.
You've got no good reason to demand a photo and there is no way to make 'sure' she's real. You'll probably never know for sure.
If you don't want this guy, it doesn't matter.
If you do want this guy, well, if I were you a guy who lied and made up a fake girlfriend, that would make me want him a whole lot less.
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The Question
I want to be a journalist, and I want a career where I can travel and write from all over the world. About everything.
What should I specialize in in college? Print journalism or digital?
What careers could I have in digital journalism?
Are there any non-profit organizations that do a lot of traveling to third world countries, helping people that maybe I could write for?
The Answer
What do you want to write?
It's good to know you want to be a journalist and you want to travel, but what do you want to write about?
Do you want to write articles ABOUT travel and hotels? Do you want to write about politics or be a foreign correspondent dealing with war or disasters? Do you want to write profile pieces and do investigative journalism?
Those are sort of the bigger questions then print or digital (and frankly, any decent journalism program will give you a good grounding in both).
Lets me honest with you: Most non-for-profits don't hire journalists, or at least, don’t call them journalists. They hire Communications staff. For example, I am a Communication and Outreach associate in my position within a theatre company. Much of my work revolves around writing about plays and events and programs that have happened or will happen, putting together newsletters and conducting interviews with artists, but I am not a journalist. It’s unlikely a journalist would have been hired to do my job. There are many people with degrees in Communications Technology or Non for Profit marketing. They are generally the kinds of people who get those positions with Non-for-Profits. It’s a slightly different kind of education.
From what I know of journalists and the media, once you take one of those Public Relations type jobs as a communicator, it's very difficult to return to straight journalism.
Some of the best things you can do in the short run to maximize your ability to travel is start learning a second language and get fluent. If you want to volunteer with a non-for-profit and do good in the world, just go do that! And write about it!
Decide the types of things you want to explore with your writing, and look for opportunities to be exposed to those situations and stories, and pitch those stories to places that will take them.
You are probably going to have to focus on being very entrepreneurial and creating opportunities for yourself, rather than looking for a conventional job if that is what you want to do.
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The Question
Okay so i'm having some problems with sex..let me explain (im so sorry if this ends up long but I really need some advice)
So me and my boyfriend have been together over a year and we are both 17.
A few months ago we decided we were ready to have sex,however it didn't go to plan it was awkward and there was issues with the condom and so on it just wasn't the right time. We stopped and said we would do it properly another time.
So we did and it went better except it didn't really feel like anything to me! It didnt even hurt..it wasnt pleasurable it just wasnt anything.
I figured it would take time the more we did it the better we would feel.
Everytime we have done it since it just doesnt feel like anything and it makes me so frustrated.
When I say it doesnt feel like anything I mean I can feel him inside me but thats about it.
Ive had orgasms from him touching me and fingering me and that feeling is amazing but I cant get it from sex?Its upsetting me because its making me feel like im dysfunctional. I have never actually physically "cum" either. Ive gotten what I assume is an orgasm just like this intense feeling all through my body. Recently I was away in england with my boyfriend and we were going to have sex when I just broke down and started crying. I wanted to tell him so many times before but I didn't want to upset him because I knew he would think it was all his fault which he did..when I told him. I know its my body though I mean whats wrong with me!? why can't I feel anything why havnt I been able to cum?is there any other girls with similar problems.. this is really worrying me that I will never be able to enjoy sex I feel like such a fail.. and I wan't to enjoy it for my boyfriend to I wan't it to be fun and special but so far my experiences with it have been indifferent.
Please help!
:(
The Answer
You are perfectly normal.
Most women never ejaculate when they orgasm. The woman who do are in a small minority, and there is no reason to think their orgasms are any better. You CAN reach orgasm, just not through penetration with a penis alone. That also is perfectly normal. Most women need direct stimulation of their clitoris to orgasm.
Again: You DON'T have a problem. It is perfectly normal not to orgasm from plain old missionary sex.
We're all different. If you spend all your time worrying about whether you are normal, you will end up focus on just one area and simple act of sex and ignore everything else. There is no single best way to have sex.
The best way to have sex, is the way that makes you happiest.
So play around and explore. Try different positions, ones with you are top might help you find the friction you need against his body to help you get off. Touch yourself, or ask him to touch you while you are having sex. Masturbate and experiment by yourself. Buy a toy.
Stop comparing yourself to some mythical sexual standard that doesn't exist.
You can orgasm. My advice would be different if you can't, but you can. But whatever straight forward position you are having penetrative sex in right now, just isn't doing it for you. That's okay. That's really common.
Read this, and think about it, and tell your boyfriend you both should try to stop worrying, but try out some different types of fun.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm
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The Question
18 Female
Today I'm starting to take Celexa (10 mg) for mild/moderate depression. I'm a little worried that it will take away my sex drive.
Does anyone have some feedback for me?
Thanks!
The Answer
I tried two medications before I started Celexa for my anxeity and mild depression when I was a bit younger than you, and all I can really say is that Celexa was the perfect medication for me.
Others I tried (and choose to stop and try something else) killed my sex drive and my attention span. Celexa did neither. I got occasionally motion sick in cars while taking Celexa, but I'm not even sure that was Celexa's fault.
So, I can't promise you that Celexa will work as well for you as it did for me, what I really want you to know is that in four months or so, if you are suffering negative side effects, take to your doctor about trying a different drug. SSRIs are fantastic aids to help your recovery, but if this ones not for you, that's perfectly fine. Try another.
I took Celexa through my last years of highschool and begining of university. I also went back on in my final year when I got a bit overwhelmed. I've been without medication for years now, but I'm glad to know that it's out there if I ever need it agian. I hope you have as much luck as I did.
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The Question
my boyfriend is annoying..
he's a year younger than me (i'm 18) and he's only been in 1 relationship prior to me. i honestly feel like i have to teach him everything. how to act, what to say, what to expect blah blah blah..
i'm a huge feminist. i believe that women can pay for their own things and i dont like getting anything without me earning it..
he always buys me things. no matter what it is. candy, water, pencil, book.. at first it was sweet, but now its to the point where i want to yell at his face like "seriously stop! i can buy stuff for myself. i dont need to depend on you for money" i've tried talking to him about it once but he keeps doing it..
another thing that irritates me about him is that he wont accept the fact that i have personal stuff that i dont want to tell him about. like just now.. he asked me what i'm doing tomorrow and i said just personal stuff. not a big deal. none of his business. then he starts accusing me of lying. asking if another guy is involved. i tell him the truth- no. i'm not hiding anything from him. its personal and i prefer not to share it with him.. he still wont leave it alone. then he starts b*tching me out about hiding things from him and how he has to know these things.. i b*tched him back out saying "its my life. you dont need to know every single thing that happens. there are things that i want to keep to myself. and this is one of them. its nothing bad. i'm not cheating on you. i'm not doing anything bad. its just something i dont want to share with you. so leave it alone." and he just wont stop bugging me about it.
its gotten so bad to the point where i told him "when you finally learn how to respect me and treat me right- come talk to me. because right now you're acting like an overcontrolling jackass"
i just dont know what to do anymore. we have been dating for about 3 months and he's very sweet sometimes and i like him a lot, but there are times when i just want to yell at his face and cry because he is so annoying and causes a lot of drama and fights..
what do i do? everytime we try to talk about it, we end up fighting. help!!
The Answer
Dump him. You are not a good match for one another.
Also, consider this: Being a feminist doesn't mean you stop acknowledging and respecting the feelings of men.
Men have just as many feelings, and just as valid feelings, as women. It's not fair to shut them out, and shut them down, without offering the opportunities to engage with you on a level you are comfortable with. You are going to keep on having this problem, if you don’t learn that men’s feelings deserve as much respect and honour as you give your own. I’m not saying you need to change your beliefs, and I'm not saying this guy is a good boyfriend for you, he isn't, but the way you have talked about expressing yourself here is your question is ungenerous and problematic.
Your behaviour here, as you've expressed it, has crossed the line from self-actualized and a strong individual, to a place of coldness and a lack of a respect for the feelings and thoughts of others. You have not mentioned giving your partner any opportunities to succeed. You have only drawn lines in the sand, and declared his failures.
I also consider myself a very strong feminist and humanist. An important part of that means that I have to respect other people and believe that other people have the same right to emotional lives and agency as I do. I can still choose who is right for me and who isn’t (and it sounds like this guy isn’t right for you) but I don’t get to tell them how to feel, or how to behave. I get to ask, negotiate and inform.
Not wanting someone to buy you things is fair. However, not realizing that they are attempting to show affection in a way that is comfortable for them is not okay. Asking them to change without suggesting to them alternate courses of action is not kind, telling a boy “Don’t buy shit for me!” is different from saying “Look, I don’t like this. I know you are trying to show you care, but this doesn’t make me feel cared for. The kind of things that make me feel cared for is when you listen to me, or rub my feet, or run up and give me a hug when you are happy to see me, or INSERT WHAT DOES WORK FOR YOU HERE.”
When you simply say NO, all the time, you are setting yourself up for a fight, because it’s hard enough to change a behaviours that comes naturally to us, it’s even harder without a suggestion of what other behaviours could be engaged in.
Same goes for “I don’t want to talk about it.” Did it occur to you, for a second, to think of something you DID want to talk about with him, and suggest it? Had you considered that instead of shutting him out entirely, saying something like “I’m gonna have a quiet day, maybe watch TV. I’ve got this appointment in the afternoon I’ve got to go too, but I really don’t want to talk about it… What are your plans?”
It would have had the same effect in the end, but without the cold lack of concern for his feelings that simply saying "I'm not telling you." has.
If you, in your relationship, start to Black Out entire days and weekends, your partner has a legitimate beef with you. You aren’t treating them like a partner. You are using your feelings and agency to beat them into the ground with a stick and deny thiers, rather than expressing yourself, and respecting their expressions.
None of this means this guy you are dating is a good match for you – he obvious isn’t. He might geuninely be a controlling jackass, but you might also be a stonewalling bully.
Don't change your stances on feminism, but take a good long look at how you express yourself in the future, or you are going to continue to get into combative relationship where respect on both sides is problem. You are not sucessfully asking for what you need, negotiating bounderies, or respecting others.
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The Question
I have just started my periods and i have severe cramping in my stomach that makes me cry, i have to curl into a ball for it to ease off, once it eases off about 5 mins later its there again.
I had them same thing at the begining of yearand was constantly at the doctors, worst thing was they could not get to the bottom of this, they didn't know what this was, it eventually stopped when i went on the pill, the pill made me not have any periods but i recently ran out and need a reapeat prescription this is the only reason i have my periods, anyone help?
The Answer
I'm afraid your best help is still the doctors and the medication.
There are a lot of reasons that a woman may experience really painful cramps, and it's impossible to guess what the root of your troubles are.
For what it's worth, I found that soaking in hot showers really helped me, and that cutting out harder to digest things, like dairy products and candy, has helped a bit. But in the end, I needed medical help, and you probably do too.
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The Question
Hi,
I am an adult 1st year college student, and am experiencing major anxiety over this decision. Originally I registered for an AAA (Associates of Applied Art)degree, then a friend in one of my classes said I should consider a BFA because no one is going to hire me with an AAA. The thing is I have Attention deficiet, pretty bad/I take meds, so going back to school was a very difficult decision for me to begin with. I had decided to go for the AAA because then I can get a contration of studio art classes, and not so much of the other academic classes that I am afraid to take. Basically I want to be a fine artist and do studio work. I have also been thinking of opening an an Art Center to include studio space, gallery space, and provide the community with classes, workshops, events, etc... I am hoping someone here might have experience with determining what educational background is necessary for this endevor. Or whoever wants to offer your opinion or advise, it will be welcome.
The Answer
A BFA opens more doors than an associate's degree in applied arts. That much is very true.
A BFA leaves more doors open for further study, it's a degree that more clearly understood internationally and it conveys a sense of academic understanding of a subject, which is useful if you are seeking employment pretty much anywhere: A gallery, to teach art classes. Anything like that.
If you know what you really want is to be a practicing fine artist, then for that, the BFA's value doesn't help you much.
HOWEVER, no one pops out of school and makes a living simply practicing their art. You'll need jobs to supplementing your income. Gallery work is good, so is teaching amateurs.
A BFA is not completely irrelevant to your goals, because a BFA is likely to lend you greater credibility faster, and you'll be more competitive and demand higher prices for the things you'll need to do to make ends meet.
And welcome to working in the arts darling: You will have do to quite a few crappy jobs. That's the price anyone with a passion pays: You can't spend every moment on your passion. Maybe, when you are older, you'll get closer to that, but you need to be willing to work you don't like, that surrounds the work you do.
I work in Theatre, got an applied degree at the same time as my BFA in Performance. The applied program was vital for me, because it taught me what to do. The BFA gave me the academic credentials to get full time, regular work. I would have struggled a good deal more if I didn't have both.
Having said all that, you have to have the schooling that makes sense to you. If the BFA program doesn't excite you, if you don't see a value in doing it (not just having the degree) but doing the program, then you shouldn't. And I'm certainly not saying you CAN'T get what you want with an Associates, just that it's liable to be a bit harder for you starting out and competing with people with BFAs and MAs.
My advice to you is to take a year of the Assocaite, and then consider switching to a BFA after your first year. The Associate's feels right to you right now, and that's important. After a year of post-secondary school at the Associate level, the BFA might look more valuable too you. Go with your gut for now, but keep the BFA in the back of your mind.
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The Question
Can you get an STD from using public restrooms at sports arenas?
The Answer
No. You really can't.
People who says that it is possible, are like saying it's possible you might be thrown into a pool full of orange jello in Malibu by 13 rodeo clowns and drown... Sure, I guess that could happen since rodeo clowns, jello and Malibu all exsist, but it's amazingly and exceeding unlikely that those things will all happen at once to you unless you make it happen.
STDs are called STDs for a reason: That reasons is that they are generally transmitted sexually, through direct contact with the virus, bacteria or infected cells in the blood, semen or vaginal fluids (and less commonly, in salvia or on the skin).
So long as you don't rub your genitals all over a toilette seat that is dripping with fresh blood, you aren't going to catch an STD from a public bathroom.
And if you do that, your problems are WAY bigger than STDs.
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The Question
I'm 25/f.
My boyfriend physically and emotionally abused me after knowing one another for years as friends, then dating for months before moving in together. The last thing he did to me before I left was pick me up by my throat. His biggest problem was always that he couldn't control himself, and I thought he was going to kill me...This kind of abuse escalated from fights during which he would come within inches of my face and scream at me. In response to this, I once slapped him, and I felt terrible, and kept apologizing...does this mean I'm abusive, too? Did I bring this upon myself by responding that way?
I got a protection order against him, but true to character, he's denying that he abused me, and got a hearing to try to get the order lifted. It's coming up, we both have lawyers, but I'm so nervous I can barely function. I'm terrified to be in the same room as him.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Any advice?
-Thanks :(
The Answer
Get a reference for a therapist. Your family doctor might be able to give you one, or your lawyer. If not, simply Google support groups for abuse survivors and find a group session or therapist in your area.
You need some support to get through this.
A single slap is a bad choice (a single occurrence of assault - maybe.) not abuse.
At some point you have to recognize that even if something you did contributed to the violence in your relationship, it doesn’t make what he did okay. It doesn’t make him any less culpable for his actions just because you weren’t a perfect angel every second. He doesn’t get to say “I can’t control myself.” Or “She pushed me to it.” That’s not valid. His actions are his actions and he is solely responsible for them, whether he knows it or not.
Please, find support. You are right to take a look at yourself, to help you avoid these patterns in the future, but you shouldn't be blaming yourself. You need more and longer term support than we can offer here. Your very best bet is to connect with experts in your area, and other survivors who can support you.
Take care of yourself!
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The Question
What role does sex/masturbation play in balancing acne-causing hormones...?
The Answer
It doesn't.
Sexual desire and the desire to masturbate are symptoms of our natural hormones. Acting on the behaviour does not increase these hormones, or cause acne. Denying yourself sexual pleasure also doesn't change the hormones in your body in any significant way that could impact acne.
Natural hormones in the human body (that are good and generally should be there) are a contributing cause of acne, but they are not alone. Birth control pills can change those hormones, and so can natural cycles and shifts. Masturbating and sex doesn't change them enough to have enough inpact to cause or contribute to a hormone inbalance.
Talk to a dermatologist or family doctor.
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The Question
My mom is being a crazy phsycopath and not letting me buy something with my own money. I have read every single review for the clarisonic face brush and every single one i saw was good. Everyone loves it. Yes, it is expensive but I will pay for it with my own money but she said she's going to make an appointment with my dermatologist and the meds they give me will clear up my face but eventually my meds will run out and my then what? If I have a clarisonic it wont' run out because each head can go to a maximum of 6 months. What should I do? Is my mom right?
The Answer
I would love to reach out through the internets and give your mom a hug. I think it's wonderful that she is taking you to a doctor, and not encouraging you to buy a product that probably doesn't work, or at least, doesn't work as well as is claimed.
She is right. There is no clinical support for the Clarisonic, and reviews online are sooooo easily faked and the 'studies' they cite are all ones that Clarisonic paid for and put up on thier own site...
It's probably a scam product, or at least seriously exagerated. Some people might feel that it worked for them, but it's very unlikely that there is any actual, scientific evidence that it works, or at least, that it works better than many other things that are a quater of the price.
So, go to your dermatologist and ask them about clarisonic and take your medication! Your mom is awesome for taking you seriously enough not to just let you throw money at some fad, but willing to invest in real medical treatment for you.
Give her a hug. Do you know how many parents wouldn't want to spend money on a dermatologist and perscriptions? Even if you disagree with her, you are lucky to have her in your corner.
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The Question
Hey,
I am in school and I am having trouble's with my friends. I don't know if they're trully my BEST friends or just friends or not even friends. ( I will give some examples)
1 - One friend tell's me when I am doing somethin wrong and she counts all of my mistakes)
2- My other friend says were besties but never hangs with me at school..
Those were some examples.
Please HELP!
The Answer
Even best friends, are still just flawed, screwed up people.
It's not quite fair to say "Because you aren't perfect, you must not TRULY be my friend!" You probably aren't 100% perfect either, but that doesn't make you NOT a friend.
If you aren't happy, speak up or spend time with others, but let this 'best friend' myth go. I have a best friend, she forgets to pay me back and dates really stupid guys. She would say that I forget to call her back and make fun of her boyfriends! Neither of us is perfect, but we are still best friends, because we choose to be best friends.
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The Question
Ok, so I am female age 16 and i think I have a yeast infection... I'm scared to tell me my mom what do I do? I am sexually active will my partner get it? What's the best way to get ride of it without the help of a doctor?
Please help me
The Answer
You need to talk to a doctor.
Because you have never had a yeast infection before, you need to get it confirmed by a doctor to make sure it isn't something worse. For example, if it's a different kind of viral infection, and you treat it for a yeast (bacterial infection) over the counter, it could get worse.
See a doctor to confirm your suspicions.
I know it's embaressing, but it's really perfectly notmal. It has nothing at all to with having sex. Virgins get yeast infections too. Chances are that your mom has had one or two of them as well.
Your partner (assuming your partner is a male) CAN get a yeast infection, but it's very uncommon for men to catch it. A yeast infection could also spread to his mouth (again, that's really unlikely, but it can happen).
So you need to not have sexual contact with your partner until you've cured it, and you need to see a doctor to confirm it. Once you've had a yeast infection or two, you don't really need to see a doctor anymore: You know what they feel like and you know you are prone them. But if this is your first one, you really need to talk to a doctor.
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The Question
My brother has broken up with his gf, all my family love her. She's really pretty, really sweet, has a really good job and she's got a great sense of humour. She did a lot for my brother n he broke up with her. She's really upset n she still talks to me about him, its really uncomfortable cos I don't wanna side with my brother but he's being an ass! He hasn't given her a real reason to why they broke up, why do you think he did it? I know I should stay out of it but they're so good together
The Answer
Stay out of it.
Instead of being a bully about it, have pity on your brother. Do you think it was easy to break up with such a great girl? It must have been really hard to listen to his heart and acknowledge that it just wasn't what he wanted.
It's okay to be confused, but you need to back off and respect your bother's ability to choose. If you want to be friends with his ex, well that is going to be pretty uncomfortable for a while, but nothing he can say, no reason he can give, will change that.
You need to stay out of it. Maybe he is being an ass, but at least he is being an honest ass, and not just staying with her because his family wants him too. Would you like it if your boyfriend honestly didn't want to be with you, but stuck around because his parents and little sister thought it was a good idea?
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