A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Ive been bestfriends with this girl for two years. We do everything together including work together i see her all the time. Well when i first met her she told me she doesnt smoke or do any kinda drugs. And i believed her and throughout the past two years she has said it many many many times that she doesnt do drugs. She even dropped a friend because they were saying she was doing drugs. Well yesterday i was hanging out with a girl i just started working with she has hung out with my friend a couple times and she told me that my bestfriend smoke weed all the time. She has came into work high as the sky. And i could never tell. I even asked my bestfriends brother if it was true and he said yes she smokes with me all the time.
Im so pissed off how could a bestfriend lie about this i wouldn't in a million years judge her over that and she knows that. I can't say well ya know ___ told me that you smoked weed. I'm very hurt over this and i dont even want to look her in the face for lying to me. Is there anything you guys recommend me doing? thanks (link)
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Talk to her about it.
First of all, dont believe something someone told you about someone else unless you have some level of proof involved.
Second, if its not something youd judge her for, she may not neccesarily know that. It seems obvious, but she might have been scared.
If she didnt tell you, it was because she was scared of something happening. This isnt something that should destroy a friendship, just talk to her about it and tell her that she should trust you more, you arent going to ditch her over something like that.
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So my boyfriend and I have been fighting alot lately and it seems like we will be doing fine and then one night he'll say hes going out to the bars with his friends and ill suddenly feel upset. He doesn't understand that that bothers me but it does. I'm 19 and he is 23 and I hate that he can get into the bars and i cant. I dont understand why his friends cant have a party at their place that way i wont be left out :/ Am I overreacting? Is it silly that that bothers me? Because anytime I sound upset that hes going he'll say things like "so are you made that I want to go out with my friends? i havent been out with them in a month" and then Ill be like "well i dont care" when I really do! and "do what you want" (link)
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First, and foremost, thats clingy.
Being bluntly honest, he wants to go out with his friends. He needs guy time. Alone time. Most guys are like this, I know I am.
Its nothing personal, but even with your woman, sometimes you need time away from her. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'm very much a proponent of the saying "How can I miss you if you're always here"
It sucks to be dis included because of age, but the truth is that sometimes hes going to want to go out without you regardless.
This is part of an adult relationship. Especially, if hes not going out even weekly. If this is "I havent been out with them in a month" you need to ask him if he can tell you in advance when hes going somewhere so you can make plans as well, keep yourself occupied. You shouldnt be waiting for him neccesarily either.
Thats an equal, adult relationship. Even after marriage, my father would go out with the guys one or two weekends a month (not the whole weekend, but like friday night, maybe saturday night). Its part of normal healthy male activity.
You need to let go a little bit. You need to keep yourself occupied. Thats another part of being in an adult relationship. We all have issues sometimes that we know arent necessarily reasonable. We have to deal with those, and suppress things sometimes when we arent being fair. From what you've told me, being mad at him is not being fair to him.
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Me and guy are long distance lovers... we've been having a relationship for a year now.. and we love eachother alot.....
I only met him once in this year i've had the relationship with him.. and we couldnt spend more than 5 mints together at that time either because we didnt get the chnace... i'm hoping to meet him again soon...
I've never french kissed ever in my life... and we've planned to french kiss when we meet again... how do i take of my nervousness...???
How i touch him to show him i truely love him???
Please Give me tips on what i should do when i meet him?
(link)
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I'm not going to give you kissing advice.
Half the fun of your first kisses is learning how to do it.
I'll address everything else.
You know, I was in a distance relationship a while back.
I remember the first time we met. We were both nervous I got lost after I picked her up and she couldnt think of anything to say the entire 20 minutes as I sat there trying to figure out where the heck I had gotten us.
Take your time. It feels like you have to rush, I remember only getting to see her for a night a month for over a year... It was hard and when we saw each other we had so many things we wanted to say and do it felt hard to do anything at all.
But take your time. Enjoy it. Instead of trying to do everything and freak out, just slow down, relax, and remember every single second that you can. Save it. Store it. Remember it when you're away from him. Thats what gets you from one meeting to the next.
I do have one suggestion. I had a girl pull this one me and it worked beautifully. Bring a necklace. Something that clasps in the back. At some point, remember it and decide to put it on. Ask him to put it on for you.
When his arm is near your neck, kiss his hand.
If you can manage to do this, one of two things will happen.
He will take the monumental hint and kiss you.
or he will be frozen and not know what to do, but you'll have already put yourself out there so you will kiss him. From there just make out for an hour or so, you'll get the hang of it.
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My girlfriend and I were having anal sex in a hot tub the other night, and I was fingering her at the same time throughout. I was touching my penis but I dont remember if I ever touched the tip. I never entered her vagina and she is a virgin. I was wondering if there is any chance that she could be pregnant? (link)
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Oh thats beautiful.
Truly.
Let me quote what you said back to you.
"My girlfriend and I were having anal sex in a hot tub the other night, and I was fingering her at the same time"
"she is a virgin"
Shes had sex. Full penetrative sex. The definitions kids will label virginity in order to console themselves amaze me.
For future reference, tell your friends that virginity is not "broken hymen" its a reference to a girl being "unspoiled" by sexual contact.
I think anal counts man.
P.S. To actually answer the question, there is always the slightest possibility. Its highly unlikely, but none of us can tell you that absolutely without a doubt shes not until she misses a period or takes a test.
So asking questions like this is pointless. Theres always a chance. Its usually pretty small.
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16/f
I'm asking this for a friend who is 17/f. Okay, when she was little, her mom stole her identity to get bills paid and ended up messing up her credit so now she's fucked when she's older. She can't get anything under her name because nobody will accept her. She doesn't want to depend on her boyfriend, so is there any way she can possibly get her credit back to normal?
This is more towards adults. Thank you! (link)
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Slowly but surely, yes.
There are always credit cards that will extend you credit. Find the lowest percentage you can on interest and buy things, pay them mostly off, and then pay the last 50 or 100 the next month. You get better credit for being consistent over long periods. You can slowly build positive history.
Theres also always the option of taking her mom to court, but I imagine thats not going to happen.
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ok well me and my boyfriend of 3 months had our first kiss today when we were up in my room on my bed and we started making out right after the kiss and we had it goin on for a good hour and a half. and now we both seem to be addicted to it and we wanna see eachother and do it again because it was so special
do you think thats weird? (link)
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Ahh, memories of being a teenager.
Its normal. Completely, utterly normal.
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I was sexualy abused two years ago by my older cusin! who i have rarely seen since! i havent told any one exccept a few of my friends! im okay now ! but ive noticed that im a completely diffrent person ! im very rebelious! and i find that im very sexual! so much that ive had more then 13 sexual experinces with diffrent people! and i like it! and im always seducing people my age and a little older like 19-20s im 16 turning 17 and somthing inside of me knows that its not right but i like it ! no one in my famly knows it! i used to be the most wholesome person u could have ever met. And i used to be scared to do all the things that im doing! but now im not any of those things and i know its wrong but like bieng this sexual and rebelious! but at the same time i wonder if what im doing is right ! (link)
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Right is a difficult question to answer. By most moral standards, its not right.
What I can tell you, without any hesitation, is that its not good for you.
I mean, being able to enjoy sex is great. Trust me, theres nothing wrong with being a sexual person. But self control is important.
I have had my times where I was fairly indiscriminate about sex. The one thing that I learned, was that sex is always better in a committed relationship. You get to know them. The sex takes on different meaning. I can tell you from experience that being with someone sexually and seeing love in their eyes...
There is nothing better to me. Nothing.
That takes time. It takes commitment. It takes not fucking up a relationship with sex before you fall for each other.
Stop having sex. Honest advice, buy yourself a vibe and a dildo. Make do with those and work on being in a decent relationship before you sleep with someone. I normally say if nothing else, the five date guideline. Hold off until then.
There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. Nothing at all. But we all have emotions, and we all have sex drives. What defines our maturity is our ability to control our own urges until the time is right.
Theres another thing thats good about relationships by the way. Once you are in a comfy relationship, the sex is better, and theres generally more of it. My last girlfriend lived with me, and 2-4 times a day was normal.
Good luck, and if you want to talk drop me something in the inbox.
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An ex friend of mine recently accused my boyfriend of raping her (he wouldnt touch her with a ten foot pole, and she likes him so if he DID try anything it wouldnt be rape.) And she accidentally admitted she lied about it, so I'm wondering if theres any good revenge songs that anyone knows of, because she's still spreading ruomrs about both of us, telling people we broke up and stuff, and I kinda want something that says "haha youre not getting to me" :) lol Thanks in advance. (link)
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Nothing says "youre not getting to me" like completely ignoring a person.
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i have a huge crush on this guy but i denied it to everyone including him. Well Em, him and one of our friends were hanging and at the end of the night he was bringing me home and we had sex. Having sex with him just increased my feelings for him. I'm afraid to tell him that i want to be with him. I don't want him to think that i like him because of just the sex because thats not the situation at all. I liked him before we had sex, sex just made it stronger.
how do i tell him? should i tell him?
thanks guys. (link)
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Ok.
Lesson one on guys. We do not think that way.
If I slept with a girl, and she later told me that she liked me, this could not be anything but a good thing to me.
Now. There are guys who use people for sex. If the guy you have a crush on is one of those guys, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, and so telling him will just have him show his inner asshole and you will be pissed off, and crush pretty much over.
If he isnt one of those guys, hes probably going to respond positively to it. He liked you enough to sleep with you. If you offer him more hes probably going to jump at the chance. Though, I wouldnt reccomend sleeping with him again until you tell him. That starts to complicate things.
You should ask him to come over and watch a movie. You should kiss him, and you should tell him that you like him.
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I'm male, nearly 30.
For half my life I've been chasing girls and from asking God for a girlfriend to crying in the shower, I've tried it all.
I've been on dates, but none of the women I have been interested in, likes me back (more than a friend, your such a NICE guy... I know that one off by heart). Its really frustrating to be 30 and to know only rejection from women, obviously at this stage I'm so insecure that the last time I liked this chick I totally started to stutter really badly when I thought about trying to kiss her.
I don't try to screw anything that moves, if I'm not interested in a women, I don't make moves on them and have no problem talking to them.
I'm really low and I need advice, not comfort. (link)
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Ok.
In the most plain uncomplex wording imaginable, you arent exciting them.
I dont know you or your situation, I cant comment on much of anything involving you, but the big glaring red buzzer floats over "nice guy"
Part of the "nice guy" typecast is your lack of confidence. Thats a tough one, if I had good advice I would give it, but unfortunately there is no quick fix for confidence. You have to know success before you can manage that.
That being said, you can definitely find success without high levels of confidence.
The easiest suggestion to make with the information given is that you need a hook. You need an attribute that turns a woman's head. It can be the way you dress, the way you speak, something you do, there are many, many possible hooks.
A common theme, with people who arent confident, is that its not confined to one area. Confidence, similarly, can extend to different areas. So if you build up something in your life that you have confidence that has potential to draw someone, it will help.
An example. A friend of mine likes going to bars to meet women. His hook is his dancing. He took lessons for everything from ballroom to salsa to breakdancing. He can walk onto the dance floor, drop a few moves, and then walk up to a woman and ask her to dance and she will almost always say yes.
Outside of that, hes a pretty normal guy. But he knows the girls he likes, he knows the environment, and he found something to use thats going to generate instant attraction.
I'll tell you, most women dont "grow to love". Women think with emotion. If they dont have a flash of "I want to fuck that guy" at the start, they tend to have a hard time developing it later.
Thats the best I got for the moment.
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Ok my and my ex broke up 3 days ago. We talk on the phone and she said i have lost my chances at ever going out with her. She read me her personal journal it made me realise some of the anoying shit i did im not a man, im a kid. She is 6 months older then me. And shes in grade 10 and im in grade 9. I have never felt this way about anothere girl. She flirts with othere guys infront of me. Its killing me inside, and when I tell her that she thinks im purpesley making her feal like shit. How can I talk to her with and act around her that will make her want me back? I know I cant change the way she feels about me. But I might be able to change the way she thinks about me. What are good topics to talk about well im on the phone with her? Something sweet, something that makes me sound like im 15 cause im relly mature she just doesnt see that. She wants somone who is fun but can be serouis. She wants a man. Help me, I cant let her go. How can I change the way I act and the way I talk to her that would make her like me as a lover and not just a freind? If you want to get an idea of how I feel about her listen to the song (broken by: seather) help me please:( (link)
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First and foremost.
It'll take some time before this hits home, but there is always another girl out there who will make you feel like no girl has ever made you feel before.
So, if she is gone, you'll get over it. I know that from your standpoint thats not very reassuring, but if things dont work out then that tidbit will stand you in good stead for the future.
Now. Getting her back.
Without knowing what you did its hard to put together a full picture of what exactly you have to do to make it up to her. It sounds like if nothing else she feels smothered. Telling her that her flirting is killing you inside isnt going to win her back. So stop doing it.
Honestly, just act normal around her for a day or two, and then when shes had enough time to not be annoyed, go talk to her. Dont cry, dont get emotional, just tell her straight up that you like being around her, and that if she has issues with things that you do that she should tell you so you can work on them.
Tell her that you're sorry you screwed up, but that you can care for her alot, and that if she talks to you when something is wrong that things could be fixed.
Its a blunt and inelegant approach to it, but fortunately you dont have to be overly refined in your tactics when dealing with a teenaged girl. You cant change if shes still interested in you. But if she is, then shes waiting for you to show her a sign that you truly are grown up.
Talking to her calmly and stating what you want is a good start on that.
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16/f.
I met a guy online (very stupid idea, I know.) and well...we started talking on MSN (he's 18) for a couple of months. and then he starts telling me he cares for me. then in a week, he loves me and he has a major crush on me.
I'm like...wait wait...hold up..WHAT? You don't even know me..!
My question is....is it possible to actually feel love online?
He keeps on insisting it and I don't know if he's bullshitting me.
Advice? (link)
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Emotions do not stop when someone logs on online.
That being said, a love that exists only online is a shallow love. You cant possibly know a person from them online.
Yes, he believes he loves you. No, its not the deep seated emotion that comes from learning a persons quirks, their ins and outs.
Id stop talking to him. Meeting people online isnt a bad thing, but you dont want to get involved with someone who is going to fall for you online before you even meet. It means that he wants to be in love and you are just a convenient target.
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SO.... I've been seeing this guy for a lil while now and yes we have had sex. The thing is He wants me to be on top sometimes and im just not comfortable with it. I fell like when i'm up there i just don't know what to do~! I don't know if i'm just afraid that im going to suck at being on top or what~ any advice ne1 could give me plz? (link)
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I'll tell you a secret.
Most guys are not going to cum when youre on top.
When he asks you to get on top, its not because he wants you to make something feel good for him. Its because he wants to watch you enjoy yourself. When you are on top of him he can lay there, enjoy sex, and he can see more of you than he can with other positions. Guys like it because they can see their girl's face and the pleasure crossing it.
So when you get on top, do what feels good for you. Play with it, enjoy it, and show him that you enjoy it.
Start there, and then talk to him about what feels good for him, and you can work something out where you both very much enjoy.
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21/f
my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. when ever i preform oral sex on him i have him tell me before he ejaculates so i can stop and finish with my hand. i get grossed out by the thought of it in my mouth. this coming weekend he wants me not to stop but he says he'll wear a condom so my question is:
1. will it feel as good 2 him?
2. will it not go in my mouth?
and 3. would that work?
thanks so much! (link)
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With a condom neither of you will probably enjoy it much.
Make sure that your condom is unlubricated and has no spermicidal coating. Those two things taste absolutely terrible. You want to have specific condoms for giving head.
It will solve the semen in your mouth problem but probably have other issues. No danger in trying it though.
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What do you think about sex before being married. I don't know if it's wrong or right so I'm asking you. Please voice opinions and experience. (link)
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This is a bit of a complicated question.
Many religions teach that sex outside of marriage is wrong. There are reasons why teaching this makes sense, especially because most of these rules were created when there was no birth control, so sex outside of a marriage would lead to illegitimate children every time.
Personally speaking, I think its a choice everyone has to face with no true right or wrong answer. Some people think sex before marriage isnt for them until they have it. Some think that it IS for them until they have it.
I enjoy sex before marriage. I would not marry a woman I had not slept with, because I am a very sexual person and compatibility in that area is very, very important to me.
Some people are not as sexual, or sexual compatibility is not AS important.
The one thing I can say is, if you arent sure, wait. You can always change a no to a yes, you cannot go it the other way around.
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You seem to cut right to the point so I was hoping you might help me out with this...
I am dating my friends ex, and have been dating him happily for about 5 months.
Yeah, it was a bit tense at first, but everything between my friend and both of us is grand now. Thier relationship was a short one and they were pretty mis-matched. We're all cool.
The problem is a lot of our mutual friends don’t know this or they suspect it, but don’t actually know for certain. We recently graduated, so we don't see eachother as much anymore. She never told anyone (I had mistakenly assumed she had told most people), and our friends are used to me being pretty tight lipped about my love-life... So, I’m not sure how to bring it up now without it seeming like I was misleading people before.
I doesn’t help that most of our friends did not like him during their short relationship (I practically loathed him myself). They were very dysfunctional and miserable together. I don’t expect our mutual friends to be happy for me or for us all to hang out as one big group or anything. I just feel like they should know.
Any thoughts on if/how to tell them? (link)
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Just mention it to them.
You're close lipped about relationships, so say so. You're close lipped because you try to control what other people think of you, and you're worried now for the same reason. Ive done this for pretty much all my life.
Seriously, just unwind about it and say something. I dont think your friends are going to care too much, just say that you didnt know how to bring it up but you wanted to tell them because you are happy about it and are enjoying being in the relationship. They'll probably be happy for you.
Personal opinion, youre thinking too much about this. Chill out and enjoy it.
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not sure if this is the right category but yah..
say this guy has a girlfriend and he lets another girl like give him a hand job but it wasn't really a hand job because he still has his pants on and the girl is just rubbing his dick from the outside of the guys pants,
and then the guy rubs the girls vagina but outside the pants..
is that considered cheating on the other girl? (link)
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By most standards Ive ever heard of, yes.
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Theres this guy, we'll call him Joe. I've known him for about 3 years and we're not really "close" but we can pretty much talk about anything and enjoy seeing each other. Were both flirty towards each other but we go to different schools now so its not easy to spend time together. I think we both see each other as an potential boyfriend girlfriend, but haven't talked about it at all.
He's conservative and wouldn't be outright "promusicous" I guess you could say. He's had a girlfriend before, but there relationship was pretty conservative as well.
What I'm saying is, how can I get him to make a move? I have a formal coming up, and I'd really like him to go with me, but I dont think he has any idea I like him! What can I do to subtly let him know I'm interested without being too forward and let him know its okay to make a move? (link)
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Walk up to him.
Grab his head, kiss him.
Tell him that theres more where that came from if he invites you to the dance.
Ive seen this used before. It requires alot of balls to pull off, but it so far has a 100% success rate.
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My X-gf broke up with me and now I'm going out with her best friend cause my X said that she didnt care, but it turns out that my X still likes me, What do I do? (link)
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You enjoy going out with her best friend and let your ex learn what it means to screw up and lose someone she cares about.
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Okay I move way too fast with guys. I don't think I'm a slut because I don't go out with that many guys I'm kind of picky. I'm in this relationship with this really great guy and we have been together for 9 now and on the 7th month we had sex on the 8th month we did four play (hand jobs,fingering etc)and oral. he doesn't have a problem but i do is that bad????? (link)
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Yes
If you think you move too fast, then you do. You are doing things before you really want to.
You need to stop doing things so fast, first of all. You need to figure out why second. And you need to work on changing why third.
Slow yourself down. Masturbate more if you have to.
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