Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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adviceman49
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Hey, I'm 16 and currently freaking out. My period has always been irregular by about a week and now it's 10 days late. I've commenced freaking out. I'm sexually active with my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for a year and we're both very mature. Although, I have never ever had unprotected vaginal sex. Also we've never had a condom break before. I've done a lot of research and the only symptom of pregnancy I have is that my period is late. I can't get a pregnancy test until Monday and it's Saturday. So it's a long time away. Also, perhaps stress or illness has to do with the fact that my period is late? Also to note, I have smoked marijuana occasionally over the past year and a half but recently I began smoking everyday to help with anxiety and please don't tell me it's bad ect. Could this have to do with my period being late? Someone please help me I'm stressing (link)
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it doesnt sound like your pregnant based on what youve said here. I wouldnt freak out just yet.
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I'm 16 years old I'm a junior in high school. On August 18 I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive according to my last period which was July 7 I was barely around 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. I live with both parents and their are the most strict parents ever. My sister is about 10 weeks ahead she's pregnant too. The difference is she graduated highschool and college, had a job and a boyfriend my parents liked. My parents hate my boyfriend and I have no money or anything. My boyfriend is 19 and has a job. It's been months since that happened but I still haven't told my parents I'm suppose to be around 19-20 weeks. I still haven't told them or seen a doctor I'm so scared I don't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I really was pregnant but now I'm beyond sure because I feel little bubbles and fluttering in my belly.. I don't know what to do (link)
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Yeah you need to talk to your mom asap. Maybe do it when your alone with her so your mom can break it to your dad in a way she best can do that so he wont freak.
You also absolutely need to go to the doctor NOW. You can make an appointment for prenatal care.
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I feel bad saying this, but my dad's family is full of selfish, unloving jerks who leave me out and make me feel like I'm not even part of the family. My own grandmother, my cousins, and my other extended relatives treat me like I'm nothing. It's hurtful and I don't understand why they have to be like this, but I'm sick of it and wish it would stop.
The thing is that they don't treat my dad or my sister like this, just me and my mom. My grandmother is the one who really sucks and my sister does actually have to put up with her crap on occasion. I don't know of a person other than my dad and cousins who don't.
There are a few reasons I can think of that might be like this. The first is that they weren't very happy when my parents announced that my mom was pregnant with me. Both of my uncles only had one child and my grandmother seemed to like that because when she went to visit a grandchild, she could have one on one time with that grandkid without another one being in the way. I ruined that for her when I was born. She only had a year and a half with my older sister before that happened. I also think she wanted me to be a boy and thought it was stupid that my parents had two girls.
The last reason I can think of that they may be like this is because they hate my mom and my mom doesn't like them either. My grandmother's like a cat. She doesn't just GIVE you love (at least not much), you have to earn it even if your her grandkid. One way she wants me and my sister to earn her love is by treating our mom and other grandparents like dirt. When we didn't was when my sister got on her bad side and when I got one more strike against myself.
They leave me out of everything including things that I SHOULD be a part of and my dad doesn't do anything about it. My mom's family never leaves my dad out of anything. He's always invited to come visit them any time the rest of us are and I have one uncle who buys us all plane tickets to come see him. The was one time he wasn't invited to go to dinner with my mom, granddad, and uncle when my uncle was in town, but neither was my sister or I. It was because they had to talk to my mom about something important that they didn't want to talk about in front of us. They were talking about taking my grandmother off of life support and wanted to break that news to us after they decided whether they'd do it or not. My dad was butt hurt about not being invited though and kept talking about how weird that was. Then when his daily leaves me or my mom out, he helps them and thinks it's weird if my mom and I are upset about it. He's like, "Why do need to be invited? That's weird. You always think it's weird when you're not invited somewhere?"
I still live near my parents which is about an hour from my grandmother. My sister lives about ten hours away. When she comes to town, my grandmother invites us all to come see her. If she's not in town, then only my dad's invited and doesn't tell us he's going until right before he leaves. Yesterday, he and they had thanksgiving without us while my mom and I had it with my granddad. The fact that they didn't want us at their FAMILY thanksgiving makes me feel unloved, especially since they'd have wanted my sister there. My own grandmother could Cate less about seeing me unless she gets to see my sister too.
I'd understand if I was an a$$ hole to her too, but I'm not. We went to my sister's place for Thanksgiving last year and I gave up my usual bedroom for her. We went through a lot of trouble just so she COULD go with us last year and this is what we get for that? We have thrown birthday parties for her before and yet she won't even acknowledge my birthday or my mom's. She doesn't reciprocate anything we do for her.
The MOST hurtful thing she's even done was back in January. My parents were out of town and my granddad had to have emergency surgery to repair a hole in his intestines. While I was in the waiting room, I used my phone to look up his prognosis on the internet. I found out it wasn't good and then a doctor came in a told me that his chances were very small. He said he had a horrible infection, his kidneys had shut down (a sign of death), and his blood pressure was out of control.
My grandmother called (only because my dad asked her to) to ask if I wanted her to come down. I needed someone bad. My parents had a twelve hour drive home, my uncle's were on the way, but wouldn't be here for hours, and long story short, my friends were all out of town. She was the only person who could be there and I told her that I did want her to come down. She tried to get out of it, but I kept telling her that I really needed someone there. She said she'd come, but she called me back a couple of hours later and said she'd decided not to after all. I needed her more than I ever had in my life and she couldn't have cared less.
My mom and I went to visit my sister last weekend and she said something that I've thought about myself before. It's the ugliest thing I've ever said before and I'm ashamed to feel this way, but we both feel that we lost the wrong grandmother. Our late maternal grandmother was an angel and wouldn't treat her worst enemy as rudely as the grandmothet we still have treats her own grandkids.
I guess my question is, why is my grandmother lime this and what, if anything, can I do about it? (link)
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Wow, that was long winded lol. ok im gonna try to break some of this down for you as simply as i can, you didnt state your age or anything so im going to assume that because your parents are still trying to keep you in the dark on certain things pertaining to other family members health that your rather young.
It sounds like, your grandmother was never totally accepting of your mother, and it sounds like thats why theres some devision in the family tree here. Although she may seem to be MORE "ok" with your sister then you, doesnt ness. mean that shes an absolute favorite either....
Could there be a possibility that your sister one day learned to put her foot down with your gramma and thats why she maybe respects her a little more ever since?
Could there be a chance that you could tell her yourself that the day she up and just "decided not to come to your side after all" that you were really disappointed in her?? and just give her a blank stare?
Sometimes as a youngster in a family of other siblings, your feelings can be put on the back burner so to speak, and you have to do certain things to make yourself SEEN and considered as a person to make SURE that your valued, but once you do it can definitely turn out for the better.
Heres somethings you could try to sort of make yourself a little bit more "seen" by her. If you go over there and she needs something and you run to get it for her, you can walk up with said item and make SURE she says thank you to you. maybe just a simple "excuse me, i didnt hear a thank youuuu" in a playful sort of light hearted way so that if she takes it too seriously you can say you were just kidding. This can show that YOU have a personality too that might be WORTH getting to know. Then over time, she may start to "see you" more.
with family members like this you have to command acknowledgement. MAKE yourself known, say things loud enough so that more then just she can hear it. You can still be loving and kind as a family member without coming off as mean.
Maybe if your sitting somewhere with her and theres just a couple people around, you can calmly say "hey can i ask you something" and when she says "what?" you can (very calmly) ask her about the day when she "couldnt make it" to the hospital after she said she would. Let her respond and use your own judgement to figure out if you think shes lying about it or not. then calmly respond back how you felt about it, that you really needed someone that day, and that no one else showed up and youve just been feeling really disappointed about what happened" Sometimes when people are being directly called out on their bullshit, they will brake down and tell you exactly whats going on.
As an adult you need to be able to stay calm, and not let your emotions over come you when your responding back, aka yelling back at her, or not excepting what should be a reasonable answer.
Its best to stay completely poker faced when confronting situations like this, people need to feel like your really hearing them out. So make sure that you maintain eye contact and act like your listening while staying quiet and calm about it. This will also show her that your completely serious about what your saying and that if she has something she wants to say to you about whatever it is, that now is the time.
If anyone else tries to get in the middle of the conversation, calmly let them know that your trying to have an important discussion with her and that your in no way trying to be disrespectful, your just asking for some answers, and to be more involved in important matters. I would also mention that you dont like being left in the dark about things as well.
When it comes to your grandmother, the bottom line is that she may view you in a way that you dont like. Its your job to change it, and show that you are capable of handling whatever it is they are talking about.
You can also ASK her if your ever alone together why she never invites you to things that you'd really like to be there for. You could tell that you love her, and youd like to get to spend more time with her. Everyone needs their gramma and let her know that your interested. Maybe if she thinks your interested in return and that you value her, then she might try harder??
About your relationship between your mom and your gramma.....Sometimes people think their lives are going to go one way and then it goes another, and sometimes its in way we never expected it to go and your grandmother may not have liked the way hers went. She probably realizes that shes older now and things didnt turn out the way she thought they would and she could just be really unhappy about it. Sometimes you DONT end up getting a great daughter in law and you end up not getting along with her. Thats life and theres nothing we can really do about it.
sometimes people just arent happy with their lives and they focus on the wrong things (like ignoring a grand child) because they are so tied up in their own battle with themselves that they are sort of just existing day to day and not really living.
One way to snap people out of something like this is to gently confront the person about then things theyve been neglecting because of the fact that they have been so "busy" internally.....does that make sense?? If you need more help please feel free to hit me up.
good luck
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Hi, I'm unsure about whether I should break up with my boyfriend or not. I've tried to talk to my friends about it, but all my close friends and family have met him already, so I'm afraid that their opinion will be biased one way or the other (depending on their impression of him). I would really appreciate a neutral opinion. This is going to be really long, I'm sorry in advance. I'm 23/female, and our 1 year anniversary is in a few days. The first 3 months were argument-free, but we started having more and more fights. The frequency of fights escalated over the months, to the point where we now argue every other day, and we're lucky to go 3 days without some sort of argument. In our last few fights, I've questioned, both to myself and to him, whether we're just not compatible enough to be right for each other. I think he and I share similar core values (we think family is extremely important and we are very loyal to friends), but socially we're pretty different. He drinks way more than I do, and he's definitely toned it down a lot since he met me. Even our friends have said that he's so much more tame now compared to last year, and a lot of people were surprised when we started dating. Another note is that we're in the same program at school, with a class size just over 100, so if we do break up, we'll awkwardly be in the same classes for the next 2.5 years, with many mutual friends. I've met his family and he's met mine- we went to each other's hometowns over the summer. It seemed for the longest time that he would be the one, but lately it hasn't been so clear. His drinking has always been a problem for me. He claims that he doesn't like the taste of alcohol, that it's just a social aspect. To be fair, he doesn't drink much compared to his roommates. His roommates will have a beer even when they're just watching TV, and he's never done that, but when drinking with them, he goes crazy sometimes. I would say in the last year that I've known him, he's thrown up or passed out from drinking maybe 3-4 times, which isn't a lot, but every time it's happened, I get really upset, then he gets upset that I judge him so much instead of just letting him have a fun night once in a while. My level of drinking has always been an occasional night out with friends or the occasional party in undergrad, and I've been drunk before, but I have never thrown up or passed out. That's why our views on drinking are so different; I've asked him why he can't just control his drinking to stop at a point before he knows he can't handle it anymore, and he responds by asking why I have to judge him and try to change him so much, when he's never tried to change me in our relationship. I will admit that he's not my "ideal" guy; there's a lot about him that I've learned over the months that aren't necessarily what I thought I was looking for in a guy. That's probably why he feels like I'm not happy with him and just constantly try to change him. These aren't huge negatives, just little things like how he's bad at planning things properly and prefers spontaneous plans (another difference between us- I don't need a rigid schedule, but I like having a general plan). Overall, he treats me very well and we've talked about a future together openly. However, I experienced the loss of a parent recently, and it's been very hard on both of us- he's been trying his best to be there for me, but I know that it's stressful for him too. Last night, we were supposed to go black friday shopping together, and he was eating and drinking with some of our friends before I got there. When I arrived, he was passed out and he threw up twice over the night. I spent a good part of the shopping trip waiting outside the men's room for him. I have no problem with taking care of him when he can't, but I wasn't happy about why he had to drink so much again. He apologized and said he wished he hadn't done that. He could tell that I was upset, and today I asked him why he had to drink like that. His defensiveness and anger came back again- he said he'd been stressed (I guess by all that's been happening with my situation), and he just wanted a night off to have fun. He asked again why I had to judge him so much. I told him that I never meant for my parent's death to stress him out, and that it wasn't directly his problem. I didn't want him dealing with stress by drinking, especially if it's stress due to me. He said he wanted to be there for me, but he also just needed a night off. When I asked him if he thought what he did last night was wrong, he got even more upset and deflected. I mean, he did apologize last night, but that was when he was still drunk. He didn't apologize today at all. Basically, I'm at a point where I'm wondering if things can still work between us. I know that relationships are about compromise, but how do I know when we've reached the point where even compromise won't work? Or am I just being too critical? Please tell me honestly, this has been eating me up for a while now. Ultimately, I want to be with him, and I know that he wants to be with me, but I don't know if this is just a really long rough patch, or if both of us are just not ready to accept that we have to go our separate ways. Thanks. (link)
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heres the thing, everyone handles stress differently for one. He may have been drinking with a friend to try to relieve the stress which i get but abusing alcohol in order to do that is not necessary. If your sake, (and maybe you can tell him this) he needs to find some other way to "destress" besides drinking like he does because all it did you for yesterday was cause you MORE stress which isnt helpful....
Next, him constantly asking you why your trying to "judge" him when all your trying to do is have an open dialog about your feelings, is not a good sign. Hes cutting himself off from you emotionally by doing that and this will only cause even more friction and bullshit where its not needed as well.
Relationships are hard as it is without adding the stress of unwillingness to talk things threw and be SURE that your both on the same page about things.
If he cant do that (even when your not having a rough patch) then hes not a good match. Being open with feelings and putting yourself out there to possibly be hurt or judged is PART of having any kind of relationship. It comes with the territory and he needs to learn to be ok with that.
With the shopping situation yesterday, what you should have done when you found out he was way too drunk to go anywhere was just insisted he stay home and that youll go without him. This is the adult way to say "YOU messed up, you made a bad choice, and ruined our night and now your going to stay here and think about what youve done"
Give him some time to think about what hes done without you having to say it. He will see that you were disappointed in him and he will either realize what hes done or he wont and it will be another point against him on the check list of weather to stay together or not.
Just remember theres no reasoning with someone who doesnt want to change. The only thing you can do is voice your concerns and then walk away and give him time to think about his choices. You just lost a parent, you really dont need this kinda shit right now, its not helping matters.
I myself actually just lost a parent and im also married to my high school sweetheart so im very similar to you if you fast forward about 14 years lol. ; )
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I would really like some assistance with this issue. I have gone around in circles, for a while... and I'm finally starting to come to a conclusion.
So, I met my boyfriend when I was 20. Right now, I'm 24. It took about 9 months to a year for us to become a couple. I had a crush on him for a while... but we were friends. We became a couple on my 21st birthday. I'm turning 25 in about 2 months... so that would be our four year anniversary. A year into the relationship, I made a huge change. I'm not going to get into too much... but basically, I had a huge loss in my family. This prompted me to re-examine myself a lot and make some changes in my life. Some people would say I became less "fun," but the reality is that I just became more mature. I grew up. I realized that my childhood and my time to be immature was over. My definition of fun changed.I fell into a huge depression for some time, and once I came out of it, I had obviously made some changes. I don't really credit these changes to the fact that four years went by. It was just the circumstances of my life during this time. Usually, people grow up together. But, in my case, he has had yet to grow up at all.
My mom started to HATE him about a year into the relationship. Things started to get really heated and she even refused to speak to me until I broke up with him. At the time, I was still living with her, and I came up with a lie. I told her that I had broken up with him and I've been seeing him in secret ever since. I thought that she was just controlling... but that's another question for another day, lol.
The point is, that since them, I've had a lot of time to examine him without my mom's input. I've had over a year to watch him without my mom knowing about it and giving any type of opinion. I had so many reasons to break up with him about a year ago. He was rude, disrespectful, and constantly putting me down. I could have left at any moment and just decided not to speak to him again. But... I didn't. But, of course, those things stayed with me. Now... he has made a complete turn around. He is being super nice, romantic, sweet, and constantly complimenting me. But, compliments don't mean much once you've been kicked to the ground. I just can't stand him. I know that sounds awful. But, it's like... everything about him annoys me. I don't want to write an essay on everything that annoys me and why... but the point is... that it does. I even find myself interested in other guys.
The problem is... I CAN'T break up with him. At one point, I tried, and I became suicidal. And that's not an exaggeration. It was true. I even wrote letters to my family saying goodbye. I read them a few months later and could't believe that I had been in such a dark place at that time. My high school sweetheart really hurt me. I think that was the only guy that I have given my entire heart to. And he shattered it. I guess that I couldn't fathom the fact that I would hurt somebody the same way. I didn't want to be responsible for that kind of pain. So, I would rather suffer and be in an incompatible relationship than break his heart. The reality is that I'm a point in my life where I'm ready to get married. And I don't see this relationship as a marriage. There are a list of things that I want in a marriage relationship, and he barely meets any of those requirements.
I wish that I could just get on a plane and leave the country. Go hide somewhere and not have to face him. I don't want to face him. I don't want to do this. The only thing that I can think of is just not giving him an explanation. Just become really cold and cut the ties, cut the lines of communication. I really can't face anyone with this problem. So, this is where I NEED your help. I need to end a relationship without saying the words. Without facing anyone. Without talking to them. I just can't do it. I don't need to be told to "face my fears." This is deeper than most people can understand. I am afraid to go back to that place where I was suicidal. And that's not exactly a "face your fears" type of situation. That is very serious and whatever prompted those feelings not too long ago, I feel SHOULD be avoided. But, I can't just keep dating him on the down low. Sneaking around town, going somewhere once or twice a week just to "maintain" this relationship.
PLEASE HELP. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! (link)
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Wow, well first let me just say after reading this that im very proud of you that you have made the strides you have and you even managed to outgrow your own boyfriend! You sound like your above average, and have become very self aware of your life and the people in it.
I think its great that your also considering how your family would take it if you were to tell them about the relationship. that is very considerate of you and something alot of people dont even care about. You clearly care about other peoples feelings and thats major. Good for you. ; )
Next, i want to address something else. There are lots of people who have problem with confrontation or possible confrontation/ friction with others. Heres the thing about that. I order to completely consider peoples feelings other than your own like youve done, you also have to accept the possibility that there WILL be points in time where there will be friction, even if you caused it. Sorry dear, but it just comes with the territory in ANY relationship you have with ANYONE....EVER. and your job as an adult is to consider those feelings other people have and to try to help manage them based on what youve said and done.
Only YOU know your boyfriend, and only YOU can break the news to him that you wish to end things.
You said at one point you were just friends right??
Well "as a friend" you need to calmly sit down and talk to him in private, and tell him that you will "still always care for him" but that your both changing and growing as people and you can always just say you just need some time to keep growing as a person.
Whatever you do STAY calm no matter what his reaction is. Let him vent his feelings, sit there and let him talk and say whatever he feels he needs to say but remember you need to let him talk, he needs to feel like you gave him a chance even if in your head its totally over ok?
Dont ignore and just cut ties with someone. This can really be devastating and at that, make him feel WORSE then you intended because you just cut him off "out of no where". He cant read your mind obviously so your going to need to play the "friend" card and BE that friend you were BEFORE you were a couple.
Remain friendly, yet keep a distance. Over time you can slowly fade away. You contact can be limited to just online and when he does contact you wanting to get back together or something like that, you can say that you already sat down and had a clear convo about all this and that you;d like to remain friends but not if hes going to "cross your boundaries like this" in most peoples eyes, if they really care for you they'll back off because they'd rather have SOME form of you in their life than none at all.
Give him time to adjust to this, and over time encourage him to go out with his own friends without you and do things separately. if he acts sad over you having already made plans with other people act sympathetic and then give him a "hey well why dont you go do this or that with -insert the name of someone else here- who he might have a good time with.
good luck ; )
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my weight is 55. before it was 49, i have a gained a lot of weight in last 2 months. sudden weight gain. i assume thats because of all junk food. i want to lose weight. so i have started exercising. i do 30 crunches, 20 reverse crunches, 30 squats,30 sec plank hold and 20 bicycles every day. i miss out one day in between sometimes. and sometimes i do it twice a day. how many days would it probably take me to lose weight with the exercise plan that im following? i know i have to cut down on junk food. im trying my level best. its been 6 days since ive started the workout plan. my trouble areas are my hips, arms and belly. also are there any exercises to lose cheek fat? (link)
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ok heres the problem with that your asking. We dont know how old you are or what health issues you might have, medications you might be taking, or how fast your metabolism is, which all could have an effect on how quickly you gain and lose weight.
The basic bottom lines that i can say here are cut the junk food, cut that artificial stuff, any kind of soda (yes even diet) and start slowly changing your eating habits so that you naturally start to gravitate towards healthier food over time. try replacing just one or two meals a week with a salad or something healthy, then bump that up slowly. Start eating slower, so that your body has time to adjust to all the food your eating and your brain has time to say "im full now. lets stop here" even if it means NOT having desert. ; )
over time this ALONE will help with weight loss just by itself in addition to what your already doing. and lastly try to start your day out with some protein like sausages or some kind of meat so that you can think clearer for the day ahead and focus better. i do all these and its amazing the baby weight ive lost.
I hope that helps. If you want to repost or give some better specifics about yourself so that we can better assist you, please feel free. ; ) good luck.
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I do not feel close to anyone. I feel like I just have surface relationships and it makes me sad. The biggest thing I lack is emotional support and feeling close to people. Being away for college was stressful but fun. I am on break and it wad a much needed break because I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I did not tell anyone how I felt beside one of my friends. But, now I am on break and I feel better but I am not happy. I am at home but I felt instantly depressed, becaude this home is not home to me. My mom is my mom but I dont have an emotionally connection to her or anyone. I lack closeness. I feel like I am so different because I dont have close relationship with family. I feel like I have surface relationship. I want a deeper connection. I just feel like my life is meaningless and it upsets me that I dont have close relationship, I need a support system. I can not do this alone. (link)
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I have some questions based on your post.
When you say that you dont have any deep connections with people, are you sure its not because you (weather you know it or not) closed yourself off to them? this will naturally repel people and think that your cold and not open to new friendships. This can be easily broken by just being nice to people, even complete strangers. Smile, if your waiting in line compliment them, crack a joke that makes others turn around to see who said it then look at them and smile back so that they feel its ok to smile and laugh too. SHOW that your excepting of others and no matter their faults, youll be there to talk and in turn they will want to give you the same in return. YOU determine how "close" you want to be with others, not them.
You can still try to show your family that your present when your home, and care but that you will only take so much. With children who go away to school for months at a time, they can often feel "out of touch" with whats been going on at home because things in life are always changing, even if it doesnt seem like it right away. We are all a constant work in progress our whole lives.
You can still get in "a fight" with a family member and then ask them if they want something to eat with you. This shows that you care, but you have limits too but that with some attention on their part your willing to move past it and continue to be family. With this process over time, even if they yell back at you that they arent interested, they can still see that your trying to show you care. You can then turn it against them later during a larger argument and have PROOF that "even after a fight with you i still tried to offer to spend time with you because im willing to get over things UNLIKE you" see?? because if you "didnt really care you wouldnt have done that" and in time the people who are capable and have wanted to be closer with you (like family) will come to you and realize that they were the ones that needed adjustment here, not ness. you.
Try to not take comments too personally too. Sometimes when people say things, it may have sounded different in their head then when it actually came out of their mouth.
These are all things you can think about and work on when it comes to interaction between you and others.
remember that your young and still have plenty of time in your life to move on to bigger and better things and this isnt "it" for you.
Keep working on yourself, practice patience with others, hear them out (because you make an impact on others weather you mean to or not) and take use your best judgement to find meaningful connections and not just fair weather friends who are there one minute and gone the next when things get hard.
good luck
; )
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First off, I'm 21 and female.
I just started dating a new guy after breaking off an engagement a year ago, taking 7 months to just get back to being myself, and going on several dates with men that led to nowhere.
I really like this guy and I've already spent a lot of time with him. He's funny, smooth, college educated charismatic, and has good life goals. I'm also very attracted to him (more so than with previous dates) which is a big deal for me because I don't find myself attracted to most men I meet.
However, my best friend doesn't approve of him. She doesn't think his sense of humor is funny and she doesn't trust him at all. He goes to her University and she looked up his name in the student directory and didn't find anything. I wound up finding out from him (after I confronted him about it) that it was because he's had a legal name change and was under some kind of protection order after an ex girlfriend went psycho. Because I confronted him about it, I of course had to tell him how I knew he wasn't in the directory because I go to a different college. He wound up getting a little upset at my best friend because they share the same ethnicity and religious upbringing and he couldn't understand why somebody who goes through the same challenges of being stereotyped due to their background everyday would be so quick to throw somebody else dealing with the same struggles under the bus.
She doesn't believe him no matter what I say, she thinks he's lying and that he doesn't go to school at all. I feel like that would be a stupid thing to lie about though and he's told me stories about his classes and other things that match up so he'd have to be lying about all that too. Any time I try to tell her I don't believe he's lying and why I think that, she says I'm "justifying" and now anytime I say anything about him she says he lying.
She's never actually met him by the way.
Of course I still plan on asking for his student ID next time I see him to be sure but by her saying all this stuff it's making me paranoid too and I feel bad about it.
What do I do? Obviously this isn't a good start because now neither of them like each other. I love my best friend (that I've known for years and I really like this guy and I don't want this kind of tension going on between them. I don't want this to be the start of the end of our relationship because it's been a long time since I've felt so strongly about somebody. I really mean it when I say I like him a lot and it's not just an infatuation.
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Im going to make this very basic for you. Females can get jealous of other females happiness.
They can be very controlling over other close friends to the point where they will attempt to even sabotage your relationship with that person in an effort to keep you all to themselves.
Talk to her, find out what her chain of logic is behind WHY she specifically doesnt like him, and go from there. humans can be very simple creatures if you think about it.
Let me break this down for you:
When you go to the zoo or some place that has animals, you always see peacocks amongst plain old birds, like pigeons and what not. Peacocks will be everywhere because really, they dont like to be contained. Infact they'll just die if they cant explore the area they live in and look for new things but they always come back to where they really want to be for whatever reason it is that fulfills THEM. Now a pigeon is just a plain old looking bird, thats average and not special from any of the other birds around.
Now as a human we all think "god i would love to have a beautiful peacock to keep and adore forever" because of how special they are, how beautiful they are and how they capture the attention of everyone around them...
Well EVERYONE wants a peacock yet they are hard to attain and keep because of the spirit to do their own thing and not want to be hindered by others....and it sounds to me like you are a peacock, trying to discover new things and meet new people and your friend is acting like an average pigeon. Jealous, not capable of just being happy for someone else.
you sound like a peacock trusting a pigeon hunny. Altho your friend might have raised an alarm bell about his ID at school, it still sounds to me like she cant stand him being around and giving him a chance and thats not fair. shes putting you in an awkward place, and sooner or later your going to have to ask her why she cant just be happy for you and speak up. Dont let someone put that kind of doubt about your own boyfriend in your mind like that. Its toxic and poisonous to the relationship. Listen and hear her out if you care for her but trust your own judgement when it comes to certain things.
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My boyfriend and I have only been officially dating since the beginning of November. We have been seeing each other since the beginning of September. The holidays are around the corner and I'm not sure what to get him for Christmas.
We just started dating so I don't really know what is acceptable? He is 23 years old. (link)
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wow, well this IS your first xmas together so it can still be something simple yet meaningful. Maybe an xmas ornament with a picture of the the two of you inside it making funny faces?
maybe a gift card for starbucks? or something that he could use if he works and on his breaks leaves to go eat? Something useful is always a good thing people appreciate.
does he work out or walk alot or jog? maybe a pair of jogging shoes would be in order?? the only things you want to steer clear of are are expensive things like watches or pricey clothing or anything that has to do with love and being together forever. You dont want to put that kind of pressure on him yet, but getting him something that you "noticed, he might need" for this purpose or that while you were with him, would be way more appreciated and make it look like your looking to take care of him as a partner and that you pay attention to the details.
if he says later whatever gift you gave him made him feel weird, just play it off and minimize it by saying something like "what? it was just shoes, its not that big a deal, that kinda stuff isnt big in MY eyes. I just noticed your old (whatever the item was) and thought i'd help thats all) ; )
and then mention the cost and that thats not too much to you.
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Could we just have a moment and give thanks, and show our appreciation to Dragonflymagic for always stopping just to answer our questions. This thread would be dedicated just for her. So come on and say your thank you's! :D (link)
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absolutely! she is great! always level headed and ready to give advice that can be applied right away!
; )
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Is it okay for teen boys to cry? How serious does something have to be for a guy to cry? Is it okay for guys to cry in public(like at school) or only at home/alone?
That's a lot of questions at once, sorry, just want to know what people think.... (link)
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I would say that if things are serious that (and this is with ALL people not just guys) to go ahead and allow themselves to feel things in that moment.
But often times its easier for people to cry, feel things, grieve a loss, and show outwardly these emotions alone or at home at least in a room with people they know that will care about what they are going thru.
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My friend has a crush on this boy and I tell her he is bad news but she doesn't listen to me and I tell her that one day she will find her match but clearly right now he isn't her match he found out when these dum boys told him and she got pissed and left crying later on her crush started dating this girl {whom is not in good condition blahhhh} and he is only dating her because he doesn't like my friend { I suppose } and then one day after he broke up with the girl and my friend was happy and wanted to ask him out but I told her not to and my other friend told us that he is dating another girl and my friend got mad and told her that she is going to tell her
do you think that my friend is a good match for him or tht he likes her and is trying tomake jealous please hurryyyyy helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp (link)
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I have to agree with the other poster here. YES she is your friend, you see what you think he is doing wrong and you want her to steer clear of it, and your a great friend for wanting those that for her. All you can really do is appeal to her logical side (if she has one at this point in her life) young people usually have no clue what their doing when it comes to dating and you can warning her, but like the other person said, you cant make her actually apply the advice. Shes young, running on her emotions, and when you put the two of those things together that can create an often unstable unsure person because they are living moment to moment by their emotions and not by logic.
I hope that your friend is smart enough to realize that.
Teens dont often KNOW what "love is" and often have to discover for themselves what its NOT, and its certainly not what this guy is doing, so obviously he doesnt care for her back in the same way so she should probably just leave now before she gets hurt. Either that or your going to just have to prey she has a thick enough skin to not let whatever hes doing get to her.
She might just be the kind of person that just jumps into things full speed ahead and invests herself emotionally. This will often lead to disappointment on her end because she put him up on a pedistole and worshipped him like a god when he cared for her little none.
the best way to not show that shes not jealous is to give no reaction what so ever. act like he doesnt exist, look away, walk away, and dont talk to him anymore. A lady knows when to make her exit and leave gracefully, and your friend should do the same.
As a teen one of my secrets to not only being popular, but having lots of guy friends was to just be nice!, let people know openly that you except them, find chances when people are near you that youve be told are popular to say hi, smile and crack a joke with them about something other then you or them so that they laugh too.
Get to KNOW lots of different types of guys, be FRIENDS with them first so you (or her) can guage what type of person they are and then think about weather you'd like them as just a friend or a possible future partner if they like you back. If they are chill, but arent your type then just keep them as friends, be there for them when they need someone to talk to and encourage them to reach for better things.
None of this stuff is that hard to do.
Let them know when they've crossed lines with you but explain it in a gentle way, and then continue to be nice and even ask them to go places with your and your friends (as a group of course and not alone) LATER! see? guys are simple and usually wont turn away at least just a friendship with a female they feel they can talk to about things and KNOW youll give them a realistic answer.
whatever you do in life, when communicating with others, LOGIC and kindness will usually get you further with everyone then overly emotional irrational approaches.
try to get your friend to see WHY things would be better if she did things your way, and let her know that you care for her no matter what but that there IS a big chance this guy could hurt her.....
good luck and hit me up if you need more advice ; )
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Help please I dont know what to do. I'm being blackmailed. I am a 19yr old male and she said she was 20yrs. I sent a nude picture of myself with my face in it to a girl on Kik and she said if I don't pay her money she would post it on Ellen show website and try to have her show it on CNN or something like. And ruin my life. She wants me to pay her $100 and if I do she said she would delete the picture. Im scared that she will post it and ruin my life. I can't tell my family because they would be upset at me and cause more issues. Please someone help me I don't know what to do. (link)
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In my view theres not a whole lot you could do here. your young, you made a mistake like most young people do.
Even if you gave her the 100 dollars theres a good chance she could still post it anyway so idk if its really worth it anyway. i wouldn't play into her game, and if shes only asking you for 100 dollars then shes dumb.
what are the chances something like that would actually make it onto tv?? people do this kind of stuff all the time ok. It was just a young dumb thing to do and you should probably learn from this and not do it ever again.
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I am from Australia. A boy I know recently asked me "how much makeup do you wear!?" in a "you wear so much makeup" sort of way. I wear tinted moisturizer, concealer for under my eyes, I curl my top eyelashes and put a bit of mascara on, put black eyeliner on my tightline and some face powder and sometimes a bit of bronzer and that's about it. It might sound like a lot but it's pretty light makeup. I don't pack on the tinted moisturizer either. Not many girls in my grade wear makeup. I would like my makeup to look natural, as if I'm not wearing any, and I don't know how!! Are there any tips or drugstore makeup products which are good for that? Thanks! (link)
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try a foundation thats closer to your natural skin tone and be sure to blend it down into your neck so that it matches. Also remember that your skin tone can change with the seasons so you wont always need to use the same foundation or concealer until the bottle is gone if your skin is turning lighter or darker with the sun.
also be CAREFUL with any kind of powders, they can become more noticeable is you have fine hairs on your face, making the hair more noticeable and the make more obvious when in fact you want the opposite effect.
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Okay, I have this brother who is in his 20s and is currently a father to 3 kids. But the problem is he hasn't been spending that much with them nor he isn't around much to help take care of them. It's always his ex's mother and on the weekends, it's me and my mother. So my question is: How can slap some family sense into him? (link)
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This can be hard. He may have become a father much too soon and three kids isnt easy, but im sure you know that already.
all you can do is try to talk to him next time one of them gets seriously sick, and just stay calm and say "so are you gonna be around next time one of them get seriously ill or hurt like this??" if you feel hes skipping out on his fatherly duties then you need to band together with your family and tell him so. Putting anything else above them is BS and there is nothing more important than the children you brought into the world.
I cant give you too much advice here because i dont know the whole situation, is he suffering from any mental illness? is he a damaged person, so the things hes going through are just translating to other areas of his life?? has he ALWAYS skipped out on be accountable for himself??
these are all important and valid questions i would have to know about a person before i could tell you what EXACTLY to do. If the child ARE your blood though, then i would continue to care for them, raise them, and just let the kids know as they get older that their father chose to make some bad choices in life and thats why hes not around but that he isnt a BAD person, hes just ....(and then whatever you want to put here thats not shit talking) ; )
You dont ever want children to grow up having a hatred towards a parent that YOU put there. They will discover once they are old enough that their father "wasnt there for them" on their own, so you dont need to add to it.
; )
good luck
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I have invited another woman to have sex with my husband while I watch. She and I have meet and I like her, she is just the type I wanted for this experience.
She and my husband have not meet and won't until the night of the event. She is coming to our home where we will enjoy drinks and conversation first.
I'm looking for ideas on how to make the transition between conversation and sexy time smooth and less awkward. She and I have talked about bondage and restraint being part of the evening.
Ideas? Suggestions?
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First of all, is this something you really wanna do? because the IDEA of this and then actually WATCHING it happen are two very different things. Things that could damage someone forever if you arent sure about it and neither is he.
They should meet at least, you COULD also be putting him in a very awkward position should he say no and/or change his mind if he doesnt have the heart to do it (for whatever reason).
I hope youve thought about the after effects something like this could have on a marriage...
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How do you tell a boy likes you? (link)
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Its really very simple.
They are nice to you, want to be around you all the time, ask you things like what are you doing, thinking, feeling, etc.
None stop smiling at you, giggling, flirting with you, complimenting you, all that stuff.
just continue to be nice back and go with the flow if thats what you want. ; )
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Tips to have sex with my sister (link)
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That is totally inappropriate and no one here is going to give you tips on how to have sex with your sister. Thats incest and its wrong.
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Well, I am not so sure if he 'spanked' or 'smacked' my buttocks but he did something like that. He called me over to his desk which is in class, I was in trouble for something I didn't write. He told me to stand closer to him and when I did he started smacking/spanking my butt as punishment! I was standing, he didn't tell me to bend over and I still had my skirt on but he used his bare hands to do it. He did it a few times but it didn't hurt. I still wanted to cry though because I was so embarrassed!! Some of my classmates were laughing and others were saying its not right but my teacher told them that its 'OK' if its punishment!
Is it really OK if its punishment? Are male teachers allowed to do that to female students? I didn't tell my parents because they are very protective and freak out for pretty much everything! I am 14 and female. (link)
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UMMMM what the hell?!?
This is absolutely NOT ok, you NEED to tell your parents ok.
This IS something they SHOULD freak over. Teachers are never allowed to touch kids for any reason unless absolutely needed AKA being attacked by a student, or the student is in danger, fighting with each other and need to be separated, things like that.
your parents need to call the police and have him fired. do it now before too much time has gone by and they cant do anything about it.
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Hi :) me and my dad had a huge argument about 18 months ago and we haven't really talked since then. It was pretty serious what he did but I decided to let it go with the urge from my step-dad who said to give him another chance.
We sat down and had a meeting about how I felt and all of that crap but even after I opened up, he was still acting like a high and almighty person who never made mistakes. But still, I'm trucking on.
I don't know what to say to him anymore to start a conversation. It will go something like:
Me: Hi
Him: Hi, how was school?
Me: Good, I didn't learn much.
Him: Oh, that sounds eventful. Work was boring.
And then we say goodbye. Even before our relationship went downhill, that is how it was. And we used to do that nearly everyday. I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Any tips? (link)
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Well this is a tough one because theres either something obviously wrong with him, OR hes been stressed out for years over lots of different things and it can sometimes come out on others even though its not intentional. Sometimes when someone says "thats just their personality" i feel personally, that thats bullshit. I feel this way because No one WANTS to be negative and depressed all the time ok.
Maybe his life didnt turn out how he thought it would, i mean theres alot of angles here that we could look at this from but sometimes father son relationships are like this simply because you might have not felt interested in something he felt you might have liked when you were younger and he feels let down by that. Also sometimes if you dont like the same things HE likes that can also be a factor because he really doesnt know how else to try to bond with you and didnt think ahead enough to think "ok what if hes not interested in the things i am as he gets older??" thus creating a barrier for bonding. see?
is there anyone else he talks to openly about how he feels about things? maybe your mom or someone who CAN get answers out of him about whats going on??
all you can do right now is try to be nice, and if he needs help just be the first one to try to pitch in when he needs it. This will show that you WANT to be there for him because he IS after all your dad and "we all need help sometimes"
If you go out to eat with him, just look him in the eyes and calmly ask him what hes thinking about?? then be quiet and listen, stay CALM and do NOT let your emotions get in the way. He may just open up if your willing to sit there and stare at him and hear him out.
If he gives you a short answer just be like ohh ok what else?
and then if he tries to give you and attitude and turn it around on you then just be like "oh ok well ive been thinking about..(and insert your own answers here about choices or decisions your being faced with right now) and then allow him to talk to you about them if he wants to. AGAIN sit there, hear him out (even if he says some dumb shit you dont agree with) and then CALMLY say something back like "yeah....thats an option...but if i do that then, (this or that might happen and i dont want to hurt anyone) or something to that effect.
this is called sitting down and talking like adults. He might find this to be very refreshing and happier afterward because he knows he can now talk to you like a reasonable adult. (not that i think your not one but HE needs to know that)
now i cant tell you what exactly to do in every single situation but you could try casually watching tv with him and just watching whatever he is watching and talking to him during the commercials. men do things like this, they talk about tv shows each other might be interested in, and ask them if theyve seen this or that on tv. things like that.
good luck, you can let me know how it goes and if you need more advice please inbox me. ; )
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