Dragonflymagic's advice column

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

NEED SERIOUS HELP okay my bf and i have been doing long distance and it's been going pretty good, we do things like text and voice memos all the time but for some reason he just REFUSES to call me. He's done it once and it was great but after that he keeps saying he's too "nervous" or js changes the subject. At first i wanted to give him time to adjust but now it's seriously annoying, every time it's the same "sorry" and broken promise that he'll call me the next time…like I love him but i'm seriously getting tired of this sh**, what should I do???

Are youl doing long distance for a specific reason. Some times if a couple has met but one moved for college or is in the service, those are valid reasons for example. At some point, one would think an LDR will change to an in-person or real life (RL) relationship. Thats what I did and the long distance was only an hr away so it was easier to stay in touch and then I married him. The internet or cell for finding matches is a very good tool but you still need to be careful and also think things through. So if you are hoping to meet in person, see if there's chemistry, date or marry, then you need to ask yourself if his behavior is something that you would be very ok with in person. I know that often guys don't like texting or typing on cells and would rather call. But that is not the case here and I don't understand his issue of 'being too nervous to call'. I can understand if its some one he doesn't know but he already knows you. Changing the subject means there is something he isn't telling you. Perhaps he has some real phobia's and is embarrassed to tell you, maybe he is on the autism spectrum in some way and embarrassed to tell you, or he could have met someone in person on his end that he likes enough to date so most his time is going there. He could be afraid of your reaction and so chooses not to tell you. I can't know which it is. I will share something that pertained to me while on line dating. I was actively looking for a mate and looking for certain criteria which if they claimed to have, I didn't start being their girlfriend, I just had a meetup with them in person at some coffee shop to see how they acted in person and to see if we had romantic chemistry which you can't figure out over phone lines or internet. You can only like their humor and how they think and what they say but aside from that, nothing else and the rest is too easy to hide. I let all guys I met know that I was still actively looking and once I found a guy I wanted to check out closer, I'd date him for a while but my goal was not being a forever girlfriend, rather to find a 2nd husband after a divorce. So I was older and so were the men but they understood my wanting to meet other guys. There was a big difference when I met my current husband through Plenty of Fish which I don't know if its still around or changed names. The difference was in how he wrote his profile concentrating on talking of his personallity, beliefs, hopes and dreams rather than guys writing that they have a job, own a house and have a dog, a motorcycle or a car. That tells me nothing of who they are. Its up to you if what you are doing now is the way you want to be treated and how you want to date. I see room for improvement. So if you want the truth so you can know whether to hang in there or end it, ask him but he won't tell until he is convinced he is safe in sharing his secret, Most men fear a womans crying fit and begging him to choose her. So they would rather say nothing. You will have to truly work on yourself so that no matter how you feel about him, you would rather hear the truth, so let him know you need the truth, whatever that is, a phobia or learning disorder or maybe he's met someone and is no longer available for you. Then let him know that no matter how much you may feel for him, you really want the truth so you can know whether there is something more you can do to help him or whether it is over and he has found someone. Afterall, I was meeting many guys at the same time. Be upfront in anything you find important to you, I was and guys appreciated that cus women don't usually do that. Think, what if there is something you do that prevents a guy from wanting to be honest out of fear, or is he simply taking actions that may be typical for a male and misunderstood by females due to lack of information by him to the female. Perhaps he has a fear that can be overcome but not until you know of it and he is willing to share it. If he is unwilling to share information and you are upset enough to write for advise now, imagine how you'd feel if he does this life long til the day he dies. Can you stand 1 more year like this, 5 more, the rest of your life. Imagine it, truly cus I asked myself that with with husband. He was verbally abusive and when I asked myself for standing it, anything beyond a year was already a big No. When I thought of more of the same from him til the day I die, I broke up crying and knew anything else would just be lying to myself. Good men aren't readily available and plentiful like dandelions by the road side but they can be found
if you make the effort and have a plan. When a guy is really into you, he will call every day. That is not happening so you have to find out why and if you can't cus he still won't talk, I suggest you that that as a message that he is not interested for what ever reason. You do not have to know the reason to end a relationship. Just do everything you can first to find out whats up.