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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
advice
I'm a twenty-one year old girl in love with a forty-seven year old man. We met at church, went back to my house on only the second time of meeting and had sex. After that he has been distant but kind. He says he feels afraid of his own disconnection. I don't know why, but I feel more for him than I have felt for anyone in a long time. I miss him when we're apart, even though we're not dating and I play it cool, determined not to crowd him or drive him off. But do bachelors that age remain bachelors?
Yes, they do remain bachelors because they aren't married. You need to talk to him about where you two stand. I mean you do have the right to do so I mean you did have sex with the man. So you really need to find out what this is or what happens form here on. You really need to know and the only way that you're going to find out the truth is for you to ask him,"where is this going?" So find out and then do what you think is best. Don't crowd him too much, but he really must understand that you need and have to know.
I'm a Junior (16) and male. Never had a girlfriend; i'm the outspoken-nerd stereotype. Somehow everybody thinks I have a social life, don't know where they got that idea.
Anyway, there's this girl (we'll call her Kylie). She's heavily into music theatre (as am I), and we're both pretty good, so that's plenty of starting ground. To say I have feelings for her would be an understatement. At this point, I get lost. I don't know where to go from here because I've never had a girlfriend before and don't really know exactly what the procedure is (if there even is one). I've (perhaps unwisely) tried to keep my distance while remaining friendly as I've had too many experience getting on the "friends" list for life. In addition, I am really (really) scared of hurting her. She means the world to me, and I don't use that phrase lightly. A positive comment can literally make my day.
Anyway, I guess I need to know what to do from here. Some specific examples would be nice... what has worked for you. Keep in mind that I'm not at all the agressive type. It would be best for any action on my part to be able to be interpereted several different ways, that way if I determine no interest I can feign some other excuse. Basically, anything that reveals my feelings without really revealing my feelings (as stupid as that sounds). Should I just become her friend and hope I don't get shoved in the friends abiss? I also want to go slowly. Very, very slowly, because I am about scared half to death here. Help me out!
Any thoughts?
Well first you really need to gather the strength, nerve, and courage to approach Kylie. Once you have calmed your nerves, then you should repeat your feelings to yourself. I know you're like, what good is this. It's good because it'll provide increase that meaning(that wanting, passion, or strength) to approach this girl. It will also give you something to say to Kylie. Once you have done that, repeat what you just said but only the significant parts though so don't include the extra stuff that's not use at all. When you approach her, get her in an environment that's comfortable for you and for her as well. Get right to the point you know but if she has something to say, take the time to LISTEN TO HER. That is really important. LISTENING TO HER. When you tell her that she is your everything : your breath, your air, your life- then let her know that you can understand if she does reject. Rejection is hard and it is something that you need to acknowledge as a possible outcome when approaching Kylie. Yes, IF IT HAPPENS, then it'll take time to get over. Just talk to her about how you feel and then you should be alright . Don't let fear less hasten you from asking her out because if it really means a lot to you(and if you also don't want to remain friends) then you should go for it. Also in the end, if you just want to be around her(IF YOU HAVE TO) let her know that you want to be friends . Let her know that she's alright and that you'll be there for her.
Okay, here's the deal. I'm satisfied with my appearance. I'm down to the weight that I want to be. I've been told that I'm pretty before by my friends. ... But guys never approach me or anything. I've been told that I'm shy as well, and I try to take that into consideration, but I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I'm in eighth grade and I've never had a boyfriend. Please help. I give fives.
I know that it probably seems like everything is all down hill when it comes to guys right now. It was for me too. I did the same as you did. I lost weight to get notice from the guys and let me tell you, I got attention for losing the weight, but they still didn't change their view about me. Sometimes guys feel threaten by creative, determined, smart, goodlooking girls who are satisfied and confident with their appearance. That's alright. That's there problem not yours. I know that you feel a bit desolate. But trust me. Remain yourself. You're in the eigth grade and these guys are in the 8th grade. They're immature. They haven't grown up yet. Sometimes it takes guys longer to mature b/c with different guys there are different times of growth. Some take longer to grow. Again that is there problem not yours. Trust me. You'll see when you get in high school. I thought the same and you know really, things are looking up . They really are so I hope the same thing happens for you. BE yourself, do what you want to, when you want to. Your day will come.
Whenever my boyfriend comes over we usually just sit and watch T.V or a movie. This is really boring after a while and I want him to feel like he's having fun when he's around me. Is there anything fun that we can do whenever he's over? Nothing sexual or physical; I just mean fun by enjoying one another's company.
Ex: Making a cake, going to the park, etc.
Thank You.
I like the examples that you gave and I would definitely go with the park, theaters, and some school games or state games. Maybe you two coold do a sport that he's interested in. First find out if he isn't having fun at your house b/c sometimes you can really mess up things when trying too hard. Ok by gotta go.
Ok i used to really really like this guy and i would contantly talk to him on the phone and he told me he love me but it was nothing serious and i new that. My friend claimed that he told her that he hated me so we 3 way called him and he didnt no i was there so he totally spilled that he hated me and i wanted to give up on him so bad but i couldnt i liked him so much he got so mad when he found out i was there so we called him back later and he told me to never call him back again i told him "dont worry about it" i totally miss him and i hate myself for saying this. i should totally forget about him right??
I know it's hard because you really do like this guy and that is really understandable , but you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and this guy clearly doesn't. You deserve someone that will like you back and you deserve someone that will be nice to you . Someone who will like you. So think about what you think you deserve and see if he meets your criteria and look deep within yourself. And remember, you can't make him love you.
iv'e been staying up super late all summer. but now that school is coming colser and closer. i need to go back to my regular scedule. but when i tryed stuff like staying up super late or waking up super early, i just end up falling asleep. how can i go back to my regulere schudle.
please respond fast
i'll rate a 5 no matter what
It takes time to adjust to certain things. TIME. So gradually set a time and go for it. Sorry if I wasn't help but it actually takes time.
what happends when my best friend gets a lil too close to my boyfriend??! i mean they are always talkin! and my boyfriend always has ta talk everything through with mah bestfriend b4 he talks to me about it!! uuh its soo annoying! how can i get rid of that??
Don't get rid of it b/c he'll think you're the kind of jealous girlfriend. Talk to him about it. Tell him how unusual it is . Say this and please say this in some sort of form, " I don't want to come across as a jealous girlfriend but I really ....", and so forth . Tell him how you feel about it and don't sound accusatory or aggressive. Just tell him and be rational and understanding.
i have one really good friend. He is a guy. The only person who understand me and that i can trust.
He both like each other a lot, but his ex girlfriend who he dumped still likes him, his ex and i have been starting to become friends.
My ex boyfriend still likes me and my ex and the guy i like now are like best friends and are in a band together. Im still good friends with my ex too.
I dont wanna hurt anyone-because that like kills me. Me and the guy i like havent talked about dating yet but i want to, and im sure he must too.
School starts monday, and i did kinda want to go into school single just in case i meet someone,but i really like him.
How can i tell his ex? That would be like betraying her because i know she likes him. But i dont wanna hurt her.
What should i do?
Talk to his ex b/c she may not care much as you think and if she doesn't understand, then that is her problem. Hers not yours. The same thing goes for your ex. His problem not yours. They have to deal with it not you. Try to be calm and patient with them and try to be rational with them. But if they can't understand what you're going through and understand that he is what you want, then that's there problem. Talk to him. After all, he is what you want so go and get him. Talk to them both and explain why you want him. Just speak from the heart. And do what you think is best for you, not them, and do what you want regardless.
ok im really sorry if this is really long and i understand if you dont want to read it but i would really appreciate if you would take the time to and give me your opinion/advice. ok i all started when my mom's sister and my dad's brother got married, in doing this they concived a child, and then they got divorced. now for the child's baptisim (he is now eight) the father (my dad's brother) was not invited to this, and he is really upset. and the reasons she dint invite him was because she had invited him to many things and he never showed and she had to lie to her son and just say that something important came up and your dad was not able to make it, instead of saying "your dad blew us off" so she always would leave messages and call him and he purposely would not get a hold of her back (he is now remarried and has 2 other boys)
so she wanted to save the dissapointment and she never bothered to invite him (plus she said it would be eaiser on her not to see him)and i can understand why my uncle would be upset, but now my parents are against each other (there defending each sides) and they are talking about a split, my dad was cusing to my mom and i never heard it so bad before, and im really upset right now and im accually crying right now. my dad was talking about that i would probally want to go with my mom cause i would not want to be with him, and then he started saying how bad of a dad he is and all this stuff. and im a christian and my dad dint know i was right there and i heard him say under his breath "christians my ass" and i got really upset, well i really REALLY do appreciate that you took the time to read this, i will rate really high, thanks again!
Talk to your mother and father about your feelings together in the same room. Get those feelings out there and don't suppress them. Tell them that they're making you really angry. Tell them that the problems your uncle and the other woman are having are there own problems to solve. This is your time to shine. Make them listen and make them see how important this is to you. But if they don't listen and they do split, you'll have to respect that but you don't have to like it. Talk to them . Trust me, it may just help you.
my boyfriend says he would like to go to 2nd base..maybe even 3rd. the problem is..i know people have so many ideas of what the bases are that i don't know exactly what he means. could someone please clear this up for me? also, we have been going out for three and a half months..is it too early for me too go that far with him?
He wants sex. Yeah that's what he means. But it's up to you if you want to or not. It's really for you to decide if you're ready or not. No one should force you into making this decision but you. And only you. Just look within and do what you want to and what you think is best . Just ask yourself, is this step what I want to do. And ask yourself , am I ready for this. Think about it.
I go back to achool in just about 2 weeks!! I'm crying hystarically every night because I don't want to go!! My best firend is not coming to school with me anymore and I'm going into 7th grade so that means cliques have been made and I'm on the outside!! In 6th grade I did not make many new friends so I don't know how many Im going to make this year! I'm scared and depressed. How can I make the most out of my summer?!
Calm down and breath. You are stressing and dwelling on this way too much. The thing about cliques is that you just hang with them . Talk with them. Sometimes they really aren't your friends just your associates(you want real and that's what you're going to get). You just walk up to them and don't be forceful with the conversation and don't be desperate be you. Be you , be cool, be casual. It's really not that hard you're just freaking out and that is so natural. I thought the same way as you but now I have so many people that I talk to (and regard as special friends that make my day at school lovely everyday) at school, that it feels just natural. That it feels just ....right and you'll know this when you feel it. Trust me they'll come. Get out there and be patient. Trust me, you'll do fine.
I was at the canteen (a place at school where you buy food) and i was in the line and in front of me there was a year 8 boy, who i fell in love at first sight with. I really like him but he only seen me a couple of times. I really want to know his name and get to know each other, but I dont know how! Please help!
I know that this may sound like a very stupid thing to say ,but if you want to know him you should really gather the courage and say "hi". I mean why go with what someone tells you about him when there's a great outcome of it being totally and absolutely false. You really should go up to him and see if you do have that chemistry. Don't try to be forceful with it, just be cool. And expect for the first conversation to be brief. But it might not be so brief you know. Just try to find out his interests such as music, maybe books, car, tv show, sport, etc. Just try to find levels of which you connect. Try to FIND THAT CHEMISTRY. If you don't feel it, then maybe it's not really there. But don't get easily discouraged , especially when you'll begin talking to him. Just find that connection if it's there. BUT YOU SHOULD PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE POSSIBILITY THAT THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANY CHEMISTRY AND IF THERE ISN'T, DEAL WITH IT AND MOVE ON. Some things just aren't meant to be . But still TRY AND TRY AND TRY to make that connection.
i had dreams about this guy jacob and we are still friends and im over him but now i like his friend and i want to .........well go out with him but i think ill but a ocward pozition on josh but jacob didnt date me cause im ugly fat short but josh is diffrent and well he doesnt have a a good rep. he dumped my friend on the annivarsary and i also think that i think kaylyn will not be to happy with me should i ask josh out 4 him to say no becuze of jacob and kaylyn being mad at me do i ask to be hurt again of take a chance and lose my friends 4 a guy help me
First of all, if she is your friend, she'll understand and she will get over it. You have to do what you think is best. If you think this is the best thing to do, then simply do it. If he is what you want, then you should go for. Don't worry about Jacob. He had his chance and he blew and he can get over it. Basically what I'm saying is that you may have to tell him to get over himself. If Josh has a bad rep that is up for you and you alone to decide if you want to be with him. Not your mom, not your dad, not Kaylyn, and definitely not Jacob. You, it's up to you. You have to make your decision based upon what you feel and your heart. After all, when you're in the game of love, there's always a risk of being hurt. But that's what make it , at least, a part of love which makes it exciting . It's a gamble. So what I am saying is, whatever you feel, you really need to do (act) as you feel.
what do girls like in a guy im 13 m and id like to know what girls like anfd stuff like what are their faveiot features not just on looks but like other things like persanality to
Girls like guys that are their selves. They like guys who can be a bit sensitive, real, funny, casual, smart, and fun. They sometimes appeal to athletic guys or guys who are fit and in shape(although not all girls are like this). They like guys who are dependable and truthful too. If you're not honest, then don't even try. If you are a dude with brown hair, then that would benefit you too and look girls in their eyes all the time. See if that will help you some . I hope I was osme help and have a nice day.
Hi 14/f... I was just wondering what instrument I should choose out of guitar, bass guitar and drums. I wanna start a band or something - if you play 1 of the instruments tell me about its pluses.
PLEASE HELP!
It depends on what kind of band you want to start. If you want to start a rock band, then I definitely say that you should choose either the guitar or the drums. All you have to decide is which one are you mire interested in. Once done, then get it and start practicing. Good luck with the band.
So we just started school back up this Tuesday and I like it just fine. But the only problem is that I don't have any friends. And I sit alone at lunch, and all the kids look at me like "OMG what a loser.." I actually heard some kid behind me say to one of his friends about "oh look at the girl sitting by herself" and he laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.
I am a very shy person, and I have actually tried to go up to a few people and ask if I can sit with them. They say yes but don't talk to me and make me feel really uncomfortable around them so it's pointless to sit with them. I have contemplated just going to sit in the bathroom or library at lunch.
But the only problem with that is I have to eat during lunch, because if I don't, when I come home I'll eat alot. My mom and I get food stamps and every month they lower the price so I can't eat all the food. What do I do? Do I just suck it up and sit by myself everyday? Or do I just not eat so much? Please help! I will rate!
However uncomfortable it may feel, you really need to try and communicate with other people. Even the ones that don't talk back. You have to get involved in the conversation. Talk about something that you know that they might be talking about. Know what's going on with such and such and talk about it but don't talk about people behind there backs b/c that can cause you to get beat down. You're going to have to go out there but you don't need to go out there too strong. Try to communicate with others even if it seems like it fails. YOu must always try even when it seems like it isn't working. It's very important and just how important you shall later on see.Everyone needs a friend.
Alright, so like I like this girl, she knows it, she's not sure if she likes me. She showed me her webpage today, and one of the comments says that she had her first kiss. I don't know what to say about that. Like just a few weeks, a month and a half at most, ago. She said her current relationship is almost over, but... I don't know. Honestly. I kept reading the page, and it turns out she had had like 3 boyfriends in the last three or four months. But I don't think they really LOVED her. I absolutely positively love her and I know that she's the one for me. Judging by how she broke up with the others, it looks like they didn't really love her, they were just the guys who look for "is she hot" and all. Like one person said he didn't like it when she acted all weird. Yeah, she's spassy, but I don't give a damn, I love her just the same! I told her that, but hey. We're 13. I don't know if she believes it, or knows what true love is considering the others. But she may love me. I recently asked her to a carnival as *cough* friends, and she didn't say "ok" or "sure" or "yes". She said "I'd love to!" which made me feel that it was right. I don't know why. I just did.
I really don't want her to have others. I want to be the only one. She has no idea how much I love her, it's more than anyone could possibly love anyone else. But she's already had a first kiss... so I don't know... it was someone who she's known her whole life, whereas we only met a year ago, so she may choose him over me. I really don't want anyone else to have her... really....
And then I commented on one of the people who she talked about breaking up with on her web page. I said that he was annoying, but not in those words, if you catch my drift. About two minutes passed. She logged off of AIM. I thought to myself, "Jeez. At least say goodbye." But then I realized that it would have been the perfect time to ask her out, just after dissing her ex (she has exes =( judging by the other stories I've read, the exes will come back to her, I just know it!!!) and so I think she was waiting for me to ask her out, but then thought that I was to shallow for that or something since it took so long. Jeez, I wrote the girl a song, even though I suck at songwriting, I can't be shallow! So now I'm worrying about are our chances over, could she be with the person she kissed, what if her exes come back, maybe she doesn't like me in the first place, what if she's making a hard decision and is going to choose the person who's not me, what if one day we kiss and it's not her first but it is hers, and so now I'm spassing and worrying and I just really want to have her! Sorry it's so insanely long... I'm just going through a hard time.
Tell her exactly everything you've told me or...us. Tell her your worries, your fears, your ...love for her . Don't pressure her or anything and give her all the time that she needs but not TOO TOO much time . You also have to be prepared to accept all possibilities. That means accepting the possibility that she may decline your offer. What you have to understand is that you're 13. You're young, you're...in love, and everything feels...extraordinary and needful. But if she chooses not to accept your offer, then you have to realize that life goes on and that there are plenty of other girls out there waiting for the Mr.Nice Guy like you. Some will welcome you with open arms. And if she accepts, then you're embarking upon the most coveted thing in your present. Don't worry about her first kiss, which come on...really isn't a lot of experience although you may consider it as such. Just because she's went out with dudes and broken up with them makes her exactly...young and adventurous. She too is curious. IT doesn't at all make her ...experienced. Just go with the flow, even if you're not experienced. Take it easy and be cool and let her know that whatever decision she makes is what you respect although rather reluctantly. You have to. Perhaps for acceptance and perhaps for moving on: IF, and ONLY IF, she declines. There's always a risk in the game of love. Question is : are you daring enough to take the hike?
when you first start wearing glasses do they look kind of weird in side of them because I just now got new glasses and then i kind of cant see out of them that good do I just have to get used to them or what??? p.s I mean I can see some things buit like not all
Sometimes it takes time to get used to your perscription. If it hurts for more than a week, then you should talk to your parents and then talk to your doctor or a counselor. Eyes are very serious so don't hesitate about things like this .
My friend.. is on the edge of not being my friend anymore. She's driving me insane. All she ever talks about is how sucky her life is. She hates her parents, car, job, school. She hates everything and is CONSTANTLY complaining about how sucky her life is. She thinks at 18 she's had the hardest life ever. HA! If her life really sucked that bad, she would change it right? No, she just likes to nag. How can I tell my "friend" (in a NICE way) that if she doesnt stop B!tChing than Im going to have to start ditching?
Say what you mean to her in a considerate tone and tell her that there are some things that she is going to have to do to make this "unfair" lifestyle of hers disappear. Tell her to find new ways in which to express herself such as through physical activities, poetry, writings, etc. Or through something that she is interested in b/c there has to be something. Just tell her that it's time to start talking about something else for a change for at least once in a while. Also stress the important factor that you'll always be there for her whenever you need her / to talk about SIGNIFICANT things . Otherwise, don't mention it at all. Say what you mean directly and clearly.
hi my name is jess ive been going out with my boyfriend for days so far. But today when i was at my friends house a kid in her neighborhood said he was going out with this other girl to. How can i find out with out hurting our relationship if hes cheatin on me.
Ps. he does have a history of cheating when he was going out with my friends.
luv jess
It is natural that you wouldn't want trouble in a early relationship and it's understandable. Although it's natural and understandable, you should also think about the foundation of healthy relationships and what they're built on. Two of the most important things are trust and verbal conversation that's full of honesty. These are, of course, not always followed but you should try to consider this perspective. After all, if you're not the kind of person that plays games then you would do as such. Basically, I think you know what I am about to tell you. Yes, you should confront him and ask him about what is going on . Do not make it seem as if you're accusing him of anything . Just make it sound like you're only searching for the truth, which you are. Talk to him, and look him carefully in the eyes, and if you feel a natural rift then something is going on. And girl all I can tell you if you do feel such a thing is to break up with him before he breaks up with you. At least then he'll learn the hard way to have respect. If you feel like you need to, find out the girl's name and talk to her(not beat her down/ it's him not her). Talk to her and ask for the truth. Either way, you should be prepared for all possibilities. And if he is cheating, then it shows that he doesn't have true respect for you and no man isn't worth that at all. Don't sweat it , he don't deserve you. So, hope I was some help and have a nice day.