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I'm a Junior (16) and male. Never had a girlfriend; i'm the outspoken-nerd stereotype. Somehow everybody thinks I have a social life, don't know where they got that idea.
Anyway, there's this girl (we'll call her Kylie). She's heavily into music theatre (as am I), and we're both pretty good, so that's plenty of starting ground. To say I have feelings for her would be an understatement. At this point, I get lost. I don't know where to go from here because I've never had a girlfriend before and don't really know exactly what the procedure is (if there even is one). I've (perhaps unwisely) tried to keep my distance while remaining friendly as I've had too many experience getting on the "friends" list for life. In addition, I am really (really) scared of hurting her. She means the world to me, and I don't use that phrase lightly. A positive comment can literally make my day.
Anyway, I guess I need to know what to do from here. Some specific examples would be nice... what has worked for you. Keep in mind that I'm not at all the agressive type. It would be best for any action on my part to be able to be interpereted several different ways, that way if I determine no interest I can feign some other excuse. Basically, anything that reveals my feelings without really revealing my feelings (as stupid as that sounds). Should I just become her friend and hope I don't get shoved in the friends abiss? I also want to go slowly. Very, very slowly, because I am about scared half to death here. Help me out!
Any thoughts?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell her how you feel or start out slow. Ofcourse be her friend. All relationships have a friendship base. Ok lets fast forward now your friends now so ask her to hang out at the mall or see a movie or a game or something not a date just a hang out. Fast forward again... ask her out to a school social like homecoming, dances or somthing like that. IF you still wanna go out with her then just ask her tell her in all honesty how you feel. Hint it to her if you have to. Good luck...oh and by the way...HI is a nice start.
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Yes it is very unwise to keep your distance. Tell her how you feel and then ask if she wants you as a boyfriend. If she says yes, tell her how beautiful she is and kiss her a lot. Also, take her to some music theatre shows. Good luck! Hope I helped!
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write a note to her and tell her to stick the response in locker number54354 or wat ever ur locker is
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Hi again john, this is Juicygirl from IRC. I hope you did your homework! Can't wait to talk to you again tonight, if my girls don't drag me out. You're gonna have to give me a little more details on your relations with Kylie. I don't understand, is your usual greetings more polite-acquaintence, or on a closer level? If its like a quick "hey; hey" then you need to wave her down and swiftly put an arm around her shoulder (casually!) and say "hey Kyl, hows it going, i was hopin to run into you". Ask her if shes attending any school events such as a football game or a dance. If not encourage her to come and say "im countin on seeing you there". This is VERY very important as this takes it up a step to an arranged meeting hinting that you're looking for a BIT more than too common Hey Buddies because almost all the time that slowly makes it stale and die out. Also, it is making you stand out in her day (or week) which is exactly what you need right now. Anyway let me know how it turns out! Keep me updated!
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Everyone else has given really good advice on this so I wont ramble, but there is one thing that I think is important (mainly because it bit me in the ass when I was in a situation very similar to yours). It comes down to two simple points:
1. Girls like to be liked. Your affection will lead to a response.
2. (And this is the killer) Girls get freaked out if you like them too much.
So my advice is, even if it seems like you're getting somewhere- don't come on too strong. Sometimes if it looks like she feels the same way you just throw caution to the wind- DON'T!!
Walk that fine line man- make your affections clear, but be ready to back off a little every now and then. The 'friend zone' sucks- I hope this all works out for you. Peace out.
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Well first you really need to gather the strength, nerve, and courage to approach Kylie. Once you have calmed your nerves, then you should repeat your feelings to yourself. I know you're like, what good is this. It's good because it'll provide increase that meaning(that wanting, passion, or strength) to approach this girl. It will also give you something to say to Kylie. Once you have done that, repeat what you just said but only the significant parts though so don't include the extra stuff that's not use at all. When you approach her, get her in an environment that's comfortable for you and for her as well. Get right to the point you know but if she has something to say, take the time to LISTEN TO HER. That is really important. LISTENING TO HER. When you tell her that she is your everything : your breath, your air, your life- then let her know that you can understand if she does reject. Rejection is hard and it is something that you need to acknowledge as a possible outcome when approaching Kylie. Yes, IF IT HAPPENS, then it'll take time to get over. Just talk to her about how you feel and then you should be alright . Don't let fear less hasten you from asking her out because if it really means a lot to you(and if you also don't want to remain friends) then you should go for it. Also in the end, if you just want to be around her(IF YOU HAVE TO) let her know that you want to be friends . Let her know that she's alright and that you'll be there for her.
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Recently i've met a spectacular girl and I was in a very similar situation. I've had girlfriends prior, but in all honesty, I can say that they (like most other relationships anyone under 18 has) were simply childish flings predominantly just bullshit status deals. Which got old fast, and after awhile I really distanced myself from any form of romantic relationship. All the sudden I meet this girl and I was completely blown away. Like you said, a positive comment will completely make my day - whereas before I could barely find myself talking to any of the others.
There is no 'standard procedure' as it was elegantly put. There are social norms and such, but to hell with those. Don't come on too strong, sometimes a general outburst of emotion can seem a bit odd and really turn a mood around into something not so desired. What I recommend is just (if you haven't already) be around for awhile, hang out a bit and all that lovely jazz. And really just push the conversations, don't try to make them up just to have them, but don't be afraid to bring up a conversation. As you start talking more you really get to know more and more about each other, and almost indefinitely there will be a conversation which will bring up a good time for you to be able to say what it is you want to say ~ you will just be able to tell based upon the vibes being given off that it is the right time. It's unexplainable but undeniable.
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your outspoken personitity is the key and leeds your peeps to believe your out going and different in which is the attraction to yourself. However havent ever meeting this girl i can not tell you how she feels it could be one of two ways shes shy and keeps herself to herself or out going and doesnt care what people thinks the next step for u is to approch this girl and talk to her make conversation like i hear your in to music theater and look to becoming friends. To be successful in a realtionship such as dating its starts from friendship good luck
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Mkay, you obviously care for her but you want to be noticed...One of the best ways to get a girl to notice you is just be nice. Nice as in helping with school work, complimenting her on her clothes or music, sticking up for her when someone is dissing her (this means even if you're just with friends and she isn't present. Sticking up for her when she isn't present has a good chance of getting back to her)
Be her friend, be there when she is having hard times. There is a chance that you become the 'best friend' but its a chance thats worth taking if you really want her.
Also, when talking to her make sure you make some sort of contact by touching her. like when you are walking with her and you're talking about something you can kinda elbow her or touch her arm. (not hard though, you don't want to bruise her) make sure when you greet her that you smile and act like its her you have been waiting for the entire time.
Good luck. I hope this was of use to you.
AG
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