Aisha,

I'm grateful for your comment :) Thanks so much :)

I'm not exactly sure what you are seeking, but buddhism in not an exact religion per say ... you can be Christian, Muslim and still have buddhist beliefs ...

I do belief however if your interests lies not in the self (ego) but elsewhere ..no matter what religion you are ..you'll find the answer to whatever may concern ya ...cause it's the selfishness that keeps us from being open minded ...

I'm not perfect, nor do I think anyone one else is, but what is life but not to make mistakes and learn from them right ...?

seems to me your either on your way or already on the path to greatness ....

Nirvana ... a lot seek it in the same way a lot of people seek god ...I can't say it from experience, but I do believe it's not all clounds, halos and soft and pretty, but more of an experience of one ness in the world ... like I said ..I'm human and am still striving for that ...I don't know about you,but still have anger, have great desire (whether it be guys, or what have you ...lol) ... and all that Buddhism and Christianity is all against ...but it's a path, not a goal ... just be who you are, do what you think is true in your heart (true, don't lie to yourself, as I and many of us have done lol) .... and slowly what ever you are seeking will come ... Nirvana is to come to terms with that nothing is permanent ... nothing ..not emotions, finance ... seasons ..but to be the best u can be, in every moment bad or good ... and hey it may be a life long experience ... i'm definately still working on it myself ... if ya wanna know let me kmow, I'll tell ya ;)

Anyways ... might have been a bit corny ... I don't know but if you want ...please e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com ... if you wanna chat or have any questions or just wanna talk about the latest thing going on ... :)

Once again ...thanks for the e-mail ..
hope to hear from ya

alyssa

ahh faith ... I was turned away from a best friend of mine who turned evanglist and decided that she could no longer accept people in her circle of life that were not die hard Christians. I myself have no "real" religion. From what I gather, people who claim to be christians, catholics what have you ... go to church on Sundays and feel sainlty, but do what the rest of us saps do the rest of the week. I just believe in being honest with oneself, to others, and taking in what this life has to offer ... I follow along the lines of thinking of buddhism ... not really a religion but a way of life ... I'd say continue figuring out works for you! There is nothing that says it has to happen now. Perhaps in 50 years, Christianity will be it, but apparenlty it's not now. In my eyes everyone has the potential to be a good person no matter of religion, race or ethinicity. Sometimes it takes a life changing event sometimes a personal enlightment ... but I agree ... explore explore and explore some more what this life has to offer you before you come to a decision ... let me know your thoughts if you have the time!

Hey there ... hey I commend you on writing a story, I think that's fantastic ... hmmm double date, sounds like there could be some mischevious things going on there ... perhaps the each finds the other attractive ... gotta put some conflict in there ... if your into humour make one of the guys and one of the gals klutzy .... (perhaps at the end they fall in love ...hmmmm) as for names ... America, Daniala, Jeramiah, I'd also look on the net and type name ideas, you'll get all sorts of ideas ... good luck with your story ... if you have time, let me know how it develops ...

Alyssa

Hey there,

Sweety, you need to focus elsewhere. It's sounds to me your putting way to much energy in a guy whose not willing to respond in a way that you truly deserve.

Trust me ... let me tell you, I invested five years in my life in a guy (who by the way was name Ryan ... kind of a coincidence ... ha ha) who did nothing back. I will not get into details, but after five years he calls me while I'm away on vacation to tell me he's found another gal. I'd been feeling the need to break away from him for so long but honestly was scared ... It took him cheating on me to finaly get on with my life and do the things that I enjoy. We all connect with people that sometimes don't match our relationship style ... but the guy who you do connect with and that mathes your relationship style is out there trust me, it just seems to me this Ryan guy is not it. He's focused on others things ... perhaps you should as well.

Another thing you could try if you truly feel love for this guy, is to go about your business and let him contact you. Be true to yourself, do what you love and don't let your daily life be ran by another person. You run your own life ... just remember that! If he then trys to contact you ... you have some talking to do! I'll leave that part up to you two though ... :)

Good luck! Oh by the way Happy Birthday! Hope it was a great one!

Alyssa

Hey there,

Ahh .. the world of life and love... IM is a really hard way to meet people ... you never really know how that person is putting on a persona, no matter how authentic he or she may seem. This guy on the other hand may have just gotten scared and didn't know how to respond to your invitation. Question ... have you met this guy before in person, or is purly a written correspondence so far? I'd take a less forward approach and start of your next convo with "hi" how's your day, and talk about stuff you usually do, then as he gets more comfortable ask him why he failed to respond to your invitation. If he's scared he may just reveal that ... if he doesn't want to go, he may say that as well (in which case, girl there are much better guys than him to go with ...) Hey even going to dances with a bunch of gal friends is a blast ... let me know know if there is anything else I can help with .. .aly_boschee@yaoo.com

take care and have a great time at the dance ...
alyssa

Hi there,

5'7 and 115 pounds ... girl you definatley have nothing to worry about. In fact I would think you even have room to gain some meat on those bones. Just an idea ... I am 5'5 and weigh 115 pounds and am even still on the lower side of average!

As females we all seem to base our self worth on the size of our stomach. I don't think any of us escapes this to a lesser or greater extent. This creates much unhappiness, for we're constantly unhappy with our self image. Pick out 50 girls from your school year book, and I gaurantee you 49 of them will admit to wishing something different about themselves. Knowing this, do you see the inefficiencies of your friends ... probably not, your probably focused on what they bring to the relationship, the content they add to your life ... and I promise you, you give this back to your friends and family. I too went through a period of insecurity and still get insecure every now and then. Hey even J Lo and Angelina Joline have their insecurities ... the difference is, they've opted for a job where they have to constantly monitor their appearance so that they appeal to their audience. I bet you, this causes them much stress on a personal level. Is life worth that? I don't think so. Take a moment and think of all the things that truly do make you happy? Friends, writing, sports, water, travel, reading ... whatever it may be, schedule these activities in on a daily basis and prioritize them as importantly as you do your homework (or your current boyfriend) ... you'll find your quality of life increasing. When your happy, it shows and shines more than does physical appearance.

Another trick I use ... I hate presentations and when I was in university there were a tonne of them!!!! If I was to go up midway through the class, I'd see how others were just as nervous as I ... if you really observe you can notice this ... and to a certain extent, this made me feel better. Because yes, I wasn't the only one nervous!!!!!!! Then I would pay attention to what worked for the ones who did an absolutely great job and try to emulate (pretend your that person just for the five to twenty minutes your onstage whether it be for a presentation, an interview, or a social situation your afraid of).

You have to believe in yourself, you really do. If you start now it will come with time. It won't happen over night, but trust me, self confidence does come with experience and time!

Sorry I went of on a tangent of self image, but I must address your regret about eating ...Please do not regret eating ... in fact eating is one of the joys of living ... look forward to eating ... eat what you enjoy but in moderation and keep physical activity part of your life even if it's just walking, swimming, skiing, rollerskatting, whatever it is you really enjoy (don't go to the gym if it doesn't interest you! Doesn't last, trust me!)

All in all, I honestly do not think you have to worry being fat, but I do worry that your obsessed about it so please if I can do anything else to help, don't hesitate to e-mail me ...
aly_boschee@yahoo.com.

I hope you have a terrific week and wish you well and lots of happiness and good fortune!

Dude,

First of all I commend you on your willingness to help out! You definately have a lot on your shoulders at the moment. Remember though, your not going to be much help if you run yourself ragged. I hope you still have time to enjoy things you like doing ... cars, friends, sports, what have you. It's important, as when you do something for yourself, it gives you the energy to help others in a way that's productive. It seems to me your doing all that you can. It might be tight on the budget for a while, but events do turn around and once your mom gets through the courses things definately should get better. If things are really desparate though, I'd talk to someone with authority to help you two out.

It may seem dumb and stupid, but I'd sit down with your mom, discuss the income your bringing in and alocate your money where it's needed most first and with what you have left over go through with what you'd like to do with it .. save it, go out for dinner ... (like I said, you do have to treat yourself, especially in these hard times ...)

Hey by the way ... congratulations on graduating early!

If the situation is worse than I've helped you with, please don't hesitate to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com ... I'd be more than happy to research some more ideas for you guys.

Happy Wednesday and please take care,
Alyssa

Hi there,

5'7 and 115 pounds ... girl you definatley have nothing to worry about. In fact I would think you even have room to gain some meat on those bones. Just an idea ... I am 5'5 and weigh 115 pounds and am even still on the lower side of average!

As females we all seem to base our self worth on the size of our stomach. I don't think any of us escapes this to a lesser or greater extent. This creates much unhappiness, for we're constantly unhappy with our self image. Pick out 50 girls from your school year book, and I gaurantee you 49 of them will admit to wishing something different about themselves. Knowing this, do you see the inefficiencies of your friends ... probably not, your probably focused on what they bring to the relationship, the content they add to your life ... and I promise you, you give this back to your friends and family. I too went through a period of insecurity and still get insecure every now and then. Hey even J Lo and Angelina Joline have their insecurities ... the difference is, they've opted for a job where they have to constantly monitor their appearance so that they appeal to their audience. I bet you, this causes them much stress on a personal level. Is life worth that? I don't think so. Take a moment and think of all the things that truly do make you happy? Friends, writing, sports, water, travel, reading ... whatever it may be, schedule these activities in on a daily basis and prioritize them as importantly as you do your homework (or your current boyfriend) ... you'll find your quality of life increasing. When your happy, it shows and shines more than does physical appearance.

Another trick I use ... I hate presentations and when I was in university there were a tonne of them!!!! If I was to go up midway through the class, I'd see how others were just as nervous as I ... if you really observe you can notice this ... and to a certain extent, this made me feel better. Because yes, I wasn't the only one nervous!!!!!!! Then I would pay attention to what worked for the ones who did an absolutely great job and try to emulate (pretend your that person just for the five to twenty minutes your onstage whether it be for a presentation, an interview, or a social situation your afraid of).

You have to believe in yourself, you really do. If you start now it will come with time. It won't happen over night, but trust me, self confidence does come with experience and time!

Sorry I went of on a tangent of self image, but I must address your regret about eating ...Please do not regret eating ... in fact eating is one of the joys of living ... look forward to eating ... eat what you enjoy but in moderation and keep physical activity part of your life even if it's just walking, swimming, skiing, rollerskatting, whatever it is you really enjoy (don't go to the gym if it doesn't interest you! Doesn't last, trust me!)

All in all, I honestly do not think you have to worry being fat, but I do worry that your obsessed about it so please if I can do anything else to help, don't hesitate to e-mail me ...
aly_boschee@yahoo.com.

I hope you have a terrific week and wish you well and lots of happiness and good fortune!

Hi there,

I'm not sure of your exact circumstances but the fact that others are saying your skinny and that your obsessed about food tells me that you are indeed either on the road to becoming anorexic or are anorexic.

As females we all seem to base our self worth on the size of our stomach. I don't think any of us escapes this to a lesser or greater extent. This creates much unhappiness, for we're constantly unhappy with our self image.

The best advice I can offer you with the information you've provided is first off ... look at yourself in the mirror and say "I'm beautiful." I'm positive that you are. Keep this in mind, about 90 percent of your friends are likely feeling fat or not beautiful in some other way and suffering from the same insecurities as you are. Next imagine all the things that really do matter in life to you, what ever they may be and engage in them, focus on them. If you enjoy reading, writing, going to the beach, the mall allow some time to do these things ... schedule it in as if it's as important as completing your homework assignments.

Next ... don't extract anything from your diet. Eat what you love but in moderation and excercise ... no not the boring going to the gym excercises that everyone drops off once the routine gets boring ... engage in activities you like, perhaps swimming, snowboarding, skiing, surfing, running, basketball, walking, and do it with a group of friends (as that's way more fun!!!!).

Basically enjoy what this life has to offer and try to focus less on your self image and work more on your confidence. The fact that you had courage to ask this question tells me you have what it takes to do this!

Tell me, when you meet someone you really like, I mean connect with, does their physcial appearance remain a part of the influence of why you like them? No, it's probably what they give to the relationship, or that your personalites are a good match.

If your really eager to tone your stomach crunches, lying on your back and rising your legs straight up and to each side and alas yes even pushups help build core and inner muscle strenght .. do as much as you can about three times a week, but please do not make this an obsession ... play your favorite music and try to make it fun, as a part of "your time" ...

All in all, I honestly do not think you have to worry being fat, but I do worry that your obsessed about it so please if I can do anything else to help, don't hesitate to e-mail me ...
aly_boschee@yahoo.com.

I hope you have a terrific week and wish you well and lots of happiness and good fortune!

Yes, lots of religions do postulate that the world is going to end soon. Or that's how many people interpret the texts of the many religions. What's the end? In order to say the world is going to end, we need a specific definition of "end." This may seem pretty obvious, but the way I see it; as is much with any social construction the "end" is relative and is how we pervieve it.

Actually it's how we tend to percieve change. Does change mean the end of one element and the beggining of a new, or is it a continous phenomonen. For example are you a completely different individual than you were when you were two years old. Think about it, your thinking patterns have changed, even physically ... all your cells are renewed, so physically you have nothing exactly the same as when you were two years old ... but did you as a person end at a certain period?

I think we can extend this line of thinking to "the world ending" I personally think that the way things are now may not be forever, actually I know for sure, for everything is impermanent to the trees againg and renewing, to the seasons, to the way we think as individuals to the consitition of every matter on this planet. So Yes in a way the world is going to end, but not in the way as in "final" if that makes any sense. We may not be able to comprehend anything else beyond what we see and feel right now, but that does not mean the world, universe, time, what have you will all the sudden dissapear altogether ... think of physics ... does energy altogether dissappear? Nope, it just changes form ...

Just a little something to think about ...

Would you buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first? Personally I wouldn't. I'm very picky when it comes to how they feel before I invest money on them. I follow the same logic when it comes to "saving oneself before marraige."

In our society people are saving marriage itself sometimes up until they are thirty in order to have a degree and some sort of career established. If you find someone who you truly have more than just lustful feelings for, I don't think it's wrong to follow what the heart wants. This doesn't mean I think that you should interact sexually with every person you meet, but there are a few people we meet in our lives that are worth going a deeper level with. However with this said it is important that if you are with a new partner you are able to partake the necessary precautions to avoid STD's and pregnancy.

Three years of shared mutual love .... no matter how young is eneough to make an imprint on our lifes and hearts forever.

I'm going to rely on knowledge I gained from a friend of mine who is much older than I, and who has gone through the same experiences as you. First of all, not many people can say they have found a person in their lives they consider to be "soul mates", so therefore you are very lucky to have had this experience. Unfornately just becuase you may have found your soulmate, does not mean life's event's or circumstances will permit a life time together. However it does mean, that this particular person will most likely be in and out of your life (if not in your life altogether, I'm not saying that won't happen!) and will probably be the perpatrator for many turning points in your life. My advice would be to focus on what's going good in your life right now. If this is difficult, as I imagine it it from what you've written, try seeking out what makes you fullfilled as a person. Focus on you, what makes you happy and do it! Stay true to your values and beliefs what ever they may be and perhaps join classes, groups, or activities that are in line with those ... this will help you feel less alone, feel your making a difference in the world your living and bring the focus away from past attachments to just being happy now. No one can say what the future holds, but I truly am a believer in what is meant to be will be. If you stay true to yourself (even if mistakes are made), and this young love of yours is meant to be, your paths are sure to cross again. Dreams are our thoughts, wishes, dreams, goals, but they don't necessarily represent reality.


I'm also a believer that there are more than one persons in our life which can greatly affect our hearts and minds. You'd be doing a great disserivce to yourself if you discounted other opportunities based on prior experiences. You've got to open your heart and eyes ...

Yeah, I know what your thinking, whatever ... easier said than done. I'm not saying to discount your feelings for your soulmate (as he very well could be), but don't let those attachments throw you off the life course you would like to pursuem, as we feel truly lonely when our values and beliefs don't coincide with our circumstances and behaviors ...

I'd like to share more with you, but would like to know if what I had to say made any sense? I sometimes have a hard time relating what I can see in words that my brain seems to understand, but other people arer like whooa, what did you just say? lol. I can make it more concrete, but need more time to review your question ... I have to head off to work here shortly, but didn't want to leave your question unanswered ... so if you have the chance just let me know what you think ... hey sometimes advice takes bouncing ideas off one another ... so until later great luck to you, enjoy the day and hope to hear from you soon :)

Alyssa

PS And I can gaurantee you, from the content of your e-mail, I can assure you that your love has not forgotten you .. hey may be pursuing goals ... yes, but your still in his heart ... (don't know why, but have a feeling ...)

Hey welcome to the world of diversity ... the beauty about buddhism ... it embraces all religions and you can be both a faithful christian as well as a buddhist. I don't know how much in depth you know about buddhism, but I reccommend reading as much as you can about it .. there are tonnes of resources on the internet and at the book store. A magazine which might be of interest to you is called the shambhala sun. Buddhism is more a way of life, integrity, being present and not being swept up in possessions. I'd reccemend you read more about buddhism, follow what works for you. If you truly incorporate the principles in your life your Mom will likely see the positive effects is has with you personally and how it affects your relations with others globally, and she'll likely accept your beliefs. Actually the funny thing is, buddhism doesn't contend to be better or less than any religion ... but you'll have to do more personal research to really understand this ... so good luck and bon voyage on your quest ;)

That's not a stupid question at all ... psychiatrists typically were the only one's licenced to give out medications for mental disorders, but psychologists are now gaining that same authority. The lines are more blurred, but psychologists tend to be more relational, focus more on personal interviews and rely on the actual relationship between Dr. and patient more so than do psychiatrists, who do an initial interveiw, diagnose, and more than likely perscribe medication ... if you want to work with kids, I'd recommend taking applied psychology courses ... I come from Canada, and the university of Calgary had an awesome psychology program, however, you'll have to talk to your high school counselor for more information concerning good colleges and programs. ... hope this helped ... great wishes and luck to ya ;)

Three hours a week ... depending on how many courses you take ... yep you can be in school for 15 hours a week or up to 20! That's the beauty of college .. you can tailor it to best meet your lifestyle! Have fun!

Do you mean 18 hours per week? I had 20 hours of classes a week, managed a full time job, and squeezed in some partying ... the first few weeks are all about adjusting to college life ... you'll find the short cuts you can take without harming your grades and how to use your time most efficiently ... trust me, if you take anything from college at all, we all graduate with how to procastinate to our advantage ... ha ha... nah, you have nothing to worry about. These can be the best years of your life ... remember balance is the key though. If you find yourself getting to bogged down, don't hesitate to allow yourself some time to let loose! However don't allow college partying get the best of your grades either ... have standards and meet them (make sure they're realistic) all colleges have advisors as well, and I'd reccomend talking to one of them .. they're nice non-judgemental people who just want to make sure you get the most for your money, so take advantage of their services!

Hope this helped!
Alyssa

Hey there ...

Well there definately is a lack of communication somewhere along the lines, and it appears to be from your husbands end from what your saying. Having girls in his life is not bad in itself, and even having an ex gal friend is not seriously wrong if they parted on good terms and remained friends. It is a wee bit sucispicous though that the ex girlfriend had no contact for two years and is just now contacting your husband, especially after her prior relationship went sour. Her intentions are more than likely not the best, even more so if they parted on bad terms. However if your husband is committed to you, her intentions should not worry you. I'd ask to talk with your husband as to why he feels he needs to suddenly talk to his ex girlfriend. If it's merely for support, and you know your husband loves you, I'd try keeping the communication lines open by saying that even though it makes you uncomfortable you know his committment to you and you'd really appreciate him being more open about what his actual relations with these girls are. he'll less likely feel the need to be defensive ... you can be the judge on his reactions and response as to whether or not to pursue it even further. For instance if you really feel threatened, tell him you feel your realationship is in jeapordy and lay out expecations ... both of you. If they don't coincide, perhaps a marriage counselor may be the next best option if you really want to salvage the relationship ... relationships definately take work, and cause a lot of emotions to arise, just don't let your emotions take control (although that is much easier said than done, that's for sure ... ) If it's easier, before approaching him, vent off all the negative emotions, resentment, anger, what have you (punching bag, scream in a secluded room, go to a kickboxing class, what ever works best for you) and then you'll be in a better frame of mind to speak with rational rather than emotion! The key is communication!!!! I can't stress that eneough.

Hope this helped a bit ...

Good luck,
Alyssa

Panic attacks are the result of your physiological system reacting (most likely to stress your not accustomed to, or a prior event that led you to feel threatened), thus your heart and breathing rate increases ... sending a message to your brain that = DANGER! It's cyclical ... the brain then tells you your in danger (even though none really exists) and your automatic stress triggers kick in and cause you to react as if you were under real threats. When this happens, you get scared, might hyperventalite, pass out, or get dizzy (depending on how you manage your stress). The best way to remedy this is to talk to your family Dr., explain to him the exact circumstances in which your panic attacks occur and he might either refer you to a pyschologist, or locate the factor triggering the attacks. The main thing is to figure out the trigger ... then you can either be coached or learn how to better cope in a situation in which the "trigger" is most likely to occur.

Another way to deal with panic attacks if you feel uncomfortable talking to a dr or psychologist is to talk to yourself (yes i know this is weird). Stop, take deep breaths and tell yourself that everything is okay ... focus on calming down (if it helps ... think of an event coming up your looking forward to, or something you find soothing like the ocean, the hum of a car's engine, a friend or family member ...) ... once you find you can deal with it on your own, you'll likely gain self confidence and they will eventually get less and less intense or dissapear all together ...

I know some of this answer might have been rather technical, for that I'm sorry, but I hope it helped out a bit...

Take care and good luck!

Alyssa

Sweety,

To ease some anxiety, Alzeimers is not proven to be technically genetic, just yet anyways.

Sickness affects many of us and it's really hard for us to see a loved one going through the pain and suffering it causes. Unfornately this is one pain and suffering most of us are unable to avoid. I suggest just relating to your grandma as you normally would if she didn't have the illness (if she forgets what you said 15 minutes prior, pretend what she says is new). She is likely reliving her very old past (alzheimers tends to affect short term memory) so try asking questions about when she was young, and this I gaurantee you will make your grandma a happy women!

As for being scared about developing the disease yourself, girl, your way to young to be worrying about it. You should be concentrating on things you really love in life (or that crush that sits next to you in science class .. hee hee). The truth is, no one really know what each of our futures hold, we can only enjoy the moment we have the opportunity to enjoy, right now. If that makes any sense ... so I suggest, go get that chocolate fudge cake with ice cream and whipped cream, rent a movie, grab some friends and laugh your hearts out ... ;) Hey, if you ever get scared, feel lonely feel free to drop a line ... I know what it's like to feel afraid of death, and have had family members dye due to not only alzheimers, but parkinsons's diseas as well, and have felt utterly and totally alone myself at times ... it's natural ... just make sure you reach out to someone and recieve the comfort you need.

Yes, I do beleive there are people out there who believe in being honest, trustworthy, loyal, and virtuous, but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack! Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Besides it's the lack of the above characteristics that most people have (hey, I can admit, I'm not a saint at all times) that help those that do have all the above characteristics grow and be more enriched. It takes imagination, willpower and self and other compassion to succeed in a world where people tend to get what they want by trampling on others ... just a thought anyhow ... hey if it weren't for these people, I'd have no obstacles to overcome, and thus learn and grow ... just a thought! (yeah, can be bit of a devil's advocate here ... lol)

Off to enjoy some sun before another work week commences ... thanks for the thought provoking question ;)

I grew up in Calgary Canada mostly, recieved a degree in psychology, moved around a lot as a child and recently just made a move to Oceanside California. I've had my ups and downs, some caused externally, some that I caused myself .. and am still in the learning life 101 class I was placed in 23 years ago, but having fun at it at the same time! I truly believe everyone has one fundamental thing in common, we all want happiness ... and as gullible as it may sound I believe everyone needs someone to believe in them or help them believe in themselves ... if you have a question, and your scared to post it publically feel free to e-mail me at aly_boschee@yahoo.com. I'll answer to every each one of you! Hey if you just want a friend to chat with ... feel free! ;) Look forward to hearing from all of you ...

" An unfortunate past is never an excuse to continue negative thinking in the present." - We've all had some sort of struggle in our past, we can not let these events control us ... it's in you to do with what you have!

" The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." - we all deserve happiness, what is happiness to you? Just remember the golden rule, what you undo to others will be undone to you. To be happy treat others as you want to be treated. In addition, you'll just feel great knowing your making a postive print in this lifetime!

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