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Childhood love
I can't get a former boyfriend off my mind. It’s a very weird situation considering the fact that we were only children when we met. He was my "boyfriend" for three years. I say it that way because our relationship was very innocent, we were so young 9-12, but there was something about our interactions with each other that make me feel as though we are soul mates.
We connected on a level that I just can't explain. We haven't seen or spoken to each other in nearly six years but as of lately I can't stop dreaming about him. I dream about what it would be like if we were to find each other again, reestablish a relationship, and fall back in love with each other and get married. I dream that he still has feelings for me and thinks about me as much as I think about him. I currently live in a different city than him and it would be dumb for me to try and contact him. I feel as though I'm pathetic for not having moved on with my life. I'm sure he has moved on with his and probably doesn't remember me less on still have feelings for me.
The circumstances surrounding our relationship are so difficult to explain but there are some small indications when I last saw him that he still had some interest in me. What should I do to move on with my life? I'm almost 20 years old and have yet to have any sort of relationship with the opposite sex and not counting the varying innocent kisses on the check I shared with this one "boyfriend" as an adolescent, I've never even been kissed! What should I do? Should I seriously explore trying to get back in touch with him or just move on with my life? How can I get on with my life when I can't stop thinking and daydreaming about him?
I really need to find a solution though. I dread going to sleep at night because I know I will dream of him and wake up the next morning feeling bad about me and my life and how alone I am. Please help!
--Nightmares of Dreams
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Three years of shared mutual love .... no matter how young is eneough to make an imprint on our lifes and hearts forever.
I'm going to rely on knowledge I gained from a friend of mine who is much older than I, and who has gone through the same experiences as you. First of all, not many people can say they have found a person in their lives they consider to be "soul mates", so therefore you are very lucky to have had this experience. Unfornately just becuase you may have found your soulmate, does not mean life's event's or circumstances will permit a life time together. However it does mean, that this particular person will most likely be in and out of your life (if not in your life altogether, I'm not saying that won't happen!) and will probably be the perpatrator for many turning points in your life. My advice would be to focus on what's going good in your life right now. If this is difficult, as I imagine it it from what you've written, try seeking out what makes you fullfilled as a person. Focus on you, what makes you happy and do it! Stay true to your values and beliefs what ever they may be and perhaps join classes, groups, or activities that are in line with those ... this will help you feel less alone, feel your making a difference in the world your living and bring the focus away from past attachments to just being happy now. No one can say what the future holds, but I truly am a believer in what is meant to be will be. If you stay true to yourself (even if mistakes are made), and this young love of yours is meant to be, your paths are sure to cross again. Dreams are our thoughts, wishes, dreams, goals, but they don't necessarily represent reality.
I'm also a believer that there are more than one persons in our life which can greatly affect our hearts and minds. You'd be doing a great disserivce to yourself if you discounted other opportunities based on prior experiences. You've got to open your heart and eyes ...
Yeah, I know what your thinking, whatever ... easier said than done. I'm not saying to discount your feelings for your soulmate (as he very well could be), but don't let those attachments throw you off the life course you would like to pursuem, as we feel truly lonely when our values and beliefs don't coincide with our circumstances and behaviors ...
I'd like to share more with you, but would like to know if what I had to say made any sense? I sometimes have a hard time relating what I can see in words that my brain seems to understand, but other people arer like whooa, what did you just say? lol. I can make it more concrete, but need more time to review your question ... I have to head off to work here shortly, but didn't want to leave your question unanswered ... so if you have the chance just let me know what you think ... hey sometimes advice takes bouncing ideas off one another ... so until later great luck to you, enjoy the day and hope to hear from you soon :)
Alyssa
PS And I can gaurantee you, from the content of your e-mail, I can assure you that your love has not forgotten you .. hey may be pursuing goals ... yes, but your still in his heart ... (don't know why, but have a feeling ...)
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