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thinking of having a child but im 14
I dont know what to do. Im only 14 and ive been in a relationship with this boy for a year, on and off now, and he's been talking about us having a child. Ive been really thinking about this and I really feel like Im ready for something like this. I know its not exactly a walk in the park bringing up a child and that it isnt something i can just forget about if i get fed up of the responsibilities. I do want to have a child with him now but honestly im not sure if I should. I saw what you said to some girls question and just thought youd be able to help. Please reply, Im not sure who else to ask.
Thanks:) x
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okay.. your SO SO SO young I agree with what she said.. your so young and you need to be 100% positive its a HUGE responsibility..
you will go farther in life and meet individuals that will help you and make you happy and then you will be in a better boat..
education you are only 14... how would you even get a job in the work field? itd be so hard for you...
what about the money? money comes from jobs which would be hard for you...
please rethinkthis...
its a hard situation.. plus only a year? yeah.. you its even too early to bring that up... you have to be certain and in a relationship for a while..
my advice please wait , its a hard life..
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Speaking as someone who's sister got pregnant at 15, I'm going to have to agree with the other answers you have received. This is an absolutely terrible idea.
My sister got pregnant quite deliberately. She thought it was what she wanted and that she'd be a great mother and have someone to love and everything would be great. She also thought her and the father of her baby would be together forever and it'd be one big perfect happy ever after.
Did it work out that way? Of course not.
My nephew is now 14 months old and being brought up by my parents, who having already raised two children of their own aren't exactly thrilled at the prospect of spending the next 17 or so years raising another one. Babydaddy was out of the picture by the time my sister was 6 months pregnant and has barely been heard from since. And my sister? She didn't finish school, has no qualifications, no job and spends most of her time at her new boyfriend's house, doing absolutely nothing.
At 14 you have absolutely no perception of the real world. At 14 you can't even get a job much better than a paper round, let alone one that's going to provide for you and your child. Who's going to look after your baby while you work or study? How do you think you're going to be able to afford all the things a baby needs? Do you know the average cost of a baby's FIRST YEAR is? Almost $10,000!
Let's think of it another way. Do you honestly think, that in 7 years time when you are 21 and all your friends are out partying, you won't regret the fact that you have to stay home and look after your 7-year-old?
I think you know this a completely unrealistic idea.
Wait until you are in a situation where you can support yourself and a child. That means having a job, or having a partner who has a high enough paying job that he/she can support all of you.
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try after 5 year otherwise if you try it know
your foteus will not be devolped and ur child may get many promblems and also this is not an right age and ur boy frnd charcter and check his background too
choose a good deccison
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I'm just going to be blunt about this; you are too young.
For a start, you're 14, still in full time education and have a whole life ahead of you. What's the rush to have a child now? Also, this boy you've been on and off with for, who's to say you aren't going to split again? I don't mean to be horrible, but I know this from personal experience. I'm 15, and me and my ex used to talk all the time about having kids, growing up together, getting married etc. and it hurts when things start to change. Being teenagers, things tend to change pretty quickly; my ex went from being the loveliest lad I'd ever been with to being a cold-hearted ... I won't finish that sentence. We did end up getting back together recently for a while, but we split up soon after, and now I'm 10 weeks pregnant. You never really know the reality of everything until you're in the situation yourself, and you have to make all these mature decisions. Good on you if you have supportive parents and he supports you, but at the end of the day, it's you who has to go through the pregnancy, and giving birth and all that.
Think logically about this before you do anything - can you support this child? Will you have time for them? What about your education? How do you think this will affect your future?
Just remember, honey, you have plenty of time for kids when you're older. Now's the time to have fun and enjoy yourself! xx
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You are too young to have a child. You should live your life first. Go to college, finish high school, try to strive for greatness first. Having a child at your age would be a big mistake on your part and possibly his. You said you to have an on/off relationship, who's to say that when one of those off moments come along, he will still be with you. Having a child is a bigger responsibility than you may think. You will have to feed the child, buy clothes for them, buy all the essential health products, and sacrifice a lot of your time. You having a baby will effect you, your boyfriend, and both of your parents. Having a baby is a extreme life changing experience and no person should persuade you to ruin your life for their needs. Just wait until the time is right, when you are fully an adult.
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I agree with others on this your are still a child your self, I thought I was ready every time i fell pregnant and i tell you now i wasnt, i was 13/14 when i first fell pregnant, it has messed my life up big time having kids young is not easy it means you have to give things up that you want to be able to provide for your child. I lost alot of friends when i fell pregnant, they stuck by me till i had the baby and until my son started walking they was there for me then the disappeared. i only had the onr true friend who stuck by me and is now my kids god mother. My family didnt like it one bit and it caused alot of problems at home too.
so what i am saying is think about what you will be loosing by having a kid at a young age. I would suggest you wait until you are in a stable relationship
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You are only 14... you are just a child yourself... raising children is not easy.. You think that raising a child is just holding them, playing with them and loving them. I use to think the same thing. I got preganant at 16 and I thought ooh a baby yay someone to hug and cuddle and dress up like my own personal baby alive doll. But its more than that. I am now 20 years old with 2 children and I still struggle with it. Please do yourself a favor and wait until you are older and more mature you think that you are ready now but the truth is your not... you are not even old enough to get a job... you are going to need money to buy everything that you need for this baby and you need ALOT. Dont do it... be responsible and mature and wait
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First off14 is way to young. In my opinion you should not even be dating yet. But, you are also too young to be having a child. You are not an adult and just a child yourself. Honestly you should not have one. It would be unfair to the baby. You both have no income. 14 is too young to work. Therefore no clothes,food,diapers, and other needs can be provided for the baby. Wait til you are older and for the time being enjoy being a kid.
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You have no conception at 14 what adult life is like or how to handle it, cope with it, thrive in it.
You will not be prepared to really be a mother to a child until you have been on your own as an adult providing for yourself for a few years. Until you are at that point you really do not have enough to offer your child to justify having one.
I can't explain this so that you'll really understand. You're 14, you don't know what responsibility really is like. The day in, day out struggle to provide for yourself. Without having done it yourself, you won't be able to teach a child how to do it herself.
Further, kids are shaped by even the mannerisms of their parents. You're not an adult, how do you expect to behave like one for your child so they grow up with that as an example? Most people finish maturing around 25, you're a decade short of becoming the person you'll actually be for the rest of your life and you think you can teach kids how to be themselves when you don't know who you are yet?
You feel like you're ready for something like this because you really, truly, have no idea what "something like this" entails. You see the abstract ideas without feeling the reality.
Wait a decade. Seriously. Wait until you're married or something. Wait until you are in a relationship with an adult who you know you can depend on to be there with you and for you, with your kid and for your kid.
Do you think this boy you're in an on and off relationship with is ready to be a father? Of course he isn't, he's young enough to date a 14 year old. Don't you think your kid will want two loving parents, not one and a guy who wishes he hadn't been young and stupid with someone else just as young and stupid?
Go watch 16 and pregnant. The show will give you most of what you need to know. Yeah, it's possible to make it. No, there isn't a respectable teen mother on the face of the planet who doesn't wish she'd been smarter and waited to have her kid.
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Having a baby at the age of 14 is the worst thing you could do, Do you have a full time job? and by that I mean one that pays more than $8.00 an hour? Babies require stability, You and your boyfriend are not mentally nor financially ready to care for a child. You are right on one thing, It is NOT a walk in the park to raise a child. Do you live independently on your own? Do you have a license? Babies require A LOT of time and money. They need medical care, food, clothes, etc. Raising a child cost an average of 3,000+ more a month. Do you have this kind of money?.....
Right now you are thinking of having a child on impulse of wanting one. How are you going to raise a child when you are still a child yourself? If you were to have a baby now that child is going to grow up in poverty, It will be bought up with parents/parent who were selfish. You have dated your boyfriend for over a year but do you really think you two will last forever?......You both are only 14 years old. You are going to go through High School and believe it or not you are going to mature and grow up don't destroy your life because you and your boyfriend "Think" you are ready to take on parenthood. Wait until you are older, Wiser and more mature. At 14, You have no idea what it means to be independent yet responsible.
Again, Let me point out something...
An apartment these days run no less than around $700.00 a month and that is a CHEAP apartment. Apartments come with utilities... Electricity. An electric bill cost an average person ( 1 person ) around $70.00 a month and this is approx. Then you have to think about food....maybe $200.00 a month.
This is apart of responsibility, This is what it means to be independent. If you can't afford that, You aren't ready to be a parent. This adds up too ($970.00) alone and that is not all experiences of living independently. Motherhood would add a nice 2,000+ a month for diapers, formula, clothes, medical coverage, etc. You are far from being ready, Until you've lived on your own and experienced what it is like to be an adult stay away from the thought of having a child.
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I had a baby at 15 not by mistake I wanted a child so I did it. I do wish now I would of waited. I love my son with all my heart who is now 4. He doesnt get to see his dad. His dad doesnt want anything to do with him and If you have been in an on and off relationship your best bet is not to have one with him. What about college. I wanted to be a lawyer and I am good at it. But I dont have the time with kids. And the cost diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, accesories, laudry soap your best bet is to go to college, get a good job meet a great man get married then have a baby do it right and make a career for your self. once you have a baby you dont want to be at mcdonalds
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And how exactly are you planning on paying for this? You're 14, in most states you can't even get a real job.
Do you know how much having a baby costs? Doctor visits, diapers, toys, food, clothes. That baby will turn into a toddler, then a child, then a teenager, and the costs will only increase. The average cost of raising of child from birth to age 18 is $222,360. (Google it if you don't believe me.) That's not including the cost of college. Where are you going to get the money from? Where are you going to live? (Mooching off your parents would be incredibly selfish.)
Having a baby now would be selfish and unfair to it. That child will not be raised the way they deserve- and why? Because you can't wait a few years? You have such a huge window of time that you can have kids. You only get to be a teenager and grow up once. Don't ruin your life and an innocent child's.
I understand your feelings, really I do- it's a hormonal thing- but having a child would be just plain wrong, even if that's not what you want to hear.
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Don't. It's not just hard work emotionally but physically too, the younger you are the more difficult pregnancies are (a lot of teenagers end up in labour for days before the child is born). money is always an issue and it would be unfair on the child if you couldn't afford basic essentialls
(nappies, bottles, toys, clothes, cribs, push chairs, doctors bills etc.)
Then there's school, it is a very bad idea to miss school at your age, it has a huge effect on your later life and you will regret the decision.
The idea is attractive but chances are the guy your with now won't be around for 18 years and once the hard work kicks in, chances are he will leave anyway (men have that option easier than women). If I were you I'd wait a few years and maybe volunteer to be a child minder then you'll be able to get a mild taste of parenthood but you'll have to imagine doing it 24/7 (plus getting a job to keep income up). Best thing to do is wait until you're at least 18+
good luck
x
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