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Friends with benefits
18(9months) male
I have this girl I have had sex with and we were both clear, actually she was, that it was only that and nothing more would ever be yet now she wants to act as if we are dating though she rejects me and won't have sex either. What is the deal because I am lost entirely.
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Friends with benefits rarely works with girls, except for a few (and obviously whores). There is a psychological difference between males and females in regards to sex. Girls may think they can be in a friends with benefits relationship until they start actually having sex. They get an attachment and expect the guy to do "things" that a FRIEND wouldn't. Talk to her and straighten things out. If you don't want a relationship with each other, I would just end it completely.
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Girls just cannot do "friends with benefits" types of situations.
For women, sex is an emotional connection many times. They feel that sex is bond-forming. It's a pretty natural reaction for a woman to develop "feelings" for a man after being sexually intimate.
A lot of girls will say that this won't happen. They'll claim that it "never happened before" or that they are incapable of falling in love. It never fails though. The girl ends up fabricating some scenario in her head that the guy has more of an emotional connection with her than really exists.
There absolutely must be a hundred or more questions here on Advicenators about how a girl has a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy, who has made it clear he doesn't want anything more and they've agreed upon it, but she "secretly" has a "major crush" on him and she wants to know if he's madly fallen in love with her now that she's spread her legs. It is kind of repetitive. It happens.
So, now you're figuring out why friends with benefits types of situations just do not work. Ever. The girl becomes jealous, overly attached, needy, and has some fantasy that the sex is more than just a fun time.
It's simply time to cut the strings and move on to something more healthy for you and her both. Sit down with her and tell her, "When we first agreed to this sort of thing I thought I was clear that I wasn't looking for a real girlfriend. I thought this was just sex, but now it seems like you think it's more. I'm sorry but I don't have these same feelings. This has to end today."
And move on. The sex seriously cannot be so good that you're going to torment yourself like this.
Seriously. Even if she swears she'll go back to just having sex or something...she really, truly won't. Majority of females are unable to just have sex without forming emotional connection. When a woman eventually breaks that barrier and they no longer form emotional connections to sexual partners then THEY are a broken woman--for whatever reason.
This sort of thing typically happens because sex is for reproduction. A female has sex with a man. If she gets pregnant she wants to be protected and provided for so she forms a connection with the man. A man, obviously, doesn't experience those same emotions since he wouldn't be carrying a woman's child in his non-existent womb. It's almost like instinct. It's just what happens to women. We form bonds even if we don't want to.
Seriously, you're not the only one that had sex with a girl and suddenly she's become some needy/clingy woman:
"I had sex with a guy. I want to talk to him a lot more and stuff but don't want to seem like I'm all clingy! After we had sex I can't get him off my mind! How do I do this without him knowing I'm now into him?!"
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"I told him we could have sex. Now he won't answer my text messages and give me more attention! How do I get him to be into me just as much as I'm into him now?!"
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"He said he liked me. We're having sex now after we decided to strictly just be sex. Does he have feelings for me?!"
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"We have sex. He talks to me. He doesn't want a relationship but he also talks to other girls. I say I'm not looking for a relationship but I'm really into him now that we've done it. OMGDoes he like me?!"
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"This guy and I are friends with benefits. He has a girlfriend. He wants to touch me a lot though when we're out. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, and we made out a couple of times after that. Does he want to date me now?!"
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"We agreed on friends with benefits but he doesn't talk to me enough! I have absolutely no idea what 'just sex' means! I want his attention more!"
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Move on for your own sanity and find a girl that is great in bed AND you can stand enough to be a boyfriend to ;)
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End it.
Whatever 'it' is. End it.
The trouble with some people and friends with benifits, is that they forget the 'friend' part, where you are supposed to talk openly and respect one another.
No one here can tell you what is going through her head. Everyone here can tell you that what she is doing is not friendly.
You can try to give the open, clear talk another go, and ask her if anything has changed since you last talked about what your relationship was and what it meant, or you can simply call an end to it entirely.
I'd vote for the end it entirely bit.
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